


Despair (To Something Beautiful)

by atotalthrowawayaccount



Series: To the Stars and Back [1]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Family Reunions, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Reunions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2020-05-07 09:00:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 131,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atotalthrowawayaccount/pseuds/atotalthrowawayaccount
Summary: On a warm Louisiana afternoon, an old radio in a hangar bay steadfastly played the hit tunes of the 90s.  There was no one left to hear it.OR:The events of Endgame from Captain Marvel's perspective and how Carol Danvers almost didn't survive them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, first time writing for the MCU so we'll see how this goes, yeah? Be nice, plsssss.
> 
> Also, Maria Rambeau and Carol Danvers were married and raised Monica Rambeau as their daughter and you can try to pry this ship and family from my cold, dead hands. Eat my ass, homophobic Marvel executives.
> 
> You'll probably notice that there's some pretty significant stuff in the background mentioned in this story (i.e. Maria with Kree blood?!?!?! Monica is already Spectrum?!?!?!) Shit like that. Never fear, I have fics in plan to explain the stuff I pepper around. Might be slow to update but "they'll coming around the mountain when [they] comeeeeeee!!!" I just wanted to get the big-ass Endgame fic out of the way before working around and backwards and forwards.
> 
> Carol and Maria have been married for a few decades in my little universe. Carol stays home but goes on patrols every few months, always making sure to keep in contact and shit.
> 
> Also, this is going to be a four-chapter story. I've written most of it so far so I think it should be done (no promises) next week.
> 
> Rating will change later on because there is a pretty explicit smut scene (already written out too) in the last chapter. Muahahaha, I'm going to make you work for it.
> 
> Leave a comment/kudos if you wish. I do this for stress relief!!!

The raucous melody of Run DMC and Aerosmith’s collaboration of _Walk This Way_ blared from the speakers of Maria’s old radio that rested on the workbench in their family’s airplane hangar. The anthem inundated the heavy Louisiana heat with the janky yet pleasant combination of hard rock and R&B, causing the sole working occupant to bob her head and sing along to the lyrics as she felt the music to her very bones.  It was moments like these, working on her wife’s favorite plane during a muggy Louisiana afternoon while listening to music that heralded back to the nostalgic 1990s, where Maria Rambeau missed one Carol Susan Jane Danvers the most.  If she were here, Maria was sure that their progress would have been at a snail’s pace, her lover’s energy directed more towards dancing and singing to the music with her partner instead of completing the final renovations on the craft.

 

As it were, Carol had left for space over three months ago in response to an emergency distress beacon she received on her communicator from a transport corporation.  Apparently a small fleet of their freighters had been hijacked by a rogue terrorist organization, who had taken the crew hostage and claimed ownership of the ships’ _delicate_ cargo.  When Carol had pressed further as to why the suits were so uncharacteristically worried over their workers’ fates when they often just left them to die in these situations, their answer wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear.  Apparently even major corporations couldn’t resist a taste of black market money and this particular business had been engaged in shipping illegal weapons to buyers all over the universe.  Much of the inventory they told Carol, under the threat of painful injury, had the potential to wreak havoc on entire continents at once; in the wrong hands these essentially gave people the ability to start wars on a planetary scale.  Danvers agreed to help the company out only if to primarily save the innocent workers caught in the middle of the scuffle and stop future intergalactic wars.  She also threatened to tell the corporation’s home planet about their unscrupulous activities and agreed not to only if they stopped and paid the victims massive reparations for their trouble.

 

Maria fondly remembered the last day and a half she and Carol had spent together before the hero returned to space for the foreseeable future.  After the captain had terminated the correspondence they had watched _The Office_ reruns well into the night, cuddling on the sofa and laughing at the show until Maria had fallen asleep in her wife’s strong arms. 

 

She had awoken the next morning, wrapped up in Carol’s embrace in their bed where the two of them had simply talked to one another, wanting to hear the other’s voice in person before holograms and video calls would be the primary mode of communication.  Though those methods were efficient, nothing ever compared to seeing each other’s faces in real time.

 

Eventually the two of them had moved on to more physical activities, imprinting the feel of the other in their minds.  Making memories to keep close to their hearts during the long, celibate nights apart when they couldn’t actually be together.  Whenever they made love before Carol left Earth it was tenderness tinged with the slight taste of desperation.  As though Carol were trying to take a piece of her wife with her while also reassuring Maria that she _would_ return; that she’d never again miss out on this and everything else in the life they shared together if she had a say in it.

 

A smile played across Maria’s lips as she thought about their final conversation before Carol had blasted off into the universe later that night.  It was so them and the memory of it always brought her joy during the tough moments when her wife was off planet and saving the entire universe.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_“I’ll be back for our anniversary, I promise,” Carol had adamantly stated while standing in their front lawn.  “And your birthday, and Monica’s.  And mine because I love opening presents and I’m really looking forward to that new Stark Industries smart watch they have coming out.”_

_She had said that last part with a wink, her tone playful.  But Maria could detect the sense of sorrow behind her wife’s bravado; hidden to everyone else but the woman who held the captain’s heart.  Though Maria’s aging had been slowed exponentially with the regular Kree blood transfusions, thus making time apart more bearable, she always knew that Carol still felt extremely guilty about leaving her family whenever she had to deal with the universe’s problems and was off world for extended periods of time._

_Maria had placed a hand on Carol’s cheek, using her thumb to soothe her, kissing her softly on the lips before letting the captain know that she had her wife’s blessing to return to the stars.  That no matter how many light years separated them, their love would last for an eternity._

_“You goof.  The most powerful being in the universe and you still get as excited as a five year old at Christmas when it comes to presents,” Maria laughed, loving the grin that slowly played across Carol’s features.  Giving her wife a small smile, Maria lowered her eyelids and shot her a sultry look.  “When you return I promise that the boxes of your gifts won’t be the only present you’ll get to unwrap.”_

_The double entendre had left the mighty Captain Marvel speechless and a colorful blush rose to her cheeks. Maria leaned in to kiss her wife goodbye one more time, embracing her before stepping back and giving her a smile.  “Go on, now. Save the universe.”_

_Carol shook herself out of her trance and beamed back at Maria before turning towards the horizon, running forward, and jumping into the air.  A blast of pure energy trailed behind the captain and with a blinding flash in the night sky, Carol propelled herself away from the Earth’s gravity.  Away from home and off to save the universe, the love of her family the pull to always return once she was done._

~~~~~~~~~~

The bauble ringtone on her phone broke Maria out of her reminiscing.  She reached into her flight suit’s pocket to check the caller’s identity on the screen and did a double take when she saw who it was.  _Monica_.  Maria frowned.  Monica’s primary mode of communication with both of her mothers was via text messages.  Their daughter insisted that typing out long paragraphs was easier and quicker, only really calling her parents if there was a serious event in her life.  Maria answered the phone, curious as to what could be so important that it warranted a call to her mother.

 

“Girl, what are you doing calling me on a Friday afternoon?  Don’t you have something better to do than talk to an old lady like me?”

 

“Mom?  Mom!  Is that you?” Monica’s voice carried a note of fear and desperation, the likes of which Maria had never heard before.  She also seemed to be out of breath, running from something, or someone.  Their daughter was one of the most capable people she and Carol knew, they had raised her after all, and after Monica had gained extraordinary abilities from her accident a few years back, both women knew that Lieutenant Trouble could handle any situation she was thrown in.  Dread settled into Maria’s stomach.  Something must have been very wrong.

 

“Monica?  Monica are you okay? What’s—”

 

“Mom!  I don’t have time to explain.  It’s, it’s—something’s happening!  I-I don’t know what it is!  I was training a dozen new SHIELD recruits and…” Monica trailed off, clearly in no mood to think about what had just happened.  “Whatever, it doesn’t matter! Just, just get to our communicator. Call Aunt Carol, now!  Just do it!  You have to let her know that—oh, shit…”

 

“Monica?  Monica!” Maria screamed into the phone, waiting apprehensively for her daughter to respond.  Instead all she heard on the other end was a clatter, the sound of voices panicking in the background, and then a sickening crunch followed by an endless dial-up tone.  Maria slowly lowered her phone, lost after hearing the terror in her daughter’s voice and the complete emptiness that followed. 

 

Tears began to well-up in her eyes, as she was unsure of what to do next.  Maria had faced the threat of being vented into space by an alien race and been shot at by an angry Kree sniper in a dog fight.  Those experiences paled in comparison to what she felt now.  She could feel the nasty, tendrils of cold fear, visceral, like burnt motor oil about to bubble and burst from under her skin—it rocked the very core of her being. _Carol, where are you?_

 

She doesn’t have time to collect herself before she hears the sound of screaming heading her way.

 

“Mrs. Rambeau!  Mrs. Rambeau, please, help!”

 

When she looked up, Maria saw one of Tom’s boys, Ricky, running towards the hangar.  His eyes were wild, hair tousled, and he looked as though he’d seen a ghost.  Maria’s maternal instincts kicked in and she met him at the edge of the hangar, pulling him into her arms before gently pushing him away so that they could face each other.

 

“What’s wrong, Ricky?  Are you alright?” She tried to be calm, to soothe the man who had clearly seen something terrible and wonders if it was connected to Monica’s call just a few seconds ago.

 

“It’s… my f-family, ma’am. They just, they just…gone… They’re gone…” he put a hand over his mouth and then fell to the ground, weeping.

 

Maria was about to kneel in a gesture to comfort him but before she can, he begins to shout in terror, looking around as if for a way to escape.

 

“No, no, nonononono!” Ricky held up his hands, terror in his eyes as they began to crack and turn to grey before eventually dissolving into ash.  Maria could only watch helplessly and in horror as her neighbor’s son, who she had known since he was a little boy, slowly disappeared into the ether.  In just moments, nothing was left of him, as if he never existed in the first place.

 

Monica’s words quickly returned to her.  _Carol.  She needed to call Carol._

 

Maria turned it on to overdrive, level eleven, sprinting full force towards the house.  She thanked the Kree blood coursing through her vessels, which allowed her to run faster than any human being possibly could.  Slamming open the door to their home, Maria made a beeline up the stairs and into hers and Carol’s bedroom, opening the drawer of the dresser near her side of the bed and pulling out the simple blue cube that acted as their family’s emergency beacon.  Carol’s gift to Maria and Monica in order to ensure Avenger’s peace of mind when she was off planet.

 

Just as Maria was about to activate the tech and send the distress signal she feels _it._  A tugging, a tear to the very being of who she was.  _Oh, no_.  On impulse she yanked off her wedding ring and placed it on top of the dresser, hoping Carol would understand the message.  She then pressed the button in the center of the beacon with a sound _click_.  It lit up to shine a bright blue, pulsing in a regular interval and letting out tiny little chirps.  It would have been cute if not for the circumstances.  Circumstances that, Maria saw, had finally reached her.  The captain dropped the device to the floor, she no longer needed it anyways, and Maria can only watch in sorrow as her hands cracked and turned to ash, her body slowly being whisked away by whatever was causing this to happen.  She could see herself disappearing in the mirror and only had one thought before she turned to dust.

 

_Carol, baby. I’m so sorry. I love—_

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

On a warm Louisiana afternoon, an old radio in a hangar bay steadfastly played the hit tunes of the 90s.  There was no one left to hear it.

 

* * *

 

Three months.  Three _fucking_ months. Three months torn away from her wife and daughter all due to one company’s gross irresponsibility. Three months of not being able to spend valuable time with Monica, whose growing responsibilities as her own hero had made it more and more difficult for her mothers to visit her as regularly even when Carol was on Earth. She would have to postpone going star gazing underneath the vast Louisiana sky and training the capable Spectrum in how to master her abilities. Even though the two of them were essentially immortal, it still pained the captain to be partially absent in her daughter’s life. She had made an effort the past twenty plus years to be on Earth most of the time anyways but the call of the universe never ended and Carol would often find herself gone for months, yet time at home would still continue on whether she was there or not. In a way, Monica was still growing and Carol wanted to be there and live through her child’s milestones, no matter how big or small they may be.

 

And Maria. Her impossibly loving and patient Maria. Who had stayed faithful and loved her unconditionally all this time.  Had somehow remained hopeful during those six years she was gone, kidnapped and brainwashed by the Kree empire and trained to be a weapon. Had still loved and forgave her when she crashed back into their life as Vers, cold and amnestic but desperately trying to know the woman who stirred up feelings she didn’t know she was allowed to have. The woman who had waited for her those two and a half years when she traveled back and forth between Earth and finding the Skrulls a home—slowly regaining the pieces of who Carol was: the woman that Maria had fallen in love with and still loved with all her being.  Maria was the rock of their family, the beacon that called home. And Carol would never be able to love her enough or tell her in words how much she had done for both her and Monica.

 

The thoughts of her family sparked a flare of anger and annoyance in the hero’s soul and she knew that she wanted to finish this game of cat and mouse as soon as possible. If going full vigilante were a part of Carol’s moral code she was certain that after she had saved the captives and properly disposed of the paraphernalia, Captain Marvel would have most likely hurled the executives into the sun for the danger they put others in because of their own selfishness and hubris. And of course for making her spend her precious time away from her girls. Luckily for them Carol didn’t think their shenanigans were worth starting a war over, especially since she was here to end one before it even began.

 

She had been hunting down the small group of stolen ships for the past two months, roughing up black market weapons dealers and arms manufacturers alike in a bid to try and find out where the cargo was headed. Despite the thugs’ attempts to confuse her by misdirecting her with false information, return trips with the threat of being vented into space seemed to straighten them out and Carol’s net slowly closed around the thieves. The last month had been tedious, mostly spent tracking as the warlord attempted to escape the wrath of Captain Marvel by randomly jumping across the universe, delaying the inevitable and wasting valuable resources and fuel.

 

Eventually the criminals had essentially stranded themselves after jumping one too many times. According to Carol’s estimations, they only had fuel enough for one more jump, which was not at all sufficient to escape the grip of the universe’s most powerful being.

 

If hostages weren’t involved it would be a simple “neutralize and destroy” mission. Nothing that Carol encountered before had posed a serious threat to her durability and she was confident that if there weren’t captives on the ships she could have easily solved this even with the considerable weapons on board. But life tended to be a little more messy than the ideal and now she knew she had to balance saving the workers while also making sure to leave no wiggle room for the terrorists to be a threat anymore—even if that meant killing them.

 

As she hovered in deep space, overlooking the unsuspecting fleet, Carol planned her angle of attack, waiting for the last piece of information to give her the perfect opening.  She had to admire their diligence, they had even tried to use a cloaking field to hide while they attempted to regroup and find a way to escape the specter that haunted each move they made.  Unfortunately for them the shield’s energy signal had resonated with and attracted the attention of a being who happened to feed and strengthen herself off of pure energy.  

 

Carol’s train of thought was broken when her comms emitted a sharp burst of static before a faint voice could be heard over the device.   _Here it is_.

 

“Captain Marvel, are you there?”

 

Carol answered, pleased that her mole inside the band of rogues had managed to get out an alert before she launched her final attack.

 

“Present. How does the final picture look?”

 

“All the hostages have been placed on a single ship, specifically the loading bay. Smallest one of the fleet. Moderate security.  Heaviest security and our…I mean, _the_ leader are located in the largest ship. Weapons are stored on all of the frigates, so I would proceed with caution or else you’ll have some—unfortunate accidents.”

 

Carol hummed in understanding, thankful that her gamble had paid off. A few weeks ago the captain managed to find one of the leader’s lieutenants lurking in an alleyway of a market where they planned to sell their merchandise. She had cornered him and made a deal: help her keep the hostages safe while she took down his group and in return he’d be able to leave the scene unharmed. When faced with the literal living embodiment of cosmic energy that was also rumored to have effortlessly moved planets, there was little he could do but agree. 

 

The captain knew that there was always the off chance that he could have reported his encounter to their leader but it appeared as though he had kept his end of the bargain.  Now her job was infinitely easier.  She didn’t thank the Kree for much but Carol couldn’t deny that they had taught her well in how to intimidate others into submission.

 

“Alrighty then, thank you for your service.  Let’s never meet again, yeah?” Carol said, a false veneer of pleasantness overlying the threat in her words as she hung up the call.  She already felt conflicted letting one of the bandits go but figured that the benefits outweighed the slight in moral leniency.

 

“Let’s do this.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Fifteen minutes and forty-three seconds.  According to Carol that would be the second fastest time for her to take down an entire fleet of warmongers.  She would have been disappointed but chalked up the extra three minutes and twenty-two seconds to the hostages and WMDs hidden in the cargo bays of the ships.  The extra concerns had put a damper on her efficiently dismantling the terrorist organization but none of the prisoners had been killed and all of the weapons remained un-detonated.  So overall a success.  Well almost.  She still had one more criminal to deal with before the official time count was over.

 

“You know, if you surrender right now I won’t have to break your arm,” Carol laughed, walking stoutly towards the ringleader as he aimlessly fired his phaser at her.  The blasts only caused the captain to glow brighter until she grew so illuminous that all the bystanders had to close their eyes.  The light show also had the added effect of blinding the goon and he began to fire haphazardly in Carol’s general direction, hoping to at land at least one blow that had an impact.

 

The captain could sense that the situation was getting more dangerous with the random weapon fire, putting the workers at risk of getting hit by a stray blast.  She needed to put an end to this.  Carol drew upon her powers, flaring up and shooting forward with as much contained force as possible, barreling into the vagabond and sending him careening against the metal haul where he slumped to the floor unmoving.  _Fine. 16:53 it is. THIRD fastest time._

 

Grabbing a few pieces of debris left over from the battle Carol sauntered over to the warlord and bent the metal into restraints, making sure that the criminal could be held in captivity until they reached the next law enforcement station.  From there he would be detained while awaiting for his trial, at the mercy of the more proper and organized justice system.

 

Carol turned towards the rescued workers, a kind smile on her face.  “I’ve taken care of the others but there are a few that still need to be rounded up.  Could you please subdue them while I contact the police?”

 

As the captain watched a few workers disperse from the group to help with clean up, Carol walked over to the ship’s deck, booting up its communications array and sending out a message to the nearest outpost.  “This is Captain Marvel in sector AX-ß-1311.  I have rescued a fleet of starships from a group of terrorists and am requesting permission to dock at the nearest station to transfer both prisoners and rescued alike.  Come in, please.”

 

Carol waited for the other end to respond, listening for the standard universal salutation but instead was greeted by complete silence.  She fiddled with the control panel in order to adjust frequencies in an attempt to sharpen the signal.  The captain repeated the message, making sure to enunciate each word clearly and loudly. Once again there was complete radio silence and Carol knew immediately that something was wrong.  The police were never this lackadaisical unless there was a severe crisis and their attention was drawn elsewhere.

 

The sounds of gasps and screams drew her back and she turned around to see swirls of dust misting throughout the air.  Visages of horror, shock, and grief peppered the faces of both rescued and bandit alike, indicating to Carol that at least whatever was happening didn’t discriminate.  One of the onlookers began to scream in terror and desperately ran towards the captain, reaching out as if she were the only anchor to keep him from drifting away. 

 

He begged Captain Marvel for help as his body dissolved right before her eyes.  The ashes of the hapless passenger swirled around Carol, lifting upwards before being spread around the room.

_What was going on?_

 

“So, the rumors _were_ true.  He succeeded.” The captain looked back to see that the leader had woken up and was shaking his head sadly.  She grabbed him by his collar and raised a perfectly aimed fist at his skull, letting her powers flow through her hand.

 

“What do you mean, ‘he succeeded’?” When he won’t answer she shook him again, this time there was a slight ring of anger and desperation in her tone.  She can only fear the worst if _he_ is who she thinks it is.  “Answer me!”

 

The vagabond only starts to laugh hysterically in her face. “You have no idea what you’re about to face, woman.  Your arrogance and short-sightedness blinded you to the bigger picture, living out your life on your home world and ignoring the obvious signs.  I hope, for your sake, that you aren’t too attached to anyone.”

 

Carol wound up to knock him out again but before she has the chance to land the blow, he began to disappear in a cloud of ash and dust, leaving behind a bitter taste in her mouth as the debris blew back in her face.  She’s frozen, thinking about the bandit’s last words as the world around her slows down.  _No, it can’t be.  I thought I had more time._

The loud, ringing beep on her comms dragged her out of her trance, replacing the numbness with an unending hollow pit of dread.  It was the signal for the pager she had given Fury all those years ago, to be used only for the gravest of emergencies.  Knowing Fury he would have waited for the worst possible scenario to activate the pager, especially considering all the other threats the agent had encountered over the years.  Fury wasn’t one to panic and always seemed to have a contingency plan in place even during the darkest of days.  But to contact her, to ask for his ace in the hole could only mean one thing.  There was no other plan left, all the other options had already been exhausted. 

 

Dread was replaced by panic and she quickly bid the rest of the passengers farewell, insisting that she had to check in on her headquarters to debrief on the situation as it clearly seemed to be universal.  The captain wasn’t sure if they heard her and she quite frankly didn’t care.  They had enough fuel to get back to their home.  Carol needed to return to hers.

 

As she raced back to Earth, she received one last transmission, this time from a different and more personal source.  When she recognized it, Carol careened out of trajectory and into a moon, breaking it in half with the force of her fall as the hero lost control over her emotions with the realization and weight of what she was hearing.  The incoming chirp of the black-capped chickadee, her daughter’s favorite bird, rang through the speaker in her helmet; it was from the emergency beacon she had gifted her family years ago.  Her family was in danger.

 

Carol let out a scream of agonized rage, silent in the vacuum of space, while a whole range of emotions ran haphazardly throughout her mind as she tried to regain her composure.   She tapped into a nearby white dwarf to increase the cosmic energy coursing throughout her body, exponentially augmenting her power in an attempt to reach Earth faster.  She needed to go back home and check on those who she loved.  The people who were the center of her universe.  Nothing would get in her way, nothing else mattered until she knew they were safe.  _Maria.  Monica.  Fury.  I’m coming home._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooooohoooooooo! Computer's back, data wasn't lost, and posting can resume! Yayyyyyyyy!!!
> 
> Also this chapter was kinda disjointed, and kinda on purpose, sorry about that. I tried to put myself in the mindset of a woman who had just lost everything and basically went through a whole host of emotions at once. She was basically zombie-walking for a bit. And also Endgame didn't really give us a lot to work with canonically in between the snap and Carol's meeting with the Avengers. So I kinda had to extrapolate. 
> 
> I hope I managed to get the other Avengers in character. Some of them can be hard to write because of the MCU's occasional inconsistency.
> 
> Again, I do mention things in this story that I plan to touch on later in this universe (i.e. Carol's monitoring of the Avengers over the years). Trust meeeeeeee.
> 
> Flashbacks are gonna become a little bit of a thing. Context is sexyyyyyy. I promise you Carol will heal but I'mma put her through some angst first.
> 
> Also the next chapter is much more light-hearted than this one? It involves a lot more person-to-person interaction. I think you'll like what I have planned. It's about half-way done. Hopefully I can finish it before things in school pick up again.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are optional. Thank you for all your support and helping me get through school!!!

**_Summer, 2017_ **

_172,800 seconds.  2,880 minutes.  Forty eight hours.  Two days.  That was how long Maria had to wait until she could see Carol again, not that she was counting down or anything.  The hero had called her wife three nights ago, joy etched across her features while she told Maria the good news.  Captain Marvel had finished her patrol and she was coming home.  Back to Earth.  Back to Louisiana.  Back to her family, her loves._

_The two of them had celebrated the announcement over the call by raising a glass to the moment.  Maria with a shot of her favorite fireball whiskey, Carol with whatever god knew what was in the small bottle she had stolen from the bar that night.  After finishing their libations, Maria getting slightly tipsy and Carol enjoying the sight of her wife being able to let lose, they bid each other farewell.  Both of them eager to finally see each other after Carol’s two and a half month patrol._

_Maria smiled to herself at the memory of the night.  Communicating with Carol when she was out somewhere in the void of the universe was always a treat.  Seeing her wife embracing her powers and enjoying the views of space always made Maria happy for the other woman.  Yet it also caused her to feel a pervading sense of loneliness, too.  Maria knew without a doubt in her mind that Carol adored and loved her with every fiber of her being, that she’d do anything to make her partner happy.  But she also knew that while Carol loved her, Captain Marvel loved the stars and could not stay on Earth forever, the void would always call to her.  The universe would always be Captain Marvel’s second home.  Their relationship would always be a give and take in a sense.  Love, patience, and understanding always bringing them back together, the call of duty and honor tearing them away.  They were both soldiers and understood this conflict, had signed up for it even.  It still didn’t make the dichotomy any easier to stomach, however._

_The soft ‘ding’ of the oven reminded Maria that she had a cherry pie currently baking, a treat for Carol when she returned home.  Her wife loved Earth, home, family, and cherry pie.  She took the dessert out of the oven and went to place it on the table but tripped over the raised floor board that Carol never really got around to fixing._

_The feel of a strong arm around her waist and a gloved hand catching the pie in mid-air let Maria know that one Carol Danvers had returned to Earth, back to Louisiana, and to her family.  Despite the impressive heroics, and the fact that her wife was two days early, Maria couldn’t help but let out a little snark._

_“Nice catch, Danvers.  You’re here early.  Ready to fix that damn floor board you’ve been promising me you would for the last year and a half?”  Maria couldn’t believe that was the first thing she said to Carol after her prolonged absence.  She had hoped it would have been a little more romantic, especially after she had made such an excellent cherry pie._

_If Carol was offended by Maria’s snarky quip she certainly didn’t show it.  She only chuckled at Maria’s jab, too happy to care as she was finally able to see her lover again in person after months apart.  Besides she had her wife in one hand, pressed comfortably close against her body, and her favorite dessert in the other.  At that moment, her life may as well have been perfect._

_“Sorry, baby,” Carol said jovially, winking at Maria.  “Don’t worry, I’ll be on Earth for a long while.  I’m sure that there’ll be some time where I can fix it—and make it up to you.”_

_Carol placed the pie on the kitchen table then spun around and pulled Maria into a tight embrace so that they could finally stand face to face.  The couple stared at each other, gazing adoringly in each other’s eyes and savoring the physical contact with one another.  Carol cupped Maria’s face in her hands and pulled her lover down for a chaste kiss.  They stayed that way for a while, simply enjoying the moment before Carol pulled back and looked at Maria with a mischievous glint in her eye._

_“So, cherry pie, huh?  What did I do to deserve such good treatment?”_

_Maria laughed and ran her hands up and down Carol’s strong arms.  “Oh, nothing much.  It’s probably just for being the savior of the universe.  And also for being an amazing wife and mother to our child, despite not fixing that floor board.”_

_Carol could only smile.  Put like that, she did deserve a treat when she came back from space.  They kissed again.  This time it’s not quite as chaste as the first one and both women could feel the coiling pit of desire as it built up between them.  Maria attempted to temporarily quell their growing lust and redirected Carol towards the freshly baked pastry._

_“Well, dessert just came out.  We could help ourselves to pie since it’s warm,” Maria said cheekily.  She knew damn well that her wife didn’t want pie, especially since Carol was looking at Maria like she was the most delectable meal on Earth._

_“Hmm.  While I appreciate the offer there’s something sweeter that I want right now,” Carol whispered, placing open-mouthed kisses along Maria’s jawline and neck, then moving aside her shirt to gain access to her wife’s exposed collar bone.  Maria couldn’t hold back a small laugh.  Carol would never admit it to herself but she could be surprisingly corny for someone usually so confident and composed._

_But Maria could never resist Carol when she was like this.  Soft, unguarded, and so, so in love with her that it was palpable.  She could feel her defenses falling, her body sinking into Carol’s strong arms as she felt her wife’s hands move to the globes of her ass, kneading them gently through the fabric of her jeans.  Maria sighed longingly, placing kisses of her own on Carol’s jaw and cheek, indicating her consent to continue.  They both needed this after being apart from each other for so long._

_“Go ahead, baby,” Maria said softly as Carol swept her off her feet and transported the two of them to their bedroom._

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Carol’s memory of her return to Earth and reunion with Maria after the last patrol nine months ago ricocheted through her mind as she hurtled towards home.  She still remembered the taste of the dessert, the taste of Maria on her lips after they had made love.  Gods are meaningless to a being who viewed herself as a deity but the captain still pleaded to whatever providence existed that the universe had mercy; that her family was still alive.  She didn’t know what she’d do if they weren’t.

 

It took her three Earth days to return and each one was pure hell.  Carol gave herself no opportunity to rest except to tap into nearby stars to literally refuel herself as she raced through the void, back to the one place that mattered most.  Her return journey was filled with memories of her family, of Fury; the only thing she allowed to occupy her thoughts as she flew through space.  She couldn’t let herself think about the alternative lest she drive herself mad.

 

* * *

 

 

When Carol landed in Louisiana the first thing she noticed was how ordinary everything seemed upon first glance.  The cicadas and crickets buzzed and chirped loudly in the background, the air was as thick as molasses, and the sound of the slow, trickling creek nearby their property played upon her ears.  For all intents and purposes, she was home.  Back on the property where she had reconnected with her family as Vers over twenty years ago, where she relearned who Carol was, had said her vows and married the love of her life, and watched Monica grow up from the tiny Lieutenant Trouble to the capable hero, Spectrum.  As Carol stood here, alone, she was reminded of how this small little piece of land, lost in the vastness of all the universe was truly her _home._ No matter how strong the pull of the stars was to Captain Marvel, Carol would always find her base on a small marsh in Louisiana.

 

[ _Once upon a time not so long ago_  
_Tommy used to work on the docks, union's been on strike_  
_He's down on his luck, it's tough, so tough_  
_Gina works the diner all day working for her man_

_She brings home her pay, for love, for love_

_She says, we've got to hold on to what we've got_  
_It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not_  
_We've got each other and that's a lot for love_  
_We'll give it a shot_

_Woah, we're half way there_  
_Woah, livin' on a prayer_  
_Take my hand, we'll make it I swear_  
_Woah, livin' on a prayer_ ]

 

The static-infused lyrics of Bon Jovi snapped Carol out of her daze and she looked for the source of the music.  She’d recognize that tune anywhere, made jagged by the old radio she and Maria used to blare music when working on their planes.  She loved that radio, a gift to her wife after the turn of the millennia over seventeen years ago.  Yes, Carol had known of the new music players that didn’t need CDs or radio waves to work but she couldn’t help but play into both of their nostalgia.  When times weren’t as complex and Carol didn’t have to go into space for a few months a year.  When they could just be Maria and Carol without the responsibilities of Captain Marvel looming in the background.

 

The fact that the radio was on gave Carol a sliver of hope. Perhaps her family was okay after all and she had simply moved too fast for the comms signal to reach her accurately.  Carol sprinted toward the hangar bay, Maria’s name a repeated prayer on her lips that she whispered to herself as she made her way over.

 

Before Carol even had a chance to fully inspect the hangar she could tell that something was amiss. Despite the blare of the radio there were no other signs of life.  Absent was the sound of steel upon steel as tools hit machine, the shuffling footsteps of a dutiful worker moving from one end of the plane to the other, and the wonderful, melodious humming of her wife was nowhere to be heard. As she rounded the corner she could see the empty work station, the radio sitting on their shared workbench, playing for no one.  Carol turned off the radio, there would be no one to sing along to it anyways.

 

She turned towards the house, expecting nothing but hoping to find any sign of the inhabitants.  As she opened the front door and looked around, Carol was once again struck with how normal everything appeared despite the knowledge that there had been a universal tragedy just a few days ago.  Again she was reminded that time and peoples’ lives on Earth would always continue without her presence—and the consequences of her regular absences were staring her right in the face.

 

Carol didn’t bother searching downstairs.  Maria wouldn’t have left something important where it could have accidentally been seen by a nosy neighbor checking in on the Rambeau-Danvers household after the initial chaos.  The captain headed upstairs, her footsteps like lead dead-weights, dreading the answers she might find.

 

The bright, chirping beacon was the first thing the captain noticed when she entered their bedroom.  She walked over to where it lay on the ground and picked it up, turning it off before she examined it for any outward signs of trauma.  Upon close observation, no signs of damage were found on the device nor in the bedroom itself.  There had been no struggle and ironically, that only made Carol’s dread grow.

 

A glitter on Maria’s nightstand caught Carol’s eye next and when the captain saw the source, it nearly caused her to break down on the spot as she reached for the precious object.  She picked up her wife’s wedding ring, holding it up and staring at it sadly, realizing the ramifications of the message.  The couple never went anywhere without their rings.  The bands literally linked the two women together even when they were millions of miles apart from each other.  No matter if rain, shine, flying, or fighting off an alien horde on a foreign planet, the bands were a constant and a reassurance to the two captains that they would always find each other, love each other to eternity.

 

Carol sat down on Maria’s side of the bed, holding the ring close to her heart, and activated the  communicator on her suit’s control panel in an attempt to call Monica.  Instead of a ring tone, she only heard the dull, out of service dial-up tone with the _‘unable to connect’_ message on repeat.  Carol closed the comms link and stared forward blankly.  The captain knew she wouldn’t need to call her daughter again.  Monica never went without her phone and always made sure it was charged.  And if she were still alive, she would have waited at their home for Carol’s inevitable return; a soldier always returned to base.

 

She didn’t need the message to be spelled out for her.  Her family was gone, ripped away from her by Thanos’ evil.  She was the only one left.

 

It was strange. Carol had expected to feel the cold, hard edge of dread. Or perhaps the warm bubbling frenzy of panic as it crawled through her.  Maybe even all-consuming rage and fury.  But she felt nothing. Only numbness.  And that was unacceptable.  She wanted to feel something, anything at the knowledge of the decimation of her family. The people who comprised the very core of who Carol was.

 

The captain supposed it was shock, the reality of the situation hadn’t yet fully registered with her.  There were no bodies to mourn, after all.  It still didn’t feel right, however, this emptiness.  Or maybe the emptiness _was_ her version of mourning.  Earth may have been her origin but Maria and Monica had always been her home, her very soul.  Without them to be there for Carol perhaps she’d forever be this husk, unfeeling and frigid to the rest of the universe due to her family’s absence.

 

These thoughts plagued her mind as she laid down in bed, wrapped around Maria’s pillow.  It still smelled of her wife and the captain used this fact to soothe herself.  The soft scent of cocoa butter, lavender, and motor oil lulled Carol into the first well-deserved sleep she had allowed herself to have in a month.

 

* * *

 

Carol awoke the next morning still in a trance.  She was up physically, moving around and taking note of the rest of her house but her mind wasn’t present, still gone from the realizations of yesterday.  The photos of their small family lined the hallways, reminding Carol of the happiest times of her life before and after the accident.  When she was no longer the brainwashed weapon of the Kree, nor the savior of the universe as Captain Marvel, and she belonged to no one but her girls as a wife and mother. 

 

Carol knew she couldn’t stay in Louisiana forever, no matter how much she wanted to.  Fury’s pager was still transmitting a signal and her duties to the rest of the universe still existed despite the tragedy.  However, the hero found herself unable to leave her home just yet.  She wanted to take in the last remnants of whatever was left of her family in the house.  The captain knew that when she finally mustered up the courage to leave she wouldn’t be back for a while.  

 

The next two weeks Carol found herself performing menial tasks around the house before she left.  She cleaned the entire house top to bottom, repaired the floor board, fixed the roof, checked on all the appliances and made sure they were in working order, maintained and covered their vehicles with tarps, and paid the rent on Monica’s apartment in advance for the next year.  It was silly but perhaps this was a way for her to welcome her family home if they somehow did manage to reverse the Decimation and she wasn’t there to greet them.  Or perhaps in her own way she was taking a moment to mourn her family by leaving a sort of memorial, a diorama of what once was.

 

Before she left to find Fury’s message Carol took a shower, hoping that the scalding water could clear her head for whatever she would find next.  She’s not sure if it worked but feeling clean is better than the nothing she felt earlier.  Carol packed a small bag of clothes and downloaded some of her family photos onto her suit’s computer, mementoes for the road.  Finally the captain strung Maria’s wedding band on a small gold chain she had found in her wife’s jewelry box, giving it a reverent kiss before placing the ornament around her neck, hiding the treasure beneath her flight suit.  She turned off all the lights in her house and headed outside.

 

Carol looked up into the night sky and took a deep breath, admiring the sensations of a Louisiana night for the last time in what she knew would be a while.  It was strange, she thought, that someone as powerful as her could still be at the mercy of the sheer brutality of time.  That even after such a terrible tragedy the rules of nature still ticked on, as though nothing had even changed.

 

The captain took in one last breath before she let cosmic energy flow throughout her veins.  Carol rose slowly off the ground and then launched herself up into the atmosphere and away from the only place in the universe that she truly called _home_.  She doesn’t, can’t, look back.

 

* * *

 

Her computer tracked the signal from Fury’s pager to the main Avengers building in upstate New York.  Once she had found the transmission she slowly glided to the group’s headquarters, enjoying the feel of the air rushing by and the absolute silence afforded to her by flying fifty miles above Earth in the mesosphere.  It gave her nearly all the time in the world to think and plan for the future.

 

Theoretically, Carol could have made the trip from Louisiana to New York in seconds if she had wanted to.  But she didn’t.  After all, what difference would it have made if she’d gotten there in seconds or in hours?  The damage caused by Thanos had already been done.  Now it was just seeing if the rest of the universe could pick up the pieces and reshape whatever was left into some semblance of normalcy.

 

The sheer severity of the thought made the captain stop in midair and she took a moment to self-reflect.  Carol didn’t like this newly found nihilistic view of the world that had recently developed in the last two weeks.  Maria and Monica would have never wanted her to fall into this type of mindset.  They would have wanted her to find a reason to fight and fix the problem, to find hope when all seemed gone.  Deep in the captain’s heart she knew they’d be right to be disappointed in her if she simply gave up.  The Carol they knew always fought to the end even before she could shoot cosmic energy from her fists.  And so she vowed that she wouldn’t, no matter what form that took.

* * *

 

 

The Avengers facility was dark and lifeless when Carol arrived.  She used her seventh sense to scan for any alarms and when she found none, she silently landed on the building’s rooftop and went inside, melting any security locks she came across.  Nothing was going to stop her from finding Fury and figuring out exactly what had happened.

 

Navigating the building was easy enough.  Her combat experience told her that any remaining Avengers would have assembled in their version of a war room.  And wherever they were, so too would be Fury.

 

Carol found the main gathering area with relative ease, admiring the beautiful geometry and technology-laden glass panels.  As she approached the hub, her communicator began to glow furiously, indicating that she was in close proximity to the device.  She pushed the center of her interface, turning off the pager.  The captain wanted to make sure that Fury knew his ace was finally here.

 

Turning off the device had gotten a rouse out of the people present and Carol could hear agitated voices discussing their confusion and worry.  She crept up behind the remaining Avengers and observed from the shadows, listening in on their conversation without revealing her presence.  The captain was hoping she’d be able to gather some information about what had happened on Earth the last two weeks since Thanos had used the gauntlet.  Going into a fight against the Mad Titan unprepared was too risky even for her.

 

“Whatever signal it was sending finally crapped out.”

 

“I thought we bypassed the battery?”

 

“Well, we did.  It’s still plugged in, it just… It just stopped.”

 

“Reboot it.  Send the signal again.”

 

“Well, we don’t even know what this is.”

 

“Fury did.  Just do it, please.  And tell me the second you get a signal.  I want to know who’s on the other end of that thing.”

 

 _Wait.  Fury ‘did’?_   Carol’s heart skipped a beat.  The captain knew that the woman with the red hair, Natasha Romanoff or codename Black Widow, was one of Fury’s most trusted Avengers and worked closely with the leader of SHIELD.  If Natasha was worried about Fury’s whereabouts then the situation was much more serious than the captain had thought.  Carol found herself reeling.  First her family, and then her closest friend.  There had been too much loss in the last few weeks.

 

She stepped out from the shadows and faced the group as soon as Natasha went to leave the small room, one question primed on her lips.

 

“Where’s Fury?”

 

* * *

 

 

It was surreal to finally meet the heroes who had been cobbled together all because of her, whose name heralded to her call sign in the Air Force all those decades ago. 

 

The irony of their first meeting was not lost on the captain.  Carol, when she chose to be, was one of the brightest objects in the known universe at full strength.  But to these people she may as well have been a shadow, an enigma.  They knew nothing about her but she knew of them.  The captain had quietly followed and monitored the Avengers when time had allowed.  Both partially on Fury’s orders but also because of her own personal interest, curious to see how the inheritors of her old namesake would fare.  

 

She’d observed their first major mission against Loki in New York City, back when they had to learn on the fly how to work together.  Had almost intervened in Sokovia when Ultron seemed unstoppable and threatened to destroy the world with an artificial continent.  Watched in rage and sorrow as they tore each other apart in their so-called ‘Civil War,’ leaving the Earth vulnerable without its greatest protective force and desecrating the name ‘Avenger.’  And now finally she had met them, face to face, when they were all broken by a force nigh unstoppable and inevitable.  _What a turn of events._

 

As it was, there was no time for proper introductions.  Neither party wanted them anyways.

 

“Did you hear me?  Where is Fury?” Carol whispered harshly, staring at what she assumed were the remains of the Avengers.

 

“That’s classified information.  I think the proper question here is, who are you?”  Steve Rogers, codename Captain America, responded to Carol’s demand with one of his own.  Two battle born soldiers with indominable wills squaring off.  “This is a top secret facility and you’re breaking and entering as far as we’re concerned.”

 

Before Carol could respond the man with leg prosthetics interjected.  James Rhodes, she remembered.  One of Stark’s closest friends.  “And how do we know we can trust you?  You just barge in here like you own the place and you then expect us to tell you sensitive information?  You’re lucky we haven’t arrested you on the spot.”

 

Carol gave him a sideways look, a playful smirk playing across her features.  “Colonel Rhodes, you and your friends wouldn’t have been able to arrest me even if you used your full combined strength.”

 

Sensing the rising tension in the room, Natasha quickly stepped in, attempting to diffuse the situation before they all came to blows.  “Look, we’re all uptight right now.  Even if we won’t admit it to each other, we’re all experiencing some sort of fear and uncertainty.  Getting violent doesn’t help anyone out.”

 

She turned to Carol, a small, sad smile on her lips.  “Let’s do this again.  We’re the—well, we’re what’s left of the Avengers.  I get that we want to learn more about one another, but I’m sure we can all agree that there are more important matters at hand.  I don’t know who you are, but I do know how to recognize maliciousness and if you had any, you would have attacked us before we even knew you were here.”

 

Carol nodded in understanding, grateful that there was someone in the room who could act as a mediating force.  “Agreed.  For now, you can call me Captain Marvel.  I was summoned by that pager over there.  Before anything else, I would like to know what happened to Fury, to the rest of the Avengers.  What… Thanos did.”

 

Everyone, save for Natasha, seemed shocked that Carol knew about Thanos.  She supposed they truly did have a lot to learn about the universe but Carol couldn’t blame them.  Fury had intentionally kept the duties of the cosmic and terrestrial separate for obvious reasons.

 

“You’d better sit down then,” Natasha murmured.  The small group circled around the central hologram projector and Natasha began to regale Captain Marvel the entire story of the last month.  How the Avengers had been ambushed by Thanos’ Black Order, genetically modified Chitauri forces, and the Mad Titan himself.  How they’d slowly lost heroes and the stones in their possession until the Infinity Gauntlet had been completed, leading to half of all life _in the universe_ being simply snapped away.  Even as the Earth-wide population counter kept on increasing, there were still many people unaccounted for and who needed to be found.

 

“We haven’t been able to contact Tony Stark and the others with him.  He hasn’t appeared on the, uh, counter, so we can only assume that he’s somewhere…”

 

“But you’re not sure,” Carol said softly, understanding where Natasha was going with the conversation.  Natasha nodded slowly, glad Carol had come to the conclusion herself.  Talking about the more insidious possibilities was too raw at this point.

 

“I’ll find him.  _Then_ we can talk, fair?”

 

They all reached a silent agreement, happy that there was now a sense of direction amongst the remnants.  At least Carol could provide hope to this group of people in some sort of sense, even if it was in the form of a small gesture.

 

“He was last located on Titan with Dr. Strange,” a small man with disheveled hair and glasses piped up to say.  She recognized this man as Dr. Banner, truly formidable only when his other side came out to play.  “You could try looking around there to see if there’s uh, anything, well, you know…”

 

Carol thanked the good doctor and exited the main facility as the rest of the Avengers followed her outside.  “Okay, I’m off.  Use my pager if you need to call me for anything.”

 

“How are you planning to even get to space,” Banner said, his voice laden with confusion as he looked around for Carol’s mode of transportation.  “You’ll need a ship, supplies, life support systems.  It’ll take a week for me to make a space worthy vessel and—”

 

“That won’t be necessary,” Carol said simply and then she propelled herself off into space. The rest of the Avengers could only look on in awe as they watched Captain Marvel effortlessly blast off from the Earth’s atmosphere.

 

* * *

 

 

The most important lesson Carol imparted on fellow travelers was this: space is vast, tricky.  If you don’t know your way around, it would be easy for even the most experienced of pilots to be lost forever, swallowed up by the infinite starscape.  It can also manage to be the perfect hiding place, if someone chose to they could easily never be found again.  Therefore it took someone with both the skill and speed to efficiently travel the void.  Luckily Carol possessed both and a seventh sense, which helped her narrow down her search to a manageable radius. 

 

Captain Marvel eventually found Tony Stark asleep in the captain’s chair of a spaceship, half dead and delirious, floating approximately forty-three million miles away from Earth.  He wasn’t alone.  A blue-skinned woman, Nebula if her intel was correct, was also with him, keeping the man alive and comforting the billionaire in what he thought were his last minutes.

 

Carol gave the two of them a sympathetic smile as she approached the vessel, glad to see some signs of life this far away from Earth after the Decimation.  She linked into the Benatar’s comms and alerted them to the fact that the Avengers had sent her to find and rescue them.  They were both too weak to give a full response.  Carol wasted no time in hoisting the ship on her shoulders and sped back towards Earth as fast as possible.

 

As the captain traveled through space, the Benatar secured safely in her grasp, she could finally start to feel the inkling of hope resurface from deep within.  Carol wasn’t naïve, she knew that rescuing Tony and his fellow passenger didn’t solve all of the universe’s problems.  But she was aware of Iron Man’s intellect and ability to think spontaneously; if anyone could figure out how to ‘reverse’ what had happened, it would be him.

 

When she arrived back at the Avenger facility the rest of the Avengers were there to greet her as she landed, impressed by both her strength and the return of Tony.  The two passengers debarked from the ship once it had settled, weakly ambulating and grateful to finally be on solid ground again.  As soon as he stepped onto the property, Tony was instantly surrounded by a small crowd of close friends and family, welcoming him back home and inquiring about his whereabouts these last three weeks.

 

She knew it was petty yet Carol couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy and sadness as she observed Tony hug his wife, finally back with his soulmate after being apart for over three weeks.  From the corner of her eye she watched as Nebula and the anthropomorphic raccoon sat down on the stairs of the craft and comforted each other in the background, the only two people present who seemed to share in the same sorrow. 

 

Carol watched as Stark hobbled towards Steve, giving his friend a hug and looking at his friend with a haunted look.  Tony began to break, mourning the death of a young man that he could not protect, his wife catching him as he began to waver.  Carol wanted to give the two men their privacy and began to walk back to the facility but was stopped by Natasha before she could fully leave the scene.

 

“I wanted to thank you.  For keeping your word.  For bringing him back to us,” Natasha said as she extended her hand out for a handshake and gave Carol a soft, warm smile.  “No one else here would have been able to do what you did.”

 

Carol gave Natasha her own genuine smile back and took the proffered hand, glad that the previous rocky start hadn’t put a complete damper in getting to know each other.  “You’re welcome.  Thank you for trusting me enough to do such an important task.  I’m sorry about our rough start.  I promise I’m not always like that—only just with people I don’t like.”

 

The last part was said with a wink and Natasha chuckled and nodded, letting go of Carol’s hand.  “I think we should focus on stabilizing Tony for now.  We’ll regroup in the morning and talk about what to do then.  We have plenty of room for you to stay here for the mean time.  Help yourself to anything you need.”

 

Carol thanked the other woman and headed inside on her own, avoiding any other attempts to engage in conversation.  Natasha could sense that the voyager needed time alone and was probably done talking for the night, lost deep in her own thoughts.  She’d only seen a fraction of Captain Marvel’s power but the assassin could sense that underneath the calm veneer was a force that the Avengers had never experienced before—a literal goddess disguised as a human woman. 

 

As she fell asleep that night, the assassin wondered to herself what a deity like Captain Marvel could dream about.  Why she cared so much about this small blue marble located in a solar system in the Milky Way Galaxy when there was an infinite number of other planets to save.  A final thought echoed through Natasha’s head before she drifted off.  She had a sneaking suspicion that whatever had brought Captain Marvel to Earth had been personal in nature.  It was a question that plagued her for the rest of the week and one she knew would need to be answered eventually. 

_What could a goddess like the captain have lost in order to be involved in something, that while tragic, had no overall impact on the cosmic order or to a being like her?_

 

* * *

 

 

They were fighting again.  Tony and Steve.  The two men responsible for splitting up the Avengers two years ago, and thus leaving Earth vulnerable to Thanos’ machinations, can still not amend their differences.  A universal apocalypse is knocking at their door and they insisted on digging up old grudges, blaming one another for the events that transpired years ago.

 

Carol can only watch quietly from her corner of the room, making sure to mask her emotions as she watched the two leaders bicker.  She had the urge to intervene, knock sense into the two Avengers, literally.  This infighting was pointless and wasted everyone’s time.  But advice from Maria, always the wiser one in their marriage, echoed in her brain.  Getting in their way would only allow things to fester and worsen between the two, possibly creating a gap that would never be bridged.  The warriors needed to duke it out, come to verbal blows, try to at least see the other’s perspective before it was too late.

 

In the middle of the argument, Tony Stark collapsed on the floor before things could be truly resolved.  To see a man who once seemed to own the world so broken stunned the rest of the heroes into silence.  Carol moved first and easily picked up the frail husk of a man, laying him down in the hospital bed they had set up nearby.  While Carol had taken care of moving Tony, Natasha had called in Pepper to assist, who immediately helped sedate and medicate the weakened Avenger.

 

The commotion had allowed the rest of the Avengers to scatter, each of them attempting to distract themselves while Pepper tended to Tony.  Carol found herself in front of the central hologram projector where she pulled up the database of missing people and shuffled through their names, looking for a one-eyed SHIELD agent who’d had an unfortunate run in with a Flerken.  It was an action of self-inflicted cruelty, she knew.   Carol already knew what the end result was going to be but for whatever reason the blonde needed official confirmation of Fury’s disappearance.

 

Carol couldn’t bring herself to search for her wife and daughter’s names–at least not yet.  The captain knew it was a form of denial, a way to prevent herself from breaking down in front of everyone if she saw her girls’ names officially listed on the census.  She couldn’t appear weak.  Not here, not now, especially when the rest of the Avengers depended on her to help them possibly reverse Thanos’ snap.

 

Whatever the case, Carol knew that she could no longer remain as idle as she had the last three weeks.  Her very being demanded she bring the fight to the Mad Titan.  To force Thanos’ hand and impose her own will, breaking him as he should have been years ago.  To bring back what was lost.  What was _hers._

 

She turned away from the hologram, intent on flying off into space to clash with the being who had taken away everything from her.  It was time to end this.   Before she can even leave the building, however, Rogers called out to her, demanding to know where she was headed.

 

“And where do you think you’re going?”

 

She didn’t even bother to turn around.

 

“To kill Thanos.”

 

* * *

 

 

Titan II truly was a paradise, an oasis amongst a distant solar system of desolate planets.  It was unfortunate, Carol thought as she glared over the remains of Thanos’ body, that the devil had made its home here.  That someone as vile as the Mad Titan had desecrated this beautiful landscape with his presence.  Even in death he still managed to poison the very land as his blood dripped in between the slats of the floor boards and onto the soil below.

 

Subduing the Titan, even when she’d only been using less than a quarter of her full strength, had been child’s play and the realization was sobering.  If Captain Marvel had gone after Thanos earlier, had mercilessly tracked him down and killed him before he had gathered all the stones, she could have prevented all of this from happening.  The next horrific revelation that slipped from his lips only further exacerbated the pain of this truth.

 

The Infinity stones were gone, snapped away from existence by their own power.  There was no longer a way to reverse the Decimation, to bring back those who were taken by Thanos’ cruelty.  Everyone who had become the Disappeared, whisked forcefully away into eternity via the destruction of the stones, no way to return them to their rightful homes.  Not even the sight of the Titan’s decapitation had been a balm for the news they had received, uttered from the lips of the harbinger of death himself.

 

Danvers could feel the fire of the Avengers burn out upon the Titan’s declaration, any last vestiges of hope and willpower absolutely destroyed.  The reality of the situation settled into their very bones: The universe’s greatest team of heroes had failed in every way imaginable, completely routed by a being whose sheer desire to succeed eclipsed even theirs.  The weight of their failure seemed to hang on each of their souls as they exited Thanos’ lodgings.

 

The Avengers scattered, attempting to regroup and cope with the recent developments.  Steve, Bruce, and Rhodes circled up, talking in hushed voices amongst themselves as they attempted to figure out what to do next.  Clint and Thor, both of whom seemed to have lost pieces of themselves, walked slowly back to the Benatar, lost in their own misery.  Nebula had taken a seat on the front steps of the cabin, looking out toward the fields as Rocket joined her and placed a paw on her back in comfort.

 

For her part, Carol was in no shape to refocus the rest of the Avengers as they all slowly wandered away, aimlessly moving around and looking for direction.  She was barely holding herself together as it was.  The captain finally had to face the reality of an eternity without her wife and daughter by her side, and for the first time in decades she felt insignificant, small, lost.  In the background she could hear Steve, Bruce, and Rhodes conversating, trying to figure out what to do next.

 

“We should head back to Earth,” Steve murmured, shell-shocked and unsure.  “See if we can help the rest of the people left… help them…”

 

He trailed off, unsure of how to move forward.  How did one tell the rest of humanity, who had depended on you to save the rest, that you failed?  That the people you cared about were never coming back?

 

“So you’re suggesting we play global peacekeeper?  Again?  Last time we tried that it didn’t really work out that well,” Rhodes snapped, exasperation and sadness lining his voice.  Steve could only shrug in response.

 

“I’m not sure about that anymore either.  But we also can’t do nothing.  Not when there’s people out there who still need help.  Our help.”

 

“You always were the optimist, Rogers.” Bruce replied ruefully.  Even the normally amicable doctor had nothing left to give.  Broken and beaten down by Thanos not just once, but twice.

 

Carol tuned the three men out and left the rest of the heroes to their mourning.  She didn’t really particularly care what the rest of the Avengers chose to do at this moment.  The captain felt trapped, desperate, and she needed to escape.  Carol had to leave before she accidentally hurt someone with the roiling energy and emotion that bubbled under the surface.  She was about to lift off when a voice cut through her haze.

 

“Captain.”

 

Carol turned around to see Natasha walking towards her.  The assassin’s face was blank but the hero could see the sorrow that plagued the redhead’s eyes and the sense of doom that had pervaded them all.

 

“We’re heading back to Earth and we need you to—”

 

Natasha had seen men on their death beds, often by her own hand.  Heard the fear, regret, pain, and the anguish that had been screamed by terrified beings when faced with their own mortality.  She had seen eyes, haunted and alone.  But none of her past experiences had prepared her for what she saw in the captain’s eyes.  Those past victims may as well have been wearing a smile as they died when compared to what the assassin saw on the other woman’s face.  The visage Carol wore told Natasha everything that she needed to know.  Captain Marvel wasn’t coming back with them and she might never. 

 

“I understand.  Go.  Come back, if you can.”

 

Carol didn’t respond.  She sprinted forward, away from the rest of the group, and propelled herself into space.  The captain didn’t know where she was headed and she didn’t want to know.  All that mattered in that moment was moving, escaping.  She sped across solar systems, galaxies.  Trying to fill an ache that could not be completed, hide from a maelstrom that she could not take shelter from. 

 

Eventually the captain plummeted into an asteroid field, bouncing off the massive rocks without consequence to herself until her momentum finally ran out, bringing her to a gradual halt and leaving her floating in space.  Carol could no longer run away from the gnawing sea of emotion that had chased her from Titan II.  When it finally washed over her, the hero broke.

 

She howled like a wounded animal.  Her soul, her world, her loves, irrevocably taken from her.  For the first time in her life, Carol Danvers felt truly alone with no true tether to hold her steady.  She no longer felt nothing but instead experienced everything.  A grief so severe that it had hollowed her from the inside out.  Rage that consumed her so intensely that she wanted to destroy anything that she could get her hands on.  Shame so deep that she never wanted to be seen by another living being ever again.  Regret that clawed at her brain, making her head spin and pulse in agony. 

 

The captain knew she would never recover from this.  Not without her family by her side.

 

Captain Marvel fell asleep in the cold, dark void of space, letting the emptiness swallow her whole.  She allowed herself to drift away far from Earth, far from the planet that was the physical reminder of the shame of her greatest failure.  A plea for forgiveness rattled through her mind as she fell into a prolonged trance.

 

_Maria.  I am so, so sorry.  I failed you, I failed Monica.  I couldn’t protect our child, our family, our life together.  I’m so sorry, baby.  I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry–_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 25,877 words. Oh my lord. That was an experience for sure. I was actually really tempted to break this chapter up into a few pieces but I promised you precious BBs that you'd be fed and I think it makes sense this way to have it all in one massive-ass chapter (*dumps the rest of the bird seed out of the bag for you*). Just a head's up there probably (I can't make promises) won't be another chapter like this in this story.
> 
> So, a little explanation for this. You'll notice it doesn't follow normal linear story telling, so to speak. Instead the story is told through, "breakthrough" conversations that Carol has with the OG-6 Avengers (see why I was being so sly about this chapter???? Hmmmmm??? Sometimes I do fan service and also move plot too. Here's looking at you, Russo brothers). They're basically really key conversations that the characters have throughout the year or so after the Decimation. There's some humor but mostly lots of angst, character motivation, development (???), and seeing eye-to-eye in this chapter. And lots of dialogue. Sorry if that isn't your thing.
> 
> (Basically breakthrough conversations to me are ones that really push Carol and the other Avengers to think about everything. She's talked to each one beforehand but these are ones that really stand out. Think of the 2 AM convos you have with your BFFs. And yeah, towards the end Carol kinda comes around in a full circle. I tried not to have that happen but it's Carol MF'ing Danvers. There was little I could do)
> 
> Also the flashback scene at the beginning of the chapter is SUPER important so make sure to read it. I know you want the juicy scenes of Carol talking to the OG-6 but the scene with Maria is critical in understanding the captain's head space through this chapter. Also, her Warbird outfit isn't that freaking skimpy bathing suit she wore in the comics. It's a variation of the Kree flight suit she wears in the MCU and with her helmet only partially on her face. If someone is brave enough to draw it, I would like to see it. *Hint hint hint*
> 
> I tried to capture each Avenger's voice as well as I could and it relate it back to a grieving woman who is clearly wayyyyy beyond any of the Avengers' help. She needs to figure out shit on her own, which is why there's going to be more angst and it'll feel slightly more disorientating next chapter. Carol clearly isn't in the right head space after all this.
> 
> As always, feel free to leave a comment or kudos, if you feel like it. It's not required. I just write for fun, to learn, and for stress relief!!!

**_Summer, 2004_ **

_As Carol stood on the dock that overlooked the small marsh on the Rambeau-Danvers property, she came to an essential conclusion.  Nothing in the known universe would ever eclipse a Louisiana sunset.  The light of the sun as it played lazily through the clouds, exploding into a rainbow of reds, oranges, yellows, and blues outshined any combination of colors in the universe.  The feel of the warm, soft wind of a Louisiana night felt better than flying in the vastness of space, indicating that she was finally home where she belonged.  She’s not quite sure she’d ever bore witness to something as beautiful as these sunsets._

_Her enhanced senses picked up the soft sound of footsteps on grass as someone approached.  When the captain realized who it was, she quickly banished the previous thought.  She was wrong, foolish.  No, a Louisiana sunset was definitely not the most magnificent thing in the universe.  That title belonged to someone else._

_“Penny for your thoughts?” Maria asked softly, handing Carol one of the beers she had carried out with her.  Carol turned around and smiled at her soulmate, breath taken away as the sun danced upon her wife’s beautiful skin and made Maria glow._

_“I’m afraid mine cost a dollar,” Carol joked as she gratefully accepted the beverage, taking a deep swig as her wife chuckled.  “Come and join me?”_

_Maria happily acquiesced and joined her partner on the pier.  The two women sat down on the edge of the dock together in silence, holding hands and simply enjoying the sounds of nature and the close proximity to their loved one.  It doesn’t take long for Carol to notice, however, that something was on Maria’s mind  Years of experience reading the smallest cues had made it a dead giveaway.  The captain ran her hand through Maria’s hair and leaned in to place a tender kiss on her wife’s temple._

_“Where’s your head at, my love?”_

_Maria paused, as if finding a way to put her thoughts to words.  It took her a few minutes before she finally spoke, her tone undiscernible even to her lover._

_“I’ve been watching the news, listening and reading the SHIELD field reports,” Maria started slowly, as if testing waters.  “There have been repeated sightings of a mysterious figure intervening in some pretty serious events.”_

_Carol felt her stomach drop and heart stop beating, she knew where this was going.  She tried to look anywhere other than at Maria, who could always get the truth out of even the powerful Captain Marvel with just a disapproving glare._

_“Terrorist factions and strongholds wiped out in seconds.  Warheads being stopped in mid-air, their blasts seemingly absorbed by a star.  A comet, streaking parallel to the Earth, many times faster than the speed of sound.  SHIELD missions over before they even began.  Ring any bells?”_

_When her wife still refused to answer, showing intense interest on the beer bottle’s label instead, Maria knew she was on the right track.  The taller woman continued her interrogation but made sure to add a playful lilt to her tone.  Experience told her that if she pressed the other captain too hard it would cause Carol to shut down, which was the exact opposite of what Maria wanted when attempting to discuss a difficult subject.  Maria knew she’d have to reel Carol into this conversation somehow._

_“Hmmmmm, no?”  Maria said with a slight chuckle.  “Well, some people who’ve been lucky enough to catch a glimpse of this phenomenon have described it as a woman with literal fire for hair and the ability to shoot nuclear blasts out of her fists.”_

_As hard as Carol tried, she couldn’t mask her nervousness and Maria was able to see the subtle nervous bouncing of her partner’s knee._

_“Apparently this warrior woman wears an all-black flight suit and a mask.  But the most interesting part of the outfit is the golden, multi-pointed star on her chest; no one can decipher what it means.  With her appearances in combat and ability to fly, people have gotten around to calling her—"_

_“Warbird.”_

_“I’m sorry, what?” Maria said sweetly, looking at Carol with a smug look in her eye.  Hook, line, and sinker._

_Carol repeated herself, avoiding eye contact with her wife as she did so.  “Warbird.  Here, they call me Warbird.”_

_The hero turned her head towards Maria, apprehensive of what she might find on her wife’s face.  Instead of the anger and betrayal she was afraid would be written on Maria’s features, Carol only saw patience, love, and unbelievably, sorrow.  The captain knew she couldn’t hide anything from her wife when Maria was so soft.  She squeezed Maria’s hand gently and then composed herself before speaking again._

_“The world, Earth, has changed since before the, accident.  Before I became Vers.  We’re in a new era.  Weapons have become more dangerous, destructive.  Technology has made our lives easier but less private, more accessible with just a press of a button,” Carol murmured as she stared out into the marsh, attempting to organize her thoughts._

_“With everything going on, people are more vulnerable.  They need a protector for the greatest threats.  When I’m planet side, and there’s a large enough threat, I have a responsibility to defend those that cannot protect themselves,” Carol said softly as she placed her beer down and began to slowly wring her hands._

_“Most importantly I need to make sure the world is safe.  For you.  For Monica.  To make a better world for my girls, even if it is in a limited scope.”_

_Carol got up and began to pace back and forth on the deck.  Maria allowed her to do so, standing up and watching her wife as the words came pouring out._

_“I try so hard to stay here.  But my duties rip me away for months each year as Captain Marvel.  I leave you and Monica vulnerable, unprotected, and it kills me inside each time I do.”_

_Carol stopped pacing and stared at Maria, looking at her wife with such worry that it made Maria ache for the other woman.  “So if I can make the world just a bit safer overall each time before I leave, then I know I can protect you even when I’m not here. When I’m not by your side like a good wife should be, helping you raise our child...”_

_The captain trailed off and Maria’s heart broke for the other woman when she realized why her wife hadn’t told her family about Warbird.  Carol was afraid, and ashamed of being so.  Afraid of not having control over the situation.  Afraid of failing to protect her wife and child.  Afraid of losing her home, her world._

_Maria knew that Captain Marvel could accept her heroic shortcomings if they only impacted herself negatively; but if innocents were caught in the crossfire?  She’d never forgive herself.  And if her family were hurt because she could not save them?  It would destroy Carol from the inside out._

_Maria reached out to her wife, letting Carol fall into her arms.  The other woman nuzzled into Maria’s neck and held on to her partner like her very soul depended on it.  In a way it did._

_“You are not a failure, Captain Marvel,” Maria said softly as she placed soft kisses on her wife’s forehead and rubbed her back in soothing circles.  She could feel Carol’s heartbeat slow, her presence a balm for the other captain’s anxiety._

_“You are not a failure, my love,” Maria repeated, hopeful that Carol had truly heard and understood the message. “You ended the Kree-Skrull conflict and found the Skrulls a new home. Abolished the reigns of tyrants and established new democracies in their place. Moved planets and absorbed the devastating blasts of stars and weapons alike. You’ve saved countless lives in a universe of trillions. Now does that sound like a failure to you?”_

_Carol let out a small sheepish laugh and shook her head.  Maria grinned, joyful at seeing her wife’s mood brighten up again._

_“You Carol Danvers, are the most powerful person I know, fire fists or not.  And if in the near impossible chance something did happen to Monica and I?  I know you’d find a way to get back to us.”_

_Carol nodded, but there was still a sadness that couldn’t be shaken from her eyes. Maria gave her time, knowing her wife would eventually speak.  It took a few minutes but after taking a deep breath Danvers is finally able to vocalize her fears._

_“But what if I can’t?  What if the force that somehow took you and Monica from me couldn’t be stopped?” Carol asked, her voice tinged with the sound of desperation._

_“Then you keep on fighting,” Maria said simply. Her tone not allowing any room for argument. “Not just for us. But for the universe. You fight for those that need your help no matter where they may be. Whether it be on Earth or the entire universe. You fight. You don’t give up.  Monica and I would never want that.”_

_Carol allowed the tears to flow, silent but still significant in their weight.  “I don’t know if I’d ever be able to move on if anything happened to you two.  I’d be lost, quite possibly forever.  But I promise, I will never give up.  Not on our family and not on the universe.”_

_Maria hummed and gave Carol a look so gentle it hurt. “You are so strong, baby.  Not just physically but also in spirit.  You inspire whole worlds, galaxies, the universe even.  No one is more worthy than you to be the savior of the universe and I know that you will always find a way.  My love will always be with you, no matter what happens.”_

_Carol truly began to sob after Maria’s declaration and the SHIELD pilot held her partner close, soothing the hero through the wave of emotions.  They stayed wrapped up in each other’s arms for a few minutes, letting their close proximity to one another alleviate the pain they both felt.  Carol pulled away first, finally calm enough to talk to her wife again._

_“Thank you,” Carol whispered gratefully, giving her wife a relieved smile._

_“Always,” Maria responded, returning Carol’s grin with a soft smile of her own.  Maria knew there would be more conversations like this one.  The SHIELD agent hoped that she would be enough for Carol whenever she was tormented by her doubt and fear.  But now wasn’t the time to worry about the possibilities of the future.  It was a time for healing, to recover from the turmoil._

_“So, does Fury know about Warbird?” Maria asked playfully, a sly smile written on her features._

_“He knows what I want him to know,” Carol answered as she gave Maria a similar mischievous look.  “Besides, I believe the only one I truly answer to is one Ms. Maria Rambeau.”_

_“Damn straight, Danvers,” Maria laughed as she pulled her wife in for another kiss on the lips._

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The cold, black emptiness that greeted Carol when she opened her eyes reminded the hero that it had all been a dream.  The Louisiana heat, the sounds of the cicadas, and the feel of Maria’s lips pressed against hers only existed in memories.  The reality was that the captain had remained in space for a week after the defeat of Thanos, floating aimlessly amongst the stars and allowing herself to be dragged wherever the strongest force of gravity took her.

 

It would have been so easy to give up, to let herself finally expire like the thousands of stars that she had seen burn out during her travels in the universe.  But the recollection of her promise to Maria on that warm summer night made her refocus, regain her strength.  Maria had been right, she always was.  The call of her family’s love would be with Carol indefinitely, no matter the circumstances.

 

_Maria.  Monica.  My girls.  I promise I’ll make you both proud in whatever form that may be.  I won’t give up, not for you and not for the universe.  Thank you for your strength, your belief, your love._

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Carol arrived back at the Avengers facility four days later as a fiery streaking flash across the night sky, breaking through the atmosphere with a sonic boom.  The sound brought out the rest of the Avengers, all of them curious as to why the captain had returned.  She didn’t answer their questions but did regale them with a kind greeting and an assurance that she came in peace.  Despite the overall mystery surrounding the captain’s return, the sorrowful look in Captain Marvel’s eye told everyone else to stay away.  The soldier pushed her way through the rest of the heroes and headed inside the building, wanting to be left alone as she reacclimated herself to being back on Earth.

 

* * *

 

**_1 week later_ **

_-Natasha Romanoff-_

For the past five nights someone had been leaving flowers in the main living space.  There were always three of them, freshly picked and carefully placed in the center of the holographic interface in the meeting room.  They were beautiful, bright red on the outer petals with a sunburst pattern in the middle, but an annoyance.

 

Natasha sighed loudly as she picked up the flowers, looking at them quizzically before tossing them in the compost bin.  She appreciated a splash of color as much as anyone else but placing anything on sensitive equipment was always prohibited.   The red-head would have preferred finding the culprit sooner rather than later.  Messing with expensive technology was always frowned upon, especially when it was used to conduct such important business.

 

As the assassin stirred her morning coffee, deep in thought about the mystery flora, she heard the patter of claws and turned to see Rocket making his way into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes of sleep.

 

From just a couple weeks of living in the same building, the Russian had picked up on the raccoon’s habits and knew that the mammal didn’t appreciate being accosted early in the morning.  If anything it was always best to let him initiate conversation first.  It must have been a good day, however, because the usually grumpy Raccoon was actually humming to himself as he opened the refrigerator and looked inside for his breakfast.

 

“Morning, Assassin Lady,” Rocket said curtly as he reached inside for bacon and eggs.

 

“Agent Romanoff.  And good morning, Rocket,” Natasha replied.  She wasn’t about to start a fight with a disgruntled raccoon this early in the morning.

 

“So, did our flower bandit leave behind anything last night?” Rocket moved around the kitchen, getting out utensils and laying out the bacon.  Soon the whole cooking area smelled pleasantly of freshly cooked meat and eggs, further waking up the agent.

 

“As usual,” she sighed, taking a deep swig from her mug.  “I’m going to have to figure out who it is, quietly.  Making a public announcement would be embarrassing, you know?  But we can’t just let someone de-calibrate machinery simply because things look nice.”

 

“Lady, you’re preaching to the choir!” Rocket said, a hint of exasperation in his voice.  He had worked with technology far more advanced than what they had on Earth. The raccoon didn’t need someone to tell him about the minutiae when he already knew it better than almost anyone else.

 

The assassin frowned.  She wasn’t used to being in the dark about the happenings in the Avengers.  But someone was clearly going under the radar, moving around and doing as they pleased.   Rocket could tell that this small mystery was bugging the woman and decided to have mercy on her, offering her the best advice that he could.

 

“Look lady, I can tell that this is bothering you.  Probably exacerbated by the fact that everything’s gone to shit lately.  But from what I’ve heard?  You’ll figure it out.  All of it.  Use your strengths to your advantage.”

 

He grabbed his plate and walked away, clearly done socializing for the rest of the morning, leaving Natasha to her thoughts.  Even though she was reluctant to admit it, the little mammal was right.  She had faced challenges far more daunting and her skill as an assassin was unparalleled.  Catching a flower bomber would be nothing compared to what she had faced just these last few years. 

 

The red-head smiled to herself.  She knew exactly what she’d have to do.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Natasha Romanoff has faced death countless times and after each encounter she is left the winner.  The assassin had faced threats from the terrestrial to the cosmic and she’d always taken out them out before they could do the same to her.  From destroying corrupt governments and eliminating other dangerous assassins, to taking out a living AI and conquering hordes of Chitauri forces, there hadn’t been a danger that she’d ever been unable to neutralize.

 

So if one had told her fifteen years ago that she’d eventually be using her incredible combat abilities to hold a stakeout in the Avengers facility in order to determine who was leaving flowers on very costly technology, the red-head would have knocked you out for wasting her time. 

 

As it was, Natasha found herself in a strategically placed location in the main gathering space overlooking the hologram projector, hidden in the shadows above one of the massive concrete I-Beams that surrounded the area.  She had found a perfect place to camp out amongst the massive catwalk platforms that spanned the ceiling.

 

The agent sighed and checked her watch, determined to see this through.  _2:38_.  Just four more hours until sunrise, four more hours until she could leave her perch and finally lay down and rest.  The assassin had been up in the rafters for the past five hours, dutifully keeping watch and cursing her politeness.  _Why couldn’t she have simply alerted everyone to the problem at one time?_

 

The woman knew the answer though, if she was being honest to herself.  Natasha’s sharp intellect had already helped her have a solid inclination of who was leaving the flora near the control panel each night.  But even if she had most likely discerned who the culprit was, the spy still didn’t know the ‘ _why’_ or ‘ _for whom_.’  Natasha was determined to find out tonight.

 

As if on cue her suspect silently arrived as a spectacle of light and speed that landed and moved silently in the patio garden that lay just outside the Avenger’s main meeting area.  No matter how many times Natasha saw the voyager alight, Captain Marvel’s abilities made even an experienced combat veteran like herself stare in awe.  She still couldn’t believe that someone had such power coursing through their veins without being burned alive.  It was just a reminder that even though the red-head had seen more than most anyone else in their lifetime, there was always going to something out there that was beyond even her scope of understanding.  This warrior was living proof of that.

 

Natasha watched silently as she saw Captain Marvel walk up and reverently place three flowers on the control panel of the machine, a soft sigh escaping her lips as she did so.  The captain then activated the panel, pulled up a program, and began to type.  Natasha could tell from the furrow in the woman’s brow that she was searching for something.  The assassin knew that the end result of the query would reveal the reason why the space-farer continued to bring flowers each night.  _This was it._

 

Her curiosity was finally answered when three profiles of the Disappeared appeared on the display.  The first one was obvious.  Agent Fury had been the only person that Captain Marvel had asked for by name when she initially met the Avengers.  Natasha would bet on her life that the two soldiers had known each other for a long time based on the grief she had seen on the captain’s face before they had gone after Thanos. 

 

Conversely, the other two persons the captain had pulled up were a complete mystery.  But judging from the utterly devastated look etched into Captain Marvel’s features, they must have held great significance to the soldier.  Even the news of Fury’s disappearance hadn’t caused the blonde to look as distraught as she did now when looking at the two other pictures.  Natasha watched, her heart breaking for the captain as she reached out toward one of the individuals with tears in her eyes, desperately trying to establish a connection that was no longer there.  The captain broke down even further when she looked at the second hologram, tears freely rolling down her cheeks as she placed her face in her hands.

 

Natasha had to look away, realizing that she had intruded on an extremely private moment.

 

The captain hadn’t truly conversed with anyone from the Avengers since her return from space a week ago.  A few words were muttered and she had been cordial but the space-faring soldier had mostly kept to herself with a distant and haunted look in her eyes.  Natasha now knew why judging by the severity of what she had just seen.  _She’s mourning.  And in the only way she can._

Thanos’ actions had left no bodies to find or bury.  No graves to mark.  And the remaining survivors hadn’t had the wherewithal nor the means to actually build a memorial for those that had been disintegrated by the Mad Titan.  As of now, the only true way to remember those that were lost would be limited to pictures and videos, left untouched by the snap.  To Captain Marvel, this machine was akin to a grave site.  An official death certificate of sorts, the only true physical memorial she could have.

 

It was macabre when the assassin thought about it that way.  All their friends and family, gone.  And with no way to visit a resting place, no physical body to lay to rest.  They would have to create their own way to grieve for the lost.

 

The blonde wiped her eyes and shut off the hologram, composing herself before she looked around the room.

 

“You can come on out, Natasha,” the captain called out, a soft smile on her face as she looked directly at the assassin’s hiding place.  “I know you’re there.”

 

Natasha almost fell out of her perch in shock, only her finely trained reflexes prevented the assassin from completely losing her balance.  She hadn’t made a sound nor made herself visible from where she’d hidden herself.  _How did she know?_

 

“Why don’t you come on down so we can talk?” she asked again gently.  The assassin could detect no malice or anger in the captain’s tone and knew that waiting would only prolong the inevitable confrontation.

 

“Nice job, Captain.  How did you know where I was?” Natasha said dryly as she rappelled from the rafters.  She walked towards the voyager and stopped in front of her at the control panel.

 

The captain grinned and pointed to her ears.  “Super hearing.  Comes with the photon blasts I can shoot out of my hands.  Having a seventh sense also helps too.”

 

Natasha can only nod, her face blank.  Her career had made her go down paths she would’ve never predicted when training back in Russia all those years ago.  Interdimensional invasions, a robotic army, and a talking, bipedal raccoon to name a few, were all far cries from the espionage she was initially trained for.  At this point, nothing surprised her.  Not even a cosmic powered, partially psionic human-alien hybrid that came from the depths of the universe.

 

“Hmmm, interesting,” Natasha hummed.  She gave Captain Marvel a grin of approval, impressed at the woman’s abilities.  Nick really did have a good reason for keeping someone like her as his trump card.  “If you knew I was there, why didn’t you show your hand earlier?  You’ve survived out in space for such a long time I know that you’re not a careless person.”

 

Captain Marvel shrugged.  “I’m not sure myself.  Maybe I was hoping that I would get caught, have someone to talk to about all of this.  Process it all with now that my—“

 

The captain’s eyes widened and she immediately stopped talking, rebuilding her barriers.  Natasha knew that if there was any chance to understand the enigma that was Captain Marvel now would be the time, before she shut everyone out again.  The assassin decided to go for the direct approach.

 

“Who were they, Captain?” Natasha asked softly as she stepped closer into the blonde’s space.  Her hands were by her side and she made sure to keep her body language as non-threatening as possible.  The other woman looked like she could spook and run away at any second.  “They seemed important to you, yet you haven’t talked about anyone but Fury.  Were they your co-workers?  Friends?  Family?”

 

At the word ‘family’ the captain’s eyes darkened and she broke eye contact with the agent.  Natasha could read people well enough to know that she was on the verge of obtaining answers and so she continued to push the other woman.

 

“Those two women that I saw on the console. They were your family?  Then why haven’t you talked about them much since you arrived?  I know you haven’t moved on already since you’ve been placing the flowers each night since your return.  Were you all not on speaking terms?”

 

The captain pursed her lips and pivoted away from the assassin, her jaw clenching.  She slammed both of her hands on the console as she kept her head down, ruminating over Natasha’s barrage of questions.

 

A heavy silence hung between the two women, the tension thick enough to cut with a knife.  Both of them knew they would have to choose their next words carefully, lest they burn a bridge that could never be rebuilt.  Minutes passed and when neither spoke, unwilling to give the edge to the other, Natasha stepped back, nodding briefly at the captain as she began to walk away.  The red-head couldn’t help but feel angry at herself as she left—she hadn’t managed to break down the captain’s walls at all.  Instead, in her haste and frustration, she’d most likely fortified them.  The spy wished she could blame it all on the captain but knew that the stress of the last month had finally gotten to her too, leading to disastrous results.

 

“Their names were Maria and Monica Rambeau,” Captain Marvel whispered.  Natasha stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to look at the captain with a soft, apprehensive look.  She wanted to give the woman the time that she needed in order to tell her story on her terms.

 

The captain took a deep breath and then pushed a few buttons on the control panel, which brought up the women’s faces again.  Now Natasha could make out more details of the captain’s family.  Maria Rambeau appeared to be in her middle thirties while Monica Rambeau looked like she came fresh out of college.  From a quick glance alone, it was clear that these two were related in some form.

 

“Maria, she is, was, my wife.  Monica, our daughter,” the other woman said as she stared solemnly at the two holograms, eyes never wavering.

 

Natasha did a double take.  Maria only looked a decade older than her daughter.  _How on earth…?_ Captain Marvel grinned at the confusion she saw written on the assassin’s features.

 

“My family is…remarkably well-preserved, to say the least, Agent Romanoff,” the blonde said with a small smile.  She left the explanation at that and Natasha didn’t push the issue.  It was clear the captain didn’t want to discuss the matter of her family’s appearance tonight.

 

The captain diverted her attention to the pictures of her family again, her gaze softening in a way the assassin knew was only reserved for them.

 

“Maria and I were both pilots in the Air Force together back in the eighties.  We met in basic, she had Monica, and eventually the two of them became my family.  And they were the best thing to ever happen to me.” 

 

The blonde shook her head, the grief she felt no longer hidden under a mask of composure.  “After I became Captain Marvel however?  Nothing was ever the same.  The call of duty to my family, to the universe has been a constant struggle.  There would be years, thankfully few, where I would be off planet for over six months.  Out in space saving people that would thank me one day but hate me the next depending on the politics of that week.  My duty to these fickle strangers tore me away from home.  Away from the two people that mattered more to me than anything else in the universe.”

 

Natasha nodded, trying to show the captain that she was listening and understood, at least partially, the struggles the other woman had experienced.  It was strange.  There was literally a universe of differences between the two yet their experiences were eerily familiar.  Natasha knew all too well how the duty of being a hero often conflicted with what you wanted as a person.  It was a constant dichotomy and war between those two spheres that every savior had to face.  The Avengers had fought a whole civil war about it even.  It seemed that no matter where heroes existed, their conflict would always be universal.

 

“They were both so patient and kind.  More understanding and loving than they had any right to be towards someone who was in and out of their lives as much as I was.  I was never the wife or mother they deserved, but they loved me nonetheless.”

 

Her voice became more agitated as the words started to spill out, cathartic and healing in their vocalization.  “The only thing they expected of me was to always return.  To love them even when I was billions of light years away and fighting across the universe.  They trusted me to keep them safe from threats big and small.  To always be there for them.  And I failed even at that simple task.”

 

Carol walked over to a nearby couch where she sat down and placed her head in her hands.  There was no more fight in her tone anymore, only devastated resignation to the obliteration of everything she loved.

 

“It wouldn’t have mattered if they lived on Earth, Mars, or some other fucking planet in the universe.  Wherever Maria and Monica were was my home, my entire world, my everything.  Ultimately, they tethered me to this planet after all these years.  And now?  Now I’m not sure why I’m here since _my world_ isn’t here; it isn’t anywhere, really.”

 

The captain shook her head and smiled sadly.  Natasha could sense that a fond memory was currently replaying in the blonde’s mind and had a hunch that it was the source of the other woman’s motivation.  “They’re not here anymore.  But I made my wife a promise to keep Earth safe no matter what, and I intend to keep it.”

 

Natasha walked over and sat down on the adjacent recliner, hoping that her presence would be a small boon for the grieving woman.  The assassin reflected on the captain’s speech, trying to fully understand the entire scope of the voyager’s grief.

 

Captain Marvel hadn’t told Natasha her complete family history, but she didn’t need to.  The assassin’s ability to expertly gather and extrapolate pieces of information had always made her one of the best in the world, after all.  However the captain’s grief was particularly tricky to understand, considering the differences in their past and future experiences and their current realities.

 

Despite her immense skill Natasha was no stranger to the bitter pill of grief and disappointment.  The time before and with the Avengers had given her the greatest triumphs and conversely the most significant sorrows of her life.  What had made the red-head so efficient at her job despite the rollercoaster of events was trained, selective amnesia.  The ability to filter out the good from the bad and to focus on the success, no matter how small, allowed the Russian to continue to endure and learn and grow from each mission.

 

The pain would always still be there, but it would only be a vague shadow within her mind instead of the bright, crisp tomes that were instead the victories in her memories.   And Natasha knew that ultimately death would be her greatest equalizer, she would no longer need to worry about her failures once she died.  Even the weight of their defeat at the hands of Thanos would forever disappear when she eventually passed on.  Captain Marvel, however, had no such mercy.

 

Natasha only had decades to mourn over their loss.  Captain Marvel had an eternity.

 

Even the thought of enduring that grief for forever made Natasha shudder.  It was terrifying in its implications.

 

But now wasn’t the time for Natasha to worry about her own fears.  The spy knew that she needed to help the woman next to her, lest the captain slip away forever.

 

“What we deserve is a tricky thing to determine,” the red-head said slowly.  “I’ve been around for almost forty years and I’m not even sure I still deserve all this.”

 

The soldier glanced over at her with a slightly puzzled expression.  Natasha gave her a sad look of her own and continued.

 

“I was born to kill.  Trained to be ruthless and think only of myself and my own survival for all my life.  I’ve toppled governments from the inside out, killed hundreds of people at the whims of my superiors without a second thought, and created chaos in order to further the goals of warring nations.”

 

Natasha furrowed her brow; the deeds of her past were always hard to recount.

 

“In many people’s eyes, I would be considered a monster, irredeemable.  And maybe I am.  Maybe everything since then has been my way of making reparations.  But when I began to work with the Avengers I became a hero.  An icon.  Adored by the public and loved by friends.”  The red-head let out a small, bitter laugh.  “Friends.  Something I thought I’d never have, nor that I deserved.  Despite my many, _many_ flaws, I somehow got all this.”

 

The assassin used her hands to gesture about the building.  She then sighed, hoping that the captain understood the message she was trying to convey.  “I guess all I’m saying is don’t feel like you were undeserving of Maria and Monica’s love and that they deserved better.  Don’t let that guilt eat you alive.  They loved you unconditionally and they knew you did too.  If someone like me, who started out in the shadows, could somehow become a hero then you, who seemed to have been good since the beginning, definitely deserved their love.  And they deserved yours.”

 

Natasha trailed off, letting a comfortable silence settle in between the two warriors. 

 

“Thank you, Agent Romanoff,” the captain whispered gratefully.

 

Natasha nodded  “I know that there’s a lot to process and I definitely don’t have all the answers but I’ll be here.  You don’t have to do this all alone.”

 

The captain gave the assassin a small nod and looked off into the distance, clearly still musing over the spy’s words.  Natasha decided to leave the other woman in peace, getting up from the recliner and stating to walk back to her room to sleep.  She was glad that she had established some sort of connection with the enigmatic warrior.  They all still had a long way to go but the assassin could tell that the healing process had slowly begun.

 

Captain Marvel’s next revelation stopped the assassin dead in her tracks.

 

“They’re Ann Chowning irises, Maria and Monica’s favorite flowers.  They always made sure to cut a bouquet for our dining room table during the hot summer months.  God sure knows I didn’t have that delicate touch.”

 

The captain actually let out a genuine laugh and had a bittersweet smile on her face.  She looked back at the other Avenger.  “I’m not sure where I’ll be in a few years, but I know what I need to do now.  I have a promise to keep for my girls, after all.”

 

Natasha smiled back.  “Well, alright then.  You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need to, Captain—”

 

“It’s Carol.  Carol Danvers.  I think we’ve moved past formalities at this point,” Carol said softly.

 

The red-head nodded, grateful that the captain trusted her enough to finally reveal her real name.  “Goodnight, Carol.”

 

“Goodnight, Natasha.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Twelve months later, at the behest of a mysterious Russian benefactor, an official memorial to the Disappeared had been erected in San Francisco.  Half of Golden Gate Park had been dedicated to the monolith.

 

The captain made sure to visit at least once a month, leaving behind a small bouquet of Ann Chowning irises each time she did.

 

* * *

 

**_1 month later_ **

_-Steve Rogers-_

It hasn’t gotten better.  But it also hasn’t gotten worse.  And Steve Rogers will take that as a win.

 

As he stepped out of the car in front of the Avengers facility, the soldier looked up towards the sky and took a deep breath.  The last two months had been exhausting, pushing even him to his limits. 

 

Steve had looked at this very sky over seventy years ago, before he became Captain America, before he became a soldier.  Back when he had dreams and aspirations of simply protecting his country from foreign threats.

 

But now, as an Avenger, those threats were no longer solely terrestrial and the answers he needed convoluted.  And as the world, no the universe actually, recovered from an attack that seemed impossible to come back from, Captain America realized that once again, he would have to be the symbol of hope he was originally created to be.  A guide in the night for Earth.

 

Steve hoped that this wouldn’t be the obstacle that finally broke Captain America.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

There was no point in heading to bed, the soldier knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep anyways.  Not with the internal turmoil he was currently dealing with.

 

Instead he made his way to the separate gym on the campus, sure that a few hours of training would eventually tire him out enough to rest and refocus.  As Steve approached the building he could make out the crunch of metal and the low reverberation of explosions, all accompanied by heavy metal roaring in the background.  Apparently Steve wasn’t the only one who needed to take their mind off of things.

 

Carol was in the midst of fighting a group of over a dozen metal training droids, flying around the battlefield and firing out blasts of energy at the robots.  Any battle bot that came too close to the woman was blasted into smithereens by an energy-backed punch.  Captain Marvel truly was the perfect combination of close and long-ranged combat.  Machine-like and perfect in her efficiency during battle.  It reminded Steve of his own origins and the fact that the two of them were so similar was not lost on him.  Both of them were ultimately made and trained to be the perfect soldier and weapon to serve their leaders.  Hers just happened to be cosmic in scale.

 

Steve watched silently as Carol methodically destroyed the robots without even being hit once, impressed by her skill and power.  In an odd way it was soothing.  Destruction was at least a constant, sure thing.  And even a symbol of hope needed something to cling on to in these times.

 

As Carol finished training, she noticed the other captain standing on the sidelines, staring at nothing with a distant gaze on his face.  She recognized that look and knew that she too had been wearing it her face far too often than she’d like due to recent events.  Carol landed softly on the ground and walked towards Steve, waving at him to catch his attention and snap him out of his thoughts.

 

“Captain Rogers.  Nice to see you here.  How was the town hall?”

 

Steve smiled back.  “Hey, Carol. Nice to see you too.”

 

Carol didn’t miss the fact that Steve hadn’t answered her query about the town hall.  Clearly it was a subject that he wanted to avoid for now.  She knew he would address the issue when he was ready.  In the meantime, it was up to her to distract Captain America; the man clearly needed it.

 

“Wanna fight?” She grinned.

 

Steve laughed, glad that Carol had understood his current frame of mind.  “Fine, but go easy on an old man, okay?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Game.  Set.  Match.”

 

“You cheated,” Steve groaned as he sat up and shook his arm out, the sting of the miniature photon blast still running down his limb.  The aptly timed trick had knocked the man down, allowing Carol to pin him to the mat for the required three seconds, thus cementing her victory.

 

“Did I?” Carol smirked, looking down at the other captain with a mischievous glint in her eye.

 

“Yes!  We didn’t agree on using anything else other than just our fists.” Steve huffed, only slightly upset at losing due to a cheap shot.  He still couldn’t help but let slip the small smile playing at his lips.  If he had photon blasts to spare, he couldn’t deny that he might have used them too.

 

“Hmmm, I certainly don’t remember agreeing to that before we started,” Carol said, pretending to look confused as she sat down on the mat next to Steve.  The older man laughed, amused by the younger captain’s antics, impressed she managed to keep a sense of humor despite all the recent events.

 

“I didn’t think it even needed to be said.  There are always unspoken rules, you know,” Steve said as he rolled his eyes.

 

“You sound like my wife,” Carol laughed.

 

The two of them settled into a comfortable silence, each of them waiting for the other to talk first.  Both of their extensive experiences weighed against the other.  Steve broke first.

 

“It didn’t go well, the town hall,” he looked toward Carol, sorrow swirling in his eyes.  Carol nodded her understanding, beckoning the man to continue.

 

Steve sighed.  If fighting with Captain Marvel hadn’t been enough to relieve his melancholic attitude after the town hall, maybe talking would be.  “I’ve never had as many beer bottles or vulgarities thrown at me before tonight.  They’re all terrified, lost, angry.  I don’t think anyone has an idea of where to go or what to do next.  And the people are depending on us for answers, for hope.  And for the first time in my life, I’m not sure I have anything for them.”

 

He shook his head, frustrated at himself for not having a definitive solution to the problem.  “I was quite literally created to be a symbol of hope, a leader for our country and essentially the world.  And now?  Now they look at me as a failure, as someone unable to make any decisions for their well-being.  And the worst thing about all of this?  They may just be right.”

 

Steve looked down, his jaw clenched, the weight of his guilt and insecurities holding him down.

 

The sight of Captain America, a symbol of the best that even Carol had looked up to as a kid back in the 1960s, appearing so dejected reminded her of the gravitas of the situation at hand.  Their failure and the absolute permanence of Thanos’ victory still haunted her and there was only so much she could do to stave off the dark thoughts that always lurked in her mind.  Carol had a sick suspicion that everything that she was currently doing was simply prolonging the inevitable until the levy holding back the emotions eventually broke.

 

It was hard to not let herself be dragged into the current misery that Steve was feeling, but Carol knew that if she played into his grief right now it would only make the situation worse.  Right now the world needed every ounce of hope it could manage.

 

 _Hope_.

 

“There was a period in my life where I was gone for six years.  I was taken away from my home planet and my family by the Kree after I got my powers blowing up an engine that contained the energy of the Tesseract,” Carol said, the memory of those years still painful after all this time.

 

Steve looked quizzically at Carol, surprised she was willing to talk about something other than her universal battles.  Captain Marvel had previously only told the older man about her escapades in space and even those were vague, as though everything about her was at the highest level of secrecy.  Her past, save for what little she had told the others about her wife and daughter, had been kept under wraps by her own volition.  Steve had a feeling that she was private on purpose.

 

“Maria, she heard everything before the explosion.  She heard _me_ , calling out for help before everything went radio silent after the blast.  And then was told nothing, told to forget that anything ever happened.  Lied to by the very organization she dedicated her life to serve.  And because of those lies, she couldn’t tell our daughter where I was, what happened to me. ”

 

Carol shook her head, her lips pursed in anger at the additional pain her wife and daughter were made to suffer after the accident.

 

“Yet despite the uncertainty, the ambiguity of it all, my girls never gave up hope.  Monica, she had a child’s perspective about it, you know?  But Maria?  She just _knew_.  She knew me so damn well that the idea of me just, dying, wasn’t acceptable, wasn’t possible.  And for those six years, they kept hoping that _some_ form of me would return.  And I did, but not as their Carol.”

 

Carol’s anger turned to sorrow as she remembers falling into their lives as the cold warrior, Vers.  How she didn’t even hug her own daughter the first time seeing her after a six year absence.

 

“Instead I came back as an amnestic Kree warrior who couldn’t even remember their fucking birthdays.  And still neither of them gave up on me.  They hoped, they believed I would remember bits and pieces of my life, remember them most of all.”

 

Carol took a deep breath, she was venting at this point.

 

“And even when I finally remembered most of my life with them and what they meant to me, I still had to leave for months each year.  And my family hoped that I would return and that the allure of the universe wouldn’t pull me away from them permanently.  Hoped I wouldn’t abandon them willingly for the excitement of the stars over the quaintness of home.”

 

Carol’s voice softened, conveying the awe she felt at her wife’s selflessness.  Maria’s belief in her was still so strong that even now the hero still felt it.  “Despite it all, Maria still wanted me to protect the universe and never back down from that duty.  She would have been so angry if I had stopped being Captain Marvel and put away the mantle for her.  I think she loved Carol and accepted Captain Marvel as a part of who I was, even though that other side took me away from her and Monica far more often than we’d all have liked.”

 

Steve can’t help but notice how eerily similar Carol’s struggles with her heroic identity mirrored his.  Peggy had always wanted Steve, but also acknowledged that Captain America had come first.  Both of them had been soldiers, accepting that duty, but even seventy years later the pain of those lost years hadn’t dulled a bit.  Unlike Captain Marvel, however, Captain America’s duties all those years ago had permanently ripped him away from his love; there had been no way for the man to return to his past and to Peggy.  He had never gotten that last dance.

 

“My duties didn’t take me into space, but they still did take me away from Peggy.  My version of your Maria,” Steve said with a small, sad smile.  “And like Maria, she would have hated it if I had stopped being Captain America, stopped being the symbol of hope and good I was literally created to be.  Because I think both of our partners realized that the world, or universe in your case, needed us more than they did.  It still doesn’t take away the pain of not being with them.  You feel as though you’ll let them down one way or another.”

 

Carol nodded sadly, she was aware that Steve knew the all too similar pain of duty and desire.  And duty would always win out.  Not only because of their own sense of honor but also because of the expectations placed on them by everyone else, including the people they loved most.

 

The two settle back into a silence, more understanding of the identical struggle they faced. The regret of not being able to be with their loved ones due to the cold hand of fate would always haunt the captains.  But they both also knew that giving up would be anathema to what their loved ones would want, this talk had only cemented that fact.  Carol and Steve would need to continue to fight, to give the people hope even if would be the most difficult thing to do.

 

“If Maria and Monica could hope and believe in me for all these years after all the shit I’ve put them through, unintentionally or not, then I can hope too,” Carol said determinedly, squaring her shoulders and standing up.  “They’d want me to continue to fight and give the people a purpose.”

 

She offered out a hand to Steve, who took it gratefully and stood up, shaking her hand.  “I know the Avengers were named after my call sign in the Air Force but I haven’t actually claimed the name for myself.  I think it’s time that changed.  If I can protect the world that my family holds so dear as an Avenger, it would be an honor, Captain Rogers.”

 

Steve smiled and nodded, grateful that such a powerful force like Captain Marvel would help with the recovery efforts both on and off planet.  “I think we can fit you in, Captain Danvers.  Welcome to the Avengers.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The two of them left the training facility that night, Carol to the exosphere so she could look over the world she’d now protect as an official Avenger and Steve to his room to finally rest, with new purpose.  They both still needed to find peace with themselves but figured that the process could begin by helping out the humans that required their assistance.  It’s what their loved ones would have wanted.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Three months later_ **

_-Clint Barton-_

Natasha found Carol meditating on top of the Avengers facility building, floating a few feet above the ground, legs crossed in the classic Zen pose. She couldn’t blame the captain for choosing such a somewhat perilous place to meditate—the view from the roof was indeed beautiful.  Nick had done a fantastic job in finding a nature-laden area for their headquarters.

 

“Good morning, Natasha,” Carol said without opening her eyes. Even with knowledge of the captain’s seventh sense it was still no less disorientating to witness the space-farer wield it. The assassin had the sneaking suspicion that Carol hadn’t used it to her full abilities either, most likely holding back in order to not disturb the other Avengers.

 

“Morning, Carol,” Natasha said softly, loathe to interrupt the other woman in the midst of such a peaceful moment. But the Russian had a job that only the captain could complete and it was somewhat time sensitive.

 

A brief moment of calm settled in between the two women before Carol set her feet on the ground.

 

“I didn’t know you meditated,” Natasha said, genuine interest lacing her voice.

 

“To be honest neither did I. But Maria suggested it to me as a way to lower my anxiety levels when I left Earth; she must’ve picked it up herself during one of my tours off planet. I’m not one to debate my wife’s wisdom so it’s kinda been a regular staple in my routine,” Carol laughed as she stretched out.

 

She turned to face Natasha, an unreadable look masking her features. “But I know that you didn’t come up here to get meditation advice from the worst meditator in the universe. What’s going on?”

 

Natasha shouldn’t have been surprised. Despite her outwardly youthful appearance, she needed to remember that Carol was at least over fifty-five years old and was well-versed to the machinations of the universe. It still didn’t stop the assassin from being taken off guard though. Usually she was the one who was a step ahead of everyone else. It just another reminder that Carol Danvers wasn’t exactly like anything or anyone they had met before—Mad Titan included.

 

She decided to cut to the chase and be direct, no point in hiding her intentions when Carol already knew that something urgent was on her mind.

 

“I haven’t been able to find _him_ since we came back from Titan II.  No trace, no sighting, nothing.  Just rumors and half-truths.  And bodies.  Lots of bodies.  But where and when he’s going to strike is unpredictable.”

 

“And you want me to find him.” There was no question in Carol’s response.  The captain knew why she was being asked specifically.  She was the only Avenger with the ability to find the unseen and who would be absolutely unaffected by any attacks the bounty may throw at her.

 

Natasha nodded.

 

Carol took a deep breath, giving the assassin a sympathetic look. “Say no more. I’ll leave tonight.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Taking out the dozens of grunts had been easy enough.  None of them had seen the dark shadow moving quickly and quietly through the hideout.  They all dropped as easily as bugs, their lives ended via an arrow through the cranium or a cleanly sliced jugular.

 

The leader of the cartel had taken hold in an abandoned, multi-story warehouse in the depths of Cambodia, a virtual fortress for the uninitiated in stealth combat.  Fortunately for Ronin, he was no novice. 

 

The assassin had managed to corner his prey, now all he had to do was deal the final blow.  He had the leader and two of his lieutenants trapped on a catwalk, all of them armed and in position to defend themselves.  From his perch above the small platform Ronin notched two arrows, both of them aimed at the leader’s henchman, and fired, shooting them both clean through the eye and into their skull.  Once he was certain he had the boss alone, he jumped down to face the cartel leader.

 

Clint landed behind the leader and stalked menacingly toward him, sword drawn.  Instead of cowering, however, the leader smiled.

 

“So, you think you have me cornered,” he sneered.  He had his own gun at the ready, aimed directly at the agent’s heart.  “You’re a fool.  I’ve been doing this for over twenty years, faced hundreds of assassination attempts by mercenaries and soldiers alike who were much more skilled than you.  You are nothing.”

 

He fired his gun, aiming for Clint’s heart.  Luckily the assassin had been able to telegraph the location of the bullet and he slid under the shot just before the trigger was pulled.  He jabbed his weapon upwards, stabbing through the hand of the leader and disarming him.

 

The cartel leader screamed, holding onto his hand but he still refused to beg for his life, even with Clint’s blade only a few inches away from his throat.  Instead of cowering however, the leader let out a sharp whistle, a dark smile on his face.  The assassin looked to his ten in time to see two men with sniper rifles aimed directly at him.  Ronin wouldn’t be able to kill the drug lord and escape.

 

_Shit._

 

Before anyone could react, a loud bang echoed through the warehouse, debris falling down as part of the ceiling collapsed.  Two massive blasts of pure energy came from behind Clint. One collapsed the platform the snipers were standing on, which caused them to fall down to the concrete floor stories below.  The other blast pushed the leader of the cartel backwards into the wall, knocking him out and leaving him motionless on the catwalk.

 

Barton turned around, already shielding his eyes from the impossibly bright specter that he knew hovered behind him.

 

“Hawkeye.  Or rather, Ronin,” Captain Marvel said neutrally as she landed lightly on the catwalk.  “Nice to see you.”

 

“Did she send you?” Clint said through gritted teeth, glowering at the blonde.  Both of them knew the glare held no real bite.  Nothing that Barton could do would cause any harm to the captain.

 

“Does it matter?  Look, when you’re done here come join me outside.”

 

The captain lifted herself off the catwalk and headed back out towards the hole she’d created.

 

“Aren’t you going to stop me from killing him?”  Clint challenged.  He was already notching an arrow and aiming it at the collapsed cartel leader.

 

Carol did an about turn in midair and cocked her head, giving the assassin a look.  “I’m a soldier not a saint, Barton.  Join me when you’re done.”  She flew out of the building, leaving the assassin to his own decisions.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Clint found Carol sitting on a pile of lumber outside of the warehouse, too calm for her own good.  He could see that the captain was busy looking at something on her suit’s computer and she turned it off when she heard Clint’s approach.

 

“So, why are you here?” Clint demanded, crossing his arms as he stared at Carol.  “You haven’t talked to me since before we attacked Titan II and we definitely aren’t on friendly terms.”

 

“Nice to see you too, Barton.  Beer?” She held out a Heineken to the disgruntled assassin, the captain’s own bottle grasped in her other hand.

 

He knocked the beverage out of her grip, letting it get smashed on the ground into a mess of alcohol and glass.  Carol shrugged.  “Suit yourself.”

 

The soldier took a swig of her beer and looked at Clint out of the corner of her eye.  The assassin could feel his rage building up, frustrated at the captain for wasting his time and making a mockery of him.  Ronin realized that the only way he was going to get Carol out of his hair was if he played along and answered the questions.

 

Barton sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.  “Look, I’m fine.  Tell Natasha and the rest of the Avengers I’m fine.  I don’t need them, none of them would understand what I’m going through anyways.  It’s best if I’m on my own for now”

 

Carol nodded.  “Okay, can do.”

 

She stood up and walked towards the man, taking another drink out of her bottle as she did so.  “But you know they’d know you’d be lying.  You’re not fine.  No one who’s fine would be playing violent, bloody vigilante in the shadows.  Taking out his rage on groups of drug dealers and terrorists.  Making himself essentially invisible and untraceable to everyone else except for a cosmic-powered being.”

 

Clint pursed his lips in anger.  Despite her outward brashness and bravado, the captain was surprisingly astute at reading and understanding people.  He needed to get Carol to leave, she was too close to making him unravel.

 

“Does it matter what they think?  Just tell them what they want to hear and let them know I want to be left alone.  There’s nothing for me in the normal world anymore.”

 

“Clint, you know that’s not true.”  Carol sighed as she shook her head sadly.  “The people of Earth need you.  They need the Avengers to be their guides.  To give them hope and direction during this time of mourning and uncertainty.”

 

The captain placed her beer bottle on the pile of wood and walked closer, her hands out in a gesture of peace. “You were part of the original group that started it all and gave the people a symbol to look up to six years ago.  They need it more now than ever before.  I know you still care.  I know you still care about what the name ‘Avenger’ means.  I know that you worry about Natasha and—”

 

“I lost _everything._ ” Barton yelled.  She didn’t flinch at the interruption and instead listened as he ranted.  “My friends, my identity. My family.  But what would you know about family, Captain?  You were conveniently off planet these last years, doing god knows what and left us all alone against Thanos.” He spit out venomously.

 

For the first time since they began talking, Carol’s positive demeanor slipped away, replaced instead with fury and a glare that he was sure could kill.  Seeing the outrage etched on the captain’s features suddenly reminded the assassin of the pure power and strength this woman held.  If Carol hadn’t been on his side and lacked self-control, the look on her face told him that he may have been vaporized on the spot.

 

“I know plenty about family, Clint.  You aren’t the only one who lost everything in the snap,” she hissed.  Carol reached for her neck, causing the spy to notch an arrow and point it at her.  The captain laughed at him, not bothering to hide the rage still swirling in her eyes.  “You and I both know that arrow isn’t going to do anything to me.  Put it down, Barton.”

 

He slowly lowered his bow, watching cautiously as Carol pulled out a slim gold chain from underneath her flight suit.  Dangling from the bottom of the chain-linked necklace was a matte black ring with a gold embellishment running through the middle.  The captain then pulled off her left glove, revealing a matching band on her ring finger.

 

When Clint realized what Carol was holding he blinked rapidly and fell silent.  Speechless at the revelation.

 

“I had a wife, Barton.  A daughter too,” Carol whispered, voice a knife of ice interwoven with anger.  “And they were _my_ everything, just like yours was.  Maria and I were married for over thirty-five years, for almost as long as you are old.  And Monica, our daughter?  The very center of our lives.  The child who helped me remember what I lost when I was kidnapped by the Kree all those years ago.”

 

She reached out with her left hand and brought the ring up to her lips to place a reverent kiss on the metal, closing her eyes as she did so.  After the captain had taken a moment to compose herself Carol then looked back at Barton.  “They were truly my link to humanity, that gave me a purpose when the endless, cold universe stared at me.  They gave me a home and love.  And now?  It’s all gone.”

 

She put the chain back around her neck, tucking the ring beneath her uniform and patting the star on her chest.  Carol then continued to rail on the assassin, needing him to understand the cruelty of his words and actions.  “Do you want to know what the worst part of all this is?  It’s that, unlike you, I have to live without them for an _eternity_ , Clint.  Fate and my own arrangements were going to keep them alive indefinitely but that went out the window with Thanos’ snap.  And now I have nothing.  Forever.  You on the other hand?  You have to only mourn their deaths for a few decades.”

 

“But you know what,” she added, walking up to the man and staring him right in the face.  “I’ve found hope, a purpose, despite it all.  To protect whatever’s left and to prevent something like this from ever happening again.  It’s what my family wanted and I’m sure as hell it’s what yours would have wanted too.”

 

Carol was done playing nice.  She had tried to appease the other assassin but he was clearly more invested in wallowing in his own pit of misery than finding a way out.  A way to hope.  The captain couldn’t find a way to shake off the disgust she felt, she needed to leave.

 

“I’ll tell the other Avengers that you’re fine and don’t want to be found.  The rest is up to you, Barton.”

 

She turned around and let herself hover above ground, a vision of fire and fury. Before she propelled herself away from the assassin Carol made sure to spit out once last word.  “We both know that there will be a day when you’re needed, Clint.  I hope you’ll be ready instead of wallowing in a pit of self-pity and rage.  That you won’t be too lost to fight. You’re better than this.”

 

The captain left Clint alone with his thoughts, hoping that he would eventually find a way to make peace with everything that had happened.  Danvers wasn’t sure that she fully had either, but doing something productive was at least better than self-destructing like Barton seemed to be.  Carol’s powers were telling her that eventually, Ronin would play an important role in fore coming events.  And while she may not always know what exactly her seventh sense was trying to tell her, it had never proven her wrong before.  She just hoped he would be ready to answer the call when the time came.

 

* * *

 

****

**_Two months later_ **

_-Thor Odinson-_

It took a lot of it but with enough persistence and time, Midgardian alcohol could eventually intoxicate the god of thunder.  And as of late, Thor had plenty of both, especially in regards to time.  After all, without a people to rule over, what else was a king to do but drink and drown out his sorrows with the bitter taste of hops?

 

But Thor knew that he would have been lying to himself if he insisted he was drinking only to pass the time.  Everyone around the Asgardian had noticed how the former king remained in a near constant state of inebriation, drinking nearly around the clock and eating anything in sight.  It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand why.  The Avengers who had traveled with the god when they went to kill Thanos had seen the haunted and traumatized look in his eyes after the snap, after they decapitated the Mad Titan. 

 

It was clear that it wasn’t just grief that motivated the god to drink himself into a stupor nearly every day.  Behind the veneer of drunk cheerfulness, if one looked close enough and peered into the god of thunder’s eyes, it was clear that the gnawing pain of guilt was slowly tearing the man up from the inside out.  Being drunk was simply a symptom, a failed treatment, but not a cure for the disease that plagued the once proud man.  It was only a matter of time before he self-destructed.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

For all his existence the god of thunder was, quite literally, one of the most electrifying beings in the entire universe.  He knew his power, knew his worth, and had never shied away from facing a challenge. In fact, he welcomed it.  Bringing light and power everywhere he went, all his deeds marked by the trademark of his name.

 

That is, until now.  Where the once proud god found himself hiding in the night, standing on the docks that overlooked the river which ran adjacent to the Avengers facility.  Thor listented to the crickets and the soft trickle of the water as it ran past, hoping that the cacophony of nature would help drown out the insidious thoughts tumbling through his brain.

 

In his mind Thor could hear the whispers, see the disappointed looks of those who he couldn’t save, feel the shame of being too late as Thanos won.  And deep down he truly believed he was the man to blame.  A god, unable to bring down a Titan, thus heralding the downfall of the entire universe.  History had repeated itself just like the Greek myths of old.  He did not deserve his title as a son of the great Odin.

 

In a fit of desperate rage, he threw the un-opened beer can out towards the other side of the river, not caring where it landed.  He could always get more inside anyways.  The god took a deep breath, bracing himself before he turned his heel and started walking back to the compound where more beer lay in wait for him.

 

The sound of something hurtling through the air behind him made Thor turn around, his eyes widening as he saw a small, bright streak heading toward him.  He moved to dodge the streak but when he saw what was contained within the blast of energy, he reached out to grab it instead.  He couldn’t hold back a laugh of enjoyment.  A charred beer can lay in his palm.  _His_ beer can.

 

“You know, it’s wasteful to just throw away good alcohol like that.”

 

Thor looked up and could see Carol hovering a dozen feet above him, a small smile on her face. 

 

“I’m not the one who charred the can though, am I?” Thor chuckled, crunching up what remained of the beverage.  Carol gave the god a sheepish shrug and then lowered herself down onto the dock, slapping the large man on the back once she did.

 

“I guess I owe you a drink then,” she smiled.  Her gaze softened as she looked at the Asgardian.  Thor had a hunch that Carol knew all too well what he was currently going through, even if she hadn’t vocalized it yet.  He supposed that the captain felt similarly.  “Nice to see you out and about, Thor.”

 

“Thank you, noble warrior. It is nice to see you again too.”  Thor’s brow furrowed, the nasty bubbling pit of guilt starting to escalate again after seeing Carol return from a patrol.  Helping others and putting her own life on the balance.  Meanwhile he had been doing the exact opposite; it was all too much.  “I’m sorry that I haven’t been helping people out lately.  I know I’ve been a disappointment recently. It’s just that—”

 

Carol shook her head, a kind smile on her face.  “You don’t need to worry about it.  We’ve taken care of all of it.  Besides, too many of us and it would have been a crowd, not company.”

 

Thor nodded, and then looked down at this feet, grateful that the former Kree Starforce member understood without needing to say anything.  Carol met his eyes and when she saw the emotions running through them, the warrior raised an eyebrow.  Clearly there was a lot on the Asgardian’s mind and it was eating him alive.  She needed to talk to him and knew just the way how.

 

“I know it’s late, Thor, but how ‘bout I treat you to that drink I promised you, hmmm?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“It’s definitely not Maria-caliber but Monica always said that my root beer and cinnamon floats were second best in the world,” Carol boasted as she scooped out ice cream into two massive glasses of soda.  Thor was entranced as he watched the ice cream spread out through the carbonated drink, becoming soft, smooth, and creamy as it did so.  He took a tentative sip and gasped when he tasted the carbonated treat.  The god had to fight the instinct to slam the glass on the floor.

 

“It is… delicious!” Thor bellowed as he raised his glass towards the captain.  Carol smiled, raising her glass in response and the two took a drink together, savoring the treat.  They spent awhile simply basking in the flavor of the dessert, enjoying each other’s company with polite small talk in between sips. 

 

The two Avengers hadn’t spent significant time together since ever since they went after Thanos on Titan II a few months ago.  Thor had preferred to remain isolated from everyone else anyways.  But they were aware of the power they both contained and massively respected the other for it.  There was no doubt that they’d have each other’s backs in the heat of battle if it ever came down to it.

 

It was knowledge of the respect and admiration shared amongst them that allowed Carol to be upfront about her concerns.

 

“I don’t know how to say this diplomatically, so I won’t.  We both know you wouldn’t want to beat around the bush anyways.”

 

Carol took a deep breath as if she too were trying to steady herself.  “Thor, I’ve been watching you these last few months.  I acknowledge that I didn’t really know you before the, uh, incident a few months back, but I fought for the Kree empire for six years.  I’ve seen how war and trauma can break a person and leave them scarred.  And I know when someone’s not right in their head.”

 

Thor flinched and fought off the strong, sudden urge to run away and hide, upset that Carol had been so good at dissecting through his façade these last few months.  The god managed to suppress the fear down to manageable levels and took a few deep breaths to steady himself, preparing to face the voyager and her queries.  When he mustered up the courage to finally look at the captain’s eyes, however, he found nothing but softness, patience, and understanding.  It was the look of a mother and Thor recalled through his panic that Captain Marvel had raised a child of her own, she would have had plenty of experience dealing with someone’s emotions.  The god felt more at peace with that realization.  He was safe here.

 

“It’s okay, bud.  I’m here, I’m not going anywhere,” she placed a steadying hand on his shoulder, staring deep into his eyes and willing Thor to come back to himself.  “Take all the time you need.”

 

Thor could feel tears start to well up in the corners of his eyes, he moved to wipe them off with his own hands but before he could Carol had already handed him a napkin.  He gratefully accepted the token and wiped off his eyes, sighing and looking away from Carol.

 

A beat, a pause, and then he lets loose the torrent of emotion he’d been holding back ever since Wakanda.

 

“I don’t deserve the title King of Asgard and I certainly don’t deserve the name Odinson.  Those titles should belong to someone who’s triumphed, not someone who has failed as much as I have.”

 

His voice grows angry, hateful only towards himself.  “Not someone like me, who couldn’t manage to stop Thanos from killing my brother.  Who couldn’t stop him from wiping out _more_ than half of my people.  Who failed to stop him in Wakanda when I missed his head with Stormbreaker, ultimately allowing the Titan the chance to succeed.”

 

The tears began to freely flow.  “I should have been the one to stop him when he first attacked my ship.  I should have been the one to protect my people.  And I should have killed him with Stormbreaker before he was able to snap.  I’m a god.  I’m legend.  But now I’m not even that.”

 

“I’m weak, pathetic, I deserve this unhappiness.  This emptiness and shame and guilt and anger and…” Thor trailed off, shaking his head and staring deep into his root beer float.

 

Carol let him mourn in silence for a few minutes.  She knew the power of venting all too well, the space-farer had done the same with Maria during the years they had been together.  She had ranted to Maria before the accident when they were in the Air Force together, fighting against the daily rampart sexism and homophobia.  And after her return as Captain Marvel, the most powerful being in the universe, the hero would sometimes come back from a particularly difficult tour, sobbing into Maria’s arms as she recounted her greatest failures.  The failure to save a nation or a small child who had called out her name with hope, a belief that their greatest hero would come and rescue them.

 

It seemed too cruel.  To be gifted such power and yet have the inability to save everyone.  The irony would break anyone with such a burden to uphold.  And, Carol realized, that Thor truly had no one to talk to who had an idea of that weight; until they had met each other that is.

 

Before she had introduced herself to the Avengers, Thor had been tasked with the responsibility of taking care of the largest threats and it was clear that he had relished the role and the challenge associated with it.  He had been the god of thunder, the source of the very myths and legends that pervaded cultures across the universe.  There hadn’t been a threat that, even with a little bit of luck and help, he had been unable to overcome.

 

Until Thanos.  When the stakes were at their highest.  When he failed to kill the Mad Titan in time, thus leading to the events of the Decimation.  The failure had shaken the god to his very identity.

 

“Thor, if anyone deserves the blame of all this it’s me.  Not you or the rest of the Avengers.”

 

“But I was right there! Right before he snapped!” Thor exclaimed desperately.  “I’m the reason why he succeeded in completing his schemes, his plan.  Why half of all life in the universe no longer exists.”

 

His voice dropped as he looked shamefully at Carol, almost wanting her to hate him.  Anything would be better than the sympathy Thor saw in the captain’s eyes.  “My failure to aim for his head is why your wife and child are gone forever.”

 

Observing Thor hits Carol hard and she can’t help but feel empathetic to his feelings of failure.  He wasn’t the only one who felt as though they had let down the entire universe.

 

“Thor, listen to me, please.”  Thor lifted up his head and looked at Carol.  She gave him a sad smile.  “Do _not_ hold the deaths of Maria and Monica against yourself.  It wasn’t your duty to protect the lives of my wife and child, Thor. It was mine.  And I completely, and utterly failed in that regard.”

 

Thor shook his head adamantly, attempting to interrupt the captain but she raised up a hand, signaling him to stop.  He nodded and let her continue.

 

“You weren’t the one who placed the ring on Maria’s finger all those decades ago and promised to spend an eternity loving and protecting her, even before becoming Captain Marvel.  Who held Monica when she was a newborn and pledged to never let anything hurt her.  No, that was me.  I couldn’t keep my promise to my girls.  I couldn’t keep them safe even after all they’d done for me.”

 

“I share the blame perhaps more than anyone else in how these events played out,” Carol said wistfully, recounting all of her travels the past twenty-five years.  How her inability to prioritize had led to such incredible loss.

 

“When I was dismantling the Kree empire all those years ago, I began to hear rumors.  At first I just shook them off as just that: rumors.  A Titan, roaming the galaxies and searching for ‘stones’ and destroying anything that got in his way.”

 

“When I first heard those rumors, I laughed and brushed them off,” Carol shook her head angrily, frustrated at her past ignorance.   “I thought it was a ludicrous idea.  An elaborate rock collection would be a threat to the universe?  Unlikely.  Especially not when I would be there to stop him whenever I wanted to.”

 

“But as the years went by the stories began to get more specific, more violent.  And actual concrete records of Thanos getting close to obtaining stones and what his plan was when he completed his mission started to surface.  But I still did nothing, too arrogant to think that he was already planning dozens of steps ahead of me.”

 

Carol sighed, recounting her hubris was painful, especially after seeing the end result of it.

 

“I wasn’t too naïve to think that he hadn’t heard of me before—I wasn’t subtle when I destroyed the Kree empire and went around as a freelance space cop.  I guess I thought my own legend would have kept him at bay, made Thanos think twice before he moved to truly complete the gauntlet.”

 

Carol looked down towards her hands, fingers tapping on the cold marble as a dark wave of anxiety washed over her.  “Look at how wrong I was.  Thinking that I could stop him simply by my reputation alone.  That eventually I could just mosey in and kill him on my own time.  I was trusted by those I cared about and the entire universe to protect everyone, to destroy threats before they could act.  And because of my selfishness, my arrogance, I’ll never get to see my family again.”

 

Carol took a sip of her drink, gazing distantly at nothing and Thor could tell that the guilt the woman felt, no matter how well she hid it, was slowly eating her up from the inside out.  Just as it was him.  He hoped that there would be something left of their souls when their time came—if it ever did.

 

The god had never been the best at consoling people in their most vulnerable moments but he felt as though he needed to say something.  Carol had been such a boon for everyone else as they all slowly meandered through life after the Decimation, it was the least someone could do for the warrior who held the entire universe on her shoulders.

 

“You and I, we can’t put all the blame on ourselves.  We could spend the rest of our existences doing that,” Thor said adamantly, but not unkindly, as he patted Carol firmly on the shoulder.  Anyone else would have been knocked out of their chair and thrown clear across the room but the Kree warrior was only budged slightly.  She smiled at Thor’s friendly gesture and let him continue.

 

“Carol!  You and I are some of the I are some of the most powerful people in the universe.  Who’s stronger is always up for debate of course.”  He laughed as the warrior punched him on the shoulder in jest with a smile. “But there’s no doubt in my mind that even if you had gone after Thanos earlier, he would have thought of a way to neutralize you and make your attack obsolete.  After all, he was able to out think and out maneuver both Shuri and Stark, and they’re the smartest people I know.”

 

“You can’t let this defeat destroy someone like you, a universal hero.  I spent centuries drinking and partying and aimlessly fighting on Asgard before I met the Avengers.” The king shrugged, simply stating the truth.  “Meanwhile in just a couple of decades off world you accomplished more than I did—and you’re only in your fifties!”

 

“Thanos will not beat a being like you.  Especially not after his death.  You have forever to make things right, and I know you will!”

 

Carol gave Thor a grateful smile and hug.  “Thanks, Thor. The same goes for you, you know.  I know you’ll find a way to win—if your legends are anything to go off of.”

 

The two warriors raised their glasses to the other, grateful for the support and understanding.  Not all battles involved fists.

 

They spent the rest of the night drinking root beer floats, laughing as they recounted their greatest battles and triumphs over the years and boasted amicably about their power levels.  Both of them knew that the guilt they carried was still significant and hadn’t truly gone away.  This one discussion in an endless string of nights wasn’t going to be enough to wash off the slime of regret and remorse that lurked in the corners of their minds.  Yet to know that someone else in the universe shared a similar duty and felt the same sense of failure was comforting.  Maybe there was a way to heal after all.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Carol went off planet months later, Thor found himself alone in a way.  Sure, the rest of the Avengers were mostly on planet and he could always converse with the citizens of New Asgard but it was different than talking to the cosmic traveler.  There really was no one else that he could converse with that truly understood the pain and emptiness he felt.

 

Yet during the moments when it was the worst, when the Asgardian couldn’t find it in himself to even leave his house, he would always remember the talk the two had shared late at night over sweet drinks.  When this memory resurfaced Thor would find himself in the kitchen, preparing those ‘beer of root floats,’  letting the soft carbonation and sweetness of the cream relax him.  The god would often meander outside, staring up at the night sky when he was able to find a few moments of peace, and lift his mug to the heavens in salute to a far-off voyager.

 

_Here’s to you, my noble Kree friend._

 

* * *

 

****

**_Three months Later_ **

_-Tony Stark-_

_ Months Ago _

_Carol had first gotten the call from the blocked number just a month after her return to Earth, after they had completed their mission to kill Thanos.  She was used to getting unknown calls on her cellphone but never before had she received one on her flight suit’s communicator.  The warrior had gotten strange calls from other worldly beings before, but thanks to Kree technology, no one was truly anonymous._

_This was entirely different, however, as the interface showed a blank space where there would normally be some sort of identity marked; the only information that was clear was the location.  Earth.  It was obvious that whoever was calling her wanted to keep this completely off the record._

_Danvers answered the communicator’s ring, making sure her door was shut and that no one was around to overhear the conversation._

_“Hello?”_

_“Hello, Captain Marvel.  I have a matter of utmost importance to discuss with you.”  Carol frowned when she heard the voice over the comms.  It was warbled and abnormally deep, which should have been impossible on her device.  Kree communicators were prime examples of universal technology, renowned in their ability to connect over great distances and maintain pristine fidelity._

_Someone was purposely scrambling their voice, going above and beyond to ensure that their identity remained a mystery.  Carol rolled her eyes._

_“Okay,” Carol said, letting a bit of annoyance seep into her voice.  She closed her eyes and let her seventh sense take control.  She would need to bide time and engage the caller in order to figure out who it was behind the line; luckily it would only take a few minutes at most.  “You’ve got yourself an interested party Mr., uh, Ms.—actually I don’t know what to call you, mysterious person or thing.”_

_“It’s irrelevant.  Don’t worry about it.” The voice said quickly.  It was impossible to truly tell the tone of the other person behind the line, but Carol had a hunch that the caller hadn’t thought about the fact that she would be the one interrogating them.  It was never easy talking to her, especially via communicator._

_“Hmmmm, well. My mommy told me that I should never talk to strangers, and I’d hate to make her upset.  So if I don’t know what to call you, I guess we’ll have to find another time to talk.  Later.”  She moved to hang up but the person on the other end hadn’t called her bluff.  Gotcha._

_“Wait.  My name is, uh, Mr….Sir. Mr. Sir.” Carol could hear a soft curse on the other end of the line.  That alone told her everything about who the caller was, she hadn’t needed to use her seventh sense after all.  She smiled to herself, letting the other person, or rather man, compose himself._

_“Alright, Mr. Sir. You’ve got yourself an interested party.  You’re in luck!  My duties aren’t confined only to this galaxy.”_

_“Good, good,” the voice on the line said, clearly eager to move on to more important matters.  Carol’s brow furrowed, her seventh sense was close to confirming out who this person was, and what exactly he wanted.  “Now, on to our crucial business.  There’s a rather, personal, matter that I need your help with.  It’s of utmost importance and many lives are in the balance.  I need your guidance and wisdom.”_

_Carol could feel a tingle at the back of her skull, her seventh sense had pulled through and she had indeed confirmed the identity of the caller.  She let her sense hover at the location, knowing she’d need to use it in order to prepare herself for what the caller wanted.  It was intrusive, the captain knew, but the man on the other end was always a step ahead.  She needed to be prepared too._

_The soldier decided to play along, curious as to what he wanted.  “Alright, I guess I can make a pitstop if lives are truly at stake.  I’ll just need to know where to go.”_

_“Excellent.  I’ve left a 2019 Harley Davidson FXDR 114 at these coordinates.  I even had it painted in your colors since I’m just that generous.” Carol saw a jumble of numbers flash across the screen.  She double tapped on the message, saving it to her navigation log for later.  “There’s an attached side bag.  I’ve placed the keys and directions to my current location there.  You are to tell no one that you left, where you’re going, or what we discuss when we meet, capiçe?”_

_Carol frowned again, somewhat confused about his secretiveness.  It simply wouldn’t do.  She tapped back into her seventh sense, ‘moving’ around the billionaire’s location.  The captain could feel the beautiful serenity of the lake house he had sequestered himself in and another presence was in the house with him, his wife, reading in the living room.  Carol probed further, sensing the thoughts of the other woman.  The Kree was about to leave when she felt something and—oh.  So that’s what was going on._

_“Are you still there, Captain Marvel.  Earth to Space Cadet.”_

_Carol shook her head out, still surprised at the realization.  “Yeah, I’m still here.  I’ll leave in a bit, okay?”_

_“Good.  I’m looking forward to our meeting.”_

_“Same here.  See you in bit, Tony.”  She hung up before he could respond, grinning as she heard Mr. Stark sputter aimlessly on the other end._

_~~~~~~~~~_

_The motorbike was placed exactly where Tony had said it would be, with a little bit of a twist of course.  Carol was still in disbelief that such a fine bike had been placed so precariously fifty feet up in a tree; $20,000 really wasn’t much to a billionaire it seemed.  The captain couldn’t complain as she drove the bike through the bountiful, spring landscape of the countryside of upper New York and she made sure to take in the scenery.  It was melancholic for sure._

_The journey gave the mourning captain plenty of time to think.  Maria and Monica had loved traveling to all sorts of destinations when Carol happened to be on planet.  They would often take the weekends to visit different locations all over the East Coast, gathering a very respectable mug collection as they did so._

_The memories of her girls were still too painful to ruminate over for long and the captain pushed them out of conscious thought.  Thinking of them right now would drive her mad._

_Luckily Carol had reached the written destination as soon as the dread had begun to sink in.  With her arrival to the Stark residence she could focus on other things to distract her from the pain.  She parked the motorbike behind the flashy R8 that sat in the center of the driveway and looked towards the porch when she felt a pair of eyes glaring at her through the window that faced the driveway._

_“You can definitely come out now, Tony.  I know it’s you.” She called out._

_There was a pause and Carol was worried that the eccentric man wouldn’t come out.  After a few apprehensive minutes of waiting, however, the front door slowly creaked open and Tony’s disheveled head peaked out from behind the door jamb.  Even from her spot perched on the vehicle the captain could see Tony’s furrowed brow, though his eyes were hidden by the reflective sunglasses that covered half his face.  Instead of the fancy suits that he was known to wear, he was garbed in a white tank top and raggedy black sweats. Carol raised an eyebrow, interested in his current choice of fashion._

_Before she could question the man, Tony spoke first._

_“You know, I always took great pride in my ability to think on my feet.  Stay ahead of everyone else?  Know everything about everything, and more than everyone else,” Stark said with his usual verbal flair as he sauntered down the stairs and headed towards the captain.  “So here I am. Calling an infinity-stone powered member of the Kree Starship Troopers—”_

_“Starforce.  And that’s ‘former member,’” Carol corrected, eyebrow raised.  Tony waved her off, not unkindly though, and continued his sarcastic diatribe._

_“Anyways, here I am calling one Carol Danvers, trying to be as discrete and on top of my game as possible since the last time I didn’t really leave that great of an impression when I passed out and almost landed on top of your boots.  All for nothing it seems.”_

_He stepped closer, a sardonic grin plastered on his face.  “All that time, hacking into your computer and understanding Kree technology so that I could keep myself anonymous and untraceable.  Just for you to figure out who I was.  Without me even revealing an ounce of personal information.  I couldn’t even detect the program you used to trace me.”_

_Carol gave him an impish grin.  “It wasn’t a computer program, Tony.  Nothing technological about it.”  She couldn’t see his eyes behind the glasses but the captain would bet that the billionaire rolled his eyes in exasperated confusion._

_“Of course it wasn’t,” Tony exclaimed as he threw his hands in the air.  He stepped closer and removed his sunglasses, giving the hybrid warrior a sideways look and a raised eyebrow.  “So, are you going to tell me?  Or are you just gonna leave me guessing.  I’ll have to find a way to screen you somehow because this is a mystery I intend on finding out, Carol.”_

_“There are things that even you can’t quantify or make sense of, Tony.”_

_“Nope,” he said, adding emphasis to the ‘p’ and pointing directly between Carol’s eyes.  “No, I’m gonna figure it out, Danvers.  Just you wait.  You can’t count me out just yet.”_

_“Seems like you’ve met a problem you finally can’t solve, hmmm?” Carol smiled smugly._

_“Given enough time and juice pops there is nothing that I can’t solve,” Tony said, his tone leaving no room for argument.  He then held out his hand and flashed Carol a genuine smile.  “Good to see you Danvers, it’s been too long.”_

_Carol nodded and shook the man’s hand, glad that his constitution had slowly returned, especially since his last month of recovery had been so difficult.  “I’m glad to see you’re up and moving, Tony.”_

_“You’re giving me too much credit, Carol. I move only when I need to walk to the refrigerator for snacks.  Usually I’m just on the couch, watching TV, you know how it is.”_

_The businessman doesn’t have to say anymore.  They both know ‘how it is’.  All too well, unfortunately._

_“So.  Why all the secrecy, Tony?” Carol interjected, attempting to steer the conversation away from darker areas.  If Tony truly wanted to discuss the situation with Thanos then he would have met her at the Avengers facility.  Besides, she already knew what the man had called her here for, she just wanted to hear him say it._

_“Oh, nothing.  Just things.  Family things,” Tony said, shifting his weight on his feet.  “And knowing you, and by the way I did not hack into Nick’s files to read up on you, I swear.  Anyways, knowing you, I think you’d know what to do for…  Well here’s the thing—"_

_“Pepper’s pregnant, isn’t she?” Carol said as she folded her arms across her chest.  If she had let the other man reveal the announcement himself it would have taken forever for him to finally spill the beans._

_Tony’s jaw dropped and he stared at her, dumbfounded.  He remained slack jawed for a good minute before he placed his hand on his chin and looked at her, a whole host of emotions swirling in his eyes._

_“How did you…”_

_Carol tapped her head.  “Let’s just call it magic for now, alright?”_

_Tony could only nod, speechless for the first time ever since Carol had met him._

_~~~~~~~~~~_

_The two eventually ended up on Tony’s porch, looking out toward the reflective lake as they drank homemade lemonade, courtesy of the wonderful Pepper Potts._

_Carol had enjoyed getting to know the other woman outside the context of worrying about whether or not her husband was going to survive and had congratulated Tony’s wife on their pregnancy.  Pepper had thanked the captain for everything she had done for the Stark family and promised the hero that she always had a home in the form of a little log cabin on a lake in upstate New York.  Carol didn’t know what to say to that declaration and had felt herself tear up at the invitation.  Pepper had mercy on the voyager and suggested that Tony take her downstairs on the porch for some fresh air while she prepared drinks._

_A peaceful silence settled in between the two Avengers.  For just a moment, in this little slice of heaven by a lake, they could both pretend that the rest of the world didn’t exist.  That this moment would last for life.  They knew it was ludicrous but at this point anything that offered a reprieve was welcomed._

_“Thanks for trusting me enough to invite me over, Stark,” Carol murmured._

_Tony looked over at the captain and could tell that she was still in mourning.  Even though he had called Captain Marvel with good intentions, the news of Pepper’s pregnancy couldn’t have been easy to stomach.  Especially considering what Carol had just so recently lost._

_“Not just trust, Danvers.  You’re a friend now.  And I quite literally owe you my life.  A debt I can never repay and I literally have all the money in the world.”  Tony gave her a sardonic look and raised his hands up in a false gesture of helplessness.  Carol couldn’t help but laugh at the man’s antics._

_“Don’t worry, Stark.  I’m sure there will be a time when I’ll come calling and find a way for you to make up your debt.” She winked at the billionaire, who pretended to look taken aback at the captain’s bold proclamation._

_“And until then, I’ll  just keep on adding interest to your debt and help you with child-rearing advice.  We’ll see if an old man can learn new tricks.”_

_“Technically you’re seven years older than me, granny” Stark said quickly, pointing at Carol with a warning and a furrowed brow.  There was definitely a challenge hidden in his words._

_Carol laughed.  He wasn’t wrong but she still had one advantage over him.  “That may be true. But I think it can be universally agreed upon that I’m still clearly the better looking between the two of us.”_

_Tony pretended to shake his head in disappointment but he couldn’t hide the smile that played on his lips.  The two bask in the joy of the joke, enjoying a rare moment of happiness._

_But Carol knew that it couldn’t last forever, eventually they would have to return to reality and address the reason why Tony had brought her all the way out here alone.  Even though learning about Pepper’s pregnancy had been a good front Carol could read people well enough to know that there was something more._

_“Tony.  I know you’re not a person who’s ever shied away from the limelight so for you to—”_

_She never got the chance to finish her train of thought._

_“I’m done.  Not going back.  Nope.  I’ve got nothing left in the tank, Danvers.  I tried and tried and tried and nothing.  Nada.  Zip. Zilch.”_

_Tony glared out towards the lake, the weight of the last ten years weighing heavy on a man whose life had taken a turn no one would have ever expected of him before he became Iron Man._

_“I have given my everything, devoted it all, to saving this world for the past decade and for what?  A tarnished legacy and a ‘Decimation?’  A teenager who I considered a son, crying on my shoulder as he begged me not to go?  Who depended on me to keep him safe?”_

_He shakes his head in a chastising manner, as if shaming the world and himself all at once.  “No, there’s nothing left for me to do other than just hide.  Live my life. Try to pick up the pieces and move on.  There are people, like you, who can battle on and on forever no matter the circumstances.  For people like me?  I don’t have that drive.  It’s the end of the road for me.”_

_Carol nodded her head in understanding and gave Tony a sideways glance before looking back at the lake and taking a sip of her lemonade.  She closed her eyes and started taking quiet, deep breaths, contemplating Tony’s words and their weight.  The captain could feel the inventor staring at her, waiting for a response that he had foreseen coming sooner._

_“You know, for someone who’s so adept at battle I expected you to fight more for my return.  Lay down a red carpet and all that.  Beg that this handsome mug be around the Avengers facility again.” Tony said, confusion lacing his voice.  Carol turned to him and gave him a small, bittersweet smile.  He may have read her extremely classified file, but that did not mean that Iron Man knew everything about her.  She had always preferred it that way._

_“Nah.”_

_“What?” Tony interjected, incredulous._

_“I said, nah.  No.  Absolutely not.  I’m not going to try to fight with someone who won’t change their mind no matter the evidence presented to them.  Not worth my time.”_

_Tony once again appeared to be in shock.  Carol Danvers had too many surprises up her sleeve._

_“Tony, I’m not going to lie.  I don’t have it all under control.  As of right now, I’m not exactly sure I can be the hero that the Earth, or the universe, deserves.  Am I better than I was last month?  Sure.  But at that time the bar was on the floor.”_

_Carol stood up and walked to the edge of the deck, leaning against the railing while still admiring the lake.  “I’ve had the same doubts you’ve had.  Whether or not I should just hide at home forever.  Give up and let the universe relinquish its hold on me, its demands and expectations.  No longer Captain Marvel but only Carol Danvers.  An angry, bitter widow living in anonymity for eternity.  I dream and yearn about it sometimes even.”_

_“So what’s held you back?” Tony inquired.  He’s almost desperate in his desire to know.  As though Carol’s answer would reveal a truth or an answer to him of what he needed to do.  So unlike the genius who before had an ace for every situation.  But Tony was no longer that man, at least for now.  Now he was a man broken by his own ambitions and fights._

_“The promise to my wife and child to make the world better, I guess,” Carol shrugged.  “I made many vows to Maria and Monica.  Some of them silly like to never eat the last piece of their birthday cake.  And others were made to them when the reality of my immortality became present.  Even with Kree blood and Monica’s powers, my family is still shockingly mortal.”_

_“My girls were aware of this and knew me too well.  They insisted that if anything ever happened to them, be it natural or not, that I would need to persist.  If not for my sake than for theirs and everyone else’s.”  The captain turned around to face the billionaire.  “It would be selfish to not return when I’ve made a promise and so many people need me.  Especially when I have all this power.”_

_A guilty look flashed across the man’s features and Carol hastily clarified what she meant.  “I’m not saying that you have to rejoin the Avengers to make a difference in the world, Stark.  Not at all.  But what I am saying however is this: You would find a way to move the world in order to make it better for the ones you love if you had to.”_

_She walked closer and sat on the porch in front of Tony, knees tucked up to her chin as she stared him right in the eye.  Despite the juvenile position, Stark knew that her words came from the heart._

_“You and Pepper are going to have a child in just under nine months.  And I know that you’re going to make a better place for that kid, and therefore,  you’re going to make a better world.  You don’t always have to have powers or put on a suit of armor to make a difference.” Carol looked at the inventor intensely, willing him to understand his value even if he never called himself Iron Man again.  “I’ve heard and seen firsthand what you can do, Mr. Stark.  The line between your love of Earth and the love for your family is so blurred, and often it’s for the best. Taking care of your family won’t be selfish, not for you. Because doing so is going to help save us all, some way or another.”_

_Tony could feel as though a weight had been somehow lifted off his shoulders.  He was starting to believe that he’d be able to move on without being an Avenger.  He may no longer be Iron Man but Tony Stark hadn’t become one of the world’s greatest innovators for no reason.  He would still use his brain in a different way._

_The captain knew that Tony needed time to ruminate alone on his next steps and she made to excuse herself, walking back towards the driveway.  Stark followed her, thanking her for stopping by and giving her a parting gift._

_“The bike.  It’s yours. Consider it as part of the repayment plan.  Just part though.  I’m still going to find a way to pay you back in full, Danvers.”_

_“Thank you Tony.” Carol said appreciatively as she mounted the motorcycle and buckled on her helmet.  “I love the gift but I would have taken it with or without your permission anyways.”  She gave the man a wink and revved up the engine._

_Tony laughed and bade her farewell, one last request to give her.  “Look, I know I’ve already asked you for a lot but—”_

_“Say no more, our visits are confidential.  I’ll only tell the Avengers that you need space for now.”_

_He smiled at Carol, glad that she had understood his thought process without even needing to tell her.  The captain smiled back then peeled out of the driveway and merged back on to the interstate, heading back to her current residence and letting the Stark family have a moment of peace to themselves._

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Now

Carol had been expecting this call for nearly eight months and she had prepared herself for anything that Tony could possibly throw at her.  What she hadn’t expected at all, however, was complete silence on the other end of the line.

 

“Tony?  Tony? Are you there?” Carol asked worriedly.  She knew well that it was rare for Stark to simply remain silent, often when he did there was good reason.  A tense pause on her end is terminated when Tony’s muted and monotonous voice eventually breaks out of the radio static.

 

“I, uh… Carol!  Look, just come up to my place okay?”  There’s _something_ in his voice.  Something that Carol can’t quite put a finger on yet.  But the captain’s wise enough to know that pressing Tony over the phone wouldn’t get either of them anywhere.

 

 

“Done.  See you in a minute Tony.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

It took her two minutes.  Carol landed with a muted thud on the Starks’ driveway, leaving a small impact crater that she was sure Pepper would admonish Tony for.  But as of now she doesn’t care about a hole left in the ground.  Tony needed her help and she never abandoned her friends if she had the choice.

 

The inventor was already waiting on the porch for her arrival, rocking back and forth on his heels and looking as though he had seen a ghost.  Carol rushed up to him and grabbed him by shoulders, shaking him to and making Tony look at her in the eye.

 

“Is everything alright?  Did you do everything we discussed over the last eight months?  Are Pepper and Morgan okay?”

 

Stark stared blankly at the captain, taking a minute to process his thoughts before he quickly shook his head out and stood back up to attention.  “Everything’s… fine?  Sure, we’ll call it fine.  No one died and they’re both asleep so that’s definitely fine right?”

 

He was talking quickly, brain running a million years a minute.  And even though his eyes darted around as if looking for a way out, the captain could clearly see fear in his gaze.  Now, face to face with the inventor and seeing the state that he was in, Carol finally discerned what she had heard in the billionaire’s voice when she’d talked to him on the phone earlier.  It had been doubt in his voice.

 

“Tony,” Carol trailed off.  She pulled the other man in for a hug.  Even though Stark immediately stiffened at the embrace, Danvers held him tight, trying to calm his racing heart.  Tony eventually reciprocated the hug, awkwardly placing his hands on the voyager’s broad back and lightly patting it.  “It’s gonna be okay.  Whatever it is, it’ll work itself out.”

 

Carol could feel the man nod against her shoulder and then after a beat released him from her hug, giving him a small smile as they stood back and assessed each other.  Tony readjusted his shirt and composed himself before inviting her inside.  He led them to the dining room table, where they sat in silence as the tea the inventor had made for them cooled off in their cups.  Carol waited patiently for Stark to finally reveal what was on his mind; she knew that he had never been a man to hide what his true feelings were.

 

“So, I don’t know how to not know how to do anything.  It’s literally written in the fabric of reality: Tony Stark knows how to do everything,” he waved his hand dismissively, as if the very idea was sacrilege.  “I’m called the DaVinci of the modern world for a reason.”

 

“But I think the universe is conspiring against me because now?  Now I have something that I cannot figure out.  It doesn’t have a formula, it doesn’t have a definitive instruction manual; no Wikipedia page either.  I don’t even know where to turn to.”

 

He turned to look at Carol.  “I don’t know how to raise a child, Carol.  No idea, none.”  He shrugged, raising his hands in the air.  “I think Pepper’s pregnancy basically prolonged the inevitable.  I was so focused on taking care of her that I didn’t think about the after—when the kiddo is actually here.”

 

“I don’t know what to do.  And I really hope you do because I’m really beginning to hate the phrase, ‘I don’t know.’” Tony sighed, shoulders slumping in exhaustion.  This was clearly new territory for the man and Danvers could tell that the weighty responsibility to raise a child had worn the man down.

 

Carol took a moment to think, attempting to find a way to frame her experience in a way that would comfort the man without patronizing him.  “My father and I, never had the best relationship.  And that’s putting it mildly.  And my mom?  She didn’t really support me even when I needed it most.  At least she didn’t actively try to make my life hell but still.”

 

The captain took a deep breath.  Recalling her past childhood trauma was always painful and she needed a moment to refocus.  Maria had always been by her side to help soothe the emotions that surfaced when she brought those memories to the forefront of her conscious.  Now she needed to find her own inner strength.

 

“And so I never really had an example of how to be a parent, I wasn’t even sure if I would ever have any of my own too.  Being gay in the 1980s really didn’t open up a lot of doors, you know?”  Tony nodded sympathetically, reaching out to give Carol’s arm a supportive squeeze.  “But then I met Maria.  And then Maria had Monica.  And then I was pushed into motherhood without any preparation.  Was I happy?  Goddamn, yeah I was.  Was I terrified?  There’s not a word out there that describes what I felt.”

 

“I think I would stay up all night thinking at least three times a week leading up to Monica’s birth.  How was I supposed to know how to raise someone else when I struggled to take care of my own self?  No matter what Maria told me about how good of a mother I was going to be, I couldn’t believe her.  Not me.”

 

The space voyager had a distant look in her eye as she shared her similar experience with the scrambling billionaire.

 

“But then I held her.  First time I held her I just _knew_.  I knew it would be scary, it would be messy, it would be the hardest thing I ever did.  But the first time Monica and I met after she was born, I knew I was going to raise that kid to the best of my abilities.”  Carol steeled herself, setting her shoulders and stared determinedly at Tony.  “I had no plan, no role-models, and no real knowledge about child rearing.  But I did know that I cared.  That I truly loved my child and would continue to love them no matter what.”

 

Carol continued to gaze intensely at Tony, who stood at rapt attention, hanging on to every word.  “You and I may not have had the best parental role-models or the natural instinct to really raise kids but we’re already well-ahead of our parents.  We _care_.  We don’t want to make mistakes.  They’ll happen for sure but you’ll still _care_.  You’ll care about their well-being, about being a good parent.  And that, I’ve learned, is better than any parenting book I’ve read.”

 

“Tony Stark, you’re miles ahead of where you need to be.  Trust me,” Carol said with a smile. “I can see the love you have for Morgan already—you’re going to spoil her something bad.  You’re already a great father, Tony.”

 

As hard as he tried, he couldn’t stop a few tears leak out, both of relief and gratitude.  The captain smiled at him sympathetically, letting him know she held no judgment to what he was currently feeling.  She had felt similarly after Monica’s birth. 

 

They silently drank their tea, enjoying the shared company before they were interrupted by a certain someone.  Morgan’s cry cut through the quiet, drawing the attention of both adults and causing Tony to rush upstairs to attend to his daughter.  Carol smiled impishly as Tony left, he would need to get used to this routine for at least the next year and a half.  She couldn’t count the number of ruined intimate nights with Maria due to Monica’s cries.

 

Carol turned to the entryway of the kitchen when she heard footsteps.  A worried-looking Tony and a bawling Morgan had entered.  “I-I-I…don’t know what to do.  Usually Pepper is the one who can stop her from crying.”

 

The captain rattles out a laundry list of problems, trying to help the newly minted dad narrow down the problem.  She watched his response to each question figuring out slowly what he needed to do.

 

“Does she need her diaper changed?” Tony shakes his head no.  “Has she eaten recently?” _Yes._   “Did you burp her?” _Yes_. “Did she have her pacifier?” _Yes._

 

“Hmmm, well, you can start by holding her correctly,” Carol laughed as she walked up to the inventor and adjusted his arms so that his elbow cradled the baby’s head and the rest of his arm supported her back.  “When she gets to be a few months older you can hold her less rigidly but she’s only a week old.  You gotta hold her so she always feels like she’s being cradled.”

 

Tony didn’t need to say thank you for Carol to see the gratitude in his eyes and Morgan’s cries gradually trailed off as she tired herself out.  Stark slowly walked around the kitchen, gently rocking Morgan and looking at her as if she were the most important thing in the world.

 

“You should hold her,” Tony said as he held Morgan out to the voyager.

 

“Oh, I don’t know if I should.  She’s so young and—"

 

“You’re going to hold my baby, Danvers.”  Carol laughed as Tony left her no room for argument.  She took the swaddled bundle in her arms and looked down at the newborn.  She expected to feel joy and peace but instead felt a wide range of emotions as she saw the baby’s eyes stare up at her in awe.

 

Holding Morgan was a paradox, and Carol hated that.  She had simply wanted to enjoy one thing without having to feel sorrow, but even cradling a newborn couldn’t do that for her.  On one hand Morgan represented the a reality of life now, a new generation born after the Decimation.  Proof that life could move on after such a terrible tragedy had befallen the universe.  On the other hand it only emphasized to Carol everything that she, and so many others, had lost in the past year.  Families had been torn apart and even the youngest beings hadn’t been spared in the snap.  The cruelty of Thanos’ actions were once again in the full focus of Carol’s mind and the captain felt herself unfortunately dissociating from what should have been a precious moment.

 

Looking at Morgan in her arms made Carol finally realize that the grief, loss, and emptiness that she had experienced a little over a year ago had never truly gone away.  She had simply only found a way to move around it, bury it deep enough to focus on fulfilling her promise to her girls.  It was here, standing in a kitchen in upstate New York, that Danvers realized all over again how alone she was in this universe and that the burdens she held would have to be for an eternity.  Even this little girl with all the future ahead of her would simply be a blip in Carol’s immortal lifespan.

 

It was a sobering thought.

 

Tony must have sensed Carol’s change in mood because he immediately offered to hold his daughter again.  “Carol I’m sorry if I—”

 

“Don’t worry about it, Tony.” She said softly, still not fully present.  “You’re not at fault here.”  The captain handed Morgan back to Stark and stepped back, watching Tony balance his daughter in his arms again.  He nodded but Carol could still see the guilt written on his face.

 

“Seriously, don’t worry about it.  It’s okay.  It’s not a you thing, it’s a me thing.”  Carol said as she slowly walked to the front door.  Stark followed close behind, Morgan still in tow.  The inventor was smart in not trying to stop the captain, clearly she had a lot on her mind and needed space.

 

Before she left Carol turned around and gave Tony a genuine but sad smile.  “Thank you.  For everything.  For giving me a place to go when I just needed to escape from it all.  And thank you, for letting me hold Morgan.”

 

Tony smiled.  “Of course, Danvers.  And remember, the offer of our home always stands.  And I will find a way to pay off that debt, you know I will.”

 

Carol laughed at the businessman’s determination.  She knew it would be futile to try to convince him otherwise.  Besides, the captain couldn’t deny that she was looking forward to what he had in mind.

 

“Later, Tony.  Morgan.” Tony raised one of Morgan’s little hands so she could ‘wave’ at the soldier.  “Give my regards to Pepper, okay?”  She lit up and blasted off, roaring over the skies as she broke the sound barrier all the way back to the Avengers facility.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

That night, after Tony had put Morgan to sleep and was fiddling with his computer as Pepper slept beside him in their bed, he couldn’t help but think of the events of that day.  Carol never vocalized her thoughts when she had held his daughter, but it was clear that whatever they were it was significant enough to rattle the captain. He hoped that Carol would be able to finally find what she was looking for.  It was clear she had gone through so much and if anyone deserved peace, it was Captain Marvel.

 

In the meantime, he had a debt to figure out how to repay.  And if he was a genius, and Tony’s pretty sure he is, the inventor knew exactly where to start.

 

* * *

 

**_One month later_ **

_-Bruce Banner-_

The doctor hadn’t seen _him_ in over a year.  And it hadn’t been for lack of effort either.  Dr. Banner had tried almost everything to try to bring his other side back, but to no avail.  From working out until he literally passed out, sparring with Natasha until he had bruises all over his body, and summoning as much hatred and rage as he could through ingestion of his own concoctions, nothing had worked.

 

Banner couldn’t ignore the irony of the whole situation.  Ever since he had been exposed to the accident that had resulted in his transformation into the Hulk all those years ago, Bruce always felt as though he carried around a curse.  The doctor had seen the destruction and terror that followed him wherever he went, and he would have given anything just a few years ago to get rid of his alter ego.  Even with all of his heroic deeds as the Hulk and as an Avenger, Bruce had gotten tired of always being viewed as a potential liability.

 

But now?  Now he would give up anything to see the green beast again.  The doctor had spent much time over the past year wondering if he could have helped the Avengers defeat Thanos in Wakanda a year ago if he had been able to have a true rematch with the Mad Titan.  If his other half had managed to stop being afraid during the battle in Africa maybe things would have been difficult.

 

As it were, guilt had driven the man for the past year to find a solution.  He needed to re-establish his connection with the Hulk.  If not to ease his remorse than to save the world as the Hulk, should it ever come to that again.  His last few years had told the doctor that preparation had favored the strong.

 

And so, that’s how Dr. Bruce Banner found himself on top of the Avengers building, staring at the ground over three-hundred feet below.  The doctor had done stupid things before and after he’d become the Hulk.  He remembered getting inebriated right before he gave one of his many thesis talks and still acing it.  He also remembered falling out of a plane as the Hulk and surviving the fall.  But this choice certainly took the cake of stupid decisions he made. 

 

If hatred nor rage could bring the Hulk back, then maybe the very threat of death would.

 

Banner looked back down towards the ground and stepped back from the edge, taking a deep breath and shaking his head.  He still couldn’t believe he was going to do this.  The doctor hadn’t told anyone either.  The man needed to make absolutely sure that the situation was real.  There would be no do-over.  Either he would return as the Hulk or he’d face the alternative in the afterlife.

 

“Don’t think about this, Bruce.  Just don’t think.  Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think. Just do.” Bruce chanted to himself as he began jumping up and down, loosening himself up.  He took a deep breath and released it, looking at the distant edge of the building again.  The doctor knew that it was going to be now or never; if he walked away Banner would never try this again.

 

“Okay, alright,” he growled.  “You’ve come through clutch before, you’ll do it again.”  Bruce took one more deep breath and then began to run forward as fast as he could toward the edge.  The doctor could feel the dread racing through his veins but was going much too fast to stop his trajectory.  Before Banner could think he had approached the edge of the building and mindlessly jumped.

 

 _So this is what flying feels like.  Huh.  Thor, Carol.  You lucky sons of bitches._   It was a macabre thought to have when jumping three hundred plus feet off a building but it was the first one that came to mind.  The feel of his stomach being pulled up through his throat reminded the doctor what he had just done and a feral scream was bellowed out from deep within.

 

_Oh shit._

There was nothing.  No metamorphosis into something else, no stirring inside—except for fear and regret.  There was no one coming to save him, the Hulk had abandoned Banner.  The doctor saw the ground quickly coming up and immediately Bruce shut his eyes, sending out a prayer to whatever god existed that he had done enough good deeds to allow himself a place with the upper echelon.

 

Before Bruce hit the ground, however, he felt a tug on the back of his shirt, stopping him dead in the air.  Banner looked up and saw a fiery figure holding on to his clothing, hovering easily above the earth, partially silhouetted by the sun.

 

“Just what the _hell_ are you doing, Banner?” The doctor could recognize that voice from anywhere and knew enough about his savior’s seventh sense to realize that he had been a fool.  Even if Bruce hadn’t told anyone about what he was about to do, the warrior who had saved him would have eventually found out no matter what.  Clearly there was much to learn about his new teammate.

 

“Uh, nothing.”  He had a sheepish look on his face.  “Thanks for the catch, Danvers.”

 

Carol just shook her head in exasperation, letting out a loud sigh before she gathered the doctor up in a more secure grasp and lowered them both to the ground safely.  As soon as he hit secure ground Bruce immediately bent over, hands on his knees as the weight of what had almost happened finally washed over him.  Banner fought back the urge to vomit, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of the captain any more than he already had.

 

“So, buddy.  You got a death or wish or something?” Carol asked, not unkindly.  There was a undercurrent of worry in her question.  Clearly what he had done had been so out of character enough to worry the captain.

 

Bruce looked up from his kneeling stance at the captain.  He shook his head and then looked down again.  “No, no I’m not suicidal.  Just—looking for something.  I guess.”

 

Carol gave the doctor a look, and then said something oddly cryptic for the usually blunt captain.  “Aren’t we all.”

 

Banner gazed up again, this time standing straight up and looked sideways at the captain.  Her face was unreadable.  It was almost irritating.  Bruce’s training as a biophysicist had required him to learn how to read people well during his schooling—yet even he always had a difficult time interpreting anything the captain said and did.

 

“Anyways, care to tell me what you were doing jumping off a building like that?” She stepped closer to Bruce and he knew she wasn’t going to let him leave without giving her a suitable answer.  “It’s incredibly unlike you. You’re usually the most level-headed of the group, other than Natasha.”

 

Bruce looked away, pursing his lips before responding.  “Not here.  Not here.”  His head swiveled around, trying to see if anyone had seen this spectacle.  “Follow me.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dr. Banner’s lab truly looked like it came out of science fiction movie.  Strange machines and lights decorated each wall and in the center was a huge hub of computers and monitors that hummed as they read data and performed countless calculations.  Even the well-traveled Captain Marvel had to admit that the doctor’s lab was one of the more impressive ones she had seen.

 

Carol had only been in here a few times before.  Once during her first tour of the facility and then to help Dr. Banner move heavy equipment around when he needed it.  For the most part however, she kept away.  Danvers had a feeling that this location was more than just a science hub for the man; it most likely served as his safe haven too.

 

“For the past year I’ve been looking for my alter ego.  The Hulk.” Carol nodded in understanding, letting the man continue.  “I’ve scanned myself up and down, have performed countless of biochemical and imaging studies and nothing.  Absolutely nothing.”

 

Banner pushed a few buttons on his main desktop, pulling up a few holoimages on the main projector.  An outline of a man was opened, obviously the good doctor, with the results of a variety of screening tests listed.  All of them had the same word attached to the end: _NEGATIVE._

 

“No gamma energy, no physical abnormalities, nothing in my microbiome. Just a clean blank slate.  He, the Hulk, is gone.  It’s as if he’s hiding or just purged, you know?”

 

Carol stared intently at the images and Bruce wasn’t sure she had fully understood until she spoke.  “Nah, that’s bullshit.  He’s still in there.”

 

“Well, clearly he’s not.”  Banner said as he raised his brow at the soldier.  He had given her all the data and she still didn’t believe his work?  “And trust me, I’ve tried.  That stunt you saw me pull on the roof?  That was my last resort, Carol.  I’ve done everything imaginable to try to bring him out again and he’s just not there anymore.” His voice had slowly escalated, frustrated that the captain truly didn’t understand his predicament.

 

Carol shook her head.  “No, you’ll never find him, not with that attitude.”  She turned and looked back at Bruce, narrowing her eyes.  “You haven’t found him yet because you don’t really want to find him.”

 

Bruce is about to interrupt her, past the point of frustration and now angry that the warrior didn’t seem to comprehend what was going on.  Carol raised her hand up, dismissing his interjection.

 

“No, you really don’t.” Carol said adamantly.  “I mean, I believe you when you say that you want to find him.  But you don’t want to find the Hulk because you truly want him to be a part of your whole being; you want him there as a tool.  In a way, you still view the green guy as a monster separate from you and it’s affecting your ability to pull him out again.”

 

Carol shrugged.  “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Dr. Banner.  It really isn’t.  But it’s why you haven’t reached your full potential as the hero you could be.”

 

Bruce laughed bitterly and placed his hands on his hips, shaking his head in disbelief at the captain.  “No offense or anything, Danvers, but what do you know about being a monster?  You’ve always been good to everyone else and have powers that are relatively easy to embrace.  Me on the other hand?”  He trailed off and then raised his arms out, indicating his entire self.

 

There’s an uncomfortable silence between the two, though neither are angry.  They hadn’t spent much time together as it was and talking about subjects as touchy as what they were discussing now was always hard.  It was even harder when you were barely on speaking terms.

 

“I know more about being a monster than you think, Bruce.” Carol said neutrally.  She crossed her arms and looked down at her feet, shifting her weight between them.  “I wasn’t always a hero, and I wasn’t always adored by countless of planets.  In fact I was hated, feared, reviled.”

 

Bruce gave the captain a confused look.  All the doctor had known about Captain Marvel in the past year was her heroic feats and her incredible power.  He had known how grateful the Avengers had been when they realized they had such a powerful being on their side.  So for the woman across from him to be considered anything but was a complete surprise, an anathema to the hero he knew.

 

“Before I became Captain Marvel, a hero of the universe, I was a part of the Kree empire.” She leaned against one of the many desks.  Carol clearly had a story to tell.  “It wasn’t by choice, but does it matter?  My actions still have the same consequences.”

 

“I was part of the Kree special forces, also known as their Starforce.  The equivalent of Earth’s SHIELD.  And we were the empire’s enforcers.”  The captain shook her head, clearly disgusted at her past.  “We’d often travel planet to planet, putting down rebellions by _any_ means necessary.  My hands are…not clean, to say the least.”

 

“But the worst part of it all?  There was a singular race that we took great care to try to not just oppress but also exterminate.  We literally tried to erase their entire record from the universe.  And during my time with the Starforce, I took great pride in being ‘the next step in Kree evolution,’ and a ruthless soldier.”

 

Bruce couldn’t help but feel for the other hero.  They had both done things they regretted due to circumstances beyond their control.  It still didn’t make the end result of their actions any easier to stomach, however.

 

“They, used my power to their advantage and I happily answered their call.”  Carol raised a fist and let energy flow through it.  There was a small, sad smile on her face as she looked at the evidence of her incredible power.  It was clear that even with the knowledge of all her past deeds, the captain still took great pride in the abilities she had.  “Long story short, I found my family again and realized that I was fighting on the wrong side of a ‘war.’  I eventually turned against my handlers and fought on the side of good, dismantling the Kree empire piece by piece and bringing justice back to those we had oppressed.”

 

Carol looked back to Bruce, her eyebrow cocked.  “But switching sides didn’t erase my past actions, or my guilt.  And even though I successfully found the victims a new home and liberated countless of planets after my time as a Kree Starforce member, it still took quite a few years for people to finally trust me.  And I can’t blame them.”

 

“Those years were, hard, to say the least.  But Maria was always there to help assuage the turmoil, remorse, and anger I felt.”  At the utterance of Maria’s name Carol’s entire demeanor brightened.  Even without her wife by her side it was clear that the soldier’s love for her still never wavered.  “She taught me how to love myself, accept who I was and what I did and forgive myself for it.”

 

Carol made sure to look pointedly at Bruce, emphasizing the significance of the next lessons imparted to the soldier by her wife.

 

“Most importantly we all need to find peace with who were are and what we’ve done.  We all have the possibility to change, be it for the good or bad.  But only when one accepts who they really can we become the most powerful versions of ourselves.”

 

Danvers finished her spiel and looked at Banner neutrally, letting him digest her words.  It was a lot to take in, and the captain knew that when Maria had initially lectured her about all of this, she had reacted somewhat negatively.  Carol hadn’t been mad at Maria directly but was rather adamant that she didn’t deserve forgiveness or love.  It had been a long journey of acceptance but the ever present Maria had slowly guided her troubled wife through it all.

 

Talking to Bruce was yet another painful reminder of how much Maria had done for her, how patient and loving she had been.  And that the captain would never be able to thank her for it again.

 

“So, what you’re saying is that I need to find, peace?” Banner said slowly, putting the pieces together in his mind.  His question jolted the captain out of her reminiscing. “Peace with who the Hulk is and what I’ve done?”

 

“Did I stutter?” Carol laughed.  Bruce smiled back and shook his head.

 

“No, no you didn’t.”

 

Carol gave the doctor a small nod and a grin.  Already she could see that he was figuring it out.  The doctor was a smart man, he hadn’t gotten seven Ph. Ds without a reason, and would eventually find his way.

 

“Thank you, Danvers.  For everything.  I mean it.  I feel like I have a lot to work with now.”

 

Carol waved him off.  “It’s nothing, Dr. Banner.  You don’t need to thank me.  You’ve helped me out too, you know.”

 

“You’ll find your new direction once you manage to find the Hulk again.  I know it seems impossible just a little over a year after the Decimation but the world needs you.  All of you.” Carol made sure to emphasize the last point and pointed up and down the scientist’s body.  Bruce couldn’t help but feel touched that the warrior felt the Hulk wasn’t a monster who needed to be separated from who he was.  He still couldn’t shake the fact that there was something that the Kree wasn’t telling him, however.

 

“Have you?” Bruce inquired after a brief pause.

 

“Have I what?”

 

“Found your new purpose here?”

 

“I’m not sure.” Carol said simply.  “A few months ago I thought I did. I thought I was at peace with what I needed to do.”

 

“I think this past year I’ve been hiding from the inevitable of who Captain Marvel really is and what she’s supposed to do.  Our talk about power and guilt has me…thinking about my duties to the universe.” The captain didn’t care to elaborate deeper about what she meant and Bruce knew better than to push.

 

Bruce doesn’t truly understand what she’s saying but he understands it’s significant.  He knew that whatever happened next in Carol’s life was going to be different than what she’d been accomplishing for the past year, at least.  The captain had clearly reached a conclusion about something.  Where it would lead, however, was entirely up to her.

 

Before the scientist could ask her anymore questions she cut him off with a grin and an extended hand.  “It’s been a pleasure, Bruce.  I’ll see you around, okay?  And no more jumping off buildings, please.  I won’t always be around to save you.”

 

The man laughed and shook the captain’s hand, grateful that they had finally had time to talk and for her advice.

 

“Thank you, Carol.  For all you’ve done for me.  I’ll be seeing you around yeah?”

 

Carol shrugged and left the doctor to his work.  Later that day he realized that the enigmatic warrior had never truly confirmed her presence on Earth for the foreseeable future.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ever since he was a young boy, Bruce Banner had always had a difficult time of turning his mind off and going completely blank.  There had always been the most recent paper to read, the next study to begin, the newest theory to prove or disprove.  Taking time off would have prevented him from being the greatest in his field.

 

But now, three weeks after he and Carol had conversed in his lab, Bruce found himself meditating for the first time ever.  And he found himself wondering why he didn’t try this out sooner. 

 

The process hadn’t been instant.  It had taken a few days for him to actually _learn_ how to be calm and just accept doing nothing.  And as soon as he did, he felt a newfound peace whenever he closed his eyes and searched his mind for answers.  Not the answers to scientific questions, no, but rather answers as to who Bruce Banner was.

 

It was slow, grueling work and often the scientist had found himself getting frustrated at not being able to get results sooner but he remained patient and kept faith in the journey.  And sure enough, he could tell that there was something waiting for him, that the barriers holding him back were slowly eroding.

 

Hard work had paid off and today Banner knows he can dig deeper, and so he does.  He can sense something in his soul.  He can feel _him_.  A spark, power, a being scratching to get out. The man smiled to himself when he realized what who he was feeling.

 

_Nice to see you again, old friend._

 

* * *

 

**_One week later_ **

_-Natasha Romanoff-_

Carol, A Good Bye

_Carol had kept a scrapbook of the past year she had been on Earth, recording her deeds through news clippings and witness accounts, desperately trying to find a reason to stay.  The voyager had reasoned with herself when she began work as Captain Marvel on C-53, no, Earth, that maybe if there was a memoriam of all her heroic deeds on this planet she would be incentivized to remain as an Avenger.  That seeing first-hand all the positive results of her work through the lens of the populace would make her fall in love with protecting these people who supposedly loved her back._

_She knew it was all incredibly vain and shallow.  Carol was aware that the fondness of strangers paled in comparison to the unconditional love of her family.  Yet before the Decimation, her devotion to Maria and Monica had been the sole tether and reason why she’d regularly return to this tiny blue rock when there were so many other planets who needed Captain Marvel’s help more._

_The reality was that it wouldn’t have mattered where Maria and Monica’s primary residence was.  Wherever they resided was her home, her very universe.  Earth had just coincidentally happened to be the sphere they’d lived on.  If her wife and daughter had resided in another location the captain had no trouble acknowledging that she likely wouldn’t have made as many return visits to this rock as she had in the past.  Without their presence on Earth, she was finding it harder every day to justify remaining on this planet, especially with the revival of the Avengers._

_The captain didn’t feel too terrible, however, about potentially leaving Earth.  In Carol’s mind she had honored her promise to her family and kept this world safe.  As Captain Marvel, the hero had joined the Avengers and stabilized the geopolitical climate within a year.  Even if she did leave the planet now, Earth would still remain one of the most stable places in the universe.  Meanwhile there were planets all over the universe who were still in chaos and needed someone like her as their guide._

_And it is this train of thought that led to Danvers’ realization that she is no longer needed on C-53.  There is nothing left for here to do and worst of all, there are no people here that are truly worth making an enduring and meaningful connection with.  Carol had the Avengers but in time her friends would die and new generations of heroes, which she’d have no personal investment in, would arise to guard the Earth in the old ones’ stead.  The first Avenger would never truly be needed on this rock._

_Her decision made, Carol prepared herself to head off world for the foreseeable future.  Before she left, however, the captain had to take care of a few things._

_~~~~~~~~~~_

_Carol stopped by her family’s home in Louisiana first, her only visit back to the house since she’d returned from space immediately after the snap.  The abode had remained virtually untouched since her last visit and a sharp knife of pain seared through the hero’s heart as she finally accepted that this house only held memories now, not her loves._

_In the past, before the sorrow of the Decimation, whenever the captain had returned from a long tour Maria or Monica would have run out the front door upon her fiery landing, calling out her name before embracing the traveler in a massive bear hug.  They would have refused to let go until Carol would cry uncle and pretend that she couldn’t breathe, suffocated too heavily by their love.  Tears and proclamations of joy would be shared amongst the women before they headed into the house for a warm meal and rest.  It was a simple and silly ritual, but to Carol Danvers it was the very spice of life that had kept her grounded, human._

_There was no one left to welcome her home like that now.  No one that could.  The gnawing was back, no matter how hard she tried to swallow it.  This time the warrior knew that it would never go away._

_Carol shook her head and refocused herself, determined to finish the small tasks on their property that needed to be completed before she left.  From an outsider’s view, it was ludicrous for the most powerful hero in the universe to do simple housework before embarking on a journey.  The hero knew, however, she wouldn’t have peace of mind unless she had completed these menial chores._

_She started outside first making sure their vehicles were fully maintained before moving them all into the shed in the back, locking the building securely with a Kree-forged lock.  The small boat house was next and when that was completed, the warrior meticulously inspected each nook and cranny of the house’s exterior, ensuring that the structure would stay standing during her long stretches of time off planet._

_The interior of the house was the hardest to stomach.  The layout of the furniture and knick-knacks belied the fact that nobody no longer lived here; it was all a cruel trick, an illusion of what normal used to look like.  The normal that was when her family still walked through these rooms and hallways._

_Carol took a moment to admire the photos that lined the walls.  The picture frames contained the memories of the only two people in the universe who truly mattered to her and each one of them might as well have been an important treasure.  The captain decided to keep them hanging on the walls as a tribute to what once was._

_The hero then made sure to unplug and turn everything off, dusted, and locked away her wife and daughter’s valuables.  The fact that this house had now become something akin to a tomb was not lost on Carol, and she realized that perhaps she’d returned to create her family’s mausoleum.  The space-farer finally locks the doors and windows, preventing entry to even the most resourceful of thieves._

_With her house taken care of, Carol knew that the countdown to her inevitable departure was nearing its end.  But she cannot leave just yet._

_There is someone she needs to see first._

~~~~~~~~~~

 

It had been a long night and Natasha hadn’t moved for over sixteen hours when she was directing the other heroes from her position at the central hologram.  There had been riots in Yemen and a bombing in Russia and the Avengers were stretched thin.  They had managed to keep the situations stable but anything too inflammatory in those regions could re-ignite conflict.

 

Now, almost a day later, the assassin could finally go up to her room to rest.  She rarely felt bone tired but tonight was an exception.

 

As she entered her quarters, she could feel the hairs on the back of her neck rise.  Natasha may not have a seventh sense like Captain Marvel but she did have training from some of the best tracking institutions in the world.  Someone had broken in.

 

The red-head pulled out her gun, pointing it around as she swept the small foyer.  When she determined that it was clear, the assassin headed to the small living space that precluded her bedroom.  She almost shoots at the silhouette illuminated by the moonlight.

 

“Hey!  HEY!  Sorry!” Carol held up her hands, an apologetic look on her face.  The Russian lowered her weapon and shook her head.  For as powerful and well-traveled as the other woman was, Danvers could be surprisingly obtuse in some situations.  Breaking and entering into the living space of the world’s deadliest assassin was an example of this.

 

“Has anyone ever told you that you may be an idiot, Danvers?” Natasha joked as she holstered her weapon and walked towards the light switch.

 

“Maria might have mentioned it once or twice.”

 

The agent turned on the lights and observed her uninvited guest for a few moments.  Carol was dressed in her usual flight suit but this time there was something different about it.  It had been polished, refurbished for a long journey.  The assassin felt her stomach drop to the ground.

 

Natasha didn’t need Carol to tell her why she was here.  The look on the captain’s face was enough.  As was the long distance communicator that the soldier had left on the assassin’s table.

 

“You’re leaving.”  It wasn’t a question.  They both already knew the answer.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Will you come back?”

 

“I’ll visit.” Carol hadn’t given Natasha a time frame, nor a truly definitive answer, and the assassin knew that it was the best response she was going to get.

 

The two warriors stood in silence for a good minute, though it wasn’t uncomfortable.

 

“I just wanted to say, thank you, Natasha.  Thank you for everything.” 

 

“You helped me find my hope, my determination all those months ago.  Back when I was so close to giving up.” Carol said softly.  “You were the one who motivated me to keep my promise to my wife and daughter, and I will be forever grateful to you for that. But despite it all, I still find myself growing…detached…from this world.”

Natasha knew all too well the type of detachment that Carol spoke of.  The captain may have made friends and found a dependable team on Earth but she no longer had a true tether, someone who she could call her home.  Maria and Monica’s death had made certain of that. 

 

The red-head supposed it had been inevitable, eventually the space-farer was going to go off planet.  Deep down since the beginning the assassin suspected that the Avengers were never going to be enough for the captain.  Now it seemed that only the universe held the answer to the void within the Kree’s heart.

 

It still didn’t make the prospect of her friend leaving indefinitely any easier, though.

 

“Do you remember when we talked, back on Titan II?  After we had killed Thanos?” Natasha asked softly.  Carol nodded and so the assassin continued.  “I told you…”

 

“’Go.  Come back, if you can.’”

 

The assassin smiled softly, there was no malice in the red-head’s tone as she spoke.  Only painful understanding.  “I don’t think you ever truly came back, captain.”

 

Carol looked down at the floor, her jaw clenched as she tried to hold back tears.  The words hurt, not because Natasha was trying to verbally wound her but because the Russian spoke the truth.

 

“It’s okay, Carol.  I also said that I understood, yeah?  And I still do. Maybe not to the most minute detail but enough to know that I can’t and won’t try to stop you.”  Natasha smiled at the blonde and hoped that she could hold back the tears she felt in her eyes.

 

The captain walked up to the shorter woman and brought her in for a fierce hug, holding the assassin tight while she bid her final goodbyes.

 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you…” it was a soft chant, and a plea for forgiveness.  Carol didn’t need to apologize though.  Being able to work with a living legend like Carol Danvers had been enough for the assassin.  And even as the captain stepped out her window and blasted off, Natasha still couldn’t help but smile at the departing woman.  The captain was where she needed to be now and the Russian knew she would have been a terrible friend if she had tried to stop Carol.

 

Natasha only hoped their paths would cross again.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

At first Carol stays true to her word and visits the assassin back on Earth each month for a half year.  She always made a point to call ahead, too.  The warrior wanted to avoid having another gun pointed at her by a friend if she could help it.

 

When the two Avengers meet they simply catch up on the events going on in their daily lives.  The journeys and missions they’d completed.  The who’s who of a universe, it seemed.  A friend to keep the other sane as they all pretended that this chaos was normal.

 

As the months go on, however, the interval between Carol’s visits grows longer and longer and longer.  Each time that they do manage to meet, Natasha can see the hollowness grow in the captain’s eyes until it had consumed them entirely.

 

Soon Carol stopped visiting in person altogether.  The only way to reach her was through the communicator during the weekly Avenger holo calls.  She always gave Natasha a kind word and encouragement but Captain Marvel fully belonged to the stars now.  There was nothing, save for the gravest of emergencies, that would ever bring the warrior back.

 

On the most difficult nights Natasha would often look up toward the stars, taking in the beautiful sights and wonders if she’ll ever return.  The assassin is never sure if she’s talking about Carol or herself.

****


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoooooo! Sorry for the later update. I tend to be slow anyways but school kinda got crazy and so I had a difficult time finding a break to work on this.
> 
> First things first, and I really want you to read this part because I don't want this chapter to seem like it came out of the blue:  
> This chapter is definitely the most angsty one out of the bunch. It is essentially what I surmised Carol went through during the time she was in space at the events of Endgame since we didn't actually get any expose of her character in that movie (no thanks to the Barnum and Bailey--I mean the Russo Brothers™). I don't particularly think that Carol Danvers is a dark character in the MCU, but her comic mindset kinda partially inspired me here. And I tried to show how scarred she was after everything--under it all she's still a human first. Plus, I don't know about you but I think I'd be pretty messed up if everyone I ever loved was just taken away from me as violently as everyone was. 
> 
> Also, Carol's kinda clingy (in the best way possible) and loves her family. What can I say, gotta keep the fluff and angst balanced. Plus after all her experiences before the Decimation she kinda has a reason as to why she's so attached to her lovely humans named Maria and Monica.
> 
> Okay, back to our normally scheduled programming and housekeeping!
> 
> So, there's a lot of flashbacks. Like the previous chapter, and others before it, I use these as a way to set up Carol's headspace in that vignette in the present and explain her motivations too. So if it seems long winded, you can skip right to the non-italicized portions because they should be able to be read without having to read the flashbacks. Though the flashbacks tend to be full of fluff, so... :)
> 
> And again, I promise you that certain events that I talk about in this story are going to be touched on in later stories. Just not now because the Endgame™ fic needs to be discussed. 
> 
> Also, some fun facts:  
> -The night sky Carol and Monica are looking at in 'Year Two' is as accurate as I could get it and not just me pulling things out of my ass. I found a website of star patterns that can be manipulated by date, location, and time. And so we got a general idea of what the Louisiana night sky looked like in the Fall of 1999. Here's the link if anyone's interested: https://in-the-sky.org/. The interactive maps are under the 'Charts' tab. Click on the 'All-Sky Charts' button in that menu!  
> -The telescope that Carol pulled out is real, too! It was one of the most popular models for kids in the 1960s. 
> 
> As always, feel free to leave Kudos and a comment, though it is not required. I do this for fun and stress relief.

**_Before_ **

A question has plagued Captain Marvel almost everywhere her travels took her.  Never asked exactly the same across the different cultures she’s visited, yet nevertheless the message was always identical.

 

Whenever the hero celebrated, albeit responsibly and quietly, with those she had saved the topic would always be breached.  Inevitably, someone would muster up the courage and find the stoic captain as she stood in the shadows, quietly watching the celebrations that were a result of her deeds. After the standard greetings and proclamations of gratitude, an utterance would slip as people tried to humanize their savior. 

_Did a god like her dream?_

 

It was a harmless question, one born out of genuine curiosity and the desire to better understand who Captain Marvel was.

 

That didn’t make it any less intrusive, however.

 

Captain Marvel’s avoidance of the question altogether had made her untouchable and enigmatic to the entire universe.  This was not by accident.  Throughout the years, the captain had ensured that the human side of her life was private.  The populaces are not entitled to her personal life, nor are they privy to the knowledge of who she was as a person.  The less that was known about the woman powered by the Space stone, the better.  Not only does it help Carol keep her distance from the civilizations she interacts with, it also protects her too and most importantly, her loved ones.

 

Besides, only two people in the known universe are allowed to know who the warrior is and what it was that made her heart beat.  Captain Marvel wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

**_Now_ **

_ -2023- _

All these decades later, the captain finally had the answer to the question.

 

Gods do dream.  In fact, Captain Marvel has been dreaming for five years.  Dreaming about what she’d lost and what she wished could be instead. 

 

Her own failures had destroyed her dreams. 

 

Now there’s nothing left.  Nothing left of her family.  And nothing left of Carol Danvers.  Just Captain Marvel, the star-traveler.  The brawler.  The invincible, godly force that righted the wrongs that arose in the chaos after the Decimation.   Nothing human remained and the hero isn’t quite sure that she was troubled by the emptiness.  The soldier figured that it had to be better than feeling everything at once.

 

The husk of Carol Danvers currently drifted in deep space, staring off into the thousands of galaxies and vibrant nebulas that surrounded her current coordinates.  It was peaceful.  There was no violence, chaos, or cacophony.  Just the vast, empty void that swallowed up everything in its path—including her.

 

And as Captain Marvel floated around aimlessly she realized one truth.  It would be so easy to get lost in this nearly infinite universe.  To hide on a remote planet and live the rest of her eternity alone and unbothered.  She knew of a planet that fit the description—it would only take a few days for her to set base and then sequester herself away forever.

 

It wouldn’t be that easy, however.  The promise that Captain Marvel made to Maria and Monica still rang throughout her mind and she desired to keep it, no matter how much it pained her.  The struggle between honoring her vow and wanting to run from the pain nearly tore her mind apart. 

 

It’s during this internal battle when she gets a call on her communicator from a very familiar number.  It’s a call that causes the god to awaken.  And it’s when Carol Danvers begins to live again.

 

* * *

  ** _  
_**

**_Year One_ **

_ -Spring, 2010- _

_Carol hovered above the ground, eyes closed while facing upwards towards the blazing light of the morning sun.  Her arms were spread out wide, increasing her body’s surface area as much as possible.  The posture, ironically almost Christ-like in nature, enabled her body to receive the maximum amount of solar energy from the sun as possible._

_Though the sun was a relatively small energy source compared to what Carol would usually tap into while traveling amidst galaxies, it was a constant reservoir of fuel that the captain could always access while on Earth. Danvers had learned to take advantage of the sun’s rays whenever she could while planetside.  Thus the soldier was always fully charged even when she wasn’t being exposed to a larger fountain of power._

_It was a neat little trick.  One the captain had learned on Maria’s request when her wife had verbalized worry about Carol potentially being in danger simply because of the possibility of having no energy left to sustain herself in space.  Maria’s concern had touched Carol, so during her many tours in space, the soldier had finally decided to follow the flowing energy trails that existed throughout the cosmos. Her persistence eventually led to the discovery that the most reliable reservoirs were not always the biggest._

_Maria had been right, she always was.  Taking time to smell the roses had more than paid its dividends.  Before, Carol had thought that fighting at full strength all the time was the only way to win a battle.  But Maria’s wisdom and input had taught her that there were always more ways to skin a cat; sometimes the most subtle ways were the best ways to fight._

_Speaking of which…_

_“Girl, where’s your head at?”_

_Carol looked down at the ground to see her lovely wife staring at her with an exasperated expression, holding a crate of flowers and a large bag of tulip bulbs.  The sight reminded the soldier that she had promised her partner to help plant their garden today.  She gave Maria a large grin, always happy to see her no matter the circumstance._

_“My head’s right here, right now, baby,” Carol said softly as she landed down on the ground and began to saunter over to her lover.  The captain stopped in front of Maria, staring at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the universe.  And when Maria saw that look, she knew it was the truth._

_“Hmmmm, oh really?” Maria said, her brow arching even higher.  She knew from experience that the smirk on one Captain Danvers’ face meant that the other woman was up to no good.  “Well, it certainly doesn’t look like it.  Didn’t we agree that you would have already broken ground and set up the pots before I came out with the flora?”_

_“I’m sorry, I got distracted,” Carol said with feigned shame, having the decency of pretending to at least look trite before replacing the apologetic grimace with a glance that was absolutely devilish.  “I was thinking of plowing something else,” she whispered waggling her eyebrows._

_There was an audible gasp and Maria’s eyes widened.  She began to lightly whack the other captain with the bag of tulips, shocked at how bold that was even for Carol.  “Carol.  Susan.  Jane.  Danvers.”  The whacks didn’t hurt and instead caused the voyager to laugh jovially as she pulled Maria in closer.  “See if I allow you to sleep in our bed tonight after that innuendo.”_

 

_As soon as Maria had added the last part, she knew immediately that she’d made a tactical error as Carol’s mischievous look grew downright devious.  “Well, if it’s anything like a couple nights ago there won’t be much sleeping anyways.”_

_Before Maria could further admonish Carol for her absolutely juvenile behavior, the blonde leaned in and brought the taller woman in for a searing kiss.  Maria could feel her body relax, and she fell into Carol’s embrace, almost dropping the fauna she had carried out.  The woman was tempted to abandon their plans of gardening altogether, seduced by the warmth of Carol’s body pressed against hers.  However the choice was taken away from her when Carol pulled back and gave her a surprisingly shy smile._

_“Good morning, baby.”_

_Maria could only shake her head fondly at Carol’s antics. “You are incorrigible.  What am I going to do with you, Danvers?”_

_Carol shrugged and reached over to relieve her wife of the carton of flowers she was carrying.  The hero turned around and began to walk over to the garden and called over her shoulder.  “I’m sure you’ll think of something, Rambeau.  You always do.”_

_The two women had spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon gardening and cleaning up the lawn, eager to get their landscape prepared during the height of spring.  Neither of them would ever admit it out loud but the Rambeau-Danvers family always took great pride in having the best manicured yard when compared to the rest of their neighbors.  Even out of the Air Force they couldn’t shake their competitive streak, not only between themselves but with their other friends too.  It had always made Monica roll her eyes at her mothers, which of course only encouraged them even more._

_They worked together mostly in silence, simply enjoying the familiarity of the other’s company and being in close proximity to each other.  Moments like this never happened quite as often as the couple would have liked.  It almost gave them both the illusion of a normal life.  As if Carol wasn’t a goddess that left every few months to patrol space and Maria wasn’t a pilot who had fought off an alien invasion years back.  As if it had always been just the two of them living a simple life on a small farm in Louisiana without ever being disturbed.  With this in their minds, they always made sure to take advantage of every second when they were in the presence of one another, never knowing when the tranquility could end._

_Their day had ended with the two of them wrapped up in one another while lying in their bed, a mess of tangled limbs as the scent of sex still hung in the air.  The two lovers stared longingly into each other’s eyes, murmuring sweet nothings and sharing soft caresses as they came down from their combined high.  The captains remained in a sated silence, content to just bask in the intimacy of the moment._

_“Thank you, for today,” Carol whispered quietly as she lightly traced patterns against Maria’s side. “Thank you for giving me the opportunity to spend time with you.  Even if it was just planting flowers in Louisiana’s best garden.”_

_Maria smiled back at her wife, heart full, attempting to convey the happiness and love she currently felt.  Carol never had to thank Maria for being there, but she always did.  The other woman knew that it was Captain Marvel’s way of apologizing and pleading for mercy after disappearing for six years, for continuing to leave her family when she went on her journeys to space.  It was also Carol’s way of trying to show that no matter where she was, the hero would always be thinking of their little family._

_It made Maria love the blonde even more, if that was somehow possible._

_“Who would have known?  Captain Marvel.  The most powerful being in the universe and Louisiana’s best gardener?” Maria laughed at the wonderful absurdity of it.  “Able to create petunia arrangements that put even old Ms. Bradley to shame.”_

_“Shhh, no one can know.”  Carol pinched Maria’s side lightly, causing the other woman to let out a sharp giggle and a shriek.  They were both lucky that Monica had already moved out, otherwise the lovers would have had some explaining to do the next morning._

_“A girl never kisses and tells,” Maria winked.  Carol raised her eyebrows in challenge then moved up to place a soft kiss on her wife’s lips before promptly peppering her face with butterfly-light kisses.  Maria lets Carol indulge for a bit before gently pushing her away, gazing deep into her wife’s eyes as she did so.  No matter how hard Danvers tried to mask it, there was something else roiling underneath._

_“You’re leaving again soon, aren’t you.” Maria said softly.  It was wasn’t accusatory nor vitriolic, just a stated fact._

_“I can’t hide anything from you, can I?”_

_“Absolutely not, Danvers.”_

_Carol hummed in acknowledgement, still staring softly into Maria’s eyes.  She reached for the other woman’s left hand, linking their fingers together._

_“I got a call.  A small Skrull outpost has run into a rogue group of Ravagers.”  The captain ran her thumb over Maria’s ring, enjoying the physical symbolism of their bond.  “They’re about two weeks away from the planet where the Skrulls are located and intel states they’re planning to lay siege.  Apparently they’re working for some Kree extremists.”_

_“When do you leave?” Maria asked neutrally._

_“Ideally by the end of this week.  Sunday.”_

_“And realistically?” Maria probed, always aware that there had always been a difference between Carol’s ideal departure time and what the universe required of her._

_“Three days from now. So, Thursday.”  Carol put her head down, too ashamed to look Maria in the eye directly.  “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone either.  It could be anytime between a few weeks to months.”_

_A pause, though not uncomfortable, settled in between the women._

_“I’m sorry,” Carol murmured.  “I’ve only been back for three months and now I have to leave again.  I promised you that I’d stay for the summer so we could finally travel to Italy like we planned and—"_

_Maria pressed a finger to Carol’s lips, silencing her.  The pilot shook her head, a fond and exasperated smile on her features.  “Carol Danvers.  You stop that right now.”_

_“But—”  The glare that Maria shot at the captain immediately silenced her.  The voyager knew better than to argue with her wife when she was speaking._

_“No, you listen right here, girl.  I will always say this, no matter how many times you need or want to hear it.”  Carol stopped, immediately at attention and ready to listen to whatever wisdom her wife had to impart today.  “When I married you all those years ago, I knew I’d joined myself to a wanderer; someone who would always have their head in the clouds.  This only became more clear when you came back, with fire in your body and the ability to fly in space.”_

_Maria raised an eyebrow, making sure that Carol was following along.  “Your head isn’t only in the clouds anymore.  Now?  Now it’s also in the cosmos.  And Captain Marvel loves the stars.  She always will and I can’t stop that.  I won’t even try to.  But Carol Danvers?  She’ll always love her home and family.  And therefore I know that my Carol will always return.”_

_Carol nodded slowly as she started to tear up at Maria’s words.  Maria had always known what to say.  Even though the captain had heard variations of this speech before when things got tough, it always helped the voyager come to peace with leaving her loved ones.  It was just another way in many that Maria was her entire universe._

_“Come here, baby,” Maria whispered as she pulled Carol against her chest, wanting to be in as close proximity as possible during the last few days they spent together.  Before her lover returned to the stars.  The blonde burrowed her face between her wife’s breasts, finding solace in Maria’s love and body.  The space farer was once again reminded that she’d never be able to truly tell or show the other woman how important she was to her.  Nothing that Carol could do would ever be able convey that, even if Maria had always insisted that she herself was enough._

_The two women fell asleep in a shared embrace, their heartbeats synched to the same rhythm.  Carol would eventually wake first, preparing a delicious breakfast in bed for her queen, before they eventually spent the rest of the day lounging around together, talking quietly and simply relishing in their shared company._

_They would savor the last few days they had together by enjoying the small snippets of domesticity that passed them by.  Every moment precious from the big to the small.  From outings to the most beautiful cities and landmarks in the world to simply doing housework around the farm.  So long as they were together, any event was special._

_~~~~~~~~~~_

_ -2019- _

Carol looked down at Earth from the exosphere as the memory of that Louisiana spring day played through her mind.  She missed the beautiful mundanity of her life with Maria on this tiny blue sphere.  Carol’s life on Earth had been boring, the furthest cry from the high-flying space adventures she partook in when off soaring between galaxies.  But it hadn’t mattered, she had loved and yearned for that monotonous existence with all her being.  Because it had been _her_ boring.  _Her_ life with _her_ loves.  Maria and Monica had made living on this rock worth it simply by existing.

 

There was nothing left for her on this planet now.  Sure, Carol would visit Natasha, check in with the rest of the Avengers via conference calls, and help with major threats if needed.  But this rock was just one of many now.  It did not require her surveillance nor regular visitation and the voyager wasn’t sure if she would have answered the call anyways.  Earth had the Avengers still, they didn’t need her.  And she certainly didn’t need them.

 

Captain Marvel turned away from C-53 and away from the painful reminder of what she had lost, heading out of the solar system and into the rest of the Milky Way.  No longer tethered to any planet, or anywhere for that matter.  Nowhere held her heart, her universe.  The captain would find another way to honor her promise to her girls away from Earth.  She had to.  Even if she had to reach the depths of the universe to do so.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Year Two_ **

_ -Fall, 1999- _

_“Mom, have you seen mama?  She said she was going to go star-gazing with me tonight after dinner.” Maria paused from washing the dishes and turned around to see her—no, **their** daughter again—holding a star map in one hand and a compass in the other.  The sight made Maria’s heart melt.  It reminded her of what was before the accident all those years ago.  And how that had all come back now after Carol’s return.  It’s a sight that she thought she’d never get to witness again just a few years ago._

_“Mom?” Monica asked again, waving her hand in front of Maria’s face.  “Earth to mom? Hello?”_

_Maria smiled fondly at her daughter.  Monica had a streak of impatience that ran as far as it was wide; it was clear which parent their child had learned it from.  Even when Carol wasn’t physically home, there would always be small reminders of her around.  Monica was quite literally living proof of this._

_“Have you looked everywhere?”  Monica rolled her eyes exasperatedly and nodded.  Maria raised an eyebrow skeptically at her daughter.  Even though Carol had come back amnestic and with newfound powers after a six year absence and two and a half years of sporadic visits following that, at her heart, Maria’s wife was still Carol Danvers.  And old habits and instinct died hard.  So the woman knew there was one place where her daughter hadn’t even thought to search._

_“Yes, I’ve looked all over the house and outside.” Monica threw her hands up in exasperation.  “I even looked up into the sky to see if she was hovering above ground like she does when she gets impatient.  Nothing.”_

_“Have you looked in the attic?”_

_Monica did a double take, almost dropping her star-gazing tools.  “The attic?  Why would I look in the attic?” She sputtered, incredulous at the suggestion._

_The older woman stared silently back at her child, eyebrow still raised.  She could do this all day.  Nobody, not even the mighty Captain Marvel, could outwill Captain Maria Rambeau when she buckled down and held steadfast._

_It took Monica ten seconds for her to finally relent._

_“Fine.” She huffed, spinning around to head back up the stairs._

_Maria resumed washing the dishes and called over her shoulder.  “Tell Carol that I’ll meet you and her outside with some drinks later, okay?”_

_**********_

_As always, Maria’s intuition had been correct and Monica had found Carol rummaging around the attic, going through a variety of boxes with a perplexed expression written on her features.  Eventually the hero had uncovered what she was looking for: a very non-descript black case tucked behind a filing cabinet that was in a corner of the attic._

_The blonde’s face had brightened and she’d proudly showed her daughter the discovery.  An old_ _T_ _asco 9TE-5 60/700mm Starbrite Refractor, the only true gift Joe Danvers had given Carol during her childhood.  The captain still hated that man, but the lens had stayed with Carol all her life.  It had been its own boon when Carol was young.  A way to gaze up at the brighter hopes and dreams that the aspiring pilot had prayed she would one day be able to reach._

_Now that Carol could actually reach any of the stars viewed through this lens by her own abilities it had become somewhat obsolete, but the memories attached to the object made her keep it.  Besides, the voyager hoped that eventually she would be able to pass the telescope on to her own daughter and inspire the next generation of trailblazers.  It would only be right._

_The two troublemakers had ran out of the house, much to Maria’s chagrin as they left scuff marks on the floor, and set up the telescope in the front lawn where the views of the stars had always been the best.  Maria had found the pair staring up at the sky, Monica squinting through the telescope while Carol regaled their daughter with stories of her voyages between the bright lights.  Maria set down the cups and thermos of hot cocoa as she listened to what her wife had to say, sitting down on the blanket that Carol had so thoughtfully laid out._

_“See that constellation north to Aquila?  That’s Cygnus.  At its crossroads lies the beautiful giant Sadr.”  Carol sounded like a child on Christmas morning, eager to impart her knowledge and experience on their daughter’s brilliant mind.  “I remember floating around that star a few months back when I was trying to find a suitable source of energy to recharge myself.”_

_She pointed to another area in the night sky, gently directing Monica’s view to another part of the cosmos.  “The constellation just east of Cygnus?  That’s Pegasus.  Takes about two Earth days for me to reach the star that connects its front legs, Scheat.”_

_Monica furrowed her brow and looked at Carol, a skeptical look on her face.  “Wait, Scheat?”_

_Carol grinned, something absolutely juvenile.  “Yup, Scheat!  As in, it’s real Scheat-y that Mrs. Winifred won’t give you extra credit even after being invited to nationals for Model United Nations!”_

_The two let out guffaws of laughter, holding their sides as Maria could only smile and shake her head at her two loves’ antics.  Despite the childish display of humor by both of the brilliant women in front of her, the captain couldn’t be happier.  The return of moments like these, when the three members of this little family were assembled all in one place on a star-lit night, were the best of her life.  It was simple, all they had to do was love and be._

_“Alright you two,” Maria called out.  “I brought out hot chocolate for us.  Get your butts over here.”_

_Carol and Monica scrambled over to Maria, each of them grabbing a mug and taking a sip of the hot drink before it had properly cooled off.  The blonde was unaffected by the temperature, protected by her powers, but Monica let out a small squeak as the hot liquid burned her tongue.  They all laughed and then settled down on the blanket, sharing about their days and enjoying the time spent together._

_Maria reached out for Carol’s hand and was met halfway.  The pilots maintained contact as they both intently listened to Monica’s stories, in awe of what the young teen was already achieving at such an early age.  Eventually their daughter became muted and stared thoughtfully into her cup, swirling around the rest of the mixture before she asked Carol a very pointed question._

_“Mama what’s it like out there, up in space?”_

_Maria squeezed her hand and turned to give Carol a wistful gaze, which the blonde could see from the corner of her eye.  It was inevitable, really.  Their daughter, who looked up at the stars as much as Carol did when the she was younger, had two moms who that fought the Kree in the exosphere just a few years ago, and dreamed of flying just like her aeronautical parents, of course would want to know what flying was like.  What it felt to be free in the sky and even further up into the cosmos._

_Carol furrowed her brow, choosing her words carefully.  When she talked about her patrols with Maria, it was always excitement tinged with bitter melancholy.  Admiration of the infinite but with her reminiscing also imbued with hatred as it tore the voyager away from her family.  Even though Carol loved flying, it was always going be an internal struggle to choose between her duty to her loved ones and her duty to every other living being in the universe._

_Yet despite her personal struggle, Carol didn’t want to dissuade Monica.  Her daughter was young, full of hope, and had a bright future ahead of her no matter what she chose to do.  It would be wrong to try to convince Monica either way when the girl was only thirteen and had the opportunity to decide whatever she wanted to be._

_“It’s…quiet.  Peaceful in its own way.  During my patrols I often find myself simply floating in dead space, looking at the scenery and taking it all in,” Carol said softly.  She glanced over at Monica, who was leaning forward at apt attention as she absorbed every bit of information her mom imparted.  The visible eagerness on the child’s face made the captain smile._

_“The most beautiful things out there are the colors and seeing how other beings live.  There’s so many shades that put the ones we have on Earth to shame.  And some hues humankind hasn’t even discovered yet.”_

_“And seeing how other people live, their daily lives and events,” Carol shook her head and spread her arms out towards the sky, gazing at it in wonder too.  “It’s amazing.  How cultures have persisted across these galaxies and come together…not even the best science fiction writers could have imagined what it’d actually be like.”_

_“But all those views are nothing compared to when I’m here on Earth with you Maria.” Carol raised their joined hands up to her lips and gave Maria’s ring a tender kiss, staring deeply into her wife’s eyes.  “Eventually even the colors of the universe become dull once you’ve seen them enough times in a row.  There’s always a hunger in me for more than just the empty beauty of the inanimate objects in space.  Knowing that there’s a life, solid ground, and love waiting for you somewhere, that makes the journeys sweeter and more bearable.”_

_Carol winked at Monica, knowing exactly what to say to push her kid’s buttons.  “Even space can get boring, you know.”_

_Monica made a feigned sound of disgust and closed her eyes tight.  “No way!  Space is so much better than being on old, boring Earth!  You get to see different planets and new species, galaxies and nebulas bigger than our solar system!”_

_She stood up, one hand on her hip while the other curled into a fist and pointed upwards towards the sky, looking like quite the superhero herself.  “I would never get bored out there!  I could spend forever in the universe if I was able to!  And maybe I’d never come back, too!”  Monica pointed at her parents.  “Just you wait, you old ladies.  I’m gonna join you guys up there one day!”_

_The sight of their daughter yearning for the very skies her mothers had flew in hit Carol hard. The hero knew that she would do anything to make Monica’s dreams come true, to ensure her family’s happiness no matter the cost.  Realistically the captain acknowledged that it would take years for her to do this but for now, the voyager had a simpler solution._

_The captain cocked her head at her wife.  Maria must have already sensed what Carol was planning to do as she already had a small grin etched on her face before she gave the hero a small nod of approval.  It was all Carol needed.  The blonde stood up and then bent down slightly so that she was face to face with her daughter.  Danvers gave Monica a reassuring smile as the young woman frowned in confusion._

_“Hold on tight, Lieutenant Trouble.”  The captain gently grabbed ahold of Monica’s waist pulling her daughter to her side.  She beckoned to Maria, who got up and wrapped her arms around her wife’s neck as Carol wrapped her other arm Maria’s waist.  Once Carol was certain her girls were secure, she let the cosmic energy flow through her.  “Up we go, ladies.”_

_Monica gasped with delight as all three of them slowly elevated above the ground, the farm where they lived becoming smaller and smaller with each passing second as Carol floated higher.  Eventually her mama stopped, letting them hover hundreds of feet in the air.  The vantage allowed the women to view the surrounding Louisiana night, the lights and clouds peppering the landscape_

_They observed the scenery in reverent silence, enjoying the picturesque horizon and moment with their family.  It was beautiful but surreal.  None of the pilots would have ever thought it possible that they would have been able to fly without a machine.  Yet almost two decades after the soldiers had entered the Air Force, here they were.  Floating almost a half mile above the Earth’s surface, one of them a being imbued with the strength of an infinity stone.  What a difference a few years made._

_“This is… AMAZING!” Monica bellowed, raising both of her fists in the air excitedly.  Her moms laughed, jovial at their daughter’s pure enthusiasm.  She truly did belong in the skies.  It seemed as though the fates had decreed the Rambeau-Danvers clan as a family destined for the cosmos._

_“Once I get into space I’m never leaving!  I’ll be the best SHIELD pilot—ever!” Maria gave her daughter a feigned look of hurt as Monica laughed.  “And once I’m the best, I’m gonna fight with you guys in the sky!  Protect the Earth and be heroes, just like you guys.”  Their child nodded adamantly and both Carol and Maria knew that Monica would inevitably achieve this dream.  She was as unstoppable as both of her parents, after all.  They couldn’t wait to see what her future held._

_“Well alright then, Lieutenant.” Carol smiled as she gave each of her girls a quick kiss on their forehead.  They spent the next hour in the sky, marveling over the cities and stars, boldly planning their future adventures, no matter how eccentric or impossible they seemed.  For now, they had each other and their ambitions, and that was always enough._

_*****************************************************************************************************************************************************_

_ -Summer, 2015-_

_“Are you ready, Monica?  Or, should I say, Spectrum?”  Monica stopped gazing at the clear, blue sky.  She turned to look towards the source of the voice and saw Carol sauntering towards her.  The older woman was dressed in her signature red, blue, and gold flight suit, a proud grin etched on her features._

_Spectrum raised her right hand in a salute and stood at attention.  “Absolutely, Captain.”  While Carol would always be her mama in any other situation, on base the young soldier tried to maintain a professional relationship with her parents.  “All preparations are complete.  We are ready for departure when you deem it acceptable.”_

_“At ease, Lieutenant,” Carol laughed.  While she appreciated her daughter’s tact when they were working, the captain never wanted her child to feel like their ranks were something that should ever create distance between the two of them.  It was a far cry from what Monica had been all those years ago as a rebellious teenager.  Back when rules and regulations were ignored and earned an annoyed huff instead of strict and respectful adherence now that she was Spectrum._

_“There’s no need to be more uptight right now, Lieutenant.  You and I both know that it’s important to stay loose, both physically and mentally, before a space flight.”_

_Monica let the tension leave her body, and nodded.  Her mama was right whenever it came to voyages in space.  She took a deep breath in and refocused herself.  “Thanks for worrying about me.  I mean it.  But I’ll be alright, Captain Danvers.”_

_“I’m sure you will.” Carol moved to Monica’s side and joined her daughter in looking up at the sky.  “But even so, it’s natural to have nerves.  Especially when it’s your first solo flight in space.”_

_Monica shrugged.  “I mean, not technically.  You and mom will still be up there with me.”_

_“Only in an observatory capacity, Monica.” Carol said pointedly.  “If anything goes wrong of course I’ll intervene.  But for the rest of it?  You’re on your own, Spectrum.”  Her mama turned and reached out to squeeze the young woman’s shoulder, looking upon her daughter with pride._

_“You always said you’d fly amongst the stars one day, LT.  And now you’re doing it.  Saving the world in the skies.” Carol smiled and Monica could see her mama’s eyes glisten slightly.  “You’ve come so far and always with the brightest of spirits.  I don’t say it often enough but you make your mom and I so proud.  We couldn’t have asked for a better kid.”_

_Monica clenched her jaw in order to prevent herself from breaking down on the spot in gratitude.  Carol had always been a loving parent, even during her periods of absence on Earth.  The blonde was known to spoil her only daughter rotten and offer the young woman a kind word and advice as needed.  But when it came to Monica’s achievements as an agent of SHIELD and Spectrum, Carol had been relatively quiet in her praise.  Sure, Monica could see the approval in her parent’s eyes but Captain Marvel had rarely vocalized those feelings._

_It wasn’t that the young woman felt unloved, she knew that Carol would do anything to make her happy and keep her safe.  Rather it was the fact that Monica had hoped for the unbiased respect and approval of the legendary Captain Marvel based on her abilities alone, not only because she happened to be her daughter._

_Monica is about to respond to the compliment but is stopped when someone called out their names.  They both swiveled around to see Maria walking up to them, waving in greeting.  The pilot stopped in front of Carol and Monica and smiled._

_“Seems as though I can never get your guys’ heads out of those skies, can I?” She laughed.  Carol grinned and leaned over to give Maria a quick peck on the cheek._

_“I’ll leave you two alone.” Carol gave Monica’s shoulder one last squeeze before she turned to walk towards the plane._

_There was a brief moment of silence as Monica attempted to figure out how to greet her mom.  She needn’t have worried, however, because Maria quickly solved the conundrum for her.  The older captain held out her arms towards her daughter, inviting her in for an embrace.  “Come here, girl.”  Monica fell into her mom’s arms and reciprocated the hug, glad that she could speak to both of her parents before takeoff.  “You’ve got this.  Heck, you were born for this.”_

_Monica nodded, grateful for Maria’s calming words.  “Thank you, I couldn’t have done it without your support.”  Maria hummed her assent.  They held the embrace for a few more seconds before they stepped back and simply stared at each other, both of them wondering where the years had gone._

_“You would have done it even if Carol and I weren’t here.  It’s in your blood. You wouldn’t have given up no matter what.  You were always going to achieve this dream.”_

_Monica didn’t know how to respond to her mom’s appraisal, so she simply saluted in response, causing her mom to laugh and shake her head.  “I’m sure Carol told you to be at ease.  So be at ease, Monica.”_

_Monica nodded, recollecting herself and subtly shaking out her limbs in an attempt to lose her last nerves.  Before any of them could speak again, a SHIELD announcement blared over the intercoms, indicating that they needed to wrap up their conversation._

**_ATTENTION.  ALL PERSONNEL CLEAR THE RUNWAY AND LAUNCH PAD.  I REPEAT.  ALL PERSONNEL CLEAR THE RUNWAY AND LAUNCH PAD.  DEPARTURE IMMENINENT._ **

_“That’s my cue to go.  We’ll see you in space, Spectrum.” Maria turned heel and walked back to the craft, leaving Monica alone with her final thoughts.  It was time to leave behind her fears, anxiety, and doubt._

_The young hero had completed dozens of missions beforehand, many of them more dangerous than the test flight that she was going to complete today.  And she had the endorsement and approval of SHIELD’s two most influential agents.  Spectrum’s parents were more than confident in her capabilities, and Monica knew that her parents would have stopped her from completing this mission if they didn’t think she’d be successful.  If they had absolute confidence in her, then so should she._

_Monica looked back over her shoulder one more time to see Maria board the catwalk of the craft, her partner at the top of the lift to greet her.  The two wives shared a chaste kiss and a hug before Carol stood aside and gestured for Maria to enter.  As Maria walked by Carol, the blonde swatted her wife’s rear, waggling her eyebrows suggestively as she did so.  Instead of chastising Danvers for her behavior however, Maria gave the other captain a grin and a small wink of approval as they headed into the cockpit and readied the spaceship for take-off._

_The sight caused Monica to roll her eyes.  Even after all these years her mothers still acted like teenagers who had never left the puppy-dog stage of their relationship.  Despite the second-hand embarrassment the young hero often suffered due to her parents’ antics, she couldn’t help but feel happy for their love.  They had both gone through so much, sacrificed and given up everything for this world and the countless others that existed in the universe.  If anything, her moms deserved to be a little embarrassing once in a while._

_A burst of static reached her comms, alerting Monica to the fact that it’s time for them to leave._

_Carol’s voice rattled through the radio.  “Ready, Spectrum?”_

_“Affirmative.”_

_“Alright, we’ll meet you at the final coordinates.  Good luck, Lieutenant.”_

_**********_

_“Do you think she’s okay?”_

_“Yes, I do, Carol.”_

_Carol hummed and nodded, staring out towards the starscape that littered the horizon near Alpha Centauri, the mission’s rendezvous coordinates.  Maria and Carol had arrived at the massive star after a couple of hours at hyper speed, nearly reaching the speed of light.  The pilots had been awaiting Spectrum’s arrival for the last hour, the blonde growing progressively more nervous as the minutes ticked by._

_“I’m gonna go outside, look around.  Maybe she got lost.  I’m pretty sure that I calibrated her navigator correctly but…” Carol murmured as she rubbed her chin, brow furrowed in concentration and worry.  Maria would have thought the sight cute if it hadn’t revolved around their daughter.  The SHIELD pilot wasn’t necessarily worried about Monica, after all she was a better navigator and pilot than both of her mothers had been.  However Maria couldn’t ignore the simmering pit of anxiety that was slowly growing to a boil as time passed by.  Being back on Earth would be the best remedy for the tension that permeated the cabin._

_At the moment, however, Maria knew she needed to be a calming force for the both of them.  She reached out and grabbed Carol’s forearm gently, giving it a light squeeze.  “She’ll be alright, Carol.  I know it.”  Carol swiveled her chair towards Maria, her brow still furrowed.  The blonde was still visibly worried but Maria could feel the tension leaving her wife’s body, so her words were having some effect.  “Monica is arguably the best pilot and navigator that’s ever worked at SHIELD.  Even before she became Spectrum.  I have no doubt that she’ll get here soon.”_

_“Besides, Carol,” Maria chuckled.  “It’d be a waste to not enjoy this beautiful view of Alpha Centauri.  You don’t take me out to space very often so sights like this are something to savor.  When we finally decide to retire,” she looked pointedly at her wife who was listening attentively.  “I’m counting on you to find me a nice little planet out here so that I can have panoramic views of nature and the heavens whenever I want.”_

_The last part was said in jest, a way to add brevity to a somewhat tense situation.  Maria had told Carol multiple times that she would always be fine on Earth, no matter how long that may be._

_“A planet wouldn’t be enough for you, baby,” Carol whispered reverently.  Maria could only stare quietly when she saw the sincerity deep within her wife’s eyes.  “Neither would a star, a solar system even.  No, a woman—goddess—like you deserves more.  I’m going to find an entire galaxy and claim it for you.” Maria gasped, at Carol’s declaration.  It was simple and left no room for doubt._

_Carol pulled Maria’s hand to her heart, on top of the gold star that was at the center of her chest.  The suit’s biometrics responded to Maria’s proximity by making the emblem glow a soft gold.  “We’ll be able to travel amongst its planets, stars, asteroid belts, and everything in between at our leisure.  It’ll be our family’s well-deserved paradise, for eternity.”_

_“Carol…” Maria is about respond but she is interrupted by a bright flash zooming in from a warp point, indicating the arrival of Spectrum._

_“Mom!  Mama!  Holy shit!” Monica jovially screeched as she flew up to the front of the space ship, all formalities lost.  “That was…fuck!  That was amazing!  I’ve never flown so fast!  Light just seemed to bend to my will, as if I was a part of the universe!”  The hero zoomed away from the craft, drawing light patterns in the sky as she soared across the dead space in celebration._

_Monica’s mothers smiled with pure joy, ecstatic to fully witness their daughter’s first space flight.  Spectrum had fully embraced her powers when she received them and to see the young woman come into her own was one of the greatest moments of pride for the hero’s parents._

_Once Monica had sufficiently tired herself out, they all piled into the ship, ready to head home.  As their daughter slept in the back, Maria had reached out and intertwined her fingers in Carol’s, relishing the quiet and beauty of flying at warp speed.  They would soon have to face the bustle of being on Earth and their duties to the universe.  But for now they could simply enjoy the company of each other, relish in the love that they shared; full of hope for what the future held, in space and otherwise._

_~~~~~~~~~~_

_ -2020- _

The two sides of the hero, Carol Danvers and Captain Marvel, had always been in conflict with each other.  And nothing represented that battle better than the void of space itself.  The universe used to be a beacon of hope and reprieve for Captain Marvel, while also being Carol’s greatest source of sorrow and regret.  It was tragic when she really thought about it. 

 

Space allowed Captain Marvel the freedom to use her full powers, uninhibited, and without having to worry about potentially hurting anyone as collateral.  The hero was able to throw herself into simply being an efficient and brutal fighting machine that solved problems across galaxies.  Life as a hero was simple, undisturbed, and under her complete control without input from anyone else; she never had to answer to anyone but her own conscience.  No one could control her out in space and when compared to the restrictive upbringing she had as a young girl, it was everything the star traveler wanted.

 

At the same time however, the dead space of the cosmos haunted Carol Danvers with the knowledge of what she was leaving behind whenever she left Earth.  It reminded the woman that traveling amongst the stars took her away from the two people that she loved more than anything else in the entire universe.  It told Carol of the countless events missed with her family and friends because she was too busy fighting for strangers millions of light years away.  Even if it wasn’t by choice it still didn’t change the end result: every time Carol left, she was still abandoning her family.

 

The hero and the human remember seeing all sorts of visions during her quests across space.  And while usually these facets were in conflict, they could both reach an agreement when it came to her family.  All of the sights paled in comparison to Maria’s ethereal beauty both inside and out.  None of them gave her the same joy as to when she was a mother and mentor to Monica.  Nothing in this universe ever would.  This knowledge always made the call of Carol Danvers’ life on Earth overpower the wanderlust of Captain Marvel—but it would forever be a delicate and precarious balance.

 

Whenever the memory of Monica’s first solo flight in space replayed through her mind, it made the captain feel at peace.  Spectrum’s inaugural journey was one of the few times where Carol had felt the two sides of her being become synchronized and fall into perfect harmony.  When the conflict subsided and her humanity and power were at peace with one another.  It proved to her that Carol Danvers and Captain Marvel didn’t always have to be at war.

 

At the time, as Maria and Carol watched Monica zoom around Alpha Centauri, Captain Marvel had reflected on how the love of her family would always bring her back.  The voyages the warrior embarked on as the universal hero were always enthralling, a way to test her abilities and strengthen her body and mind.  However, the prospect of reuniting with her family at the end of a mission was a reward that made any duty as Captain Marvel pale in comparison. 

 

But in the summer of 2015, the hero had realized she could have it all at once without having to give up anything: the thrill of the mission along with the love of her family combined in one single life.  It was selfish, she knew it, but did a god not deserve a reprieve when they pleased?  A sanctuary only for herself and those most precious to her?

 

In that moment she’d recognized that the Rambeau-Danvers clan could be together as Carol flew from world to world.  Monica and Maria could finally see what Captain Marvel did with their own eyes.  And Captain Marvel would never have to worry about leaving her universe behind.  The warrior would always have them with her. 

 

That possibility had never been more real, more clear.  Their family could have had it all, _she_ could have had it all.  Countless future discoveries, journeys, and battles with her super-powered daughter and nearly immortal lover always by her side.  Carol Danvers’ future had never been so bright, so full of love.

Only five years later, that hope and excitement had been ripped away from her in a single moment.

 

Space used to be so beautiful, a reminder of the treasure waiting for her at home on Earth.  A representation of what her family’s future held when they were finally ready to move on. 

 

Now it was just emptiness, another task to complete, a dark hollow void not unlike what was slowly consuming Carol from the inside out.  And as the captain traveled across the horizon at the speed of light, she worried that eventually Carol Danvers would be swallowed up by this hollowness, never to be seen from again.

 

* * *

 

**_Year Three_ **

­ _-2021-_

When Carol Danvers was young, she thought that death was a sudden, unknown event.  One moment you’re there and the next, you’re gone.  But age, experience, and time had taught the young woman that death wasn’t as much of a black box as she had thought.  More often than not it was often a slow, premediated event that took an agonizingly long time to complete.

 

The soldier remembers the first time seeing this at age ten when she watched her maternal grandmother waste away from lung cancer.  Her grandmother had never been a robust or particularly healthy person, but the younger Carol had watched in fear as the other woman had slowly deteriorated and became a miserable husk before she died.

 

And now Carol, over fifty years later, can feel the same process happening to her too.  It wasn’t physical in nature, but rather a complete dissolving of who the woman was.  Every day bits and pieces of herself were being shorn away and destroyed, lost into the ether where the Disappeared were banished for eternity.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Whenever the captain was fighting in space or traveling between galaxies, she rarely took a true reprieve.  Captain Marvel never needed to, anyways.   The hero had discovered relatively early on in her free-style voyages that ‘feeding’ off of massive energy sources could easily sustain her basic needs.  It was efficient, easy, and facilitated her duties whenever she was in the cosmos; fewer breaks meant that Carol could achieve as much as possible in the time she allotted for her duties as Captain Marvel.  And even when external energy sources happened to be scarce, her body’s near infinite durability and internal reserves still managed to be enough to maintain the hero.

 

When Carol was back on Earth however, she would often need help from her family to relearn how to eat and sleep like everyone else.  A strong, southern upbringing inspired Maria to make sure that three square meals a day were prepared on a strict schedule and bed times honored.  But the readjustment to human patterns of living always took a few weeks for Carol to manage.  The hero had to constantly break the instinct to simply stand in the sun for a few minutes in order to completely recharge.  

 

But Carol’s family had always been patient with her, making sure to keep the captain focused whenever her head was stuck in the cosmos.  Maria and Monica had never found her to be a burden or a lost cause either through it all.

 

The memories of Maria’s cooking and sleeping next to her wife in their bed would often resurface in Carol’s mind as she partook in meals with grateful peoples she helped after the Decimation. They would be so kind, welcoming Captain Marvel into their homes for respite in order to share stories, warmth, and temporary lodgings.  The hero appreciated the gesture and would kindly accept their hospitality but always made sure to maintain at a professional distance at the same time. 

 

Every lodging she had stayed in since the snap had offered genuine reprieve for the often weary captain.  But Carol hadn’t let herself be fooled.  None of them were ever going to be enough.  It was never the same as arriving back in Louisiana with Maria and Monica waiting.  It was just a nameless pitstop, a blur of faces that she would soon forget on her countless travels.  It wasn’t home, _her_ home.  Her true refuge no longer existed.

 

And so as Carol Danvers bid farewell to her current makeshift space hotel, spending a few nights with a host family after saving a local mayor from mercenary attacks, she knew that this would be the last time that Captain Marvel ever accepted anyone’s invitation to stay.  The captain would no longer join the locals to celebrate and enjoy the comforts of a home.  There were more important matters to attend to anyways after the Decimation, mingling amongst the masses would only hinder her progress.  A god needed to be alert, diligent, ready to battle at any time and anything delicate could potentially derail this.

 

It would be the last time Carol Danvers ate a true meal or slept for the next two years.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Captain Marvel dedicates herself to fighting, to being the universal Avenger.  It’s the only solace she has in the cold, vast cosmos.  The only thing left that could distract her, even if temporarily, from all of her torrential grief and loss.  Battle is at least a constant, it has a familiar rhythm that would exist for years before her time and afterwards, no matter who her opponent was.  It was never going to be the cure that would fully heal her.  Rather, war and conflict would have to be acceptable balms used to close the wound just a little.  And that was all she could do at this point.

 

The god in her loves the fighting, yearns for and determinedly pursues it.  The relentless brutality is cathartic and allows the hero to escape her fears and fulfill her destiny as a universal weapon of righteous balance.  If Captain Marvel was the only person that existed within her being, the former Starforce member would have at least been satisfied and somewhat content with her current existence.  But Carol Danvers had a chasm in her heart that could not be filled, no matter how free she seemed to be in space.

 

Despite the majestic sights of the universe, Danvers’ soul contained a hollowness and was screaming for something more than the endless black horizon.  The woman wants to connect again, return to her humanity that she can feel slowly slipping away from her.  She misses being vulnerable, gentle, in love.  Captain Marvel had made sure to distance herself these last few years from any connection—how could she be the ruthless savior if she allowed a chink in her armor?  Yet Carol Danvers yearns to re-establish her bond with her daughter and wife.

 

The human misses guiding Monica throughout childhood and beyond, to finally teaching their daughter as Spectrum how to be a hero and use her powers correctly.  She misses simply being and spending time with Maria.  Maria, who never just saw her only as Captain Marvel but rather who she was in her entirety.  She was the only woman that allowed and accepted Carol Danvers’ humanity, encouraged her wife to forget the burden of being the universe’s appointed savior—even if it was for a small amount of time.

 

The hero had achieved feats previously thought to have been possible in stories and myths only, never obtainable by any being that lived or breathed in the universe;  Captain Marvel had done that and more as pure power personified.  However to Maria Rambeau, she would always be Carol Danvers first.

 

As Captain Marvel, she was regarded as the most powerful being in the universe by countless civilizations across the galaxies she visited.  But while the populaces appreciated her, they would never truly love her for who she was.  To them she was a tool, a saving grace, a god.  And so Captain Marvel could never show any signs of vulnerability in front of those she aided, lest they turn against her when they discovered she was as fallible as anyone else.

 

But it had always been Maria who allowed Carol to be vulnerable and gentle in a way that no one else could.  Who had made Captain Marvel feel powerful without having to use her physical strength or the near unlimited cosmic energy that powered her very being.  She was mighty simply because she was Carol Danvers.  As long as she was loved by Maria Rambeau, Carol Danvers knew she was always going to be the most powerful being in the universe.

 

With Maria’s death, however, she is no longer certain that this is the case.  Captain Marvel’s raw strength is still undeniable.  Her feats and reputation precede her, and even with a universe thrown in chaos after the Decimation, it is well known not to cross the captain.  Yet there is an instability behind the monolith she meticulously presents to the general public—it would be so easy to shatter the illusion.

 

Physically the captain was still indomitable, unstoppable, ultimate.  But internally the hero was falling apart.  There was a roiling storm that continuously battered at Carol’s mind and heart.  The voyager was losing love for herself, the woman that Carol Susan Jane Danvers was.  How could anyone adore someone who had failed to protect the universe and their family when they had the power to topple gods?  How could Maria look her in the eyes after her inability to stop Thanos?

 

They are questions that the human cannot answer, and ones that she isn’t sure that she wants the answer to anyways.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Carol hurts all over and she’s pretty sure that her suit and hair are unsalvageable, covered in an uncanny amount of blood and grime.  But the captain knew that she was minutes away from a victory, and that encouraged her to endure the pain and blaze towards triumph. 

 

Captain Marvel had been engaged in a battle against a respectable fleet of Deviants for four days, attempting to stop them from kidnapping a group of Kree scientists who were researching groundbreaking weapons and energy technology.  The Deviant ships had surrounded the small floating base in siege formation with the intent to kill and take hostages and paraphernalia alike.  With no one to turn to after the Decimation, the Starforce was already spread thin and wouldn’t have been able to offer timely support, Carol’s former enemies had desperately called for assistance from the wraith that had torn apart their noble empire. 

 

While the captain had no love for the Kree in general, she was savvy enough to know that the situation currently outweighed old grudges.  If the powerful Deviants managed to hijack the Kree’s advanced machinery and best scientific minds, the lives left after the Decimation would be in dire straits.  Carol’s hands had been tied behind her back, she had no choice but to aid the hapless scientists.

 

As of now, there was only one massive ship left, and Captain Marvel intended to destroy it and everyone on board.  It was a brutal decision and one the hero did not take lightly.  But the woman was a soldier by training and pragmatic in nature.  The billions of innocents that would be put at risk if the hostiles succeeded outweighed the lives of a few aggressive Deviants.

 

The remaining invaders had taken refuge in the vessel’s war room, regathering themselves before they launched a final attack against the vengeful hero.  In desperation, the attackers planned to turn one of their massive plasma cannons on the research lab, threatening to destroy everything and everyone unless the hero backed off.  With Captain Marvel out of the way, the Kree scientists and their gadgets would be free for the taking, their domination ensured.

 

The Deviants never even got the chance to leave the room.  As they wrapped up their battle plans, the solid metal door that guarded the only entrance to the hub began to light up and melt as the sounds of fists against metal rang through the ship.  None of them were able to let out a scream before them and their ship were all incinerated by a blast that rivaled that of a supernova.

 

**********

 

The Kree scientists had offered Captain Marvel temporary refuge once they had seen the state of their savior.  Carol appeared so obviously bloodied and spent after a difficult battle against such formidable adversaries that the ill will between the two parties dissipated for the moment.  The workers provided her with a small housing pod for short term use, which would allow the hero to regain her strength before she returned to the depths of the universe.

 

Before she entered the station, however, the captain managed to transport herself to a nearby white dwarf.  She attempted to recharge for a few minutes before a wave of exhaustion made her lose focus and almost float away.  At that moment Danvers knew that she was in no state to continue to move without physically resting.  The captain had to accept that what she had already absorbed would need to be enough for now until her internal injuries and fatigue were resolved.  For now, she needed to head back.

 

When she returned to her quarters, Carol found a new Kree Starforce outfit at the foot of her bed.  Cleanly pressed and imbued with all the latest technology.  A gift from the scientists for saving them—and also a necessity.  One too many hits from the Deviants’ plasma cannons had caused irreparable damage to even the Kree’s impressive technologically-laden flight suit.  And while the blonde genuinely appreciated the gesture, the black, green, and silver color scheme made her stiffen slightly as it reminded the weary woman of her misdeeds as Vers, the Starforce enforcer and cosmic weapon.

 

The reminder of what the star meant made Carol reel.  The captain sat down on the bed and placed the new outfit on her lap, getting used to the feel of it.  The voyager took a moment to appreciate the new suit’s weight, then ran her fingers along the metallic, silver trim and nanotech-laden fibers.  It was surreal to look at this uniform again, newly minted from the manufacturer.  It felt too, well, everything really.  Too original.  Too heavy.  Too pristine.  Too alien.  There were no markings or blemishes on this suit, no memories associated with it, absolutely nothing that distinguished it at hers.

 

It was quite literally a blank slate.

 

The captain frowned and pulled out the chain underneath her suit, gazing longingly at the ring on its end.  She held the precious band between the thumb and forefinger of her right hand, rubbing the metal between her fingers before giving it a lingering kiss.  Carol continued to gently run her digits over the ring as she pondered the significance of changing her look.  It was almost ridiculous to put so much thought into an outfit, yet Carol’s daughter had helped design the very suit that she would wear for over twenty years.  Changing something so meaningful would never come about easily.

 

The current outfit Carol was wearing had represented an era in a way.  From when she was lost, to when she was found, and then back to being lost again; a literal physical bookend.  It had first indicated her time as the cruel, unrelenting, and amnestic Vers.  A Kree soldier eager to blindly serve an empire that terrorized vulnerable civilizations across countless galaxies for years. 

 

Conversely it also was a marker of when she had reclaimed who she truly was and freed herself and the oppressed nations from the overarching Kree empire—the red, blue, and gold a sign of rebellion.  She had personally ensured that the Hala star had transformed from a symbol of tyranny into a newly universal sign of hope in the form of Captain Marvel.  When she had become the savior of galaxies, and most importantly had rediscovered her identity as Carol Danvers and her family years after being forcibly ripped apart from one another.

 

But she wasn’t that woman anymore.  Hadn’t been since the death of her family.  Since Carol Susan Jane Danvers had begun to disappear.  Now the outfit she had on no longer represented a great hope.  Instead the tattered uniform she was currently wearing marked the period in life of the hero’s greatest failure and loss—when the captain had lost her very soul.  It was time to shed the being the captain once was and instead embrace the endless, fighting wanderer she would now forever be.

 

Danvers took off the old suit and then donned the new one, looking at herself in the mirror once she was done.  The captain isn’t quite sure who stared emptily back at her, but it certainly isn’t the woman she was just a few years back.  And so the hero decides to reflect this metamorphosis in her flight suit.  Carol made sure to keep the same color scheme, honoring her daughter’s creativity and input from all the way back in the 1990s, but reversed it and darkened the shade of blue.  Captain Marvel would still be recognizable even from the ground, but the new look would signify to everyone who saw it a changing of the guard in a sense.  A new beginning for their savior.

 

To Carol it would signify leaving her past behind.

 

Her hair is next to change.  It was so matted in blood, hers and the Deviants’, that it wasn’t too terrible a decision to make and it would have been easier to cut than clean at this point anyways.  Yet the captain was also attempting to shed any extraneous attachments, relinquish any superfluous comforts that could deter her goal to be an unstoppable and efficient battle automaton.  Even the smallest of trivialities would have to be forgotten if she were to completely achieve this goal.

 

The final flourish to her new look comes from a piece of the old outfit.  Sentimentality gets the better of the captain and she adjusted the blue on her old suit before removing a part of the nanotech fabric and tying the swatch around her new uniform’s belt.  The only keepsake from her past life that she would carry with her; a representation of Monica’s hopes and dreams kept at her side for forever.

 

**********

 

Captain Marvel took three days to rest and recharge, isolating herself off from the Kree scientists save for checking in on them periodically to make sure they were okay after the attack.  Even over twenty years later, the hero was reluctant to make nice with the race that had brainwashed her into their mindless killing machine. 

 

Once the hero had determined that she had made a complete recovery and her reserves were back to their full capacity, Carol bid the workers farewell and thanked them for their gifts before blasting off into the void.  She didn’t bother to look back.

 

As she left the outpost, Carol moved to activate her helmet out of habit but paused once she remembered that she hadn’t bothered to decorate the head piece.  The captain doesn’t plan on using it as part of her uniform for the future, there’s no need to anyways.  After all there’s no longer an identity to hide, no one to protect by obscuring her true self.   There’s nobody on left Earth who was at risk if someone figured out her human name and life. There was simply nobody.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Captain Marvel finds her family’s galaxy in the deepest reaches of space, where almost no one traveled.  Hundreds of millions of miles of dead space surrounded this location, leaving it wonderfully isolated from anyone.  From afar, it was one of the most beautiful galaxies she had ever seen.  A smear of beautiful pink, purple, and gold pastels in a perfect swirl that spanned millions of miles in distance.

 

The voyager performed recon over the entire galaxy by using her seventh sense to scan strategic coordinates across the starscape and, save for a handful of planets that contained extremely benign and primitive species, found the galaxy essentially devoid of any sentient life.  While Carol had wanted to gift her wife and daughter a piece of the cosmos, she had also wanted to avoid playing colonizer.  The captain had already gotten too much experience with that role when she was a Kree Starforce member.

 

Eventually, after meticulously combing the system’s planets and moons, Carol had found a world that approximated the size of C-53 and contained an atmosphere extremely rich in nitrogen, carbon, and oxygen.  It would have made a perfect home base for any carbon-based species.  It would have been perfect for Maria and Monica.

 

The planet she had discovered was similar in look to C-53 from above, save for a more vibrant foliage color palette and greener waters.  But even with its relatively alien colors, all scans pointed to it being a suitable planet for humans.  A glance of the planet from its exosphere struck Captain Marvel with an emotion that she hadn’t felt in over two years: homesickness.  It had been far too long since Carol had actually set foot on solid ground that actually felt right, normal.

 

Carol found a slice of heaven on the planet, a sanctuary near a river bed, surrounded by trees and mountains where each night, visible from the ground, an aurora borealis danced across the twilight sky.  The land around the plot had an idyllic view that would have cost a fortune back on Earth.  Yet here it was priceless and untouched, full of potential of what could be. 

 

She kept the planet a complete secret and unnamed.  Giving the world a moniker without her wife’s blessing and approval seemed sacrilegious.  However the planet still served as her sanctuary during her travels in space after the Decimation.  A refuge for the captain when things got too intense even for a being like her.  A place where no one would be able to find her and where Carol could find some peace in the turmoil that constantly battled within her.

 

Whenever the captain returned to her hidden Elysium, Carol would lay down on the small parcel, listening to the running water from the nearby river as she watched the lights dance across the horizon.  Staring at the beautiful skies from her new planet always infused Danvers with a pervasive sense of melancholy despite the surrounding peaceful environment.  It was all a reminder of what Carol had lost for her future.  This planet, this land could have held everything she’d ever wanted after the soldier eventually retired from being Captain Marvel.

 

Now this new world only held dreams of what could have been.  The sheer emptiness of the planet, though majestic, only taunted Carol with her loss and failure.

 

On nights when Carol found herself alone on her sanctuary, the hero would close her eyes and meditate, pondering about the future that should have been hers.  She dreamed of how she could have had a life here with her girls, peaceful and unbothered once the universe had moved on.  Carol could have had everything she ever wanted had she not failed those that put their unyielding and undeserved trust and love in her.  If only she had been able to protect everyone from Thanos and prevented this tragedy ever happening.  If only Carol Danvers had been better.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

It’s the aftermath of one her missions that truly destroyed whatever remained of Carol Danvers. 

 

Captain Marvel had managed to save a small survey ship of traveling A’askvariians out in an asteroid belt in the Andromeda Galaxy.  The green aliens had been desperately trying to evade a horde of Kree Starforce fighters for days, weaving in between the large rocks for cover; but the net had been closing in before Carol intervened.

 

After the destruction of the Kree empire, the A’askvariians had been one of the multitude of races that were considered ‘freed’ from Kree dominance, made official by many a signed treaty.  But the Decimation had significantly weakened those political agreements due to the lack of established governments and there was a multitude of public figures willing to take advantage of this in order to further their own agendas.  Many rulers now interpreted treaties more lackadaisically and had been utilizing aggressive squadrons and political maneuvers, reverting back to actions not seen since the empire.  The A’askvariians, who were pacifist in nature and training, were woefully unprepared for a Kree bombardment—and the Starforce fleet was well aware of this fact.

 

Carol, well experienced in Kree battle tactics and physically unfazed by their weapons, had managed to easily destroy the near entirety of the small Kree battalion.  Once she had defeated the invaders, the soldier had sent a few survivors back to Hala to ‘gently’ remind the former colonizers that any further violations of their treaty would be met with Captain Marvel’s full retaliation.  Carol had then manually transported the A’askvariian’s ship back to O’erlanii with the intent to alert the peaceful race of the weak treaties and new Kree threat due to the aftermath of the snap.

 

Instead of being welcomed with gratitude for saving the civilians however, Captain Marvel had been received with anger and disdain, the glares of the usually peaceful aliens cold enough to freeze even her.  Many of the tentacled beings had told her never to return and blamed the hero for the tragedy that befell theirs’ and everyone else’s civilizations.  Someone with her might could have easily stopped all of this, stopped them from losing their loved ones too.

 

To add insult to injury, the captain had already terrorized the A’askvarii over three decades ago as Vers, and the people were not easy to forget past transgressions.  Her actions as Captain Marvel, especially with the decimation of the Kree empire, over the past two decades regained some of their trust in her, but they had still been wary of the fiery being that proclaimed itself a ‘savior’.  Many of the native O’erlanii had been waiting for her to fail, to break again and cause untold destruction to their people.  And for those who doubted Carol their fears had come true even if she hadn’t been the one to actually use the infinity gauntlet.

 

Any attempt to explain herself had been drowned out by enraged aliens who wanted the warrior off of their planet for good.  Someone who had failed all life in the universe no longer deserved to be welcomed by anyone anywhere.  The inhabitants of O’erlanii hadn’t been the first planet to sneer at her help, but their past history had made this snubbing particularly painful.  Captain Marvel found herself being torn apart, the satisfaction of saving others ruined by old wounds that she thought healed now seared open once again.  There was no escape from her actions, past or present.

 

As the hero faced the wrath of even the peaceful A’askvarii, she realized the true weight of what her failure as Captain Marvel had meant to people all across the cosmos.  Captain Marvel had been a symbol of divine and righteous justice.  An actual physical embodiment of a hero meant to replace the legends of gods and saviors told by countless civilizations across millions of planets.  She had been an infallible deity to worship and place hope in.  But none of them had known the other side of the being.  The human side, the one that wasn’t quite as invincible as the warrior that flew at the speed of light between galaxies.

 

To everyone else in the universe, save for Maria and Monica, she was just Captain Marvel and nothing in between.  Known only as a monolithic hero whose sole job was to protect everyone without fail.

 

But Captain Marvel had lost.  She had failed.  And therefore everyone else did too.  And when a god failed in its duty to protect its people, only the deity deserved the blame.

 

The cruel reality is that Captain Marvel was truly alone in this universe with no one left to understand her.  No one left to forgive her.

 

There is no one who will ever remember her as Carol Danvers once enough time has passed by, as life continued on Earth and those that knew the human died off.  Eventually, the captain would be truly alone, for an eternity.  She’d only be a legend, a distant hope, but never a person.  And that is when the hero realized that she no longer needed to hold on to anything human other than the memories of her family.  No one would care who the captain was anyways besides solely acknowledging her as the universe’s savior.  And so the warrior then decides to finally let go completely, forgoing her humanity entirely, letting herself get lost in the stars as Captain Marvel.

 

In the year 2021, Carol Susan Jane Danvers dies.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Year Four_ **

_ -2022- _

During her travels throughout the cosmos, Carol had seen how easily power corrupted, destroyed, and broke other people.  Even the best of men and women, when granted near unlimited power no matter the scale, had the potential to fall from grace.  The captain had first-hand experience of dismantling tyrannical dictators and empires alike across the universe—and how newly democratically elected leaders could soon become tyrants themselves.  Carol had taken out far too many of the latter for her own liking.

 

Even the most powerful beings of the cosmos, those who had god-level abilities like her, were not immune to the call of _more_.  Captain Marvel had clashed with too many of this sort, which often resulted in swathes of destruction across the stars.  These gods meddled in the affairs of planets and mercilessly tormented the helpless citizens who happened to inhabit them in order to increase their own abilities and influence, or even worse simply because they could.

 

It had been the cosmic-level threats that had started out mortal like Carol that stood out to her the most.  Eventually enough time passed for even them to lose themselves and forget their origins, grown cold and jaded at seeing so much death and weakness through the years.  The captain had seen how easy it was for that to happen, for the callousness towards life to slowly fester and multiply before one’s selfish desires for complete control took over.  They had always been the warning signs for Captain Marvel, a model to avoid. The captain’s life at home with her girls was especially crucial in helping to keep the hero honest; Maria and Monica would always prevent Carol Danvers from ever going astray.

 

But it was an eternal struggle, the battle between power and self-control.  One shared by beings small and large alike.  And as the warrior had learned first-hand, power often won out.

 

_ -Winter, 2016- _

_She’s being followed.  Some may call Carol paranoid but the white streak closely shadowing her told the blonde otherwise.  And the warrior hadn’t survived in space by ignoring her instincts._

_Captain Marvel has been tracked in space before, often by foolhardy rogues who were stupid enough to think that they were fast and powerful enough to actually capture or kill her.  Those that contained the arrogance to embark on such a suicide mission would find themselves in body bags if they were lucky, critically maimed and made a warning sign of what happened when one crossed Captain Marvel if they weren’t as serendipitous._

_This time however, it’s different.  The warrior’s seventh sense had allowed Carol to confirm that the being following her for the past few months is not out to maim her, at least not initially.  Instead Carol had noticed that this person had been following at a distance, not to plan an attack but to simply observe; meeting up with her in the different coordinates she traveled to and hovering at a distance without moving in.  Danvers had confirmed this by purposely traveling to locations in space where there was nothing significant, only to be met with a strange spaceship a few hours later, which always ended up floating a few hundred feet away from her._

_Her shadow wasn’t the only one who could do their recon from afar.  The hero’s seventh sense had told her many things about her fellow, unwanted traveler.  There were no weapons on her trailer’s vessel, no massive crew to try to take her down in numbers, and no extremely technologically advanced equipment either.  Minus the odd, ovoid shape of the vehicle, it was completely unremarkable—except for the presence within that she had stumbled upon during her initial sensory scan._

_In the ship, if it could be called that, was a massive source of pure power and energy all contained within a single corporeal form.  Not unlike the captain herself.  It intrigued Carol, and she knew that her stalker was powerful enough to give even her a challenge if they came down to blows._

_As it were, Captain Marvel was getting tired of beating around the bush and wanted these games to end.  The two forces were simply prolonging the inevitable confrontation that was destined to occur—the soldier simply wanted to hasten it along._

_Carol stopped her trajectory suddenly and pulled up, waiting for the fellow traveler to appear in her vicinity.  She had purposely chosen a location where there was nothing but dead space; if they did end up battling the hero was hoping that fighting in an empty arena would at least minimize any possible collateral damage.  It may put her at a temporary disadvantage as there would be no nearby reliable energy reserves, but the captain was confident that she could handle it._

_The warrior tapped into her seventh sense, which she had already activated several jump points ago, and waited for the unmistakable energy surge to appear near her coordinates.  It took longer than usual for the signal to appear, and the delay let the captain know that her shadow had witnessed a change in her flight patterns.  It didn’t appear to stop them completely however, as Carol’s seventh sense immediately detected a ship that was careening straight towards her._

_In response to the possible attacker’s increase in acceleration, Captain Marvel fired off a massive blast of energy that radiated around her for hundreds of feet as a warning sign to the incoming ship to cease their approach.  Or face the consequences._

_The wave of cosmic power had been enough of a deterrent for the other traveler to stop only a few dozen feet in front of the captain, hovering in front of her as she glowered down at the mysterious relic.  They remained in a stalemate for a good minute, each waiting for the other to relent and leave._

_Carol readied herself to send out another massive blast of energy but was stopped when the front of the craft, she could hardly call it a door, slowly opened.  A metal gangplank unfurled from the entrance, welcoming the soldier into whatever lied beyond.  Danvers squared herself up, hesitating before she entered the ship.  All her instincts were screaming at her to stay vigilant, to be aware of all of her surroundings at every moment; for all the blonde knew she may as well have been walking into a trap._

_But the allure of the journey and the unknown had always called out to Carol Danvers, and she wasn’t about to cower now.  Especially not when she had the ability to move planets with a single hand and absorb the energy of supernovas.  If Carol wanted to know her stalker’s motivations, boarding the ovoid ship would be the only way to discover them._

_Captain Marvel floated down onto the plank, landing soundly as she stalked towards the entrance of the ship, wisps of energy dancing around her body to prime her for anything that the warrior may encounter.  Carol braced herself, ready to face the worst.  Yet when the captain finally entered the main area what she stumbled upon was unlike anything she had prepared for._

_Instead of a ship filled with statuesque machines and cold, dark metal, the architecture of this strange place looked as though it belonged to the inside of an elaborate and comfortably furnished art museum.  White, elegant, and swirled beams were imbued by a strange golden light that surround the area, adding a mystical and peaceful ambiance.  Amongst these structures were cushions and chairs that looked as soft as the clouds on earth.  It was clear that the ship was built for comfort, not war, and this discovery confused Captain Marvel even more._

_If this ship wasn’t made for battle, transport, or journeys, then what was it for?  And why contact and follow her over such distances?_

_“Marvelous, isn’t it?”_

_Carol spun around, eyes and fists glowing as she entered into a combat stance, ready to defend herself from the mysterious follower.  She looked around, attempting to find a source of the disembodied voice.  The layout of the ship had made the sound echo and bounce amongst the walls, scrambling her elite hearing as it struggled to pin down a location._

_“Easy now.  Wouldn’t want to cause damage to such a beautiful ship, would we?”_

_“Where are you?” Carol growled.  “Show yourself!”_

_“No need to get so aggravated,” the voice got nearer and the captain was finally able to pin down a central source that seemed to move towards her eight.  “We’re all friends here, aren’t we?”_

_“I’ll ask one more time,” she barked.  “Show yourself or I’ll start blasting holes in the walls.  I’ll be generous and give you a count to three.”  Carol raised her right fist, letting blue and yellow light concentrate at its apex as she aimed it at the nearest barrier.  “One, two, three—”_

_“Alright, alright, alright.  You got me!  Hold up.”  Carol watched as a portly, grey-haired, and bearded older man slowly revealed himself from behind a pillar, his hands up with a playful smile on his face.  “Let’s not get rowdy.”_

_The captain slowly lowered her fist and narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the human.  If he could be called that.  A more accurate description would be that it was **something**_ _wearing a disguise that only looked like a human male.  There was something off about him and as Captain Marvel let her seventh sense unfurl and analyze the man, what she detected only raised her guard more.  Outwardly, the being in question appeared almost normal and had a disarmingly kind face that was clearly a way to welcome one in.  But if one squinted closely they’d be able to see that the cheerful, benign façade was belied by the cruel, arrogant, and malicious pools he called eyes._

_It’s what was contained inside that truly piqued Danvers’ curiosity, however.  Carol’s extrasensory ability had determined that what lied within the husk was powerful, raw energy. It only appeared to be a part of something much larger though, as if the being was astral projecting from a core location.  And when the captain traced the source of the energy she found something that awed her._

_It was not lost on Captain Marvel that there was a distinct possibility that neither of the two titans would survive this encounter if they somehow entered battle against the other.  Carol was certain that she could destroy the other being if she were incredibly careful and methodical in her approach; but the risks were too high at the moment.  Especially without any massive reserves nearby._

_His voice brought Carol back to the present and refocused her.  There was no way she was going to let her guard down around this, thing.  This Celestial.  This monster._

_“…I prefer a bit of your guys’ Earth gin myself but what can you do? ” he shrugged his shoulders.  “Can’t be too picky when you’re up traveling in space all the time.  Anyways, I’m being a rude host.  What can I—”_

_“Why are you following me?” Carol interjected, strafing around the man and staring him down.  “You’ve been watching me for the two months while I’ve been in space.  You have to know how dangerous I am.  And what happens to those that threaten me.”_

_“Ah, straight to the chase then,” the man nodded and sat down in one of the wide chairs, gesturing to one of the ones nearby for the wary captain to sit on._

_“I’m good, thanks.”_

_“Suit yourself.”_

_Once the man had settled into the recliner, he rubbed his generous beard.  The Celestial thought for a moment, most likely also wondering about his odds if they had to fight.  He had determined it may become a distinct possibility as the captain had seen right through his front._

_The man cocked his head at Carol, a wry grin on his face.  “My name, is Ego.”  The Celestial had added emphasis and then a pause after his name, all very much in character to the namesake.  “And, as I’m sure you already know by now, Captain, I am a Celestial.  A being as old as the universe itself.  Omnipotent, omniscient.”_

_“Maybe you’re not as omnipotent and omniscient as you think you are.”  Carol narrowed her eyes, a sardonic look plastered on her features.  “After all, you’re coming to me for help, I presume.  Not the other way around.”_

_The man cocked a brow at Carol, a flash of irritation flickering across his features before it was quickly stomped out and replaced again with his falsely cheery demeanor._

_“True.  True, I won’t deny that.  But think of it this way, Captain Marvel: many would be blessed beyond their wildest dreams to work for someone like me.”  Ego pointed proudly at himself, a smug smile written across his features._

_“I don’t work for anyone, Ego.” Carol said simply._

_“That’s not what happened when you were a member of the Kree Starforce.”  He shrugged.  “I remember hearing stories of how happily you served them.  The destruction and death you caused in the name of their empire.”_

_At those words, Captain Marvel’s body glowed bright, responding to the rage she felt bubbling below the surface.  It was only the distant echo of Maria’s wisdom about being the bigger woman no matter what that stopped her from charging at the Celestial.  If the captain reacted solely out of anger right now, she would ruin any chance she had of determining what Ego wanted from her and what his endgame was.  Even worse was the threat of possibly entering into a month’s long battle that could result in both of their demises.  That would leave Maria and Monica vulnerable, unprotected, and alone.  And that was unacceptable._

_Danvers clenched her jaw and willed the external flowing lights to subside, calling upon her less visible extrasensory ability instead.  She usually used her seventh sense for recon, not precognition.  But this situation required her to pull all the tricks from her bag, even if it temporarily drained her.  Captain Marvel was dealing with a Celestial, she would need every advantage she could get.  This battle would not be won on sheer might alone._

_Carol allowed herself to equilibrate and tapped into the natural beat of the universe, searching for the strands of Ego that reached into the past and future of time’s eternal flow.  A flash of images burst behind her eyelids, revealing bits and pieces of the Celestial’s life.  Fire, a bright burst, a conscious emerging from the ashes of creation.  Formation of a host that could hold the essence of a god.  Yearning, for something, anything.  Frenzied romantic nights with countless, nameless and faceless women resulting in numerous offspring that spanned across the universe.  A beautiful, blonde woman, whose smile lit up something inside the god he had never felt before.  The birth of a bright-eyed boy with caramel hair, a spark within the child that had the potential to light up the universe._

_The glowing images were quickly replaced by darkness, ugliness.  Broiling hatred for the life on Earth that held the Celestial back from achieving the destiny set forth for him billions of years ago.  And ultimately the end of his very anchor to C-53, spurred by the death of the blonde woman he ‘loved’—by his own hand.  Then hunger that was endless, enraged, and consuming while the boy’s face ran through his mind on repeat like a scratched record.  Finally, nothing—just dust and disappointment._

_It was so much, almost too much.  Captain Marvel could feel herself start to dissociate and she knew she needed to pull herself back, lest the hero remain vulnerable to Ego’s machinations.  She managed to reach out with her right hand and ran her thumb and forefinger along the outline of the wedding band that was hidden underneath the fingerless gloves of her flight suit.  The heavy metal tugged at Captain Marvel’s very core and Carol could feel her soul slam back into her body, causing the soldier to re-orientate to her surroundings.  The warrior’s head pounded something awful, but now she knew what Ego sought, and the Celestial’s inevitable future._

_As she came to, Danvers could tell that Ego’s face had fallen slightly when the god realized that his emotional bait hadn’t worked.  There was no time to gloat, however.  Captain Marvel gave the man an unreadable look, cocking her head to one side as she took a minute to figure out how to vocalize the visions._

_“You’re…looking for something aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question.  They both knew that Captain Marvel had managed to figure out what drove the Celestial.  “Your activity before stalking me wasn’t one of a conqueror but that of a wanderer who’s looking for something specific.  A boy, perhaps?”_

_Ego gritted his teeth.  “That damn seventh sense of yours.  I knew that you were going to use it.  I should have set up—”_

_Carol ignored him, continuing her press.  She had him on the defensive, which is exactly where the captain wanted the man to be.  “But you can’t find him.  Someone or something has hidden him from you and they did it well.  And now you need help finding that child.  To help you complete something inside of you.”_

_“What is it, Ego?” The warrior stepped closer to the disgruntled Celestial.  “What could possibly be so important as to hunt a child all across the universe?  To beg for the help of someone like me?  Someone whose raw power eclipses even yours?” Carol crossed her arms and let herself hover a few feet above the ground, feeling more confident in her position as the seconds ticked by._

_“You’re young, so I’ll forgive you for your ignorance,” Ego hissed as he stood up from the armchair and stalked towards Captain Marvel as she floated comfortably in his ship.  The being walked right up to the glowering blonde, shoving a finger in her face as he attempted to posture Carol into submission.  “But as cosmic beings, Captain Marvel, we’ll never be satisfied with staying still for long.  Gods like us?”  He gestures between the two of them.  “The drive for more power, heck for just **more** of everything, will always call to us.”_

_“But there will always be those that get in our way and see us as monsters for simply doing what we were destined to do.” Ego began to pace as Carol followed the man with her eyes.  He was like an animal in a cage.  Whatever he was planning had clearly been delayed far longer than preferred._

_“And that is?” Carol asked._

_“To rule over others.  To take what we want when we want it.  And to impose our will if needed be.”_

_Carol’s brow furrowed at his response.  The Celestial continued however, oblivious to Danvers’ disgust.  Too caught up in his own dreams of grandeur as he tried to woo her over to his plan. “Now, it doesn’t have to necessarily be malicious, obviously.  Certainly you know first-hand that imposing your will on others can be beneficial.  After all, what did you do to the Kree empire in order to save the Skrulls?”_

_“Think of it.  Think of what we could do if we joined forces.  Those that we could save and those that we could claim dominion over to expand our power and abilities like the gods we are.  It would be so easy.  And it could all be ours, as it rightfully should be.”_

_“I don’t need to rule, Ego.  I don’t even want to rule,”  Carol said simply, shaking her head. “I already have everything that I could ever need and want.”  The captain shrugged in an attempt to hide her disgust at his greed and avarice.  “Besides, I’d never trust anyone who would kill their own life partner simply because they were deemed an inconvenience.”_

_Ego’s face darkened, and for the first time something truly ugly openly crossed his features.  “I loved that woman, Captain Marvel.  You dare question that?”_

_Carol shook her head, frowning as she did so. “No, you coveted her.  There’s a difference.”_

_“Meredith understood!” Ego bellowed, enraged.  In all his recon he hadn’t pegged the warrior to be as astute in reading people as she was.  “She knew that I belonged to the stars!  That I had dreams that went beyond the Earth!  And she knew that my dreams always came first above all.  I know that my Water Lily would have accepted her role in the grand scheme of things to make me happy.  Just like your partner does for you, Captain Marvel.”_

_The god sighed exasperatedly and rolled his eyes, flabbergasted to the challenge he was dealing with.  He acted as if his cruelty was justified._

_“The love you have for your wife will only hold you back from your true power,” he spit out.  “It makes you weak, unable to fulfill your complete potential.”  Ego clenched his fist, shaking it at her in a gesture that was almost comical, his frustration becoming more apparent.  “You’re wasting your time with her.  Even with the Kree blood transfusions she’s shockingly mortal, weak.  You and I both know that.”_

_Carol stiffened, bracing herself against the insecurities she knew that the man was using to try and break her.  “Think, Captain.  Think about what taking absolute power could mean.  You would have the ability to grant true immortality to **any** woman in the universe.  You would never have to answer to anyone, and your time would never have to be divided between the stars and that C-53 shithole you call home.  Heck, you could have a whole harem of women at your beck and call.  You’d never need to worry about that woman holding you back—"_

_“No, Ego.” Carol snarled, ending his tirade.  For the second time in just a few minutes the captain restrained herself from reacting violently.  The hero could withstand slander when it was directed at her, traveling from planet to planet required her to grow thick skin after all.  However she would never accept it when it was thrown at her loved ones.  “No.  Like I said earlier, I have everything that I could ever want.  I don’t need to have absolute power to get it either.”_

_The Celestial stepped back as if slapped, astonished that Captain Marvel had the gall to say ‘no’ to someone like him.  “You’ll never be able to achieve your destiny then, Captain.”_

_“I already have.  I’ve got enough power to protect the most vulnerable in our universe and, most importantly, my loved ones.  That is all I need.”  She moved in and made sure to hover over the smaller man, emphasizing their height difference.  It was petty, Carol was aware, but it still made her feel better.  “I’m where I need to be, Celestial.  The same can’t be said about you, however.  Something,” she tapped at her head and winked patronizingly at the god, “tells me that your lust for power will only destroy you.”_

_“And what is that supposed to mean?”_

_The soldier stared him down quietly, raising an eyebrow at his behavior.  After a moment, Carol turned heel and began to quietly glide back to the entrance, done with Ego and his antics._

_“Come back here and answer me!”_

_Captain Marvel didn’t respond and instead blasted a hole in his ship and zoomed away from the Celestial.  She could still hear the last few words the god had for her as the warrior created distance between her and the megalomaniac._

_“You’ll regret this you fool!”  Ego yelled, knowing full well he had lost this battle of wills.  “There will come a day, Captain Marvel, when the complacency and laziness in your abilities will make you lose everything!  I only hope I’m there to see it.”_

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_ -2022- _

Captain Marvel was refueling, siphoning off the heat and energy from a red giant in the middle of nowhere when the memory of her clash of wills with Ego rattled suddenly and violently through her mind, causing the hero to pause and break from ‘feeding.’  It startled and confused her as to why this memory was resurfacing now.  The hero had shed the memory from the forefront of her conscious long ago after the Celestial’s death by the hands of the Guardians of the Galaxy; just as her seventh sense had predicted on the titans’ fated meeting. 

 

Danvers couldn’t deny she loved the fact that she had triumphed over a Celestial, even though they hadn’t actually traded physical blows.  Yet while she had won the confrontation, Carol despised the memory to her very being.   The hero hated how she had let Ego control where they had met.  She hated how Ego had been allowed to rant and eventually blaspheme against her wife for far too long.  And she hated how the maniac had made such terrible presumptions about her. 

 

Most importantly Carol hated how in the end, he had been right about her all along.

 

Captain Marvel yearned for ultimate power and control—and she would do anything to get it in order to bring back her family.  A far cry from the woman she was four years ago.

 

It had only taken six short years since their meeting, a small blip in her eternal lifespan, for Carol to finally understand why Ego had so desired ultimate power.  And now she could completely relate to the deceased Celestial, partially empathized with him. 

 

Carol had attempted to justify her thoughts of power over the last few years with the love she had for her family.  She wanted power not because she simply wanted control but rather to protect those who most mattered to her.  The captain tried to tell herself that there could be no way she was similar to a man who had sadistically killed even those he loved for his own personal gain.

 

Yet no matter how hard she tried to rationalize it, the warrior knew the end result would be the same whether she had taken absolute control with good intentions or not.  But even with that knowledge and wisdom, there was a small part of her that still attempted to find a way to condone the idea.  And that terrified her.

 

Because deep down, Carol knew she understood the core instinct to impose her complete dominance and control over the universe; and the reality was that part of her yearned for it.

 

Because the strongest being in the universe hadn’t been able to protect her family, even with all of her immense cosmic power.

 

Because the powerful Captain Marvel was terrified, distraught, and completely and utterly alone with nothing left to truly anchor her back to her humanity.

 

And four years after the death of her loved ones she realized that absolute power could have been the answer, her saving grace.  It could have prevented all of this and, conversely, Carol was well aware that it could be the way to bring everything she lost back.

 

The temptation to at least try had been a powerful draw these last four years.  Ego’s desire for complete and undeniable omnipotence didn’t seem as asinine now.  Especially when one’s end goal was so close to being completed and was tearing at the seams to be let out. 

 

Like Ego, Carol had a dream that would require obtaining absolute power, no matter the cost.  Their motivations may have been different, but there was a similar selfishness shared amongst the two cosmic beings.  The allure of being able to do whatever, whenever one wanted in order to satisfy their needs and wants was an instinctual undercurrent that ran through both hers and Ego’s very core. 

 

The terrible realization for Carol was that it would be far too easy for Captain Marvel to have the entire universe at her mercy.  To force civilizations all across the cosmos help her find a solution in order to reverse the Decimation, and bring back what she had lost.  The captain could easily raze nations, planets, and galaxies to the ground, conscripting the masses to whatever her will and whim was.  There was no one alive in the universe who would be able to stop her if the captain decided to delve into the very depths of depravity to bring her family back.

 

This hunger she feels is slowly consuming her, twisting and turning within from the inside out.  Perhaps she’s prolonging the inevitable fall from grace into madness by willing herself to continue nobly through this grief.  Her downfall may not be today, but there’s no guarantee that it won’t be a few decades from now.  After all, Captain Marvel quite literally has all the time in the cosmos to just think.

 

It’s terrifying, and more often than not Danvers’ mind is a mess of broiling, ugly emotions that cause the captain’s head to feel as though it were being destroyed and torn apart from the inside out.  Carol would like to say that these moments of grandeur, narcissism, and arrogance occur rarely, but now she finds them happening more and more often.  And the hero doesn’t know how to make them stop.

 

During the these fits of megalomania she’ll find herself disgusted by her own rage, hopelessness, and greed. But the warrior’s knowledge of Maria and Monica’s disgust, betrayal, and disappointment at her potentially abhorrent actions would be by far the greatest shame and pain she’d face if she ever lost control.  It’s enough to hold her back—for now.  And so she restrained herself, kept herself responsible for her own actions.  If not for her sake then for her loves’. 

 

She’s worried about the inexorability of time, knew how it always won.  And without the presence of her family by her side, Carol is afraid that even she will eventually fall victim to the emptiness and cruelty that had previously consumed other beings like her.

 

It will always be such a thin line, one that Captain Marvel was treading the edge on.  The soldier has barely been able to deal with the loss for four years, barely able to withstand the pain.  She wonders how she’ll deal with it for an eternity.

 

* * *

 

**_Now_ **

_ -2023- _

_It’s been a half decade since the Decimation.  Since half of all life in the cosmos was successfully wiped out by Thanos and his cruel ambitions.  Since Carol Danvers had lost her entire world._

_Her years have been filled with empty, meaningless faces and fights that were simply blips, barely registered by a woman who had been in a trance for years.  So many beings hated the captain yet needed her help at the same time.  The  constant dichotomy angered the warrior.  It had prevented her from finding a mental sanctuary from the finicky citizens she served._

_Sure, she could simply fly off and sequester herself away from the rest of the universe and spiteful denizens on the safe haven she had found.  But it wouldn’t change the fact that their words would still rattle continuously through her mind even when she was millions of light years separated from everyone.  The hatred and despair she saw on so many faces wherever she went, made the captain heavy with grief.  It was all so inescapable, with no reprieve for anyone._

_The soldier wondered how Maria and Monica managed to withstand such grief for six years, especially when her fate had been so ambiguous.  She supposed that Maria and Monica had the support of one another during the period when Carol was on Hala, fighting for the Kree; they hadn’t been alone when they had each other.  They had hope, and people who still loved them and were there for them in their darkest days.  Captain Marvel doesn’t have any of that while she’s mourned for five years.  She only has herself and space, and neither are enough to help her._

_At least when Carol had been gone those six years as Vers she hadn’t known what she had lost and was trained to be numb towards any emotion.  But now, after ridding herself of the Kree brainwashing and the identity of Vers, Danvers could feel everything.  And worst of all, the captain was acutely aware of what had been taken from her this time.  Ignorance had not been a boon for the pain like it was for those six years._

_Carol doesn’t know if she can take it anymore.  The cruelty without clemency.  Without hope or absolution.  And so she goes up into space and contemplates running away from it all.  Building a cabin on her new planet where no one would ever find her as she lived out her eternity alone, bitter, and undisturbed._

_It’s Natasha Romanoff’s face on her communicator that makes building log cabins on faraway planets look asinine.  Especially when her family has a chance to come back from the ether.  Especially when it’s a chance to save her and everyone else._

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

**_Now_ **

Carol really can’t believe it.  She doesn’t want to believe that the news received on her communicator is true.  But the assassin had never proven her wrong before.  Natasha had been the only positive constant in the voyager’s life for the past five years, and Carol knew that if there was a way to help the Avengers, and help the assassin personally, it would have to be up to her.

 

And so when Natasha Romanoff told her to come back in order to help potentially reverse the Decimation and correctly save the world this time, Carol knew it was time to stop sulking.  To cease the downward spiral of doubt and guilt that would eventually consume her entire being whole, Captain Marvel and all.  She needed to have hope, just as Maria and Monica had all those years ago.  To ignore that would be to disrespect them, and they would never forgive the hero if she did that.

 

The captain rushed through the cosmos at light speed, desperately trying to get back to Earth as fast as she could  As Danvers neared C-53, she can start to feel the inklings of true hope blossom in her chest, take root and spread like a weed until a whole host of other emotions start to arise.

 

The warrior will do whatever it takes to make this dream a reality.  To right the wrongs of her arrogance and weakness.  And she’ll start by helping the Avengers reverse what had been done by Thanos.

 

As Captain Marvel entered the Milky Way, only one thing rattled through her mind as she prepared to battle with the Avengers for the fate of the universe: Carol Susan Jane Danvers will live again.  No matter what the cost.  No matter what it demanded of her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyyyy guys! Sorry for the weirdness but I was having a hard time figuring out how this chapter would go. Anyways, I didn't plan to write out the final battle in Carol's perspective with such detail but I should never plan like that, should I? I'm always too wordy...
> 
> So, anyways, this chapter ballooned to around 15,000 words and I really want to delve into Maria and Carol’s reunion. So while they will be seeing each other again in this chapter as promised, the aftermath of their reunion will be posted in the next chapter (Chapter 6). Because of this, there’s going to be another chapter added, which is going to bring the total chapter count up to seven (7). That also means that the big smut scene is being pushed back, too. Sorry! But I wanted to write some pure Carol/Maria fluff in this story, and I think that Chapter 6 will do just that. Chapter 7 will be the smut and everything else!
> 
> I do have things planned out, despite the increasing length. I know that I've been saying that this will be short and sweet but I'm an idiottttt.
> 
> Again, sorry for the ballooning word count and the fact that the smut has to keep on being pushed back. I just want to give you guys a good, fleshed out Danbeau Endgame fic and unfortunately, combined with my wordy ass, it just builds up!
> 
> General notes about this chapter:  
> -The first flashback is key and there will be some parts that will be followed up in the next chapter (possible future fic if there's more material that comes up from it).  
> -I'm sorry if my updates are becoming a little more sporadic, life is gonna get a little more hectic in a few months so I'm going to try to get the last two chapters out within the next month. But don't hold me to that, okay????  
> -Also, sorry if Carol seems so angry and arrogant in this chapter. But this has been a battle that's been five years in the making and she needs to take it out a purple alien. And rightfully so. He did take away her entire family from her.  
> -Finally: I know there seems to be some loose ends but I swear that I'm planning to have as many of them come together as coherently as possible. It's the limitations of fan-fiction and updating at an unpredictable schedule. I've gotchu, guys. ❤️
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are much appreciated but not required to enjoy the fic! I do this for fun, stress relief, and for self-validation! ;)

  ** _Fall, 2014_**

_She’s falling.  Falling, falling, falling.  Falling so fast and so far that Carol’s entire body is alight, literally on fire from the heat of atmospheric entry._

_As the captain continued to plummet towards the hardy Louisiana soil, the hero looked over her shoulder, indifferent to the ground as it loomed larger with each passing second.  Captain Marvel didn’t bother attempting to fly, she wasn’t worried about the inevitable, earth-shattering collision.  The soldier had survived much more devastating accidents before this one anyways._

_Carol turned back to look at the night sky, admiring the stars and finding peace in the whistling of the heavy southern air as she tumbled ever closer to the Earth.  The voyager hoped the crater that would be left behind won’t be too conspicuous, that the sound made when she crashed doesn’t bring in an entire local investigation as her return visits sometimes do._

_Her mind is empty, clear of any thought or reason.  Danvers’ last tour had demanded nearly everything from the captain and almost tore her soul clean in two.  Even a battle-born warrior like Captain Marvel knew that a small part of her had been ripped away and destroyed, never really to be recovered. The acknowledgement made Carol go limp.  The soldier doesn’t care where she landed and what damage would result from her trajectory._

_Captain Marvel felt the ground buckle and relent as the warrior slammed into the empty field that separated the Rambeau-Danvers property from their neighbor’s.  She only hopes that Maria won’t be too angry at her for flattening a corner of the Sorensons’ corn fields as collateral._

****

~~~~~~~~~~

****

_She can’t sleep.  Maria Rambeau has always been the best sleeper in their household, but for the past two months Morpheus sneakily eluded her._

_The blue, alien blood running through her veins maintained both her stamina and mental acuity, thus enabling Maria to remain almost fully functional as she remained in a state of near constant exhaustion.  But even a Kree-enhanced human eventually tired out after only getting a couple of hours of sleep a night for a prolonged period of time._

_However despite the burden that currently weighed on the mechanic, she still couldn’t find respite tonight.  And so Maria Rambeau found herself rummaging around her kitchen at 1 AM, making a mug of hot cocoa for herself so that she would have something to drink while she sat on their front home’s front porch and watched the stars._

_The pilot knew the reason for her continued unrest, why she hadn’t been able to settle down these last two months.  No amount of star-gazing would be enough to hide the chilling undercurrent of worry that had plagued her existence for two months.  No hot cocoa would be able to stifle the fact that her wife had gone completely off the grid without any warning since their last call back in late July.  Now it was September and Captain Marvel’s whereabouts were still completely unknown._

_It would have been enough to keep anyone awake._

_Carol almost never went completely dark and when she did, it was always a planned event that she alerted Maria and Monica ahead of time to.  The blonde was steadfast and religious in her desire to keep her girls updated with what was happening when she toured in space.  And the hero would never deny that she needed the regular check-ins too.  Being separated from her family was never easy; knowing they were only a hologram call away was a boon that kept the mighty Captain Marvel at peace while the soldier was out in space._

_So Maria knew well enough that for her wife to go dark without warning was indeed alarming._

_But the SHIELD pilot knew that Carol Susan Jane Danvers fought to the end, was aware of the immeasurable levels of Captain Marvel’s raw power.  And so the pilot trusted that her wife would return in once piece._

_She had to.  There could be no other alternative, it was unthinkable, anathema to what Maria considered reality.  A life without Carol wasn’t living at all.  Maria had already experienced that pain and it was something she never wanted to feel again._

_Maria finished making her hot chocolate and stepped out onto the porch, sending out a quiet prayer and a message of love to her partner.  She sat down on the small swing, letting the sounds of the Louisiana night lull her into a peaceful trance as the woman lost herself in thought.  It was beautiful, and the pilot hoped that Danvers would be back soon to enjoy more nights like this with her._

_The captain heard the treacherous descent of the voyager well before she saw the impossibly bright streak that fell from the heavens.  The hero was on fire, the energy that emanated from her filled the night sky with a glorious display of light.  It appeared as if god herself had taken a brush and painted the sky.  It would have been beautiful and mysterious, had it not been her wife falling out of control, on course to hit the merciless ground._

_Maria stood up from the swing, letting her mug drop and shatter on the porch floor.  She could only watch helplessly as the fire crashed down into a nearby field with a boom that reverberated through her very body and caused the ground to shift slightly with the impact._

**_Carol._ **

****

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_The fastest mile ever run by any human was 3:43.13.  Luckily for her, Maria Rambeau is no longer like any other human.  She makes it to Carol’s location a little over a mile away in 1:45.57._

_The captain saw the smoldering crater and cautiously approached.  While she was almost completely certain that it was her wife within the pit, Carol had always warned her to be careful.  Occasionally even Captain Marvel had her own dangerous and relentless pursuers who would go so far as to follow the hero back to her home world.  The threat of villains who were eager to exploit **any** of Carol’s weaknesses was always a real possibility._

_Maria stopped at the edge of the depression and slowly peeked over the top, searching for whoever had created the bowl.  She hadn’t bothered to bring a flashlight.  The pilot didn’t want to attract more attention and with her enhanced senses, it would have been redundant anyways._

_The captain utilized her elite eyesight to quickly scan over the abyss and saw nothing that worried her.  Once she’d determined that the coast was clear, she then focused on attempting to extract both Carol and any other evidence before curious bystanders happened upon the two of them._

_It wasn’t that the SHIELD pilot was worried about being caught—whenever Maria or Monica were near Carol they were never in any true danger.  But the soldier had a hunch that if anyone else besides Danvers’ family approached the downed Captain Marvel in her current physical and mental state, they would have been at risk for being blasted away.  Judging by the damage done to the Sorenson’s field, the space voyager was past caring about collateral at this point._

 

_She found Carol buried under a couple of moderately sized stone slabs that had rattled lose and collapsed on her immobile form.  Maria sighed and slid down the edge towards her wife, shaking her head in fond exasperation.  The pilot had no real concerns about Danvers’ invulnerability but knew that even Captain Marvel had a limit; if the soldier hadn’t gotten up already she must have been exhausted._

_Maria walked up to her partner and easily lifted the heavy rocks off the warrior, smiling gently down at her wife as she did so.  “Girl, what have I told you about landings like this?  You’re going to scare our neighbors again.  Don’t you remember the last media circus that happened when you left a crater?”_

_Carol’s face remained emotionless, unreactive to Maria’s playful needling; the only sign that the blonde had heard her wife was the slight movement of her eyes as they met the other pilot’s.  The lack of a response from Carol made Maria’s heart drop and she knew immediately that Captain Marvel wasn’t just tired—at least not physically.  There was something else that ate at the hero.  From just looking at Danvers’ eyes alone the other woman knew that whatever currently pained her wife had put the other captain through hell and back.  And had done so without completely returning all of the woman Maria loved._

_“Oh, Carol…” Maria said softly as she kneeled to gently cup her wife’s face with a hand, using her thumb to lightly stroke the blonde’s cheek._

_Maria was so soft, so understanding that it hurt the fallen hero to her very core and she couldn’t help but let out a few silent tears of gratitude and grief._

_“I’ve got you, Carol. I got you.” Maria scooped up the limp blonde and sprinted back home.  The pilot never took her eyes off of the other soldier’s face as she carried her wife back to their house without breaking stride even once.  It was the longest mile she ever ran._

~~~~~~~~~~

_Maria could hear Carol showering in their master bathroom, the sound of water splashing against porcelain a calming tune for the worried pilot.  The SHIELD agent needed her partner to be active, it proved that there was at least **something** left inside of her wife.  That Carol Danvers hadn’t been completely lost amongst the stars.  It was a small thing but a shower was a good start, a way for Maria to initiate the process of bringing her partner back to the present._

_Upon their return to the Rambeau-Danvers abode, Carol had essentially wandered around the house in a daze.  The voyager’s head was still lost in the cosmos as she reminisced over whatever she’d witnessed during her most recent patrol.  Only Maria’s soft pleas for Danvers to rest had managed to bring Captain Marvel back to the present.  The warrior’s harsh and impassive front had softened considerably and the captain acquiesced her wife’s requests.  Carol could never deny Maria anything when she asked so gently._

_And so here Maria found herself, apprehensively waiting in their bed for Carol to return so that they could finally debrief about what had happened over the last two months.  It was strange, eerie.  The blonde was only a few feet away in their bath but the space separating the two women may as well have been the distance of an entire universe.  For the first time in a long while, Maria found herself genuinely afraid for her partner’s well-being._

_The soldier had no doubt of Captain Marvel’s goddess-level strength and power, she’d seen it multiple times firsthand even.  And so the SHIELD agent rarely committed her brain to worrying about her lover’s return—there wasn’t anything they knew of that could ever prevent Captain Marvel from returning to C-53.  Nothing would ever again interfere with the hero’s desire to return home when she was done with a patrol.  The voyager’s experience, resolution, and sheer omnipotence ensured this as an absolute truth._

_But Maria knew all too well that underneath the ethereal spectacle of Captain Marvel was still just a human, **her** Carol Susan Jane Danvers.  Powerful on her own even before cosmic energy flowed through her veins; a human who was willful, brilliant, and good beyond all reason.  _

_Yet her wife was still so, so vulnerable.  Carol was familiar with the horrors of battle, had experienced harrowing moments before and after she became a super-powered being.  But even the hardiest of soldiers had their limits and breaking points; lurking fears and nightmares that kept them up at night.  God knew Maria had her own demons that mired beneath._

_So while Maria never truly worried about Captain Marvel, the pilot was always terrified for Carol Danvers._

_And once again the dichotomy between Captain Marvel and Carol Danvers had never been more apparent.  Her wife’s body had returned completely unharmed, but it was clear that Carol’s mind had not._

_The click of the bathroom door as it slowly opened broke Maria out of her reflective trance. She turned her head to see Carol exit their bathroom naked, glowing as she dried herself off with the heat of her abilities.  Even after all these years Maria still found the sight of her wife on fire mesmerizing.  It was a vision she suspected that she’d never truly get over._

_“Better?”_

_Carol gave her wife a small smile and nodded, padding over to their dresser to pull out a pair of black boxers and a worn out Nirvana t-shirt.  Once the blonde had clothed herself she turned and looked at Maria in their bed, biting her lip nervously.  The tepidness would normally have been completely endearing; Carol had always been a gentlewoman even with the natural cocksure attitude she carried._

_However Maria knew that tonight it wasn’t simply because her wife was being coy or gentle.  There was a certain tentativeness that the other woman carried herself with.  It was as if Carol were afraid of not being allowed back with her family, possibly turned away from the love she so clearly needed right now.  It broke Maria’s heart._

_“Come to bed, Danvers.” She patted Carol’s pillow.  Maria could see a visible wave of relief wash over the other captain and she walked over to her side and laid down under the covers.  All the while, Maria’s followed the other woman with an unwavering gaze, making sure the captain didn’t spook and run away._

_They both settled down into their bed and ended up facing each other, neither breaking eye contact as they took time to evaluate one another.  They were only an arm’s length away yet still an eternity apart.  It felt almost too similar to when Carol relearned who she was almost two decades ago after she had broken free of Kree control.  It was strange to look at someone that one loved so dearly and unconditionally to their very core, and yet still have no idea who they were._

_It shouldn’t be like this.  It almost never was.  But every once in a while Maria was aware of the fact that Carol could easily withdraw within herself.  Become contemplative and severe as the voyager pondered over the multitude of experiences she had in space.  The blonde made sure to keep her loved ones shielded from the worst of what she’d seen, never letting anything that could cause unnecessary fear plague their thoughts.  Instead Carol focused on the good that she witnessed; sometimes bittersweet but always optimistic in the end._

_Yet Maria wasn’t naïve.  There would always be things that happened in the cosmos Carol would never tell her about.  Not to have secrets or to distance herself from Maria but to keep her family safe; the burden of a universal savior would only be on Danvers’ shoulders alone.  It never dampened Maria’s trust in her wife.  She understood as a fellow soldier the need to keep certain things unsaid.  But to see her partner taxed with the cruelty of the unyielding cosmos made Maria ache for the woman she loved.  It sometimes was too much even for a goddess like Captain Marvel to bear._

_Maria reached out and ran her fingers through Carol’s hair, enjoying the feel of the long, soft strands, knowing that the blonde would appreciate the gentle touch.  Carol closed her eyes and reached up to gently grasp Maria’s hand, bringing it to her lips to place a soft kiss on her palm.  She nuzzled into her wife’s proffered hand and opened her eyes, giving the other captain a gaze that contained a whole host of emotions.  After a pause, the warrior decided on one._

_“I love you.” It was a simple declaration, one spoken commonly between the two lovers.  But in that moment it took Maria’s breath away.  With those words, the pilot knew her wife was still here; Carol Danvers was hurt but would ultimately be okay._

_“I love you too, baby,” Maria murmured, giving Carol’s hand a squeeze.  Carol scooted over and wrapped her arms around her wife’s torso, burrowing her face in the crook of Maria’s neck.  They didn’t need to say any words for now, this would have to be enough._

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Maria awoke a couple hours later with an instinctual pit of dread rolling over in her stomach.  She sat up and scanned their bedroom but Carol was nowhere to be found.  A fleeting sense of panic rolled over her before the pilot forced herself to calm down and logically figure out where her wife could have gone.  Maria stood up and walked downstairs, having a solid hunch as to where the other captain could be right now._

_Maria’s intuition had proved her correct.  She found Carol sitting on the steps of their front porch, arms crossed over her knees and her head bowed.  Maria felt her stomach drop.  It was a posture of defeat.  To see her wife so broken inside was a sight the pilot never wanted to witness, yet it was reality due to fate’s unrelenting brutality.  To see the powerful Captain Marvel so shattered was an anomaly, something that should never exist in the universe._

_“Carol?” Maria called out quietly.  She was certain Carol had probably already heard her approach well beforehand but it was habit and concern that made Maria do so anyways.  Carol glanced over her shoulder, eyes softening as she smiled gratefully at her wife._

_“Hey, love.” It was faint, but there was a small crack in Carol’s voice as she responded.  Whatever was eating at the captain was slowly tearing her up.  Maria knew they needed to talk, lest the warrior break completely._

_“Carol.” Maria sat down next to her wife and wrapped an arm around the hero’s broad shoulders, bringing the blonde closer to her side.  “Talk to me, please?” She used her other hand to lift Carol’s chin up so that Maria could look her lover in the eye.  “I’m here, I promise.  Please, baby.  Tell me what’s wrong.  You aren’t alone and you don’t have to do this alone. **Let** me help you.”_

_Carol furrowed her brow, and darted her eyes to the side.  Maria never let Carol avoid her gaze, adamant that this storm needed to break.  Eventually the hero relented and nodded slightly, indicating her cooperation.  Carol clenched her jaw and looked at her wife square in the face, gathering the words she needed to express the tangled mess inside of her._

_“I failed, Maria.” She shook her head.  “I fucked up, badly.  And people died for it.”_

_“What do you mean?” Maria whispered, letting the other woman process her thoughts._

_The warrior ran her hand down her face, stopping to cover her mouth and stared aimlessly outwards, as if witnessing a horrid sight happening just in front of them.  Maria knew that in a way she was.  It was clear from Carol’s glassy-eyed stare that the captain was recalling something that caused her great distress._

_Carol removed the hand she had placed over her mouth and continued.  “Even twenty years later, my mistakes have a funny way of coming back to haunt me.  There’s always something out there to remind me of the monster I was, and how my actions as a Kree Starforce member have negatively impacted the universe.”_

_“Do you remember the planet, Xandar?  Its elite Nova Corps?”  Maria nodded slowly, brow furrowed as she wondered where Carol was attempting to direct the conversation.  Xandar had been described to the SHIELD agent as a wondrous paradise, far removed from the general strife and violence that littered the rest of the galaxies and nations.  It sounded like a veritable haven.  Maria couldn’t see how such a supposed utopia could be related to her wife’s current angst.  “Well, the NOVA Corps were recently decimated.  It was…a complete defeat.”_

_“What?” Maria couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  She knew little about the general politics of the cosmos but did know one thing as told to her by her partner: no one with a brain meddled with the Xandar Nova Corps.  To do so would essentially be a suicide mission.  “Who would do such a reckless thing?”_

_“It was Ronan,” Carol growled, her jaw clenched in barely contained rage.  Even decades later, Danvers’ hatred for the Kree Accuser still hadn’t abated.  “He was after the Power Stone.  Managed to actually get his hands on it too, apparently.  A band of rogues were able to defeat him, but not before he laid waste to Xandar’s central city.”_

_Carol sighed, a resigned grimace etched on her features. “I wasn’t there to stop the initial invasion, but I did see the aftermath.”  Maria took a deep breath, knowing that Carol was about to share more detail than usual about a grisly battle.  “There was so much destruction, so much death.  The planet as a whole will go on but that city will mourn for long time.  And the attack left them vulnerable too.  With no Nova Corps to really defend Xandar the populace is at risk at being assaulted again.”_

_“Carol—”_

_“But that wasn’t the worst part of it.”  Carol’s head swiveled to look at her wife tiredly before she gazed upwards to the sky.  “Some of Ronan’s fleet survived and scattered amongst the stars.  Not content to just hide they decided to continue to terrorize civilizations as Kree extremists.  That obviously couldn’t be allowed and so I followed them all, ruthlessly tracking them down before they could cause too much damage.”_

_There’s a pause, and Carol’s breath hitched.  “Many of them, without direction, could only mount small, feeble attacks and were easily…disposed of.” Maria nodded, gazing upon her wife without judgement.  Carol’s job almost never gave her an easy solution in order to maintain the tedious peace in the universe.  “But one fleet, they actually posed a legitimate threat.  Some of the Kree rogues were able to get their hands on functioning warheads…and an experimental photon beam.”_

_Maria’s heart sank, she was beginning to see where this was going.  “The extremists were determined to make sure their terror would be felt again throughout the galaxies, especially after Ronan’s defeat.  And so they decided to start with a small colony of Pheragots.”  Maria remembered how fondly Carol had spoken of the blue aliens; they had always made Captain Marvel feel welcomed whenever she aided them.  Danvers had many a friend amongst the friendly, quiet race.  “Maria, the Kree absolutely tore that planet apart.  The warheads were dangerous but the photon cannon was absolutely devastating—the Pheragots had no answer for it.”_

_“The soldiers had rounded up some of the civilians and began experimenting on them, too.” Silent tears ran down Carol’s face as she recalled the horrors of what she had seen on the mothership.  Maria reached over to wipe the tears away, rubbing a hand up and down the blonde’s arm in a small attempt of comfort.  “The colony was essentially decimated from the bottom up.  Those that remained were so traumatized that they weren’t even sane at that point.”_

_“But worst of all was the photon weapon the Kree had developed. I looked at it, I wish I hadn’t.”  Carol looked down at her hands and let a few wisps of cosmic energy flow through them.  It was beautiful—but Maria suspected that those powers only triggered disgust in her wife right now.  “When I was on Hala, they hailed me as the epitome of peak Kree evolution; of what we could become if we just researched hard enough.  And I embraced that title, Maria.  I allowed them to study my power, and to weaponize me in any way possible.”_

_Maria didn’t know what to say, and so she didn’t say anything.  She simply leaned over and placed a lingering kiss on Carol’s cheek as the warrior finished her recounting of the past two months.  “The…weapon?  Based off my photon blasts.  The Kree killed—no, **I** killed those Pheragots; even if indirectly.  My time as Vers still hurts people to this very day.”_

_“Maybe I don’t deserve to be the hero this universe needs.” Carol’s voice breaks fully and she placed her head in her hands.  “Not if I’m just going to continue to hurt innocent people, even if unintentionally."  The soldier leaned into her wife, muted now that she had verbalized her pain.  Maria remained quiet and continued to run her hand up and down Carol’s arm.  The two women sat on the stairs in silence, staring up towards the sky together and listening to the soothing rhythm of the other’s heartbeat, no longer human but pumping the same blood nonetheless._

_“The universe needs you, Carol.  And it will always need Captain Marvel, my love.” Maria placed a soft kiss on the top of Danvers’ head, enjoying the soothing scent of her wife’s shampoo. It always grounded the pilot, reminded her that Carol was here and always would be now.  “Vers wasn’t you.  She wasn’t the Carol that I know, the woman Monica and I love.”_

_Carol looked up at Maria, tired and shattered but hopeful, and that made the pilot continue.  “The Kree tricked you, brainwashed you, and used you.  Turned you into something you weren’t.  What you are, Carol Susan Jane Danvers is a hero, a force and pinnacle of good all across the cosmos.”  Carol shook her head but Maria shook hers right back, frowning gently at her wife.  “You’ve proven your worth, your heroism time after time, again and again.  Captain Marvel has saved the universe countless times over, has changed the way of the cosmos.  You’ve given the people hope and—”_

_“But I can’t save them all,” Carol interjected, frustrated at her own short comings.  Maria sighed at Carol’s guilt.  It was noble but undeserved, especially after everything she’d achieved so far. “And what good is a hero that can’t do that?”_

_“No one can, Carol.” Maria reached out and squeezed the other captain’s hand.  “It’s not fair to put that on yourself, you know that.”  Carol frowned but the other woman continued.  “You may not be able to save everyone, but think about who you **have** saved and all the good you’ve accomplished.  Carol, you dismantled a tyrannical empire that had lasted for almost a millennia.  Saved galaxies from merciless cosmic beings.  Brought light and hope to civilizations that previously had none.”_

_The pilot made sure that the warrior was looking at her in the eyes.  “But most importantly, Carol?  You’ve inspired so many, human and alien alike, to be better. To strive for the model you’ve set for them so that they too can change their reality for the greater good.” Maria gave Carol a quick kiss on her forehead before continuing.  “Just because of you there’s been a paradigm shift, felt across the cosmos.”_

_“So, no.  You can’t save everyone,” she whispered sadly. Her wife’s burdens affected Maria, too.  “But you already save so many and encourage everyone to seek out justice, just like you.  And in that way you will save more people than you ever could by just punching through a ship every once in a while.”_

_Carol nodded slowly, taking in the message that her wife imparted to her.  They both spent the next hour in silent tranquility and listened to the world as it slowly woke up, enjoying the colors that painted the sky as the sun rose and a new day dawned.  It all signaled a new beginning and a way for them to slowly move on from this pain, together._

_“Thank you,” Carol whispered softly after the sunrise had ended.  What else could she say after such a speech?  She leaned forward and placed a few lingering kisses on Maria’s lips, trying to show her appreciation through more than just words alone.  “It’s tough right now but I’ll be okay.  I’ll be okay so long as I have you and Monica by my side.”_

_Maria cupped her wife’s face in her hands and placed a quick kiss on the tip of the blonde’s nose. “And we’ll be right here, Carol.  No matter what, Monica and I will always be here in one form or another.  I promise.”  She winked at her wife and chuckled, a playful smile on her lips.  “You can’t get rid of us that easily, baby.”_

_At that declaration Carol began to truly sob, burying her face into Maria’s shoulder and soaking the agent’s nightgown with her tears.  Maria held her partner close, offering quiet support and giving Carol a space to finally grieve after months alone in space.  Nowhere in the cosmos was safer for Captain Marvel than in the arms of the woman she held most dear in the universe._

~~~~~~~~~~

_With the encouragement and support of Maria and Monica it would take a couple of weeks for Carol to slowly heal from the emotionally taxing ordeal.  Maria wasn’t so naïve as to think that the wound wouldn’t leave behind a scar, however.  Patrols like this one would always be a source of pain that lurked just underneath the surface, only adding to the burdens that Captain Marvel had to shoulder as the universe’s primary savior._

_And Maria was determined, as she had promised her wife all those years ago and every time Carol needed to hear it, to make sure that the voyager’s family would always be there for her.  She wanted her partner to know that no matter where Carol was in the universe, she would always have the security and love of her family behind her.  Even as a Kree-enhanced human, the pilot was aware that she couldn’t do much in saving the universe in the grand scheme of things.  But Maria knew that as long as she was here for Carol Danvers, she would always be doing her part._

****

* * *

 

****

**_2023_ **

_ Two Days Earlier _

Natasha pursed her lips and looked down at her hands where she was currently fidgeting with the alien communicator Carol had left the assassin all those years ago.  She couldn’t believe that it’d been five years since the Decimation and four years since Carol’s permanent departure from Earth.  There had been no time to truly rest or reflect on the past half-decade; the Avengers had been stretched to their limit, helping countless individuals and stabilizing governments across the globe.  Earth by itself was extremely exhausting and the group of heroes was barely managing as it was.  The Russian could only imagine what peacekeeping on millions of planets across thousands of galaxies was like.  What Carol was going through must have been infinitely worse.

 

It seemed as though time flied when one was busy, whether fun was being had or not.

 

The red head now had a respite to think for the first time in a long while, and it’s staggering even to an exceptionally trained agent like her.  All that she can focus on right now is the current mission that faced the Avengers, and its massive ramifications.  If they managed to get this all right, everything that Thanos did and the lives that were unfairly and cruelly taken could be returned.  Wounds healed and peace restored, ideally.

 

But the consequences of their actions if they failed were much more dire.  Failure could result not only in their deaths but the demise of countless others.  But it wouldn’t only be their timeline or reality affected: multiple realities across multiple periods were all at stake if they didn’t succeed.  The overarching threat of the potential collapse of an entire multiverse lurked in all of the Avengers’ minds and was on par with Thanos himself in severity.  Not only would they have failed their universe, they could theoretically destroy countless others.

 

The stakes had never been more treacherous.  In a way they were essentially going for broke.  If this didn’t work, then nothing ever would.

 

Tony and Steve hadn’t given the rest of the team time to truly think about all this reality.  The leaders were both too eager to enact their plan and attempt to right the transgressions of their past.  Despite their outward assuredness, Natasha was certain that both of the men were probably more terrified than anyone else on the team, which explained their readiness to put it all on the line.

 

The combat-weary veterans both knew that this was their last chance to reverse what they considered their greatest disappointment and defeat.  Going back in time to obtain different infinity stones had the potential to right the aberration that had been Thanos and his plans.  Overthinking about the possible consequences that could occur because of their meddling may have prevented this mission from happening entirely.  Pausing could result in the rationale triumphing over emotion and fear conquering bravery.  For everyone’s sake, it was best to throw caution to the wind in order to complete this challenge.

 

But Natasha hadn’t survived as the world’s best assassin for as long as she had by simply betting on luck.  She always set up a contingency plan, a way to ensure her victories even against the most basic of opponents.  It was one of the reasons why the Russian had been so feared by those who knew of her as she lurked in the shadows.  Not only had she been formidable on her own merit, but there was always an incoming second strike that would put down her opponents for good.  Like the spider from which her codename was derived, the Black Widow’s venom had nasty after effects.

 

The agent wouldn’t have called herself an expert on the rules that dictated the flow of the cosmos by any means.  It was a world and reality so unlike anything she had thought of until the events of the past few years.  She supposed that interacting with gods and magic beings had a way of changing one’s perspective.  But Natasha Romanoff was no fool.  And her instinct was screaming out loud to be careful.  Because when one was messing with a core pillar of the universe, they would need the most powerful assistance they could possibly obtain.

 

In the assassin’s mind, there could be none better help to the Avengers than a fiery goddess who was powered by the very essence of the universe itself.  It was a shame that almost no one had managed to think of this crucial aspect of their plan.  The rest of the team had all been too focused on the past than to think of the potentially terrible future that could result from their actions.

 

Natasha couldn’t place too much blame on her colleagues, however.  She also wanted to see if the Avengers could reverse what Thanos had done.  The preparations for the time heist were made and easily finished within a week.  Things like that tended to happen when your project was brainstormed by two of the smartest people on the planet.

 

In their haste and focus to complete the machine against an artificial deadline however, the rest of the Avengers had forgotten to let alert their most surefire contingency plan about what they were plotting.  Upon this discovery just a day ago, Natasha had felt an oncoming headache the likes of which she’d never felt before.

 

The red head had no doubt in her friend’s abilities and their achievements, not after what they had all managed to face together since they officially became the Avengers.  But they would all be lying to themselves if they thought they’d be able to handle cosmic-level consequences without Captain Marvel by their side on the battlefield.  To leave such an important detail behind was beyond foolhardy and treaded straight into the extremely disastrous.  

_I’m **still** always picking up after these boys._

 

And so Natasha Romanoff had found herself with the sole responsibility of alerting the most powerful being in the universe to the Avengers’ plan.  A job that the Russian had realized only she could do.  From past attempts in trying to reach the elusive captain, Carol would not personally respond to anyone else on the team save for the red head.

 

Even though the assassin was aware of the final task she needed to complete, she still found herself hesitating to make the call.  It was simple, a push of a button, a recorded hologram, and then the device would do the rest, sending a signal to the captain’s receiver no matter where she was currently located in the cosmos.  But as the assassin looked out over the balcony and to the time machine that Rocket was making the last few adjustments on, Natasha realized that she hadn’t reached out yet because of guilt.

 

Guilt.  It was a strange feeling to have for such a minor action.  Yet Natasha had seen Carol’s quiet struggle over the past four years, how it had changed the warrior and maybe not for the better.  The voyager’s eyes and body language had revealed more about her pain and grief than any of the few words she had spoken in their limited meetings.  It was clear that the hero was attempting to find solace in her battles, detaching herself from anything that wasn’t the fight or reminded the captain of home.  But now with just a simple hologram connection, Natasha had the means to alert Captain Marvel that everything she lost could come back; that not all hope was lost.  But it wasn’t going to be that easy.

 

Realistically, nothing that they were planning was going to be a guarantee.  The assassin had seen the mix of devastated hope, fear, and rage when Clint was told about their plan in the rainy, bloody streets of a Japanese market.  The Ronin had wanted to lash out or run, anything to avoid the pain of losing everything again.  In that moment the edge between Barton’s composure and control had been paper-thin, only mediated by Natasha’s presence.  

 

No one alive would be able to stop Carol if she lost control.  To give someone as powerful as Captain Marvel false hope had the potential to be absolutely devastating.

 

And Natasha couldn’t blame the captain if she did.

 

Everyone had experienced pain after the Decimation, however the assassin suspected that the captain’s suffering had far surpassed what almost anyone else had endured.  Captain Marvel didn’t just have to shoulder the burden of her own trauma but that of countless civilizations across the universe.  The heaviness of that responsibility would have eroded away anyone’s sanity and their peace of mind.

 

The most recent Avenger hologram conference replayed throughout the assassin’s mind as she continued to stall.  Though Danvers had valiantly attempted to veil the heavy emotional undercurrent that was bubbling just below the surface, Natasha was astute enough to see the turmoil and pain that haunted Carol’s very being.  The emptiness of the five years since the Decimation had slowly eroded away the very core of who the captain was, leaving nothing behind except for the husk of a woman that only looked like Carol Danvers.   

 

The blonde’s actions in the past few years further confirmed Natasha’s suspicions about the soldier.  Carol had stopped visiting Earth and the assassin in person altogether a couple years back.  The voyager had instead opted to call her contacts via the modified Kree communicator that she’d gifted Natasha when she first left a few years ago.  From what Natasha had been able to gather during their brief and rare transmissions, Danvers no longer viewed visiting or corresponding with Earth as a necessity.  It appeared as though Captain Marvel was content with isolating herself in the stars for as long as the hero saw fit, unbothered by the happenings on Earth.  The meeting last week had all but confirmed it.

 

_“I’m covering a lot of territory.  The things that are happening on Earth are happening everywhere.  So you won’t be seeing me for a while.”_

 

Natasha couldn’t blame Carol for neglecting a planet that no longer meant anything significant to her and only served to remind the solider of her mistakes and harrowing loss.  The Russian couldn’t deny that if given the chance, she wouldn’t mind escaping into the stars just as Danvers had.  It would be so effortless, perfect for someone who was an expert at making new identities and stories for herself.  The red-head would be able to get away from her past while also having an infinite amount of possibilities ahead of her. 

 

But for now, with the arrival and knowledge imparted to the team by Ant-Man, the assassin had a hunch that the Avengers and the rest of the universe would depend on Captain Marvel somehow.  And therefore a message needed to be sent, no matter how painful it was for those involved.

 

Taking a deep breath, Natasha walked over to an isolated corner in the hangar, making sure to still have a view of the machine from her spot on the catwalk above the main floor.  She turned on the Kree device, watching as the communicator booted up and scanned her face, confirming her identity and allowing her complete administrative access to the device’s features.  The red head scrolled through the programs before selecting the glyph button for ‘Video Outlink.’

 

There’s a pause as the tech piggybacked into many of the random satellites littered throughout the galaxies, triangulating a signal that would most efficiently reach the nomadic Avenger.  The break gave Natasha a chance to compose herself and figure out what she needed to say to try to incentivize the elusive being to return.  A soft blip alerted the assassin that the device was ready to record her message.

 

“Carol.  I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, I hope you do.  I’m not entirely sure what you’re going through right now, but I want you to know that you’re not alone in all this.” Natasha sighed.  Now wasn’t the time to mince words.  “Anyways.” She furrowed her brow, refocusing herself.  “There have been some pretty significant recent developments.  Ant-Man came back, Tony decided to become an Avenger again, and now time-travel and the quantum realm are accessible to us.  There’s a lot more, too, and I can’t put it all in this video so I’m attaching a dossier that goes into greater depth.”  She pushed a button and tagged a small document onto the transmission.

 

The assassin looked back at the device and continued her debrief.  “But long story short, we have a chance to bring everyone back.  Everyone.  Nick, SHIELD, the other alien races that you’ve saved.  Monica and Maria.”  She looked pointedly at the communicator and paused in order to make sure that the last part had been clearly elucidated.  Natasha pursed her lips and furrowed her brow, unsure if she should continue with her line of thought.  “Maybe we can bring you back, too.” The assassin shook her head, she had been too bold.  “I’m sorry, that last part was unnecessary.”

 

“Look, I know you don’t believe it but you’re needed on Earth.  Everywhere really.  And I may not have a seventh sense like you but something tells me we’ll need a cosmic-level being on our side if things go wrong.”  The agent gave the recorder a bittersweet grin.  “I hope they don’t, but nothing seems to go smoothly when we’re involved in it.”

 

Natasha let out a small laugh. “I’ll see you later, either way.”  She pushed a button to end the call, sending off the transmission with the hope of a universe behind her.  The agent then closed her eyes, steeling herself so that she could finish the last few preparations, personal and otherwise, that needed to be completed before their heist.

 

No matter what happened, Natasha Romanoff was going to complete the mission.

 

_Whatever it takes._

 

* * *

 

 

**_Now_ **

When Carol entered the vicinity of C-53 the captain felt a tug that reached all the way down to her very soul, a sharp pang that rattled her and made the warrior stop her light-speed trajectory towards the planet.  The captain paused and gazed over the small, blue sphere that had been so central to who she’d been before the Decimation.  It was a surreal moment, one the warrior thought she’d never experience again.  If the hero was being honest with herself, Carol had planned on never returning to Earth due to own volition.

 

Yet Earth had been her origin, her home base.  And even after the death of her family, Carol realized that she had missed this world while she’d been sequestered in the cosmos for all these years.  Not necessarily because the planet itself was special but rather because of the memories and significance associated with the rock.  It was on Earth where Carol Susan Jane Danvers had been born, raised, trained, loved, and found after being lost as the Kree warrior, Vers.

 

And now it would be on Earth where Carol Susan Jane Danvers would be found again.

 

But all her hopes were contingent on whether or not the other Avengers had been successful in their time heist.  Once again Captain Marvel’s destiny had been beyond her control and it terrified her beyond anything else she’d faced.

 

During the two days of space travel, Captain Marvel had only focused on returning to Earth as quickly as possible.  Fixated solely on returning and facing any possible threats that could have emerged as a result of the Avengers meddling with time.  Carol had forcefully deactivated her seventh sense as she traversed amongst the galaxies, not wanting to know the end result of the Avengers’ mission.  If the warrior had found out that the rest of the heroes had failed, Danvers had feared that the destruction wrought by her grief and rage would have been unimaginable.

 

She had to know, however.  The captain needed to confirm whether the Avengers had succeeded or if she’d only hurried back to face an empty, dead planet and that nothing had changed at all.  Carol mustered up her courage and let her seventh sense unfurl, allowing it reach out and run along the chords of the universe.  But it’s all scrambled, broken, un-harmonious.  Something is wrong and her extrasensory ability alerted the warrior to the fact that there was an anomaly present that overwhelmed everything else in this reality.

 

Danvers is forcefully dragged through the threads, no longer in control of her own powers.  It’s as if some universal force was telling her that nothing else mattered but this _thing_ that tainted her reality.  And so Captain Marvel let go and trusted whatever providence was in the driver’s seat to guide her to destiny.  She traveled through space and time, letting her seventh sense triangulate and eventually pinpoint the phenomenon that had disrupted the abilities of someone of her caliber.

 

The soldier observed death, dust, destruction, fear, and hopelessness.  The clash of blades, magic, weapons, and fists against flesh.  There is a war on Earth, a war that can only be won through the complete obliteration of the opposing side.  But most importantly, there was a being that shouldn’t even call itself alive, much less be bold enough to show his face.

 

 _Thanos_.

 

The Mad Titan was here.  Alive and well and vengeful.  Firing on the Avengers from Sanctuary II and decimating their forces from above, leaving massive scars on the very planet that her family called home.  His very existence was a perversion, a rot that infested the balance of nature itself.  And the disease needed to be exterminated. 

 

Carol was more than happy to squash this creature’s insolence and arrogance.  How dare he return and cause further damage to the planet her family so cherished?  How dare he enter battle against her allies when he had been so thoroughly defeated by the Avengers five years ago?

 

From what little she about time travel, Danvers supposed that this Thanos came from a different reality altogether.  In the end however, it truly didn’t matter.  Thanos’ actions had taken away everything she’d held most dear, violently and completely outside of her control.  A Titan had disrespected a goddess.  And for that, Thanos would finally pay for the sacrilege he’d committed with his life.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Carol has been fighting non-stop for the past five years.  Facing war and turmoil always came easy to the captain but with nothing to hold her back or make her take a break it had all essentially become second nature.  The captain would often find herself going through the motions as she engaged in virtually endless combat across countless civilizations and galaxies.

 

The fights had all amounted to sheer monotony and brutality.  Enough of this drudgery had successfully exhausted even the godly Captain Marvel.  There was nothing more that Danvers wanted to do than rest her body, mind, and soul, hide away from everything.  The voyager yearned to return to Louisiana and find out first hand if the Avengers were successful and had brought back the Disappeared.  And even if the unthinkable alternative happened and the band of heroes had failed, Carol still wanted to hide away from the rest of the universe, free from the obligations that only took away and never gave.

 

But despite an endless, five year campaign after the Decimation, Captain Marvel still found herself yearning for the excitement of battle and the triumph of conquest.  This skirmish called out to her like none other before had.  The desire to engage Thanos in combat reverberated through Carol’s very essence, spurring the captain onwards to New York where she was determined to put an end to the Titan’s cruelty. 

 

Captain Marvel’s fights are almost never personal.  Over the years the hero perfected the art of being detached from the battles she engaged in.  She had meticulously trained herself to feel little to no emotion, either negative or positive, towards the combatants she faced.  What the captain does is simply the duty of a goddess, and there is little time for a goddess to invest herself in the affairs of the mortals she encountered.

 

The Mad Titan, however, completely shattered that rigid code.  The usually stoic Captain Marvel felt _every_ possible emotion whenever the thought of the Titan crossed her thoughts.  Her business with this being was personal.  He was an insidious specter that had haunted her mind for the past five years and taken everything from her.  To say that the captain was eager to kill Thanos was an understatement.

 

When the Avengers encountered Thanos on Titan II over five years ago, she had been forced to limit herself, focused only on restraining the villain for interrogative purposes.  It was warped but the captain had felt a sick sense of satisfaction torturing the _thing_ that was responsible for mercilessly wiping out half of all life in the cosmos.  Causing Thanos excruciating pain hadn’t even come close in completely soothing the captain’s pain after the discovery of her family’s death, but it had felt entirely vindicated. 

 

Now, however, she had the chance to finally have her complete revenge, and she didn’t care how violent it had to be.  Now she needn’t worry about holding back.  And as Captain Marvel hurtled towards Earth’s upper atmosphere, she swore that she wouldn’t stop fighting.  Not until the Mad Titan was a bloody, greasy smear splattered all over the battlefield and torn into a million pieces.

 

Captain Marvel’s call sign in the Air Force had been ‘Avenger.’  Now Carol was ready to show Thanos why she had deserved the name.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Carol heard the wrath of Sanctuary II before she saw it, the dark smoke and clouds obscured even her superhuman eyesight from a clear view of the Earth’s surface.  The warrior’s extrasensory abilities allowed the captain to understand what was currently happening to her fellow heroes, however.  She almost wishes she hadn’t. 

 

Fire and brimstone from the battleship’s indomitable plasma cannons rained down onto the warzone below, causing untold devastation and death.  Captain Marvel could feel the life force of some of her fellow allies ebb out, could sense the loss of hope as Thanos’ flagship pelted the hapless warriors with an unrelenting volley of blasts that were able to flatten cities in minutes.  Fear permeated and froze the Avengers and their forces in place as they could only cower in near total defeat while Thanos gleefully watched their might dwindle under his attack.  He had seen this dance before and knew that his victory was inevitable; eventually all heroes fell to his might and will.  They always did.

 

But the son of a bitch hadn’t counted on her return.  This Thanos hadn’t realized that his actions five years ago had personally brought Captain Marvel into the fight.  Everyone in the universe knew not to cross her, even the Titan; his haste and ignorance had made him careless, however.  In his arrogance, Thanos had failed to set up a contingency plan against the most powerful being in the universe.  The goddess was determined to punish him for that mistake.

 

Carol broke through the mesosphere, firing off a massive energy blast that she knew would attract the attention of the lackeys on Sanctuary II.  Perhaps she’d garner the direct attention of the Mad Titan himself.  She supposed it didn’t matter either way if Thanos’ forces detected her.  They all knew the end result was going to be the same, regardless.

 

In a fit of desperation, Sanctuary’s cannons turn upwards and fire towards the incoming captain in a feeble attempt to bring her down.  Captain Marvel laughed at their pathetic attempt to deter her from destroying their base—nothing in the known universe was going to stop her from what she was about to do.  The blasts only serve to charge her up, feed her reserves and blinding rage at the same time.  Carol can feel her power levels increasing exponentially with each shot of the plasma cannons’ volley, causing the incoming comet to glow brighter and brighter as she careened mercilessly towards the monolith.

 

Captain Marvel cut through the massive warship as though it were made of the most fragile of paper.  The feel of the vibranium-enforced metal caving easily upon impact with her glowing fists absolutely elated the captain and she slowly felt the restraints she imposed on herself loosening.  Can fully feel the cosmic energy that flowed through her body rising to a roiling bubble under the surface, begging to be released in as destructive a manner as possible.

 

Carol was all too happy to comply with the energy of the Tesseract, collateral be damned.

 

As she hovered above the smoldering and shattered ruins of Sanctuary II, Carol felt more emotion in battle than ever before.  Most importantly, she finally felt joy in the hunt again.  Danvers can sense all eyes on the battlefield trained on her, but she doesn’t care about what her allies think right now.  Captain Marvel wanted to witness the reaction from one other being only, wants them to know that she’s coming for _him_. 

 

She found the person in question staring up to the goddess just like the rest of the Avengers.  But instead of awe, he’s frozen in terror.  As the warrior continued to hover above the combatants, glowing in fury, she finally saw the look of surprise and fear on the Titan’s face upon realizing who he had inadvertently summoned to the field.  It was one of the most satisfying things the hero had ever seen.

 

Being able to wound Thanos and bring him even a small taste of the despair she had felt this half-decade was, in her mind, divine justice.  It would be even more righteous when Captain Marvel finally felt the life run out of the Titan’s body, caused by her own hand.  She could handle an attack against her own being but Thanos had killed a goddess’ family.  And for that the only acceptable consequence was death.

 

The captain doesn’t have much time to bask in the destruction of Sanctuary II and is soon called back into battle.  Her super hearing picked up a tired and thankful voice amidst the carnage.  “Danvers. We need an assist here.”

 

Carol scanned over the battlefield, attempting to determine where the gauntlet was.  She knew what needed to be done, now she just needed to actually enact the plan.

 

Danvers pinpointed the location of the gauntlet and focused her attention to where her seventh sense directed her.  The weapon was wrapped up in the arms of a wispy, teenage boy, who cowered in terror even after the firing had stopped.  She vaguely remembered this child, still a reputable hero by his own right.  Monica’s and her own scouting reports informed the voyager to the teenager’s exploits, either with the Avengers during the Civil War or on his home-turf of Manhattan.  Tony’s bittersweet stories had also helped jog her memory, too.  The eccentric inventor referred to him using the codename Spider Man, if memory served correctly.

 

The Avengers’ savior landed as a fiery streak near the frightened and awestruck young hero. She stared sternly down at him as she quietly assessed who this child was.  Even after the volley had subsided Spider Man still appeared terrified, unsure as to who this blindingly glowing woman was.

 

“Hi. I-I’m Peter Parker.”

 

Captain Marvel’s stoic demeanor dissolved at his timidity and she gave Peter a reassuring grin.  Despite what Spider Man believed, he belonged amongst the ranks of the Avengers; his deeds and selflessness had more than proven this.  But all of this could still be overwhelming no matter how old a hero was.  Carol would be lying to herself if she also didn’t feel some nerves because of what was at stake.

 

There had been so much unnecessary violence today, for someone so juvenile to experience it would have been traumatizing.  If Carol could even briefly console Peter, she’d consider it a success.  Spider Man’s youthful appearance reminded Danvers of Monica when she had first started fighting villains and saving the world as Spectrum, all while she’d only been in her second year of graduate school.  In Carol’s eyes it was tragic that such promise had to be corrupted by terrible violence, scarred by the wars they were forced to fight.  Worst of all the lives lost under their watch.

 

Reality was often cruel and many an inexperienced hero had been constrained into combat against Thanos.  This acknowledgement only further incentivized Captain Marvel, made her more determined than before to succeed and crush any threat that would destroy this world.  Carol Danvers had to lay the groundwork for the seeds of hope.  Had to give the generations after hers a chance to prosper and continue the legacies of the heroes that came before them.  And that meant destroying Thanos.

 

“Hey, Peter Parker.  You got something for me?”

 

The captain gently took the gauntlet from the unseasoned hero, giving him a slight nod of approval and encouragement as she did so.  As Captain Marvel readied herself to face the waves of Thanos’ incoming Chitauri forces, she realized that she was not alone in facing the hordes.  All around her appeared the other female Avengers, each of them with their own reason for vengeance against the Mad Titan.  From the terrestrial to the cosmic, large to the small, magical to the ethereal.  All of them were ready to lay down their lives to save the universe, stop Thanos, and keep the hope of the cosmos alive.

 

There’s someone crucial missing though, one of the key figures that was responsible for keeping the Avengers together during the Decimation and organizing this effort. 

_Natasha Romanoff_. 

 

Carol doesn’t have time to think about the red-head’s absence, doesn’t have time to grieve even though her seventh sense pleads to be let loose in order to decipher the mystery.  The Avengers have to save the universe first; it’s what the assassin would have wanted no matter what happened to her.  To fail would be to insult Natasha’s memory.

 

_Whatever it takes._

 

The rest of the Avengers paved the way through the initial onslaught, Valkyrie and the Scarlet Witch slowed down two massive Leviathans while the rest of the ground forces took out the foot soldiers.  General Okoye expertly speared through one of Thanos’ Black Order, and with the rage emanating from the general, Carol knew that the Dora Milaje’s grudge would allow her to take down any who stood in the Wakandan warrior’s way.

 

But while Captain Marvel appreciated the backup, she knew that it wasn’t a necessity.  None of Thanos’ pawns, no matter how large or experienced, truly stood a chance against her; not when Danvers was entirely fueled by pent up rage and power five years in the making.  The captain ignited her body with cosmic energy, choosing an elevated launch point to push off from before barreling through Thanos’ hapless forces, blazing through them as if they were warm putty.

 

Carol left behind a fiery trail of destruction in her wake as she boosted herself to the red van where the time machine lay.  She could see the technicolored, prismatic light of the quantum realm guiding her to the promised land.  It was the land where she could completely negate all of Thanos’ plans by removing the stones from their reality altogether.  The goddess is close, so close.  Close to ending this battle.  Close to reuniting with her family again.

 

The whistle of a hurtling object that passed by told Captain Marvel that everything the heroes had planned would not come to fruition that easily.  Carol can only watch in enraged despair as Thanos’ massive blade collided with the truck, causing the time machine to explode.  The shockwaves from the detonation pushed Carol backwards and she can feel the gauntlet slip from her iron-clad grasp.

 

**_You fucking jerk._ **

 

Carol flew wildly through the air, tumbling into massive pillars of fallen debris as she skidded aimlessly across the battlefield.  The hero came to a hard cessation when she slammed against a concrete slab inlaid with iron beams.  The force of impact staggered even the mighty Captain Marvel, requiring the hero to lay on the dirty ground in a cloudy haze, her body attempting to equilibrate after the disorientating blast.

 

While she regrouped, Carol could hear the blows of battle as Tony, Steve, and Thor valiantly tried to wrestle the gauntlet away from the Titan’s grasp.  It was all to no avail, however, and Danvers could only watch helplessly as all three of the Avengers were easily dispatched, allowing Thanos to grab the gauntlet.

 

Carol shook her head and flew back into the fray, finally trading direct blows with the Mad Titan.  Her strength and skill easily overpowered that of the Titan’s and she could see him being lurched around as her swings, powerful enough to cave mountains, squarely connected.

 

Normally, it should have been an easy victory.  Both of the combatants knew that Carol’s raw strength and power far outranked Thanos’, but she could not simply body him across the battlefield this time.  The villain had the gauntlet and full intent to use it whenever there was the even the slightest break in action.  Her priority now was to get the weapon away from him first.  Only then could Captain Marvel focus on rightfully pummeling Thanos into a bloody, unrecognizable pulp.

 

Captain Marvel reached for the gauntlet when an opening arose, eager to end this awkward stalemate.  However she quickly found out that it had all been a feint.  The Titan gave her a small, nasty smirk before he grabbed her wrist and flung the blonde a few dozen feet away.  The captain cursed herself as she hit the ground again with a rattling thud, once again slightly shaken by the disorientating assault.  She gathered herself up again, mentally and strategically preparing for the inevitable round two.

 

Danvers was forced back to battle more quickly than expected when she experienced a tear in the very fabric of reality.  It was almost as if the Space Stone itself called out to her personally, as though the stone was aware of the tragedy that was about to befall everyone.  The hero didn’t need for it to be spelled out for her.  Thanos had donned the Infinity Gauntlet—and he was about to use it.  The Mad Titan would once again take away everything Captain Marvel held dear; this time however she wouldn’t even have a recollection of Maria or Monica as a source of comfort through the grief.  They would be destroyed forever, condemned to the ether without anyone to carry on their memory and properly honor them.  With no way to retain the memories of what had been lost, the new Decimation would be permanent.

 

A guttural scream of agony and rage tore through Captain Marvel’s chest, the warrior apoplectic in reaction to what Thanos had so cruelly planned.  The prospect of having her family wrongfully taken not once but twice sheared the voyager’s very being into a million pieces.  A frenzied energy coursed through Carol as she catapulted into the air and slammed her foot onto Thanos’ leg, grabbing his right hand as she rolled off and landed on the ground, turning to face the madman.

 

She fortified her battle stance, stabilizing herself as she used her hands to easily spread out Thanos’ fingers, holding him back from snapping once again.  As Carol held the Titan at bay, she was struck with the sheer peril of the situation.  Captain Marvel, the most powerful being in the cosmos, had entered their second confrontation at an inherent disadvantage even larger than the last; the odds were completely stacked against her.  All Thanos had to do was snap his fingers, a ridiculously easy task.  She on the other hand had to not only stop the Titan from moving but also focus on crippling him enough to remove the gauntlet altogether.  Any slip in Carol’s concentration would result in the Avengers’ ultimate loss. 

 

The captain’s body felt the call of the infinity stones nearby and she allowed her body to start absorbing the limitless energy of the gems.  The gamma waves stung but also enabled her to feel a surge of power that she’d never experienced before.  Carol finally understood what unlimited truly meant when the raw heat of the stones began to fuel her; none of the energy sources of the universe felt even remotely close.  The hero was quite sure that the sheer levels contained in her body right now would be able to easily obliterate multiple galaxies at once.

 

The tide that had been slowly moving in her favor soon became a tsunami that overwhelmed the Mad Titan as her strength grew exponentially with each passing second the warrior was in close proximity to the stones.  Danvers could see the despondent realization in Thanos’ eyes when the villain finally came upon this truth.  She could see as his mind turned rapidly, vainly trying to find a solution that would allow him to shrug off the goddess.  They both knew his time was running out, it was all just a matter of when.

 

One of the two beings would eventually break their gridlock, and Carol was absolutely determined that it wouldn’t be Captain Marvel.  She made sure to purvey this message with the furious glare that she unflinchingly directed at him.

 

**_I’ve got you now, you motherfucker._ **

 

In utter desperation the Titan childishly lashed out in one of the most brutal ways he knew how, attempting to down the deity through a crude headbutt.

 

Upon the collision of their foreheads, Carol’s entire world went bright crimson with nigh uncontrollable fury.   Carol had never experienced such extreme wrath in her entire life and the enraged captain can feel the acidic conflagration of her hatred and vehemence burst through the last vestiges of her composure. 

**_How dare he_.  **

 

To use such a rudimentary attack on a _goddess_ was a perversion, an insult and sign of disrespect to the very core rules of the universe.  Not only had Thanos taken away everything that Captain Marvel held dear, he was so bold as to assume that he was strong enough to take down a deity like her with a mere _headbutt_?  The callousness was appalling and the offense wasn’t just a personal affront to the captain herself, it was an unacceptable transgression to the very beat of the cosmos she personified.  With only a simple headbutt, the Titan had finally managed to malign Carol Danvers in every way possible.  Such insolence and blasphemy needed to be punished, the offender obliterated from the record of time itself.

Danvers remembered the Greek myths from history class, how the titans of Mount Olympus had fallen to the new gods.   Today, she was determined to see the history of those legends repeat itself.  This Mad Titan had written his death wish after one too many a misdeed.  Captain Marvel was simply here to notarize it.

 

Captain Marvel used her unmitigated power and strength to elevate herself up into the air, pushing the startled Titan to his knees and into the dirt where he deservedly belonged.  She felt Thanos struggle and move to pull away in a desperate attempt to escape from the fiery deity that had him at her mercy.  But Carol’s grip on the gauntlet was adamantine and with every passing second, the tide turned further in her favor.

 

The energy of the stones had supercharged the warrior to near full capacity, and it was imploring Danvers to be let free, to destroy.  Carol’s being had reached a point where there was enough energy stored within her to simply obliterate Thanos with a single, concentrated blast.  But she doesn’t take that knowledge for granted, not when everything she held precious in the universe was at stake.  Carol needed to make sure that the Mad Titan didn’t have another chance, that he could never come slithering back into their lives again.  She was adamant to bludgeon the monster beneath her into a pulp before she delivered the final blow.  There had to be absolute certainty when Thanos was involved. 

 

Admittance of the necessary brutality hardened Carol; she knew what needed to be done.  Such was the duty of the universe’s savior.  The captain proceeded to push harder against the iron gauntlet, feeling the metal bend like papier-mâché beneath her unrelenting assault.  She could hear the snap of bolts and metal, see the pain written across the villain’s features as his fingers begin to fracture as they bent unnaturally backwards.  Captain Marvel was close, so close to ending it all.

 

And then suddenly she’s far away again, her valiant efforts ultimately amounting to nothing.

 

Thanos had thought too quickly, been too fast and wise for the battle-hardened captain.  The Titan pulled off the Power Stone, creating a weapon that Carol knew would stagger even her.  She doesn’t have time to react, there was no time to block the incoming punch. 

 

**_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckkfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckkfuckfuckfuckfuck—_ **

 

Danvers first felt her body absorb the raw energy of the stone, preventing the warrior from being completely disintegrated from the radiation of the gem upon impact.  But the combined momentum of the Titan’s fist and the stone was still enough to make Captain Marvel loosen her grip on the gauntlet, causing Carol to be flung violently away from the malefactor.  With her defeat, it finally gave Thanos the opening he needed to complete his self-appointed destiny.

 

Her vision slowly began to blur and fade out while the realization of what had happened and its subsequent ramifications ran through her mind.  She can’t call out, but she can experience the agony, fear, and despair of yet another failure.  Captain Marvel was supposed to be the Avengers’ ace, their savior.  The warrior was supposed to be the one who was going to turn the tide of battle and absolutely destroy Thanos and his forces single-handedly.

 

But now everyone was going to be snapped away again.  And there would be no way to bring them back.  All because she couldn’t finish the job.

_Fuck.  I’m sorry.  I’m so, so sorry, everyone.  Maria, Monica, I love you.  I’m so fucking sorry._

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Less than three minutes later, Captain Marvel’s eyes slam open.  The first thing she is greeted by is a view of the ashy, yellow sky and complete silence.  At the same time her superpowered hearing could no longer detect the sounds and cries of battle, any cacophony completely absent from the background.  The absolute silence scared the soldier more than the sounds of conflict.  Silence meant that a war had ended.  Silence meant that a victor had triumphed.

 

**_No._ **

Carol rapidly assessed her body and surroundings and took a deep breath.  She could still move and had only been blasted a few miles across the river that ran near the Avengers facility.  She was dirty, bruised, and drained but what mattered most was that the hero could still fight.  And so long as Captain Marvel drew breath, she would always ensure that there would be hope in the universe.

 

She stood up and let the remaining cosmic energy flare through her body, re-energizing her as Carol slowly lifted off from the ground and then blasted off towards the central facility.  Captain Marvel needed to return to the rest of the Avengers, aid them in any way possible.  She needs to save Maria and Monica before they were wiped from the ledgers of history for a permanent eternity.

 

The last thought slammed into her and caused Carol to stop dead in her tracks. 

 

Danvers could still remember Maria and Monica.  And now that she thought of it, she was still able to remember the battle against Thanos and the events of the last five years.  In her haste and fear after blacking out, the hero had overlooked the fact that her memories remained intact and unaltered.  In some way or another Thanos’ full plan had not come to fruition.  Captain Marvel needed to know how.

 

Resuming in her travel, Carol let her seventh sense reach out and scan the battlefield in preparation for what she was going to encounter.  She was expecting to see her fallen allies sprawled out motionlessly on the ground, Thanos standing above them as the triumphant victor.  Yet her extrasensory ability told Danvers that their hearts still beat while Thanos and his forces were nowhere to be found.  She felt a small wave of relief at the realization.

 

When she reached the other heroes, landing silently in front of T’Challa, she can see that they were all gathered in one area of the warzone, standing in an absolutely devastated silence.   All of them except for one, however.  The small bit of relief and hope she felt crumbled to dust when the warrior realized who the fallen figure was.

 

The battered and charred body of Tony Stark lay against a concrete slab, Pepper and Peter by his side as the light slowly began to dim from his eyes.  Carol didn’t need her seventh sense to tell her what she already knew.  An experienced combat veteran such as herself knew what exactly what the cold claw of oncoming death looked like.  She steeled herself, prepared to stand strong as the hero, her friend and ally, lived out his last painful moments.

 

Peter was whimpering and sobbing, tugging desperately on the front of Iron Man’s suit as he pleaded for Mr. Stark to get up, praised him for his success in their victory.  Colonel Rhodes eventually pulled the young hero back gently, which allowed Pepper to finally kneel by her husband’s side as quiet streaks of tears ran down her face.  It was an intensely personal and intimate moment, and despite Carol’s desire to respect the Stark family’s privacy, her enhanced hearing still enabled the captain to hear Pepper’s last words to her dying spouse.

 

“It’s okay.  You can finally rest now.”

 

She held Tony’s hand as he slowly turned off his arc reactor, the final vestiges of life escaping the inventor with his final breath.  The blonde leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead, bidding him farewell.

 

Carol has stared death in the face a multitude of times before, an unfortunate by product of her career.  But at this moment the cold claw of death hit her hard, even after experiencing the past five years.  There had been so much death this last half-decade and just existing was a constant reminder of how fragile life was.  Tony Stark, the man who changed and owned the world, had simply slipped through life and into the beyond, his status irrelevant.  His name and deeds to be remembered from now on only by those that were left behind.

 

The only thing the rest of the heroes can do is kneel solemnly in honor and respect to the man who changed the world, who’s final act saved the universe.  And so they do.  The Avengers proceed to bow in honor to the man who had risked everything, made the ultimate sacrifice to save everything even after he had finally found the peace he had so desired.  Tony’s love for the betterment of the universe had been so bright, so intense and unconditional.  He had loved this life, this world, even when it didn’t love him back.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The cleanup was brief, almost too much so.  With help from Dr. Strange and the Masters of Magic, many of the Avengers were able to quickly return via portal to their home base, accompanied by both their fellow soldiers and departed.  The rest of the rubble was rapidly cleared and piled up to act as a makeshift damn in order to keep the river contained until the correct repairs could be finished.

 

With the daunting task of defeating Thanos completed, the rest of the Avengers proceeded to walk around in a confused haze, without a purpose to truly guide them all.  This had been a battle literally ten years in the making, a faceoff that would ultimately change the entire direction of the cosmos.  And here, on a small, blue planet in the middle of the tiny Milky Way Galaxy, the Avengers had managed to determine the fate of the universe itself. 

 

The impending doom of the Mad Titan’s forces had been a unifying thread across the universe and time itself.  Despite his cruelty, Thanos ironically had also managed to create too.  It was his presence that resulted in the formation of a team of heroes that would have never normally interacted save for a single, common goal.  To stop Thanos, no matter the cost.

 

And now that the goal had been achieved, there was really no reason for all of them to stay in one place together.  Each member of the Avengers had their own individual duties to attend to, especially after the return of those who were killed during the Decimation.  The heroes would all be responsible for righting the chaos that would ultimately result from the return of the Disappeared.  But they would do it alone, completely isolated from the others as they chose their own methods and directions to solve the incoming problems.

 

Carol supposed it was a good sort of disenfranchisement; not having to worry about the imminent destruction of the universe and everything they held dear.  But the hero knew that people like her, those with the eternal gnawing hunger for justice and battle, would never be able to sit still and accept a normal life.  Even when their immediate responsibilities were resolved, each of the Avengers, either formally or informally, would always seek out a conflict that needed their aid.  Such was the life of a vigilante.

 

And even though Captain Marvel had her own, galaxy-level duties to fulfill, she still felt a sense of duty to the Avengers.  Granted, Carol hadn’t been extremely attached to the group as the years went on and knew that she would have to return to the stars in the upcoming future anyways.  But the captain also acknowledged that with the fragile stability they had managed to maintain for the past five years suddenly uprooted with the reversal of the Decimation, Earth would need the Avengers as a united front once again.

 

It’s a dilemma that she didn’t know how to answer but would need to be addressed seriously—and soon.  The universe was going enter a new kind of turmoil, and the heroes would need to be ready for whatever came next.  The Avengers had already been divided before due to the events of the Civil War, which had left the world vulnerable and ultimately resulted in the greatest tragedy the universe had ever seen.  History could not repeat itself.  Carol didn’t know if she would be able to survive another total collapse, especially if there had been something they could have done to prevent it.

 

It was overwhelming and Danvers couldn’t deny that the only thing she wanted to do was run away from it all.  Escape the looming responsibilities that would eventually call upon her and demand her full attention, tearing her away from the peace she wanted to bask in.  The hero didn’t want to be special for now, even if it was just for a while. She just wanted to stop fighting and reunite with those that had been unfairly taken from her.  Carol Danvers just wanted to go home. 

 

For the past five years, Carol Danvers’ very being had been shredded into millions of ribbons by the demands and expectations placed on her.  These ribbons were fed to the masses as she gave herself selflessly to the populace, helping and guiding them as they took and took and took.  Demanded more and more when there had been nothing left to give.  There had been no respite or gentleness for the warrior, nobody to give the captain even a taste of solace.  Captain Marvel didn’t have anything left to give to the universe now.

 

“Thanks for the assist, Danvers.”  Carol turned toward the voice that had cut her out of her depressing spiral.  A tired, grimy, and despondent Steve Rogers was walking towards her.  He appeared shell-shocked, his face entirely blank as he slowly made his way towards the voyager.  It was wrong to see such a symbol of hope look so small, shoulders slumped and eyes dull.  Captain America and Iron Man may have had their differences but in the end, they had still been friends, brothers even.  A loss like this was something that Carol knew the other soldier would never fully recover from.

 

Carol nodded in response.  “You’re welcome, Captain.” 

 

She worried her lower lip in between her teeth, slightly rocking side to side as she steeled herself.  The whirlwind of emotions bubbling just beneath the surface threatened to spill over, but she couldn’t break down here.  Not now.  “I’m just sorry that I wasn’t here earlier.”

 

Steve shook his head at her apology, there was no one to blame for this carnage other than Thanos himself.  “It goes both ways, Carol.  We should have called you sooner.”

 

An understanding silence settled in between the two soldiers, each of them understanding the other’s guilt over the situation.  There would be many things to iron out later on once the initial dust had settled, once Tony and Natasha had been properly laid to rest.  However, there was nothing that they could do for now.

 

“They’re waiting for you, Danvers.”  Carol’s face softened at Steve’s kind dismissal.  He was officially allowing her to leave the vicinity.  “Go.  We’ll call you later when we need you.  You’ve done more than enough for us and everyone else.  It’s time for you to finally go home.”

 

They shook hands and acknowledged the other with sharp nods before Steve took a couple of steps backwards and saluted Captain Marvel.  The voyager returned the salute, then lifted herself off into the air, taking in the rest of the Avengers as they all watched her ascent.  She gave them a small wave and then zoomed off over the horizon to return to _her_ world.

 

* * *

 

 

It would have only taken twenty-six seconds to travel at near light speed between New York and Louisiana.  Captain Marvel takes five minutes.

 

The captain can admit to herself that she’s being cowardly, unsure of what the future held for her.  Carol has faced gods, demons, magical beings, and forces that could destroy countless galaxies in a single moment.  And while the hero had been wary of these threats, she had never truly feared when she’d faced them in combat.  But she feared returning to an empty house, Maria and Monica somehow gone forever despite their victory over Thanos.  Even worse was the prospect that her loved ones would no longer want her by their side after they learned what had happened.

 

Carol knew that she should only feel pure joy at the prospect of returning back to Louisiana.  Instead, all the captain feels as she flies home is the coiling of her insides due to the creeping apprehension that wound throughout her body.  Danvers was aware that logically speaking, the Decimation had been reversed and everyone taken by the snap should have returned.  Yet for whatever reason, it is difficult for the hero to believe that they had succeeded.  After miring in failure for five years, anything good was almost anathema to what she had come to accept as normal.

 

The soldier supposed it was all a result of the accumulated cynicism she had garnered after five years of suffering alone.  Perhaps the voyager’s intense feelings of guilt, anger, shame, and sorrow also fed into this negative storm of doubt and fear.  The last half-decade had altered her, and perhaps not for the better.  And as Carol assessed all this she came to a dreadful and harrowing conclusion: Her family may not even love her anymore once they finally saw the person she had become, how she had changed.  How she had fallen into the howling pit of despair, and almost never came back.

 

But Carol doesn’t want to think about that right now.  Not when she’s about to see the universe again.  _Her_ universe, the only thing that ever truly mattered to the Captain in the end.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Carol landed on her property only a few seconds later and was once again struck with how abnormally normal everything seemed.  As if the past five years had never occurred and life had simply gone on without disruption.  She can still hear the cry of the cicadas and the peaceful trickle from the lazy river that wound through their property.  Still felt the warm, thick heat of the midsummer Louisiana breeze.  Smelled the heavy scent of the willow trees and seasonal flora nearby.  It was all so beautiful; a Louisiana summer night would always be one of the most majestic things in the universe.  And now, with the return of her loved ones, this small marsh was finally her home again.

 

Danvers turned to look towards her house, no longer able to avoid the moment of truth, the reveal of her destiny.  Her home remained undisturbed in the distance despite all the passing seasons.  As she looked closer she witnessed a sight that drew her breath away.  On a warm, melancholic Louisiana night, the Rambeau-Danvers house had its porch lights on after five years of darkness _._ Someone was home, someone was waiting for her.

 

Each step towards the residence was a paradox, a juxtaposition.  As Carol neared her home she felt the growing joy at the anticipation of reuniting with her family.  At the same time, however, the recollection of the weight and pain of the past five years, combined with the sorrow associated with this very place, made the hero acutely aware of her failure in preventing this tragedy.  For once in her life when it had truly mattered, Captain Marvel’s strength and love had not been enough.  Instead trillions had died because she hadn’t thought to stop Thanos beforehand.  She wonders how her loved ones could look upon her again with that knowledge. 

 

The warring mindsets almost consumed her as she journeyed to her abode and she wanted to throw up or fly away from it all.  But the broiling stops and Carol can no longer think when she finally sees who is standing on the deck in front of her.

 

There is a goddess waiting for Carol Susan Jane Danvers on the deck.  Her beautiful, dark skin was wonderfully illuminated from the soft porch light.  All other thoughts leave the captain’s mind and the only thing she can think about, pray for, and shout in reverence to is _Maria, Maria, Maria_ , _Maria, Maria, Maria._

 

Captain Marvel was used to being deified, worshipped.  She had felled tyrants and their armies, withstood destructive forces that could down entire galaxies, destroyed and moved planets, traveled as fast as light, and had brought the infinity gauntlet-wearing Mad Titan to _his_ knees and the brink of desperation.  She may not demand it, but there was a reason why beings across the galaxies knelt to her in honor and fear.  But while everyone else revered and kneeled for Captain Marvel, Carol Danvers only ever worshipped and knelt for one woman in the entire universe.

 

And as Carol sees her wife, her everything, slowly walk down the stairs towards her, the captain found herself falling to both knees for the woman once again.  The hero was motionless, awestruck, raptured.  Only able to slowly reach out towards Maria as she descended from the steps, desperate to find love, solace, and forgiveness in _her_ savior’s arms. 

 

As Maria approached and stopped in front of the prostrated Captain Marvel, the hero looked up at her wife in total reverence and love.  She attempted to convey how much the woman standing above her meant, how much power the other woman held over her.  Maria could ask anything of her now, and she would do it.  Just to see her smile again.  Carol would give this woman dominion over the entire universe if she asked for it.  Captain Marvel only hoped that she would be deemed worthy enough by this goddess to be allowed back by her side.

 

There was only love, joy, and worry in Maria’s eyes when her gaze focused upon her wife.  And as she embraced Carol, arms around the captain’s head while holding her lover close to her womb, Danvers couldn’t ignore the unintentional symbolism of the moment.  Maria had brought life into the world in the form of their daughter and now, over forty years later, she had done so once more.  Without even trying Maria Rambeau had given Carol Danvers new life after the blonde had been dead for five years; she’d breathed fresh air into Carol’s lungs and made her heart beat once more.  The world had never looked so beautiful than when she was cradled in her wife’s arms like this.

 

Being held by the love of her life after being torn away from each other for five years, finally gave Carol permission to let the dam break and crumble to nothing.  She doesn’t need to be strong anymore, doesn’t want to be either.  Heaving sobs escaped from Danvers’ chest and she finally lets the flood free, unstoppable in its trajectory.  Five years of pent up emotion released in one, overwhelming moment.  The captain’s afraid that it would drown Maria, be too much for her wife to hold and control.

 

After over thirty-five years of marriage, Carol Danvers should have learned to never doubt Maria Rambeau’s resiliency.  Captain Marvel may have been the most powerful hero in the universe, but Maria Rambeau would forever be the most powerful being.  Maria would be the woman with the goddess’ heart in her hands, forever.  She would be adored and held in the highest esteem and love, both as Carol Danvers the human and Captain Marvel the warrior.

 

“Shhhhhh, baby.  It’s okay, it’s okay, I got you.  I got you.”  Maria repeated the words as a soft chant, letting Carol know that she was home.  She was safe.  That her world was finally here and would be here forever.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So first of all! Sorry that this took so long to post! Like I said previously: real life, writer's block, and 'mehs' can hold people back so that kinda happened!
> 
> First things first:  
> -You've probably noticed the rating change. "Why?" you may ask? Well, I wrote a smut scene. And it involves bondage and a strap on. If those two things aren't your cup of tea, then skip the end of the sex scene. That being said, I tried to make it very clear before, during, and after the scene that Maria fully consented and Carol was paying attention to all of her wife's cues before actually doing anything. Also I tried to keep it as elegant as possible and not just smut. As in, there's some character talk and head space analysis. And I tried not to make it just dirty, you know? Aftercare is important too, as Carol will teach you.  
> -To go on from above. I made this an 'M' story, but it could easily be changed to 'E'. Uh, you guys should be the judge of that. I kinda did the 'M' rating just because 'E' stories can scare away potential readers (i.e. PG-13 vs. R-rated movies and the difference between those). But again, it can go either way. So let me know what you think IF you feel particularly strongly about it.  
> -There will be hints at future ideas in this chapter. Also, I know that the loose ends seem to be still in the story but, as I've said before: TRUST IN MEEEEEEEEEE. I promise that things will be resolved and touched on in a later chapter/story. Unfortunately due to random update schedules and the magic of real life, it may seem like they've been left in limbo. But I promise you, they're not  
> -Yeah, Maria and Carol didn't do a lot of talking this chapter. That's for the next two. And future stories. Muahahaha. And more is better, yeah? Because we need more Maria/Carol content  
> -Monica is next chapter! As are some other characters!!! And there's another smut scene too!!!  
> -This is around 23,700+ words. So, Fun Fact™, this is the second longest chapter (as of now) in this story! The smut scene is around 6000-8000 words depending on if you count the shower scene as foreplay. [Remember when I said in Chapter 3 that I wasn't going to write long-ass chapters? Yeah that went out the window real quick.] [Also this is the longest chapter note I've written, so at least this chapter gets 'Longest...' something of mine.]  
> -I was kinda half asleep when I wrote some of this chapter, and when I edited it. So I may edit some small syntax and grammatical issues if I see them when I read this chapter again. But if you see anything super bad, let me know. I do everything myself so fresh eyes are always a welcome.
> 
> General housekeeping:  
> -Life is about to pick up again. Hopefully I can work on a lot of Chapter 7 and 8 this week, but as I've said before. Don't hold me to my weird-ass promises.  
> -I'm not going to abandon this fic, I promise. But time and reality are often fickle creatures. Please don't get too nervous if I haven't updated in a month or so. My fics are always being worked on, I just always want to make sure that I have stuff right and fully written. And because of my wordy ass it can take longer than even I like it to be. But oh well, what are you going to do?  
> -If you find anything offensive or have questions, please don't hesitate to leave a comment to correct me and I'll fix it. I am writing for fun and stress relief, not to offend or destroy characters. But also, be nice, yeah? I do this for free.  
> -Also thank you to my helper who broke me through parts of my writing block. You know who you are! :D
> 
> As always: Kudos, comments? Optional. They make my day but are not required to incentivize me to write. I have an idea, I'm going to share it with you, regardless. What is required is enjoyment of my story.

_ One Day Ago _

_—love you._

Maria Rambeau found herself staring at her bedside dresser’s mirror, hands near her face, and the sorrow of loss and grief consuming her mind.  She blinked once, twice, and then shook her head slowly as the pilot attempted to clear out the muddled mess in her mind and focus.  But the more she thought about it, the less sense the situation made to the woman who was so driven by logic.  It was as if she had blacked out entirely, the past few moments lost to eternity and unable to ever be recalled again. The sensation reminded Maria of when one would go into a room with a task in mind, only to forget it before the plan had been completed.  The slight daze of a thought lost briefly stunning someone into a trance.

 

She swiveled her head around in order to quickly investigate the rest of the space, hoping that there would be something that could jog her memory.  Her sleeping quarters were undisturbed, bed made and the furniture, pictures, and other knick-knacks intact and untouched.  Sunlight gently streamed through the patterned curtains and Maria could hear the sounds of the birds and traffic nearby.  A quick glimpse of the small digital clock that rested on her nightstand read 1:43 PM, ideal time to work on the planes Carol and her loved so much.

 

Yet despite the serenity, Maria still frowned to herself.  At first look there was nothing out of the ordinary and everything appeared to be a part of a standard, Louisiana spring afternoon. But the brilliant captain was having difficulty recalling even getting to this place in front of the mirror.  It was as if she had been plucked from a bag and simply placed here in an artificial creation. And because of this, the soldier _knew_ that something had happened. 

 

To the common outsider, Maria acknowledged that it sounded asinine to jump to catastrophic conclusions simply because of a ‘black out.’  But when one’s wife had the cosmic powers of a god, space travel was a semi-regular occurrence as part of one’s vacations, and aliens were included at private family gatherings, the captain knew that often there was more than met the eye.  She had seen and witnessed too much to simply brush off the unease that permeated her soul.

 

The answers to this mystery would not simply be found by standing in front of her dresser mirror, however.  There was nothing out of the ordinary that could lead Maria to the right direction.  In order to completely figure out this conundrum, Maria’s perception screamed at her to look elsewhere for the answers she sought.

 

Maria turned heel to leave but as she did so a sudden thought suddenly intruded the captain’s mind and took precedent above all other concerns.  The image was a reminder, a hope, a wish.  The pilot paused and furrowed her brow, trying to remember what was so important about this thought as she absent-mindedly ran the fingers of her right hand over her left ring finger. 

 

_I hope Carol found my ring._

 

The memory made her blood run cold.  Her heart to ceased in its rhythm and fell through her stomach into an endless blackhole of dread and shock.  She stopped dead in her tracks as her eyes slowly opened in realization and then horror.  _The wedding ring.  Monica.  Carol._

 

Slowly, demons come rising out between the cracks in her memory, begging to be released and lived through again.  Maria ignored them, desperately praying that the insidious notions tearing through her brain were only dreams and never a lived reality.  The SHIELD pilot glanced back at the top of the dresser again, eyes darting around frantically as she looked for the black and gold band that normally adorned her ring finger. 

 

When Maria can’t find the ring, she glanced back up towards the mirror and held up her hands in a similar position as to when she first came to.  The pilot was staggered as a wave of tumultuous and painful memories drowned her with their suddenness and severity.

 

_Working on Carol’s favorite fighter jet in the family’s airplane hangar, listening to the 90s station on their old, beat-up radio._

_Monica, calling in desperate fear before her communications went dark, leaving their daughter’s fate up to the worst of imagination._

_Ricky, running onto the Rambeau-Danvers property, screaming for help before he disappeared helplessly in a pile of dust._

 

_Maria, tugging off her wedding ring and placing it on her dresser.  A message to her godly wife that indicated her family’s fate, their love even in death._

_Activating the beacon before dropping it as she watched herself disappear into the void._

_The void.  So empty.  She’s cold and alone and terrified.  Surrounded by countless husks that have no idea why they’re here.  All of them calling out for their loved ones._

_Monica? Monica! Nononononono._

_Carol?  Where are you? **CAROL—**_

Maria gasped and had to sit down on the bed to stabilize herself, hands on her knees as she took deep, calming breaths.  It had all been too terrifying.  Too tragic.  Too ambiguous.  Too evil.  It had just been too much.  She can feel her heart as it painfully clenched in her chest, the sensation of creeping dread causing the SHIELD agent to freeze completely until her heart rate subsided and Maria could think semi-clearly again.

 

The pilot couldn’t bring herself to think about the ether, not yet.  She needed to focus on the now, and what had transpired after her disappearance.  Focus on what had happened to the world, the universe, and most importantly to Carol Danvers.  Maria couldn’t afford to be selfish and angst solely about her own demons for now.  Instinct was telling the captain that she needed to be strong, the rock that healed and destroyed the shadows that lurked in the deepest recesses of her family’s minds.

 

God help them all if she couldn’t.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The investigatory sweep was started in their bedroom.  The pilot immediately deduced from her memories and the missing ring that Carol had returned to their household at some point; Captain Marvel hadn’t been a victim of _whatever_ had happened.  She doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing yet, Maria supposed that she’ll have to figure it out as she discovers more about the ‘Event’.  Either way, the thought of Carol being alone without her family for any extended period of time saddened and terrified her.  The agent knew how much Carol Danvers cherished and depended on her family; to have that ripped away would have absolutely devastated the hero, changed her irrevocably.

 

Maria pressed on, looking for any signs of recent inhabitation.  The bed was clean and precisely pressed—it was clear no one had slept in it for a very long time.  A glance at the safe sequestered in the back of their closet confirmed Maria’s hunch that Carol had hidden away their jewelry, important documents, and other prized possessions from potentially prying and greedy eyes.  Something her wife would have only done if the voyager planned to be absent for an extended time.

 

The captain shook off the growing sense of alarm and continued downstairs, systematically going from room to room to assess what other clues remained.  A thin, fine layer of dust covered everything that hadn’t been carefully covered in protective cloth, and the blinds and curtains were all tightly drawn, preventing excessive amounts of light from entering the dwelling.  Maria noticed that all of their electronics, save for the clocks, had been unplugged and the floor board she had half-heartedly bugged Carol about was fixed seamlessly, as though it had never been loose to begin with. 

 

Everything was neatly organized and nothing was out of place either, just as the SHIELD pilot always liked it.  It was almost as if Maria herself, and not Danvers, had tabulated the layout of their living space.  But the pilot knew that couldn’t have been the case, especially not when she so vividly remembered being—dissolved.  And as the captain tried to open the windows in order to let some light in so as to bring a little bit of life back to her residence, her final discovery all but confirmed the tragic and devastating conclusions she’d already made.  The window sills had been fused shut absent markings of a welding gun; the house fortified against entry to any unwelcome guests.

 

Maria knew of only one person who could achieve such a feat, and why Carol would go to such lengths to seal their house off from the outside world.

 

Their abode had no longer been a home to Carol while Monica and her were gone.  To Captain Marvel, it most likely was a tomb, a mausoleum.  Something that was too painful to gaze upon but also too sacred to destroy.  The traveling hero had left it as untouched and pristine as she could, most likely in honor and remembrance to her family.  Carol’s own sanctuary on Earth, her family monumentalized forever while she traveled in space.

 

Maria smiled bittersweetly as she sighed out loud.  Carol always had her own ways of being thoughtful and loving, never one to be the most verbose or extremely expressive.  Subtlety had was Carol’s preferred method in showing her devotion and care to those she loved.  Even after such a tragedy, Maria’s wife was always looking out for her and their daughter, taking care of her family in the significant and quiet manner that Maria and Monica loved so much. 

 

Def Leppard was Maria’s music of choice as she turned on the speaker system and set about to making their house a home again.  Maria knew that if Carol and her allies had somehow managed to reverse the ‘Event’, her wife would eventually return in the near future.  The pilot wanted her lover to know that no matter what happened and no matter where Captain Marvel may travel, she would always have a home and someone waiting for her in the form of Maria Rambeau.  Even after a tragic separation.

 

When the cleaning was finished and everything was put in order, which included prying open the melted windows with her enhanced strength, Maria sat down and pulled out her laptop in order to figure out the chronological events during the time she was gone.  As she settled into the sofa she noticed a small scrapbook on the shelf of the adjacent coffee table.  The tome had the exact same color scheme as Captain Marvel’s signature garb.  The pilot frowned, she hadn’t ever seen this book before.

 

Reaching underneath the table, Maria pulled out the object to reveal it as a scrapbook. She wiped off the dust covering it, methodically researching the covers and spine for any clues as to what it contained.  There was no such luck, however, as the outside of the book was completely blank.  Whoever had created this wanted to make this as inconspicuous as possible.  It didn’t take a rocket scientist to deduce who this belonged to.

 

Maria bit her lip as she pondered reading what lay inside, knowing that whatever was contained within the pages would be significant and personal.  But she had to know, had to understand what had happened.  The SHIELD agent knew she couldn’t help her wife if she didn’t comprehend the time during the ‘Event’.  And so she threw all caution to the wind, cracked open the cover, and began to read its contents.

 

She immediately wished she hadn’t.

 

It started off innocuous at first.  The first few pages consisted of simple clippings and photos of Carol’s deeds on Earth.  Reports of a fiery, lightning-fast streak saving hundreds of people from a burning building within seconds.  Airplanes and other airborne crafts being caught in midair and transported when disaster struck.  Wars and other strife, large or petty, being ended by blasts that leveled battlefields and terrified any aggressors into surrendering.  It was the work of a hero, the grace of a goddess on a mortal world.  No longer known as the mysterious Warbird but in her full glory as Captain Marvel.

But as Maria continued to peruse through the rest of the album the contents began to slowly change.  More handwriting began to be interspersed within the margins and the articles, becoming more frantic and incoherent as time passed; as though the author had been unable to keep up with the insanity that ran through their own mind.  There was a variety of messages scribbled amongst the cut-out clippings but the most common themes shared amongst the haphazard chicken-scratch was the need to _‘stay; you have to stay’_ and _‘honor **your** family’.  _Even without being spoken, the etchings conveyed a sense of desperation and loss unlike anything Maria had seen Carol Danvers express.

 

It tore Maria’s very soul into thousands of pieces.

 

It was just a few words and a small plethora of desperate, harried, and messy writings.  But Carol had inadvertently managed to convey all the grief, pain, anger, hopelessness, and animosity she’d endured just a little over a year after what Maria now knew was dubbed as the ‘Decimation’.  When half of all life had been taken away by a being named Thanos, supposedly for eternity.

 

Maria’s return indicated that the supposed permanence of the event was not actually the case.  Somehow and someway those that were killed had been brought back, quite literally the impossible made possible.  It still didn’t mean that the despair and agony of the loss hadn’t happened, however.  The deep scars and trauma that built up over this period would still remain for the people who had to experience the repercussions of the Decimation; they hadn’t been given the supposed mercy of being taken away and locked in an indefinite limbo.  Those who hadn’t been snapped away by Thanos’ actions had a burden to bear both during and after the Decimation that was unfair for anyone to carry.

 

If the tragedy had indeed been universal, as it was rumored by the general populace on Earth to be, then Maria could only imagine the total chaos and suffering that impacted countless civilizations across the universe.  Many of these people would never be the same again, decimated to their very core after such evil.

 

And Maria knew there was only one being who was capable enough to shoulder the formidable obligation of mediating the unhinged madness experienced all across the cold, vast cosmos.  She could only hope that the suffering her wife endured was relatively brief, that Captain Marvel hadn’t lived without her family for a prolonged period of time.  However as Maria logged online and frantically searched for more answers, the last bits of her optimism were shorn to shreds.

 

Carol’s scrapbook had only told part of the story.  Only a year of the story, to be more accurate.  The Decimation hadn’t been one year.  It had been five.  Carol’s personal mémoire only recorded the events on Earth a year after the Decimation, when she had personally lived on this planet.  However this record focused mostly on her personal struggle during that tumultuous time.  The time when she had stayed on Earth out of duty to her family, internally struggling with the painful rage and wanderlust of Captain Marvel and the grief and helplessness of Carol Danvers.  The two facets of her wife’s very being, battling for internal control and threatening to tear her apart as the hero had tried to find even an ounce of stability in a reality that cruelly punished her.

 

As Maria scoured the internet, the rest of the pieces eventually fell into place and revealed a deeper, unsettling picture of the past half-decade.  The initial chaos and destitution that plagued the Earth’s populace as humanity mourned its departed and counted its losses.  The wars, sabotage, and pointless infighting amongst nations and factions as power vacuums caused the opportunistic and hungry to try to establish their own rules.  The aimlessness and depression that people mired in for years, unsure of how to restart their lives after such a catastrophe.  Parents mourning the death of their children and shattering from the unthinkable loss as orphans were found on countless doorsteps, crying for their guardians who were no longer there to comfort them.  The total stagnation of progress and development as many of the greatest scientific and engineering minds had simply disappeared without anyone to truly able to inherit their mantles.

 

It was an endless sea of articles and video accounts that recalled the years on Earth.  There had been so much in the beginning that the news outlets, who were understaffed themselves after the snap, could barely keep up with the reports.  A plethora of compiled official archives painted an accurate chronological picture and recounted each year after Thanos’ actions, making sure to detail every important episode and player that had participated in events before and afterwards.  There were even a few conspiracy theory pages that tried to make sense of all the madness as the world slowly fell apart, attempting to give people something to believe in while the world was reduced to shambles.

 

The words began to blur together as Maria threw herself into reading about the past five years, deciphering the considerable mystery that she had been violently awakened to.  She quickly got lost in her discoveries, the mechanic’s brilliant mind easily categorizing and storing any and all information that crossed her sight.  For anyone else all of the material would have been too much to handle; for the sharp and experienced pilot it was just another course of light reading Something for her to brush up on before bed.

 

Her investigations eventually all led to the most current bulletins, where a sheer veranda of ‘ _Breaking News_ ’ headlines ended up smattered across her desktop.  No one knew exactly how this had been achieved or what it exactly it all meant.  What did matter however, was that those that had been wrongly taken by Thanos’ evil actions had somehow returned.  Of course there would be a whole host of issues that needed to be resolved when billions of people suddenly reappeared but the general consensus was that issues of this sort and magnitude could wait for later.  For now, it was time to celebrate. 

 

Upon catching up with the most recent of stories Maria decided to take a break, knowing that time seemed to fly by whenever she found herself engrossed in a project.  Be it fixing one of SHIELD’s most advanced Quinjets, re-working the house’s electrical system, or learning a novel skill, Maria had a way of getting sucked into her tasks for hours on end.  The pilot’s ability to hyper focus would often lead to her neglecting to eat or sleep while she was engaged in her work—something she couldn’t afford to do right now.  Maria knew she needed to be as ready as possible for Carol and Monica’s return to their home.  She needed to be the source of their strength and security, the foundation that stabilized the strife that would claw at their souls, and the unconditional love that both healed and forgave.

 

Maria couldn’t do that for her girls if she wasn’t prepared, both mentally and physically.

 

The captain looked down at her watch, cursing to herself as she saw the time.

 

 _12:33.  God-fucking-dammit_.

 

Shaking her head in self-frustration, the pilot closed her laptop and headed upstairs.  As she ascended the stairs and walked towards their bedroom, Maria couldn’t shake off the surreal nature of what she was doing.  Maria had only just returned after being trapped in a void for over five years, after a universal tragedy where half of all life had been destroyed by a maniac Titan who figured himself a god.  And now here, on a small farm in a small town in the small state of Louisiana, USA, Maria Rambeau was about to embark on her normal bedtime routine as though nothing had happened.  As though the greatest tragedy in the entire known cosmos had never occurred.

 

And perhaps for those like her and Monica, it never had.

 

Life had gone on, albeit with extreme hardship, without the Disappeared.  Those that hadn’t been snapped away had been forced to acclimate to the abnormal normal that was and endure the pain of being left behind in the corporeal realm.  But to those that had just returned, it had been a second, a blink, a sneeze that they would simply brush themselves off from before continuing on undisturbed.

 

But Maria was wise enough to know that no one had truly gone through this process unscathed.  Absolutely no one was going to be unaffected by the cruelty that the Mad Titan’s actions had wrought across the entire universe.  The pain between the two groups would be staggered, separated by time and space.  While the survivors of the Decimation had withstood the initial misery and suffering, the Disappeared would have to play catch up—the brunt of their trauma would happen five years later.  Those snapped away would have to see how life had metamorphized without their existence, how all of them had been declared dead and never to return from the ether that imprisoned them against their will. Worst of all, many of the Disappeared would now have to see how those that they knew and loved had moved on without them.  Or even worse, forgotten about them entirely.

 

Maria wasn’t worried about her partner ever moving on from her family.  For both Captain Marvel and Carol Danvers, Maria and Monica Rambeau would be their world, their everything. What they cherished above all else.  The two facets of her wife’s being would always be in battle with one another for dominance, but the love for family was a consensus the personas would never disagree on.

 

As she settled into her bed and stared up towards the ceiling, the captain did know what she feared most of all for her wife.  She knew too intimately the terror and pain that her wife would have had to face the years after the Decimation.  And though Carol Danvers may be the most powerful being alive, her mind would always be her greatest weakness.  The Achilles heel that crippled the goddess and made her less than pedestrian.  There had been too much meddling into the mighty Captain Marvel’s psyche over the past few decades. 

 

During her time with the Kree, her wife’s will had been meticulously modified to their exact liking.  The alien supremacists had been ruthlessly methodical and thorough, removing, altering, and completely fabricating memories in order to make Vers subservient and loyal to their cause.  Even when Danvers had purposely used Talos’ memory machine to try to regain her lost memories before the accident, the process had been unkind to her partner.  The Kree empire had so tarnished Captain Marvel’s memory that the hero had initially doubted many of the threads the Skrull technology managed to excavate from the muddled mess that was her subconscious.  The militants had successfully made Carol’s reality a lie and her origins uncertain; the effects of which were still sometimes felt over thirty years later. 

 

Even after most of Carol’s memories had been recovered, her wife would still occasionally wake up screaming and in a cold sweat, wracked by anxiety and terror as she feared for the loss of her sanity.  That coupled with the PTSD from her actions as Vers and some of the battles she fought as Captain Marvel made Danvers’ mind a veritable minefield.  The correct trigger could easily cause Danvers to lose control in the moment, resulting in the hero being overwhelmed by the pain and madness that would sear through her mind during the worst of her panic attacks.

 

The voyager’s only true boon from the demons that tormented her had always been Maria and Monica.  As long as Carol knew that her girls were out there, waiting for her and alive, the hero was assured it would all be okay in the end; no matter the distance that separated them.  Even after the Kree’s Supreme Intelligence had managed to successfully scramble most of Carol’s memory, the oppressive AI could not obliterate the visions of her family.  The images of those she loved more than anything else had ultimately been the impetus to reclaim the entire essence and identity of who Carol Susan Jane Danvers was.

 

At the same time, Maria and Monica had always been there for the captain, never once leaving the voyager’s memory or her side.  Even when the family happened to be separated by distances that spanned across galaxies, they always managed to find each other again.  It was as though the two women were intertwined into Carol’s very essence.  Similar as to how gravity always pulled towards the center of an object, the laws of the universe seemed to dictate that the three women should forever be linked together across time and space.  Without fail, Carol’s family would forever be the siren that called her home.

 

But for the past five years, Maria’s wife had been without her greatest anchor to guide, love, and console her.  And unlike when Carol had been the Kree warrior known as Vers, this time the soldier had a recollection of what had been taken from her; there was no shield of ignorance that could prevent the captain from experiencing the pain of loss from having her family so violently and suddenly ripped away.  The hero’s family had always been the greatest source of her strength, the core of who she was and what she fought for.  For Carol, the most sacred duty in the universe as payment to the selfless women who held her steady and kept her true was to protect Maria and Monica with her very life.  Both Captain Marvel and Carol Danvers would rather let themselves be obliterated countless times over before even the smallest of injuries befell their family in order to achieve this goal. 

 

Maria knew that Carol would have only blamed herself after the Decimation, for being unable to prevent the collapse of the universe.  The hero would have seen herself as the sole perpetrator of the misery that resulted from Thanos’ actions—even if she hadn’t been the one cause the tragedy to begin with.  Worst of all the noble warrior would have abhorred everything she was for failing to protect Maria and Monica, a vow she had made with such severity that it had stunned her girls when it was cemented.  Coupled with the knowledge that the voyager would have had no one who could have helped her process the madness and it was almost too much to think about.  Just the thought of it all made Maria’s body go cold with an inescapable terror while her heart broke for her wife.

 

The soldier had no idea what Carol’s true state of being was at this time, but she was intelligent and knew how to extrapolate when given data and a story.  And so there was one truth that the pilot knew, no matter how much of her wife’s current situation was a mystery: the scars that marred her wife’s soul and mind and would be unfathomable, traumatizing, and permanent.  The Carol Danvers she knew five years ago would no longer be the same person a half decade later.

 

 _I’m so sorry, Carol_.  _I’m so, so sorry.  I wish I could have been there for you, baby._

 

* * *

 

**_2018_ **

_Carol had gotten the call a day and a half ago.  It had been from a corrupt transport corporation, whose greed and avarice had not only put their workers and property at risk but countless galaxies, too.  And the weapons the ships carried, with power that could annihilate planets with just a few warheads, were now in the hands of those willing to use them—or at least sell them to the highest bidder who would use them instead.  It was potentially catastrophic; and the corporation knew they had no choice but to call in the only person that could stop all this.  So, reluctantly, they had requested the services of a hero whose very name made even the worst of villains terrified.  But whose presence was also becoming noticeably less apparent in galaxy-level threats._

_The universe had learned, with Carol’s guidance and fiery fists, how to police itself and efficiently nip threats in the bud.  Thus, Carol’s monthly patrols were now less frequent, urgent; her home becoming less of a base and more of a permanence instead.  But it was moments like these, ones where galaxies and trillions of peoples’ lives were at stake, that required Captain Marvel’s attention and action.  Pulling the hero away from C-53 and back into the cosmos.  Such was the life of the universe’s most powerful being._

_And so Maria found herself facing her wife in the twilight of a Louisiana winter, bidding her farewell for the foreseeable future.  The soft buzz of the insects hummed in the background as they said their final parting words._

_“I’ll be back for our anniversary, I promise.”  Carol nodded stoutly and then smiled softly.  Only Maria was able to see the sadness interwoven in the cocky grin.  “And your birthday, and Monica’s.  And mine because I love opening presents and I’m really looking forward to that new Stark Industries smart watch they have coming out.”_

_Maria reached out to place her hand on Carol’s cheek, soothing her partner with the light touch.  “You goof.  The most powerful being in the universe and you still get as excited as a five year old at Christmas when it comes to presents.”  The buzzing in the background grows louder, louder, louder.  “When you return I promise that the boxes of your gifts won’t be the only present you’ll get to unwrap.”_

_But Carol isn’t blushing at the innuendo this time.  Instead her brow is furrowed.  And when she opens her mouth to say something, Maria cannot hear the words._

_The pilot reached out towards Carol again, trying to call out her name, but nothing comes out.  The buzzing is gone.  All that’s left is silence._

_She reaches out again to hold her wife, but her hand meets something solid.  As if an invisible barrier separated the two captains.  They can see each other but are unable to do anything else.  Carol reaches out and places her hand to meet Maria’s where it is also stopped by the barrier, an inch separating the two women from contact._

_Maria tries speaking again; yelling, desperate to understand what’s going on._

_And that’s when she feels the same damn tug, the pull to her very soul.  She doesn’t need to look at her hands to know what’s happening but does so anyways.  They’re grey now, starting to crack and turn to dust.  She’s disappearing **again**._

_Nonononononononononono._

_She turns to look back up at Carol, fear and sorrow etched on her features as the ether begins to take her away.  Hoping to find solace with one last glance at the woman she loved._

_The look on Captain Marvel’s face terrifies Maria instead.  It’s the visage of a nightmare.  Agony, fear, **rage.**   Her wife’s beautiful face is twisted into a monstrous form as she watches Maria dissolve away, her whole being on fire as she pounds on the barrier as she desperately tries to reach her lover._

_It’s too late.  Maria falls back, pulled now instead by a physical force.  Screaming in silent terror as she is yanked back into the ether, violently falling, falling, falling and—_

_The sky is on fire.  She is not home.  She is not anywhere. There is nothing.  And she is nowhere._

_There is an endless, orange, merciless, total vacuum. No matter how far she runs, Maria Rambeau can never reach a definite end.  No matter how much she exerts her lungs, her cries are muted, unheard and lost in the void.  No matter how meticulously she searches, she cannot find her daughter._

_The captain is trapped, lost to the ether for eternity. Lost to her wife and daughter.  Banished from the corporeal dimension where she belonged. And this is unacceptable, anathema._

_So she calls out, she sobs, she despairs, and she eventually falls to the watery terrain, broken and hopeless as the haze of the realm begins to swallow her whole.  Maria cannot technically die when there is nothing to erode away.  That doesn’t mean that she exists anymore either, however._

_She resigned herself to fate, to being consumed by forces that are beyond her control.  At least her complete obliteration in this dimension was painless, relatively speaking of course._

_And so she wanders for what seemed to be an eternity.  A lost soul amongst trillions._

_“Maria?”_

_The sound of **her** voice caused Maria to freeze, eyes opening in shock and disbelief and hope.  The monotony of nothing, shattered into oblivion as the most melodious sound of a goddess’ voice brings her back to being.  She’s not gone just yet._

_Gods and cosmic order had nothing on **her** power, **her** will, **her** love.  Nothing could stop Carol Danvers from being with her family.  Nothing ever would._

****

**_CarolCarolCarolCarolCarolCarolCarolCarolCarolCarolCarol._ **

****

_She feels the pull again, as if going in reverse.  And she’s flying, flying, flying and then—_

_Maria is standing on a planet that is unknown.  It is not Earth.  But it is somewhere.  And it is something.  And that is better than before, at least._

_The SHIELD pilot looks around and upon first glance, she is sure she’s in Eden.  A plethora of trees tower above her like skyscrapers, beautiful and lush, containing colored foliage that would never have been seen on Earth.  The mountains are jagged goliaths, creating a stern horizon that inspires awe.  And the sky, by the planet’s own ethereal light, was a surreal palette of bright, pastel hues that dyed the clouds into cotton-candy puffs._

_Maria was sure she was in paradise.  And even though she’d never actually been on or seen this planet before, the captain is sure she’s home._

_“Maria!”_

**_Her_ ** _voice.  Again.  This time not just an echo but an actual corporeal sound.  A wonderful song that meant everything the pilot ever wanted was here, alive._

 

_Turning around, she sees a wide river nearby.  Emerald green, yet clear enough to see the stones beneath the shallow waters.  But the sight of the river pales in comparison to the spectacle standing on the opposite riverbank.  A spectacle dressed in red, blue, and gold, with straw-blonde hair and a smile that could light up a galaxy._

_“Carol.  Carol!”_

_The women run into the waters, unmoved by the force of the underlying current.  Heaven nor Hell could stop them now.  They meet at the glorious middle, Carol picking up her wife and spinning her around before placing her back into the knee-deep water._

_They spend the next few seconds simply staring at each other, disbelieving, in awe, in love.  But Maria knows her wife too well, the blonde can never hide anything from her.  And as the pilot looks deeper into Captain Marvel’s eyes, she sees something else.  Hidden deep, but unable to be covered up from the woman who held the hero’s heart in her hands._

_Maria reaches up to cup her wife’s face in her hands. Focusing the warrior and bringing her back from reality._

_“Carol?  Carol, where are we?  What happened?”_

_Carol cocks her head and grins at Maria, still looking at the other woman as though she were her world.  But this time, her wife’s grin isn’t reassuring and a sense of unease permeates through Maria’s stomach instead; the smile didn’t truly reach the blonde’s eyes._

_“I didn’t think it would work,” she murmured, before leaning in and placing a deep kiss on Maria’s lips.  It’s gentle and desperate all at once, and even though Maria loves the proximity, she knows that now isn’t the time.  She pushes back against Carol’s shoulders, causing them to separate and look each other in the eye again._

_“Baby, what do you mean?  What did you think wouldn’t work?”_

_Carol’s smile only grows larger, and she shakes her head.  “It’s nothing, love.  It’s fine.”_

_But Maria knows it’s not fine and she tries to ask questions but Carol places a finger to her lips to softly silence her.  The blonde moves her hand to Maria’s cheek and uses her thumb to soothe her._

_“Don’t worry, I promise.” Carol’s words are a reverent whisper, and she turns around and latches on to Maria’s hand, gently tugging her along.  “Let’s go!  I have so much to show you.”_

_As they walk along the river Maria can feel something wet on her cheek where Carol’s hand had once laid. Reaching up she is startled when her hand comes back wet, covered in red.  She stops dead in her tracks and wipes her cheek again, body going cold in horror as more red liquid coats her fingers._

_“Carol, what did you do.”  It’s not a question, it’s a demand.  In a tone that Maria knew her wife would answer to no matter the circumstances, no matter **who** the warrior happened to be.  Carol stops, unable to look back at Maria._

_“I did what I had to do, Maria.”  It was soft, simply stated.  But the words held weight._

_Maria looks up again to face her wife, needing to know what Captain Marvel meant.  But when she takes in the scenery and partner again, she can find no words at what she sees._

_What had once been a dream was now only a nightmare, a scene of carnage and violence spread across a vast, endless realm.  The once looming forest was now a broken landscape of buildings from various civilizations across the universe, reduced to shattered and smoldering metal carcasses while smoke from the wreckage lifted into the sky, creating dark, billowing plumes that blotted out most of the light.  The stone goliaths in the background were now mountains of corpses, stacked so high they were all one could see for miles on end.  And the river they stood in, no longer a vibrant emerald but a dark, muddy brown as rivers of different-colored blood flowed into a single source._

_It was a visage straight out of hell.  And Maria had no doubt as to who caused this chaos and carnage._

_“Why, Carol?”  She’s calm, too calm.  Maria should be enraged, disgusted, afraid at the destruction she’s witnessing.  But she isn’t, the pilot knows Carol would never hurt her.  Besides, the pilot only sees the violence as a natural result of the universe righting itself.  Captain Marvel had been denied what she held most dear, and a goddess had a right to do what was needed in order to right the imbalance wrought upon her._

_Carol turns and gathers Maria back into her arms again.  But it’s not the Carol she knows.  No, this woman is dressed in black and red, eyes and lips streaked with ash.  A manic look etched upon her perfect, harsh features as she stares into her wife’s eyes.  The captain leans up and places a soft kiss on Maria’s lips, staring deep into her eyes with honesty, love, obsession._

_“I did it all for you, baby.”_

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Maria’s eyes snapped open, body covered in a cold sweat as she slowly came to, her senses gradually returning to her as her heart rate steadily slowed down from the nightmare.  The pilot rarely reacted so strongly to her dreams but this had been something else entirely.  It was more than a nightmare, more than a jumble of memories and snippets of records that her unconscious mind had attempted to make sense of after learning about the chaos of the Decimation.

 

No, this ordeal had been something else entirely.  The nightmare, if it could even be called as such, had been too vivid, intense, _real_.  The visage almost seemed as if it were a warning, or even a portal to another universe.  A peek into what could be if events had played out differently.  If Carol had lost everything permanently, and there had been no hope left in the universe.  No way for Maria or Monica to return.

 

It was as though some force in the cosmos had shattered a two-way mirror and forced Maria to observe through the shards what lay beneath the tranquil and ideal illusion of her own reality.  She had been made to bear witness to the carnage and desolation wrought by a Captain Marvel with no restraints, with nothing to lose.  A Captain Marvel that no one could stop and had lost all shreds of her humanity with the loss of her family.  And it was one of Maria’s worst fears in all of the universe.

 

Because in moments like these, Maria was once again reminded of her wife’s endless power, her near potential omnipotence.  What Carol could do if completely unleashed and without mercy, untethered by losing the two women she loved most in the universe.  And Maria knew that she and Monica were about the only two forces in this current reality that could stop Carol from ever going on a complete rampage. They were the only ones who could damper any potential cruelty and hatred that Captain Marvel managed to weaponize against the hapless souls beneath her.  Without the Rambeaus the universe had no hope of ever stopping the warrior if she somehow lost control.

 

Captain Marvel hid it well, but Maria was still able to get an occasional glimpse of the darkness that lurked beneath the hero’s noble and stoic veneer.  Maria had only seen small fractions of the cabalistic persona that threatened to consume the hero when she happened to lose control or if her loved ones’ very lives were at risk.  She had even observed first-hand the carnage wrought on those that had threatened the lives of Carol’s family, how viciously they had been hunted down and eliminated.  Granted, in those moments it had been provoked because of foolish aggressors who had no idea what idiocy they’d bumbled upon.  But to Maria it still didn’t change the fact that her wife was very capable of such savagery if it was ever required, or simply deemed necessary due to Captain Marvel’s own whim.  Veracity determined that if anyone took Carol Danvers’ family away from her again, there would be nowhere in the cosmos that would be safe from suffering her wife’s wrath. 

 

Worst of all, Maria wasn’t sure if she’d necessarily condemn her wife at all for such possible actions.  Since Carol’s return from her involuntary stint with the Kree, Maria had personally seen the gradual toll guarding the universe as its primary savior had wrought on her wife.  A toll paid not only as Captain Marvel but also as Carol Danvers the human, inescapable and all-consuming in its demand.  Maria had observed silently throughout the years and shared in her wife’s pain as the job required everything from the space-faring captain.  And no matter how hard Danvers tried to hide the agony, turmoil, and sorrow from her family, both Monica and Maria could clearly see how it had all affected Carol.  And it broke their hearts.

 

It was unfair, for one person to have to shoulder so much.  Never being allowed to break in front of those she served while at the same time reluctant to be vulnerable to those she loved.  Not because Carol didn’t trust her girls with her very soul but because the captain never wanted her wife and daughter to have to endure the same suffering as she did.  Danvers would have allowed herself to be destroyed a thousand times over before even a single hair on their heads were damaged.  Before any of them were bestowed the cruel burden of trying to save everyone.

 

Throughout the past few decades, Carol had faced a wide range of painful missions.  Her family always helped her heal and lessen the pain and trauma, but Maria and Monica knew that nothing would ever truly be enough to help Carol deal with what she faced out in the cosmos. And the accumulation of such events, large and small, added more fuel to the conflagration that would wear heavily on Carol’s soul and mind.

 

The injustice of this dynamic only angered Maria on Carol’s behalf. All the universe had done to her wife, her love, was take away from her.  It took Carol away from her family, once as a prisoner of the Kree and then regularly for her job as the savior of the universe. It had taken away her recollection of the past with her loved ones and life on Earth, never truly regaining her memory even after using advanced Skrull technology.  Her job took away time with friends and family, demanding that the captain devote her energy and concentration to beings who wouldn’t care about her the next day.  Worst of all it takes away her wife’s soul and hope, the demands of countless people and the terrors she faced tearing pieces out of Carol without ever giving anything back.

 

Her memory flashed back to the Kree’s assault on the gentle Pheragots nearly a decade ago.  The soldier could clearly recall the haunted and lost look on Carol’s face when she returned from the patrol.  How broken her wife had been as she recounted the events, the cruelty inflicted by the colonizing race on such an innocent people.  The other captain had blamed and hated herself for the attack; Danvers didn’t even sleep or eat for two weeks after her return to Earth from the mission most likely as a form of self-imposed punishment.  It had been one of the worst operations Captain Marvel had ever embarked on after she had freed herself from the Kree.  The attack had left deep, ragged scars Maria knew would never go away and would forever torment the captain, never giving her respite.

 

At least Carol had her family by her side during those decades, the two women who loved and stood by her no matter what.  But after the Decimation, there had been no one who Captain Marvel could have found respite in.  No one who could have helped shoulder the burden she carried and slowly wore away at her from the inside out.  For five years, there had been no one to help her heal and feel loved, feel more than just a super soldier.  There had been no one where she could instead just be a wife and mother to, a human on a small blue planet in the middle of nowhere.

 

Any pain and trauma that Carol would have endured during the past half-decade had been entirely on her own.  Completely without her family by her side to help her through the darkest moments.  There had been no one to guide her when the captain had to witness and mediate the worst of what life was capable of.  There was no way for Maria’s wife to truly process and mourn everything that had happened in between the major missions since the Decimation.  And the knowledge of this reality broke her heart.

 

As Maria settled back into bed, eager to return to sleep before the day arose, she could feel the cold tendrils of anxiety and fear as they twisted and constricted around her heart.  The tight coil of emotion kept the pilot awake while her mind raced, thinking about the past half-decade and all that had occurred.  Worst of all were the worries about her wife and the state of her being after all this time without her loved ones.  It was all completely overwhelming and made the usually steady and composed captain feel lost, uncertain, and powerless about the whole situation.  Normally Maria would have an solution to any problem presented to her; she hadn’t graduated near the top of her class for a reason. 

 

But this was entirely uncharted territory, a puzzle that had no easy answer or fix.  And the pilot knew that a definite resolution would need to figured out, and soon.  The stability of Carol’s mind and spirit depended upon it.

 

Carol Danvers had always been enough for Maria Rambeau.  The blonde was Maria’s world and the family they had made with Monica created the source of her happiness.  Nowhere was Maria more at peace than when their little family was all together.  Carol had selflessly given the pilot everything she had wanted and then some.

 

Now Maria could only hope that she would be enough for her wife in return.

 

* * *

 

The loud bauble of Maria’s cell phone cut sharply through the early morning air, startling the captain awake as the tone echoed through the room.  Maria rubbed her eyes and checked the clock on her nightstand, wondering how long she had slept and who thought it would be appropriate to call her at this hour.

_5:02_. 

 

Maria sighed and reached over to her nightstand to pick up the vibrating phone, checking the display to see who was attempting to reach her.  The pilot frowned when she saw the caller ID, or rather, the lack of. 

_Unknown Caller_.

 

Her cell phone number was a limited commodity and considered extremely confidential, encoded with the highest level of encryption and screening technology, not only for privacy but also for the captain’s safety.  Though few knew about Captain Marvel’s personal life, there was always the potential threat of loose lips, and information about the hero’s family becoming common knowledge amongst the populace.  And while the voyager preferred to remain an enigma because of personal desires, there were also many people in the universe who were eager to exploit any of Carol’s possible weaknesses.

 

So for someone to be able to reach her from an unknown number and slip through her security protocols so easily immediately after Maria’s return was worth raising an eyebrow to.  It would be foolish and go against all reason to answer this call, but Maria’s intuition told her that the person on the end of this line was more than just an ally.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Mom?  Mom!” Maria’s heart jumped out of her chest, a blossom of love and joy she always felt upon hearing her daughter’s voice spreading through her.  Only this time it was more poignant after the Decimation, knowing what she and her daughter had gone through too.  What they had lost the past five years.

 

Monica’s voice brought Maria back to the present, back to her peace and her world.  “Mom, are you there?  Are you okay?”

 

“Monica, I’m okay.  I’m right here baby girl.  I’m here.”

 

A sigh of relief reverberated through the phone and Maria wanted nothing else but to reach through the line to give her baby a hug.  Spectrum was already an accomplished hero by her own merit, but even with all her experience, she was still deeply attached to her mothers and always wanted to check in regularly.  Monica’s parents never wanted their daughter to feel as though they were holding her back but they couldn’t deny that they loved their semi-regular conversations with their child.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you after…everything.”  Monica still sounded somewhat dazed, as though her head were still in the clouds.  No matter how brilliant one was, a half day to process all that had happened, especially if they had been a part of the Disappeared, was not enough.  It was going to be a long road back to normal, whatever that was now, for everyone.  “As soon as I got back?  I think that’s what it was…I don’t really know actually.”  She sighed and Maria could only imagine the young hero shaking her head at it all.  “Anyways, I was called in by the acting director to help reorganize everything and give orders to the troops that had also been taken away.  And then I got a call from the executives in SHIELD and was told about all the stuff that was going on and—”

 

“Monica, girl, it’s okay. It’s okay,” Maria murmured, radiating an aura of serenity even through the phone.  The captain knew that she needed to calm her daughter down and that being emotional would achieve the opposite effect.  In reality Maria would have rather preferred to cry out to the heavens and hold her child close to her heart, openly expressing the jubilation of seeing her daughter again after such evil had torn them apart.  But for now, Maria needed to be the source of her child’s strength.

 

“You’re Spectrum and one of SHIELD’s most prized personnel.  You have duties to fulfill for them first.  Lord knows Carol and I did when we were in the Air Force all those eons ago.”

 

The dig at her own age caused Monica to laugh and Maria smiled into the phone.  She could sense that her daughter’s frantic demeanor was slowly dissipating with each moment they spent in connection with one another.  _You still got it, even all these years later._

 

“The burdens of a hero are often going to be prioritized over the more personal ones, Monica.  I think you and I are all too familiar with and understand that, yes?”

 

She could hear Monica nod over the phone and smiled sadly.  While neither of the two women would ever begrudge Carol for her duties to the universe, it still didn’t mean that they didn’t miss the blonde terribly when she was gone.  That they wished their lives could sometimes be a little more simpler than what they had all been thrust into.

 

“You’ll always have responsibilities to fulfill to your job first, kiddo.  And not just to your job but to the betterment of the world.” She could hear her daughter sigh on the other end, the weight of being a hero ever present especially in a crisis like this.  “Never apologize for that, okay?”

 

There’s a pause as Monica took in her mother’s wisdom.  Always available but heard for the first time in five years.  “Thanks for understanding.”

 

Maria hummed, letting her daughter know that she held nothing against her.  Besides, as a parent, she knew that she held some of the blame too.  They’d both been too engrossed with figuring out what had happened after their disappearance and return to reach out right away to any possible family.  Like mother, like daughter.

 

“How are you doing after it all?” Monica had never been one to beat around the bush.  “I mean, physically? I feel fine, like nothing actually happened.  But I’m not really sure about…well, you know.”

 

It didn’t need to be said.  The non-corporeal damage would be the greatest hurdle to recover from after all this.

 

“I think you just said everything that I was thinking.  I still feel just as I was before all this.  Just as strong, just as young.”  That elicited a chuckle from both of them.  “But I don’t know what’s going to happen next, Monica.  There’s been so much change for those that weren’t snapped away five years ago.  There’s going to be a lot of pain, turmoil, and trauma to digest, kiddo.”

 

“Yeah…” Monica trailed off, mustering up the courage to say what they both were dreading.  The Lieutenant had never been one to hide from the elephant in the room.  “Do you think _she’s_ okay?”

 

The two agents paused as they wondered the same thing.  They both had the same knowledge of Carol’s physical strength and abilities; but they also knew how much the captain’s family meant to her.  How much the hero needed them in order to stay grounded, human.  The two women always gave Captain Marvel the much needed respite from the grueling and unrelenting duties of her job.  Without her rock to stabilize her, the Rambeaus were worried that the harm that had occurred during the years of their absence would be permanent.

 

Maria wanted to tell Monica the easiest answer, the one a parent would relay to a terrified child in order to quell their fears even when the outcome was inevitably dismal.  But Monica was too seasoned and intelligent to be fooled in such a manner.  Any attempt to cover up the truth from her daughter would be met with frustration and indignance; it would have been an insult to the highest degree.

 

“I don’t know, Monica.”  Maria pursed her lips, sharing in the same anguish that her daughter currently did.  The elder woman was determined to not let the fear and doubt seep through her voice as she talked to her child.  “Carol’s always been the strongest person I know, and one of the most resilient.  But she always had us as her support network when things got tough for her.  These past five years however she—”

 

“She had no one.”

 

“Yeah, she had no one.”

 

A depressing silence settled in between the two women, each of them sharing in the weight of the sorrow that Carol had to endure while they were gone.  But they would always be there for the hero, no matter what.  It had been in their blood, a call to each of them.  The two soldiers had long ago reached an unspoken agreement that whatever version of Carol Danvers returned to them, no matter the state of her mind and body, they would always remain unflinchingly by her side.

 

The Decimation would prove to be no different, it would not break this vow both Maria and Monica Rambeau had solemnly made all those years ago.  No matter what evil Thanos had inflicted upon the universe, he would never be able to shatter the bond shared by the Rambeau-Danvers clan.

 

“Will you be okay?” Monica queried, voice infected with a slight tremble at the fear of the great uncertainty that faced them all.  The young SHIELD agent had faced adversity before, but never to this scale—none had.  It would be cruel and unfair to expect Monica to be completely ready take on the repercussions of all of this alone. 

 

Her daughter’s tone told Maria that there was more the hero wanted to say, but that other matters demanded her attention first.  “I’ll be okay, girl.  You’ll be okay, too.  I promise.  We’ll get through all of this, together.”

 

“No matter what happens Monica, your mama and I will always love you.”  Maria sighed softly, letting her words percolate before resuming.  “Carol and I will always be here for you, in whatever capacity we are able to give.  For as long as we are able to give.”  The older woman felt her resolve strengthen despite the uncertainty that faced them.  She knew now that she had the strength to heal her family, no matter what it took.  “Now go, kiddo.  I know you have a lot on your plate and that your superiors are calling you back.  Just this once, they’re more important than me.”

 

Monica laughed, she could never hide anything from her mother.  Maria’s nigh omniscience when it came to her girls was uncanny.

 

“I love you, Mom.  I’ll try to visit tomorrow afternoon, if I can sneak away from Agent Hill.”

 

Maria chuckled.  “I love you too, baby girl.”  Both of them were sniffling into the phone at this point, trying to withhold the emotional outburst that threatened to be unleashed.  “Come by when you can. You’ll always have a warm meal and your bed waiting for you.”

 

With those words Spectrum wished her mom a final good bye before hanging up the phone.  The call had been bittersweet and revealed much of the women’s worries.  However the check-in had also been cathartic, a necessary rapid debrief of what they both knew to be truth.  And now, with the causes of their anxiety fully brought to light and made corporeal, the soldiers knew they could handle the burden.

 

The pilot smiled to herself and shook her head, getting out of bed and stretching out her body.  There was no time to worry over things that hadn’t happened yet, the pilot knew she could manage each problem as they came.  She always did.  Besides, she had preparations to make and the devil always made work for idle hands.

 

* * *

 

As Maria went to work getting the house ready for Carol’s inevitable return sometime in the near future, she turned on the news in hopes that the bigger picture would start to coalesce into something coherent.  She listened to the endless drone of the anchorpeople as they disclosed the happenings surrounding what was now deemed the ‘Blip’, when half of all life that had been taken by the Decimation had suddenly reappeared without a discernable cause. 

 

Many of the worldwide populace suspected that the paltry remains of what had once been the Avengers was responsible, but the leaders of the group had gone radio silent.  No one could reach the group of vigilantes and they hadn’t bothered to release an official statement.  Maria knew the habits of the Avengers all too well, thanks to her wife’s reconnaissance when she happened to be planetside.  The mechanic would bet her house on the fact that somehow, someway the Avengers were involved in this event. 

 

But even though the Disappeared had returned, Maria was still wary about celebrating too early.  Her combat experience informed the pilot that there was something else that they were waiting for; they hadn’t declared a victory because the group of heroes still didn’t see themselves as out of a battle yet.  There was something else that the band was working on in conjunction with whatever they had done to reverse the Decimation.

 

The pilot’s intuition and queries were answered when the jangle of a _Breaking News_ bulletin flashed across the screen.  Maria un-muted the television set and set back to work chopping up the vegetables for the gumbo she had planned for dinner when the sound of incomprehensible screaming interrupted her work.  Wiping her hands off the apron she wore, the pilot walked back into the living room, brow furrowed as she attempted to see what the ruckus was all about.

 

On the screen flashed the headline: ‘ _Massive ship arrives over the Avengers’ facility in upstate New York, possible sounds of battle heard nearby’._ The footage had been recorded on a phone camera, and the observer’s commentary was censored as they let loose a plethora of expletives while the sounds of metal against metal, gun blasts, and cries of pain and victory were picked up by the background audio.  The reporter’s voice became progressively frenzied as more and more witness videos began pouring in, the network overflowed with external input and racing to put together the story first.

 

For Maria, it told the soldier everything she needed to know.  Bringing back everyone hadn’t come without a cost.  She could only imagine what it had been to cause such turmoil at the very house of the Avengers. 

 

The captain resumed making dinner as she listened intently to the newscast in the background, hearing more and more reports from eye witnesses about the ‘monsters’ that had escaped from the large, disc-shaped ship that seemed to be a harbinger of death.  Claims that more and more fallen heroes were entering the battle also swept through the reports and once Maria had fixed most of the meal, she sat down and simply watched the news.  Hoping that something would tell her about her wife’s whereabouts.

 

_Carol, where are you?_

The broadcast’s tone immediately changed from informative to overwrought as the interval between the submitted videos began to increase.  Reports of rising levels of danger rang in Maria’s ears as apparently the massive ship that laid siege on the headquarters had begun a volley of cannon fire that cut out local communications and whose splash damage was injuring nearby witnesses, thus explaining the recent lack of ground footage.  Evacuation and shelter instructions began flashing on the ticker at the bottom of the screen, warning citizens of New York to escape and prepare for the worst.  Her phone began to ping with live emergency updates, the panic starting to seep worldwide and no longer confined to a single location.

 

And then…

 

As quickly as all hope had been lost it was soon regained.  All across Earth there arose a buzz, a hum.  Rumors spread instantly like wild fire of an object streaking purposely towards Earth, traveling near the speed of light.  Hacked satellite images revealed a comet-like entity propelling towards New York, so bright and traveling so fast that the cameras could barely pick up the enigma.  The whispers of who the mysterious being could be picked up in intensity, the names _Warbird_ and _Captain Marvel_ lifted as hopeful prayers.  But only two women in the entire universe knew the true identity of the warrior that, once again, had the fate of the cosmos resting on her broad shoulders.

 

_Carol._

Her wife was a goddess, heaven’s wrath and righteous fury personified as she pummeled through the massive ship that threatened Earth.  The janky video footage that managed to catch the battle observed from afar as the comet broke through the monolith, hovering above as it admired its handiwork.  Successfully downing the maligner who threatened her home.

 

The spectacle was over as soon as it began, however.  Carol zoomed back down to the ground, out of view from any cameras.  Everyone on Earth awaited the final outcome of the war with bated breath, hoping for a conclusive decision; they were soon to be disappointed.  Less than ten minutes later, a massive gamma wave pulsed throughout the planet and all communications went black.

 

An hour later, after power was restored, it was clear that the battle was over.

 

* * *

 

Maria was watching the news when she heard Carol’s muted return, her Kree-enhanced senses picking up the foot falls as her lover lightly touched ground.  The subtle landing was so unlike her wife and the captain could feel the nasty spike of anxiety rise up and curl around her heart again.  Usually when Danvers returned she made a spectacle of herself, a majestic and fiery specter that never tried to be inconspicuous.  She had no reason to be anyways, nothing in the known universe could harm her.

 

This time however, Carol had purposely decided to land quietly and without fanfare, and relatively further away from their house than she normally did.  It gave Maria pause and once again the pilot had to be reminded of how out of the ordinary this all still was.  Even though Maria had awoken to a completely altered universe after five years of technically being ‘dead’, to her own perspective it had only been a few seconds of nothing.  For Carol and the others that had survived the Decimation, it had been a half decade of torture.

 

Having such a tragedy rip through one’s life was bound to create trauma that would be nearly impossible to handle, no matter how powerful one was.  For those that had remained, change was an inevitable response.  And perhaps for most, not for the better.  The metamorphosis people underwent within the last five years could have made some uglier, more jaded, unrecognizable, and completely undesirable to their loved ones who’d ‘blipped’ back.  Those that survived would not only have the burden of acclimating the Disappeared to the new reality but also carry the fear of potentially being rejected by those who were snapped away.

 

But Maria doesn’t have the mental capacity to think about all that right now.  Because when the pilot opened the front door of their house, stood outside on their porch, and looked out towards the front lawn, she sees everything she ever needed at that moment.  And Maria’s world slows down when she finally looks at _her._ Finally catches the elusive enigma that had evaded everyone and everything for years.

 

A woman stood at rapt attention just a few yards away from the steps, her face a mask of reverence, humility, disbelief, and love as she solemnly watched Maria’s slow approach towards her position.  As Maria came closer, the soldier fell to her knees and reached out to the goddess, desperately searching for a shore to find refuge from the endless, raging sea that battered her around mercilessly.  She was no longer able to remain strong and carry the burden of everything that had happened and what was yet to come. 

 

And Maria didn’t want the other woman to feel like she had to be anything right now except for _hers_.   _Her_ wife, _her_ lover, _her_ best friend, _her_ fellow parent, _her_ everything.  There was nowhere the other blonde needed to be right now except for here, on a farm in a small town in Louisiana.  Where no one but her family knew who she truly was.

 

Because right now, the being that knelt before Maria Rambeau wasn’t a goddess, a hero, or a savior.  For now, all she had to be was simply a human.  She was Carol Susan Jane Danvers once again and Maria would forever be here to guide and help her remember who she was.

 

As she cradled and comforted Carol while she wept in her arms, Maria realized once again how lucky she was.  A mere mortal, able to hold even a fraction of this amazing being’s heart.  This woman who had moved worlds, saved the universe countless times over, and witnessed sights that defied explanation, somehow managed to have room in her heart for Maria and Monica.  And Maria knew that both her and Monica didn’t simply just occupy a space in Carol’s soul and being but were the very base upon which they stood.

 

It was an honor that Maria would never take for granted.  To be able to love this selfless woman that knelt before her in honor and then be loved back in return so irrevocably, unconditionally, and totally was a treasure only gifted by cosmic forces.  These two people, completely devoted and beholden to one another across time and space, physically inseparable and conjoined by a bond unbreakable by any force or will for eternity.  They would forever be each other’s support and strength no matter where the other happened to be in the universe, as though it were destiny and part of their very essence to do so.  A truth echoed and intertwined throughout the laws of the universe.

 

Maria adhered unflinchingly to this duty, stoutly determined to fulfill her wife’s needs in whatever capacity she was able to give; in the past, present, and future.  But right now the pilot knew that the cosmos needed her to rebuild this shattered husk of a human, and Maria would happily oblige.  She would be Carol’s anchor to reality, the safe and certain drawing her wife back to where she truly belonged.  Maria would forever be the sign that let Carol Danvers know that her home, her world, and her love were to never leave her again.  That the hero could finally rest knowing that the next day would be full of promise and love instead of the despair that had plagued her after the Decimation.

 

And so Maria clutched Carol Susan Jane Danvers close to her body like both of their lives depended on it, each woman tethering the other and preventing her from floating into oblivion.  The pilot soothed her mate with gentle caresses and whispered reassurances and affirmations, slowly and surely bringing the hero down from her emotional peak, never once letting Carol feel shame for visibly expressing her internal struggles.  Maria had always stressed to Carol that showing her emotions visibly to her family could never make them think any less of her, that they made Danvers the woman Monica and her loved. 

 

Thusly, Maria encouraged that the other captain take all the time needed to feel each emotion as she recovered, the people she loved most with her every single step of the way during the process.  Monica and Maria’s patience was always unlimited when it came to helping Carol come to terms with the difficult scenarios she encountered.

 

As Carol gradually settled down, Maria’s hands moved to cup her wife’s face, lifting Carol’s head off of her womb to assess her current state.  Carol looked back up at her savior, wearing the mask of a venerated believer as silent tears ran down her cheeks, smearing the dust and grime that remained from the battle against Thanos.  Maria could only stare adoringly into her wife’s eyes in return, using her thumbs to stroke small patterns against the apples of the blonde’s cheeks, wiping off some of the mess in the process.

 

She leaned down and placed feather-light kisses on Carol’s eyes, nose, and then finally her lips, making sure to linger on her wife’s full mouth as a gesture of comfort.  Maria relished the intimate moment and knew Carol did too as the captain deepened the contact and tightened her hold against her partner, almost as if she were trying to physically join their very souls.  The taller woman smiled against her wife’s mouth, placing a couple quick pecks on Carol’s lips before she pulled back and grinned down at the hero.

 

“Quite the welcome back, baby,” Maria murmured, never once breaking eye contact with her lover.  “I can’t deny that I could get used being worshiped like this every day, you know.”  Maria waggled her eyebrows at the voyager, an act that was usually associated with Carol instead of the pilot.  The reversal of their roles managed to make Carol’s lips twitch slightly into a light semblance of a smile.  At this point, Maria would take anything she could get that indicated Carol’s return to some peace of mind.

 

Carol reached out and grasped Maria’s left hand that still lay on her cheek, nuzzling into it and repeatedly placing soft kisses on the center of her palm.  As the blonde abluted her wife’s palm with soft salutations, Maria ran the digits of her other hand through the short, soft strands of her wife’s new haircut, marveling in the way a simple haircut changed so much about her lover.

 

“This cut is new.”  Maria purred, still running her hands through Carol’s short hair.  “You’ve always got surprises for me, no matter how long it’s been; I suppose it’s good that you keep an old lady like me on her toes.”  She lightly tapped the tip of the blonde’s nose with her right index finger, teasing her lover further.  “But short hair looks good on you, babe.  Almost too good.  Can’t have you be the best looking woman in this house yet, can I?”

 

Her wife’s breath hitched at Maria’s teasing and it seemed to break Carol out of her trance; the look on Carol’s face one of indignance at the proposition.  Maria knew, without arrogance but as fact, that to Carol Danvers she was the most beautiful spectacle in the entire universe.  Maria could only lovingly shake her head in fond exasperation as she reached down and gently guided Carol back to her feet.

 

“That’s better.  Kneeling for that long can’t be good for your knees, baby.”  She kissed Carol quickly on the lips again, staring gently into the honey-brown eyes that bore deep into her soul.  “And if you hurt yourself who’s going to do all the heavy lifting around the house?  Certainly not me.  Queens shouldn’t exert themselves in such a manner.”

 

The joke caused Carol to let out a soft laugh, light returning back to her body, literally.  A ripple of golden blue cosmic energy ran through her wife’s being, illuminating the twilight and causing the hero to look like a star on Earth, while she slowly regained her humanity.  Maria’s presence a living beacon of refuge and love for the space farer. 

 

The small outburst of light drew Maria’s eyes to Carol’s neck as something metal glimmered against the blonde’s skin.  Maria narrowed her eyes, attempting to discern what the identity of the object that adorned her wife’s body.

 

“What’s that around your neck, Carol?” She pointed at Carol’s throat, a playful smile on her face, attempting to convey that there was no animosity for borrowing from her wife when she was gone.  The chain-linked necklace was a staple of Maria’s jewelry collection, after all.  “You never have been one for jewelry before.”

 

Carol’s eyes widened at Maria’s words and she frantically reached for her the chain underneath the flight suit, hands trembling as she pulled it out and revealed to her wife what lay at the end of the piece.  Maria’s eyes widened and the pilot let out a soft gasp and placed her right hand over her mouth, tears welling up in her eyes as she witnessed her wedding ring dangling in the air. 

 

Carol hadn’t just simply found her wedding band, she had carried it with her against her heart for over five years.  Maria may have been gone but no matter what happened, Danvers had been determined to hold the immutable bond of their marriage and love close to her being—for eternity if required.   To honor the vows they had made in devotion, selflessness, and adoration when they’d married.  The black and gold ring near her core to be a constant reminder of who held the hero’s soul, no matter where the couple may be.

 

The blonde removed the metal band from the chain, holding the ring steadily in her palm as the two women looked at it.  The weight of the symbol and all it meant leaving an air of sorrow and joy between the two captains.  Carol reached out and grabbed Maria’s left hand, reverently placing the band on her wife’s finger.  Once again, their bond was sealed, official, and eternal.  Once again, the wives were bound to each other in both body and soul.  The ethereal and corporeal meeting in a perfect whole by their blessed and sacred union; as if the cosmos themselves had ordained this bond.

 

Maria can’t help but tear up as she admired the treasure back on her hand.  Normalcy and safety returning as each piece of the life they shared fell back into place where it belonged.  She looked back at Carol, lip trembling as she could only gaze upon her wife in awe.

 

“Has a woman ever been so loved before?  So worshipped by a deity?”  Maria reached out and hugged Carol tightly to her body, touching their foreheads close together.  Carol may have needed Maria to ground her, but Maria would always need Carol to make her see the perspective of a goddess.

 

“For you, anything,” Carol whispered in return.  She fell into her wife’s encompassing embrace, letting herself relax for the first time in five years.  Finally starting to live again after being dead for over a half-decade.

 

Carol Susan Jane Danvers was finally, and totally, home.

 

* * *

 

The captains had stood in each other’s arms, holding the other close as they felt the familiar comfort of their bodies joined together as one again.  They’d breathed in perfect, quiet synchronicity for a good while until Maria had insisted that they return to the house for a proper meal and shower before heading to bed.  It was a somewhat silly notion, especially considering how Carol didn’t require actual sustenance to remain fueled and stay alive.  Maria herself could go without food and sleep for a couple days and still remain at peak efficiency thanks to the alien blood that powered her body.

 

But the captain had been raised in the American South for her entire childhood before joining the armed forces.  Her upbringing had stressed adherence to a strict schedule of hospitality, mealtimes, and rest.  And no one, not even the universal goddess Captain Marvel, was going to stop her from making sure that she and her wife fell back into their standard routine.  It was paramount in order to not only restart their life back on Earth but to also bring them back to their humanity and mundanity.

 

Carol hadn’t been surprised that Maria had already prepared a meal for the two of them.  Her wife had always been the one who thought ahead about every little detail, made sure that everything was put in order, and that plans finalized before anything happened.  The consistent and meticulous attention to every tiny thing was one of many things that Carol would forever be thankful to her wife for.  It had saved her skin multiple times in the past before.

 

Maria had attempted to get Carol to shower off the rest of the dirt and musk before they ate, but the space traveler had adamantly refused to let her wife out of sight.  The captain had instead watched her wife like a hawk, never once breaking contact as Maria moved around the kitchen and dining space to prepare their dinner and set the table.  As she ladled the gumbo into their respective bowls, Carol had stepped behind Maria and wrapped her arms around the taller woman’s waist, the need to be in close proximity to this amazing human overwhelming the blonde.  Despite Maria’s playful admonishment, Danvers had refused to let go.  Instead she burrowed her face into the crook of the other woman’s neck, holding her wife near until the SHIELD pilot had archly protested as she directed them to the table to finally sit down and eat.

 

As Carol settled down into her seat, she was struck with how routine this all seemed.  Five years of mourning her family without any sort of closure.  Five years of losing her very identity as she toiled through the merciless universe, its civilizations, and its battles.  Five years of trauma and misery so severe that Carol knew it would leave a deep, unrelenting scar. Five years of absolute hell and it all ended neatly with a bowl of gumbo in a small Louisiana kitchen.  It was almost absurd.

 

Perhaps it was this surreal scene that made it nigh impossible for Captain Marvel to start eating her wife’s cooking.  Because maybe, just maybe, this was all fake.  A hallucination desperately conjured by a being who was at her wit’s end, experiencing the last remnants of her sanity and will.  Maybe this was all just one of her nightmares she had whilst floating in space.  The voyager feared that if she took a bite out of the delicious meal in front of her the dream would dissipate, leaving Carol only more broken as her desires teased her with everything that she had lost.  Instead she would wake to the harsh truth of reality staring right at her in the form of the dead space of the cosmos.

 

Carol simply moved the gumbo around with her fork, staring intensely at Maria as her lovely wife went about being so wonderfully _human_.  The simple act of observing was all an endeavor to prolong the moment in any way she could.  If this did happen to be a trick, she was going to savor every second of it all.

 

Maria arched an eyebrow at her wife as she watched the other captain scoot her food around aimlessly on the plate, staring at her dutifully with dark, sorrowful eyes.  “Eat, Carol.”  It’s not a demand, just a quiet plea for her wife to come back to the moment.  “I promise you it’s all very real.  You’re here.  _I’m_ here.  It’s okay.”  Carol never had to say anything for Maria to read her mind.

 

The voyager nodded almost imperceptibly in response to Maria’s consolation before she began to actually eat the meal in front of her.  Every move calculated and precise, done with a purpose as Carol began to reacclimate once again to her humanity through the simple act of eating a real meal.

 

A bittersweet burst of happiness and sorrow flowed through Maria’s chest as she watched Carol concentrate so intensely at such a simple task.  This wasn’t just Carol coming home after a long mission in space as Captain Marvel, the goddess who barely stopped to rest and visit other worlds during her monthly patrols.  It wasn’t just Carol being tired after fighting a space battle for a week or two as she policed the squabbling galaxies.  No, it was something much more.  Something that stretched all the way to the core of who her wife was.  It was as though her partner was relearning the very basics of humanity all over again; that the part of the woman that made her Carol Danvers was being remade after being essentially destroyed after the last five years.

 

And that was the worst possible scenario for Maria Rambeau.

 

“When was the last time you’ve actually eaten real food?” Maria already knew the answer but wanted to hear it for herself.  To confirm one of her deepest fears since returning from the snap.

 

“I can’t remember,” Carol replied softly.

 

Maria hummed in response, indicating she had heard.  “And the last time you slept?”  The pilot almost dreaded the answer.

 

The blonde shrugged.  “I don’t recall that either.”

 

It was a simple exchange between them, but it caused Maria’s heart to ache even more for her wife.  She reached over and grasped Carol’s hand opposite to hers, intertwining their fingers tightly together.  The pilot rubbed her thumb over the blonde’s knuckles, mollifying her and letting the hero know that her wife didn’t think any less of her for whatever had happened.  That Maria would always be her wife’s core source of support and love, be whatever Carol needed, regardless of the changes that occurred in the last half-decade.

 

It made Carol want to prostate herself at Maria’s feet yet again, cry out her praise to this woman until she was hoarse, and elevate Maria to the status of a goddess as she so rightfully deserved.  She never knew how she had managed to be bonded to someone as loving and selfless like Maria Rambeau.

 

They finished the rest of the meal in a comfortable and healing silence, hands still connected as they ate in peace.  Carol would often take breaks from eating to simply take the time to look across the table at Maria, enjoying her wife’s familiar and subtle quirks.  Even the smallest of Maria’s mannerisms was a telltale signature of her wife’s existence, a return from supposed oblivion.  As the hero watched her partner simply _be_ , the captain knew that she would never take even the most menial moments for granted again.

 

When they finished eating, Maria encouraged Carol to sit down on the sofa while she prepared them a pot of tea, saving the dishes as tomorrow’s problem.  Now was the time for reconnecting with each other, real life could be dealt with another time.

 

As Maria brought in the mugs to the living space, she can see that Carol hadn’t truly rested.  Instead the blonde had angled her body to look at the kitchen, most likely to observe her wife’s movements from afar.  The knowledge made Maria’s heart flutter and she leaned in to place a quick peck on Carol’s forehead, letting the voyager know she appreciated her wife’s sweet and protective nature.  She chalked it up partially to circumstance but Carol had always been astute in making sure her family was secure, no matter where the hero was.  The mechanic suspected that this attribute would only increase even after when the events of the Decimation had been mostly resolved.

 

Maria set the cups down on the table and turned on the television to the news.  She muted the set and let the images play in the background, the closed captioning doing the predominant heavy lifting of informing the observers of the happenings.  Once the pilot had settled in, she leaned in towards Carol, wrapping an arm around the hero and cuddling the other woman close to her breast.  Upon the feel of her wife’s curvaceous form pressed against her once more, Maria could feel Carol significantly relax, the blonde’s muscular body melting against her as she nuzzled into Maria’s neck and placed a trail of kisses up and down her throat.

 

The SHIELD pilot hummed in pleasure, enjoying the close proximity and sweet gestures showered upon her by the space traveler.  Physical contact, both sexual and platonic, had always been paramount for Carol in their relationship and it was something Maria invariably obliged.  Their marriage had always been loving but nevertheless muted and reserved, their commitment and adoration primarily expressed via action than word.  It was the steady sureness of the physical that forever brought the soldiers close together, the familiar feel of a mate unable to be falsified and misunderstood.

 

For a former Kree Starforce member whose brain had been scrambled by aliens for years and a SHIELD pilot who had thought she’d lost the love of her life after the test accident, it was more than just a preference in their relationship—it was a necessity for both of them.  It was a reassurance to Carol that her wife was always by her side; for Maria it was proof that Carol’s devotion was immutable even after her mind had been constantly wiped by the Kree.  Physicality was an undeniable veracity, a certainty that grounded them both when their heads were inevitably lost in the skies.

 

They stared into each other’s eyes as the captains acclimated to the moment, looking into the other’s soul as brown eyes met in the middle while they synchronized into a habitual rhythm.  Eventually the two women managed to advert their gaze off of each other, staring aimlessly at the television set as images quickly ran across the screen.  The stories detailed the initial aftermath after the return of the Disappeared, as those that had been taken away by Thanos’ actions ‘blipped’ back to Earth and reunited with their friends and family.  Talking heads argued about the socio-economic ramifications of this event while first-hand accounts added a personal element to the chaos. 

 

Most emphasized of all was the efforts of the Avengers and their triumph over the Mad Titan as he had once again attempted to reassert his will over the universe.  This time however, his deeds would have been permanent, the erasure of half of all life unknown to those that managed to survive.  The villain had been thwarted by the determined and united force of the Avengers and Captain Marvel as they ultimately destroyed the Titan and his forces for good.  The world, no the cosmos, had changed in a final act of combined, desperate heroism.

 

Maria’s heart burst with pride.

 

“See?  Look at what you did, baby.” She ran her fingers through Carol’s hair pulling her wife’s head closer to her, placing a lingering kiss on the blonde’s temple.  Footage of Carol ramming through the mothership was played on a loop as the hero stared neutrally at the screen, her own exploits failing to elicit a reaction from the stoic warrior.  “I’m so proud of you, girl.  Proud to call you mine, proud to be yours.  So, so, so proud.”

 

In response to Maria’s tender adoration, the normally reserved hero’s jaw trembled and clenched as a few silent tears ran down her cheeks.  The hero didn’t stop looking forward but Maria knew that the other captain wasn’t actually registering anything that was happening on the set anymore.  She leaned down and began to kiss away the tears, whispering words of comfort as she tried to soothe as many scars as possible. 

 

But the wound was too raw, the devastation too great for her soft gestures to assuage Carol.  When Maria paused to look in Carol’s eyes once again she only saw dull, lifeless orbs that no longer sparkled but were instead hollow pits that lead to oblivion.  There was no hope or joy in those eyes.  Only bleak emptiness remained, hiding anything that was left of Carol Danvers at the moment.  The person before her was only a husk of the woman that Maria loved.

 

“Oh, Carol.” She murmured.  “Come here, my love.” Maria readjusted so that Carol could fully press against her front, both arms now fully wrapped around the captain as she sobbed quietly into her wife's sure hold.  She embraced the hero tightly, placing kisses on the blonde’s temple as she hummed a ballad of familiar tunes to the space voyager as a sweet lullaby.  Maria’s consistent chant of _I got you_ , was interspersed in the breaks between songs.

 

As they lay together on the sofa, figures illuminated by the soft light of the television, Maria was struck by preposterous banality of the whole situation.  Before the Decimation, before everything really, the two soldiers would often find themselves cuddled on the sofa late at night catching each other up with the happenings of their days.  There they would simply talk with their favorite show playing in the background, the rest of the world falling away until it was only them against everything.

 

Now, decades later and after the worst tragedy the universe had ever experienced, their simple routine was once again repeated and maintained.  Even after everything that they had endured, the Rambeau-Danvers matriarchs still found a way to reunite despite the odds that always seemed to be stacked against them.  Their souls were interminably intertwined, connected together by a union that could not be fragmented by any force in the cosmos.  To abandon one another, even when they faced significant and terrible obstacles, was absolute anathema to the soldiers.

 

And so even though Carol Danvers was presently lost after the events of the Decimation, Maria Rambeau wasn’t going anywhere.  The SHIELD pilot had already determined before they had even reunited that she was going to aid in repairing her wife, travel through hell with her in order to bring each piece of the human back to life.  She would rebuild the shattered soul that she currently cradled in her strong arms until Carol Danvers had fully recovered, returned.

 

No longer how long it took, no matter how difficult the journey was, Maria Rambeau would be by her wife’s side.

 

* * *

 

Eventually Maria had roused the downtrodden Captain Marvel and had convinced her to prepare for bed.  Whatever was going to happen in the upcoming months, both personally and cosmically after the ‘blip’ was going to require all of their attention and power.  Her mother had taught Maria well, and the pilot knew they’d need to be at full strength to face anything that may transpire in the near future.  This would only be achieved if they were properly well-rested and refocused after appropriate rest.  Not even the mighty Captain Marvel could deny her wife this fact, and she willingly acquiesced her wife’s requests.

 

Maria had helped Carol hobble back to their bedroom, letting the captain reacquaint herself with their personal quarters while she prepared their shower.  She had promised the other woman that she would alert her once the water was ready, giving the voyager’s hand a reassuring squeeze as she headed towards their bathroom.  The taller woman never broke eye contact with her wife as she walked backwards into their bathroom, both of them nervous to be separated for a prolonged period of time since their reunion only a few hours ago.  Maria almost didn’t leave Carol to her own devices after the blonde had given her such a harrowed look at the thought of their prospective distance.  However a hardy nod and a soft smile from the other woman had lessened both of their anxiety significantly and the two women were able to temporarily go their separate ways for the moment.

 

The feel of the cold porcelain against her feet made Maria shiver slightly as she turned on the showerhead, letting the water gradually heat up as she let the rivulets of liquid run down her body.  She could feel her muscles begin to slowly loosen from the combined heat and force of the downpour, the mixture creating a natural massage that she was beyond grateful for.  The heat of the warm shower felt like the pleasant embrace of a lover, and it allowed the captain to let go of her current worries for a moment as she simply basked in the wondrous sensations.

 

Movement from the corner of her eye drew Maria’s attention from the shower and she looked over to see Carol staring gingerly at her from the bathroom door.  The other captain’s brow was furrowed and her lips were pursed, a timid look written across her features.  It was as though she were afraid that she was intruding on a private moment, abusing her welcome into a place that she didn’t truly belong.  The sight warmed Maria’s heart. 

 

Maria gave her lover a kind smile and extended her hand towards her wife, letting the blonde know that she was welcomed into the space.

 

“It’s okay, Carol.”  She waved at her wife as Carol continued to stall at the doorway, still uncertain.  “I was just about to call you in anyways, baby.”  Maria smiled as the blonde finally stepped forward and moved to undress.  “The water’s warm, just perfect for a shower.”

 

Carol nodded and placed her right hand over the golden star in the center of her chest, quickly double tapping to activate a command.  The action caused the suit to seamlessly dissolve and fold in towards the ornament in the center of her uniform until the outfit completely disappeared and Carol was left standing in the bathroom in her undergarments, the Hala star still clutched in her palm.  She placed the metal symbol on the sink counter and then used her hands to singe off her underwear, walking forward without breaking stride as she grasped Maria’s hand and entered the shower.

 

Maria pulled her wife flush against her body, smiling down at her as water trickled over their bodies.  She reached up and ran a thumb along Carol’s bottom lip, loving the contrast between their tones as the water added a beautiful sheen to their flesh.  They stood in silence, relishing the close proximity and admiring the play of the water on each other’s skin, causing them to glimmer slightly in the soft fluorescent light as though covered in diamonds.

 

Carol moved in to place a kiss on Maria’s full lips but was stopped by the press of an index finger against her mouth.  “No kissing right now.  You’re filthy, girl.”  She said the last part with a wink, tone playful as she reached for one of the washcloths hanging on the hook embedded on the shower wall, pouring some of their body wash on the linen.  “We can kiss _after_ we’re clean, fair?”

 

The blonde nodded and took the cloth from her wife’s hands, rubbing the linen between her hands to let the lather accumulate.  Maria then took her own washcloth and began to clean herself, which caused Carol to blush and turn away in an attempt to preserve her wife’s modesty.  The pilot smirked when she saw the voyager turn away in shy embarrassment; Carol had always been a gentlewoman, no matter how charged the moment was.

 

But while Carol had turned heel to give her wife dignified space, Maria took time to admire the view from behind.  Captain Marvel’s time in space had kept her wife lean and ripped.  Carol’s body was still marvelously sculpted and Maria could feel herself swoon as she witnessed the hero’s lithe muscles ripple underneath her skin with each movement.  The voyager’s back was a masterpiece that belied her true strength as divots between layers of muscle created a landscape that she yearned to run her tongue and fingers along later.  All around Carol’s body were the marks of battle and violence that only accentuated and added to the natural beauty that stood before her.  Simply put, Carol Danvers was a stud, and Maria Rambeau would always be weak at the knees for the warrior.

 

Eventually Carol’s own burgeoning desire got the better of her too and Maria could see the blonde peek quickly back at her over her shoulder.  The unusually demure action caused Maria to giggle and wink again at the blonde.  Carol grinned right back and turned around to face Maria again, placing their washcloths back onto the hangar and embracing her wife fully.

 

“See?  Squeaky clean.” Maria proclaimed before she placed a light kiss on the top of Carol’s nose.  “Much better than a mouthful of dirt, in my humble opinion, at least.”  Carol chuckled at Maria’s friendly jab, looking deep into the taller woman’s eyes before she leaned up and kissed the other woman soundly on the mouth.

 

The intimate contact made Maria release a sigh she didn’t know she was holding, and she could feel her entire body relax into Carol’s tame yet ironclad embrace.  As the two women traded genial pecks with one another the blonde’s hands wandered all over Maria’s body, relearning the familiar luscious curves and plateaus of solid muscle beneath exquisite, dark and silky skin.  Chaste, reaffirming kisses quickly became hungry, and both women knew that soon their desires would become uncontrollable.  Soft moans began to slip from the soldiers’ lips as their lust began to culminate into a robust conflagration, the distance of years separating the previous time they had properly coupled.

 

They had made love in the shower countless of times beforehand, but this was a different scenario altogether.  And Maria knew well enough that if they didn’t get to a proper place to continue they may both be responsible for destroying their shower and creating unnecessary property damage.  Tonight wasn’t going to be filled with slow, reverent love making; this was going to be a primal, raw _fucking_.

 

“Carol,” Maria moaned in between nuzzling the blonde’s neck and licking a path up from the other captain's clavicle to the angle of her jaw, hands roaming between their bodies to trace light patterns along the crevices of the shorter woman’s abs.  “Carol.  Carol.  _Carol._ ”  She pressed lightly against the warrior’s shoulders, pushing her away in order to make eye contact with her wife.  Wild, golden-brown eyes stared back at Maria, pupils blown open with arousal.  “Bed.”  Maria gasped as Carol’s hands meandered down to the spheres of her ass and squeezed, leaving no doubt as to what the space traveler’s intent was once she had Maria in their bed.  “Bed.  Now, Carol.”

 

Carol managed to growl her assent and reached behind to Maria to turn off the water.  She stepped out first and offered her hand out to the pilot, helping her step out before handing Maria her towel.  The warrior was quick to dry herself off by lighting up and she paused to wait for Maria to do the same.

 

“I’ll meet you in our bedroom, Carol.” Maria gave her a pointed look, leaving no room for argument.  “Go on.”

 

The blonde nodded and padded away, leaving the door slightly cracked behind her as Maria continued to wipe off the remaining moisture.  When she finished she took a deep breath and paused, taking a moment to assess the situation.

 

Maria couldn’t deny that she wanted this.  Her heart was already slightly beating well above its resting rate and her whole body was vibrating with anticipation and arousal.  But while she wanted this as joyous relief, Carol _needed_ this physicality for her sanity and soul.  Captain Marvel had been without her mate for over five years, and had clearly suffered terribly for it.  Her wife hadn’t yet put to words the ordeal she’d endured but she didn’t have to.  It was clear from Carol’s body language and eyes alone that whatever had happened still managed to traumatize her.

 

The physical would ground the space voyager.  It had to.

 

Carol Danvers needed to return and Maria Rambeau would be there by her side, helping her wife in any way possible in accomplishing this task.  Tonight Maria would do so by giving herself up completely to her compromised partner, letting the hero use her body to heal.

 

The thought excited the pilot to her very core but she was also aware of the small weed of nervousness that grew in her belly.  Maria trusted Carol completely, knew that her wife would never even think of hurting her in any capacity.  But Maria had seen Captain Marvel, and the godly power she contained, completely unleashed without any restraint.  She’d witnessed the remarkable strength within her wife’s body, which enabled her to easily move mountains and planets as if she were moving a plastic lawn chair across a room.  She observed first-hand how fast Carol could travel between one galaxy to the next, often leaving other craft in her dust as she effortlessly sped across the cosmos. 

 

Her wife was a feat of nature, a literal living dynamo, and though Maria knew she was protected around Carol, the pilot also knew that Carol had to consciously think about every move she made.  Any loss of control could potentially be destructive, even fatal, if it wasn’t premediated about thoroughly.  Thusly, the blonde’s every action had to be done with care and precision in order to ensure that no one was accidentally hurt due to a lack of restraint. 

 

This fact was incredibly apparent whenever they made love.  Even when infused with Kree blood, the SHIELD pilot could feel the invisible restraints Carol always placed on herself.  How she created mental holds so strong that they were nearly palpable, the soldier’s discipline and experience ensuring that she never crossed the lines she had set on herself for Maria’s safety. 

 

But Captain Marvel had been without Maria by her side for over five years.  She hadn’t had the opportunity to be gentle, considerate, and vulnerable; only hardened by the cruelty of the cosmos instead.  The pilot knew her wife well enough to acknowledge that Carol would be desperate, eager, and nearly feral with the need to reclaim what she lost, what had been unfairly torn away from a goddess.  And therefore there was no way that the voyager could be subdued through all this.  There would be little restraint left in her wife after such a traumatic event; after five years of having no outlet at all.

 

Maria Rambeau would be the boon and the source of calm that Carol needed after all these years

 

And Maria was ready for all of it, welcomed it even.  There was no one she trusted more than Carol Danvers to keep her safe.  No one in the world who so selflessly elevated her to such heights both physically and mentally and made _her_ feel like the goddess instead.  Nowhere in the cosmos was the epitome of love and happiness more so apparent than when she was ensconced in Carol’s warm, muscular arms.

 

Maria smiled to herself after the moment introspection passed and opened the door to their bedroom, eager to see her wife again even after such a brief absence.

 

The pilot entered their room and took time to evaluate the current scene.  She found her wife waiting for her in their bed, the picture of comfort.  Carol had pulled the covers up to her waist and propped herself up on an elbow in order to give the blonde an unhindered view of the bathroom door.  A relatively tranquil look adorned the blonde’s features as she watched Maria walk slowly towards their bed.  The look in Carol’s eyes told Maria that to the voyager, she was a goddess made flesh and it added a slight bounce to her step as she approached.

 

Maria lifted up the corner of the covers and slid into her side, settling down so that she could mirror Carol’s pose.  She reached over and ran her fingers through her wife’s scalp, loving the softness of the short strands as she ruffled the blonde hairs.

 

“I still can’t get over this new cut, baby.  It makes me feel all sorts of things.”  At these words, Carol grinned and leaned forward to place a long, slow kiss on Maria’s lips, which the SHIELD pilot happily reciprocated.  The kiss was chaste, an assuagement rather than a way to build up their desire, and a way to confirm their presence to one another.  Carol’s lust was tempered, her demeanor placid as she assessed Maria’s current state of mind through the contact.

 

Eventually Carol’s gentle movements became more intentional as her hands no longer remained stationary and instead roamed all over Maria’s lush body.  The blonde’s fingertips traced erotic paths up and down her sides, causing the pilot to shiver in expectation, before they settled on Maria’s neck and back.  Carol’s sure hands began to knead the compact muscles beneath, causing the taller woman to relax into her wife’s embrace under the influence of the blonde’s expert ministrations. 

 

But even with clear intent, Carol still held back.  The voyager never truly touching her erogenous zones as a form of polite restraint.  No matter how much Maria deepened the contact or clearly moaned her approval, Carol never went all the way.  She made sure to keep their connection on the edge of the final precipice, never breaking through the ultimate barrier.

 

Maria knew that it wasn’t for lack of want.  If anything she could sense the power of the wisps of energy that bubbled just below the surface of Carol’s skin, begging to be released.  She could feel her wife’s coiled sinew as it wound up and prepared to pounce, only moderated by the practiced willpower of an experienced hero.  Maria was always aware that Carol worried about potentially hurting her, feeling undeserving of having her wife and all she was willing to give.  But right now, the SHIELD pilot didn’t need discipline nor hesitancy.

 

Carol’s chivalrous and mindful tentativeness was endearing, but Maria wanted more.  Most importantly she knew that Carol truly _needed_ more.  From their body language alone it was apparent that both of them needed something _deeper._   And it wouldn’t be achieved by simply avoiding the premise that hovered above the captains.

 

Maria pulled back from her lock with Carol and cupped the blonde’s face in both her hands, holding her steady until she caught Carol’s eye, not allowing her lover to break contact.  She stared deeply into Carol’s frenzied and desperate gaze, the wild fear and helplessness an additional undercurrent that tainted the beautiful brown eyes that she loved so much.  The vision only hardened Maria’s resolve, she knew what needed to be done. 

 

The SHIELD pilot’s next words were carefully chosen, knowing that they were be the final impetus that would break the finely crafted chains of Carol’s composure.  The final keys that uncaged the ravenous beast contained within her wife’s humanoid form.

 

“It’s okay, Carol.”  Carol attempted to avoid her wife’s pointed stare, darting her eyes any which way but at Maria.  Maria shook her head.  “No.  Look at me, Danvers.” The soft but commanding tone brought her lover’s eyes back to her, which caused the soldier to give her an adoring smile in return.  “I trust you with my life and my soul.”  

 

Her wife’s bottom lip trembled slightly as the blonde dipped her head in gratitude, utterly humbled at Maria’s unconditional trust and devotion.  “When I see you, Carol Danvers, I know that there is nowhere safer in the known universe than by your side.  Nowhere more secure than when I’m held within your arms as your wife.”  The taller woman reached over to gently grab hold of one of Carol’s hands, taking it in a secure grip as she guided it between her thighs.  Maria could hear the increase in pace of the blonde’s breathing as she was drawn closer to the treasure below.  “I know you’d never hurt me.  Hell, the thought wouldn’t even cross your mind to begin with.”

 

“This?” Carol groaned and gritted her teeth, sucking in her breath when she felt the copious slick that had pooled at the junction of Maria’s thighs. “This is all for you, my love.  All because of _you._   I belong to you in my entirety, Carol.”  Maria could feel her wife’s long, slender fingers trace along the plump outline of her outer labia.  The taller woman gasped in joy at the intimate touch, knowing Carol needed one more push to finally lose control. 

 

She leaned in to place a quick peck on the warrior’s cheek before whispering into her ear.  “Take what you need, baby.”

 

It was these words that finally caused Carol Danvers to snap, obliterate any last shreds of her meticulously crafted moderation.  The space traveler lunged forward with a growl, pushing Maria backwards into the bed and pinning the taller woman down with her muscular form.  Maria gasped and chuckled at the show of force, smug at the knowledge that she was responsible for making this experienced soldier lose her composure.  She had always been able to drive Captain Marvel crazy like no one else ever had or would.

 

Once the initial chaos had settled, Maria found herself on her back, Carol between her legs as the blonde loomed over her and stared down at her with unbridled yearning.  They took a moment to let their breathing harmonize, both enjoying the licentiousness of the position they both currently found themselves in.  Maria broke their trance by reaching up to wipe away the quiet tears that leaked out of the corners of Carol’s brown eyes with her thumbs, giving the captain a beaming smile.  These weren’t tears of sorrow, they were ones of joy, relief, and reverence.

 

Carol blinked away the dampness, kissing the palms at her cheeks before she used her own hands to finally make contact with Maria’s body.  She used the index finger of her left hand to trace a trail from Maria’s lips, down her sharp jaw, and along her neck and clavicle before she ended her elaborate outline at her sternum.  The captain then reached up to grab Maria’s breasts in both hands, each one palming one of the mounds while her thumbs gently circled the hard pebbles at the tips.

 

“I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do this again,” Carol murmured.  She pinched and tugged at Maria’s erect nipples, causing the taller woman to arch into the touch as light sparks of electricity ran down to her core.  “To love you like this, make you fall apart in my arms again as my wife and lover.”  Her hand moved downwards, brushing across the rugged plateau of Maria’s hard abs before moving even lower towards her pubis. 

 

Once she reached her destination, Carol let her fingers brush through the curls that lay at her wife’s apex. “I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to relearn your touch, your taste, how you _feel_.”  At those whispered words, Carol’s moved her hand to cover Maria’s sex, cupping it possessively and relishing in the wet heat that emanated against her palm.  The sheer avariciousness of the action caused Maria to let out a sharp gasp that quickly turned into a low, drawn out moan as Carol began to run her long fingers through her folds.

 

The words were uncharacteristically poetic from the typically blunt captain.  But Maria didn’t mind them; such openly verbal veneration was rare, and so she’d learned to cherish every utterance when they occurred.  She knew the place she held within Carol’s life and the glory the blonde would always bestow upon her.

 

“But you do get that chance again.  I’m right here, all for you.”  Maria gasped as Carol continued to run her fingers along the length of Maria’s slit, the unfocused strokes causing sparks to shoot up her spine and slight frustration.  The pilot loved the exploration but needed to have direct contact _somewhere_.

 

“All for me,” Carol agreed.  The blonde moved her fingers down to circle her wife’s dripping entrance, teasing the taller woman with slow, purposeful movements.  Never actually entering the other woman despite the insistent jerking of her hips. 

 

It was exactly what Maria needed and her soft moans began to become more vocal, her writhing more pronounced.  In response to the increased attention, Maria’s hands roamed all over Carol’s torso, shoulders, and arms, completely unable to concentrate in a sole locale as her focus slowly began to dissipate.

 

“That’s it, my love.” Carol whispered her praises, eager to watch her wife fall apart in ecstasy.  She slid her digits upwards from Maria’s cleft in order to trace lightly around her wife’s clit, which already was peeking out from beneath its hood.  The voyager continued to leisurely circle her wife’s jewel for a while, admiring her lover’s increased franticness with each passing moment. “You’re so beautiful, Maria.” 

 

The words didn’t register with the pilot, she was too lost in what she knew was coming. 

 

“More.  More, Carol.” Maria was close, so close to the glorious release her body desperately yearned for. “Don’t you dare stop.”

 

“Never.”  Carol used her middle fingers to peel back Maria’s hood and placed her thumb over the sensitive bundle of nerves, grinding down and creating a glorious friction that caused the pilot’s eyes to roll back into her head.   She flicked the small nub ruthlessly, reaching out to place her other hand on top of Maria’s womb, pushing her mate into the bed and holding her still. 

 

The dedicated pressure against her most sensitive organ caused Maria’s entire body to arch and she let out a yell of pleasure as she came.  Her body jerked sporadically as waves of bliss coursed through her being, fingernails leaving marks down Carol’s arms as she took what was given.  While the aftershocks of Maria’s climax subsided, she had no time to truly enjoy the post-orgasm haze.  The pilot’s arousal was suddenly stoked again when Carol slid two fingers inside of her and then used her body to cover Maria, truly pinning the taller woman down in totality.

 

Maria could hear Carol hiss through her teeth as her walls involuntary clenched around her wife’s digits, a result of her body adjusting to the rapid fullness that now stretched her open.  After Carol had recomposed herself, the blonde leaned up to bite down lightly on her clavicle, sucking hard to leave a lasting mark that indicated her claim.  Satisfied with her work, Danvers licked a path down to Maria’s right nipple, taking it into her mouth and greedily lapping at it.  At the same time, Carol curled her fingers forward to batter against Maria’s front walls just _so_.  The sensations caused the other woman to keen and cry out, which only egged Carol on further.

 

Carol began to thrust into her wife in a hard, unrelenting pace, using her hips to aid in her momentum.  She grunted with exertion and excitement as she felt her wife’s arms wrap around her back, clawing into skin.  “You feel so fucking good, Maria.” The blonde placed a sloppy kiss at the junction of Maria’s neck and jaw as she felt Maria’s fingertips leave behind significant divots while she held on for dear life. 

 

“I love your moans.” She licked up Maria’s neck and placed a kiss on the corner of her full lips.  “I love the way your body writhes under me when I take you.”  Carol’s other hand reached down to wrap around Maria’s hip, squeezing a firm globe.  “I love your ass and the power behind your body.  How it instinctually flexes to break free, even when I dominate you.”

 

The mechanic couldn’t find any smart quips adequate enough to respond to Carol’s depraved language.  She couldn’t find even the smallest ounce of balance to snap Carol out of her increasingly tameless state.  And in all honesty, she didn’t want Carol to find even keel; having her wife lose all restraint was what they both needed.  Now Maria was simply content to go along for whatever Danvers planned.

 

“I love the way you clench around me when I fuck into you.”  At that the blonde added a third finger, never once breaking pace.  Maria could only moan indistinguishably and kept on running her hands all over Carol’s muscular body, loving the flex of her wife’s lithe muscles as she mercilessly worked her over.  “Mostly though, I love hearing my name screamed from those pretty lips of yours when you finally come.”

 

With that, Carol placed a thumb on Maria’s engorged clit and skillfully ground against it, using her fingers to hook up and hit the ridged portion of her wife’s channel with each exit stroke.  The combination made Maria see stars and she could only let out a single, “Carol!” before the luxurious waves of her orgasm washed through her entire body. 

 

The space farer used her thumb to slowly grind against her lover’s clit, helping Maria gradually come down from the high as waves of pleasure continued to ripple throughout her body.  As she slowly began to return to herself, Maria could make out Carol’s voice through the haze while she whispered placating nothings into her ear.  Even after Maria completely came to, Carol never removed her fingers and instead kept them embedded within her wife’s quim, using the heel of her palm to maintain a mellow, steady buzz by subtly grinding against Maria’s still sensitized clit.

 

Maria’s hands gently ran across Carol’s broad shoulders and massaged away the tense knots that were an accumulation of five years of pent up emotion, humming a sweet tune as she placed kisses into her wife’s scalp.  She knew that Carol wasn’t done, her wife couldn’t obfuscate the energy that vibrated just below the surface and was howling to resume.  But this was a break of clarity, where Danvers could finally think and start to rebuild the walls of her carefully maintained collectedness.  And that just wouldn’t do.

 

“Hmmmm, Carol?”

 

“What, my love?” The blonde moved her head, which rested against her shoulder, to place a lingering kiss on one of Maria’s breasts.

 

Maria bit her lip, knowing that her next words would have to be chosen carefully.  In Carol’s current vulnerable state, anything too bold or aggressive right now could potentially spook the captain away.  So of course, she decided to throw all caution to the wind.

 

“Is that all you got?”  Maria could feel her wife stiffen against her.  Carol couldn’t see it as she was currently positioned but a smile played against Maria’s lips at her partner’s response.  _Gotcha._

 

“I know you heard me, Carol.”  She gently grabbed Carol’s chin and turned her head upwards to face her.  “I said: is that all you got?”

 

The SHIELD pilot could see her wife’s jaw clench as Carol narrowed her eyes at her the other captain, assessing her motivations.  Eventually Carol jerked her head out of Maria’s grasp and laid her head back on Maria’s shoulder, letting out a childish huff.  To anyone else, it may have appeared to be a rebuttal but Maria knew better; the façade was about to crumble.  She just had to give her wife one more push.

 

Maria laughed internally at the juvenile display.  “I guess it is then.  Well, I can’t blame you.  Five years without practice is bound to mess with anyone’s stamina.  Even yours.”  Her final poke to the beast that lay flush against her was to pinch Carol’s right nipple, rolling it between her long fingers as she finally felt the coil spring forth.

 

Carol snarled and lunged up to seize both of Maria’s elegant hands, pinning them above her head as she straddled Maria’s body.  The blonde glared down triumphantly at her mate, proud of her display of power.  However, before anything could truly begin, a brief moment of clarity passed through Carol’s eyes when she’d realized what she’d done.  She shook her head, and recomposed herself before moving to release her hold on her wife.   _Damn it._

 

“No, Carol.”

 

Carol furrowed her brow and bit her lip, nervous anticipation replacing the worry that had tainted her eyes.

 

“It’s okay, Carol.” She nodded slowly, making sure the voyager understood that it _was_ all okay; she had Maria’s outright consent.  That nothing she did could hurt her because the hero never would.  And Maria would forever trust her with that simple duty.  “It’s okay, Carol.”  She repeated, watching as her wife’s animality began to return to her visage.  “I can take it.  Everything you have to give?  I can take it.  I’m yours entirely, Carol Susan Jane Danvers.”

 

The blonde let out a gasp, floored at the words for a moment before her eyes darkened and a feral look covered her face.  She briefly let go of Maria’s arms and reached over to grab a nearby pillow, removing its pillowcase and throwing the cushion to the side.  Carol easily tore the fabric into wide shreds that she first used to bind Maria’s wrists together.  Once she was certain Maria couldn’t separate her wrists, and that she hadn’t cut off any circulation, the captain raised her wife’s hands above her head and looped the remaining fabric around the junction of where her hands were bound, securing the other end of the tie to the bed frame.

 

Carol took a moment to admire her handiwork before she reached down and ran her hands up and down Maria’s sides, across her abs, and over her breasts, making sure to pinch her nipples as she did so.  Maria gasped but was utterly helpless to brush away her touch, causing Carol to grin down at her lover.  Her wife was now completely open to her.

 

“That was part of my favorite linen set, you know,” Maria chuckled, a playful frown on her face.

 

“Shhh.”  Carol’s response was brusque and harried, her mind somewhere else.  The warrior crawled over to her side of the bed and rummaged through the bottom drawer of her dresser.  After a few seconds of searching, she found what she was looking for: their favorite feeldoe and its associated harness.  They only used this toy occasionally, mostly preferring to use their own hands and mouth instead.  But Carol loved the freedom that this shaft afforded her.  Loved how she could let both her hands meander all over her wife's body while she reamed Maria’s sex at the same time.  It was a pleasure worth savoring.

 

Maria could only whimper in admiration and joy, biting her lip as she watched Carol don the toy.  She let out an audible moan as the blonde began to stroke the shaft, rubbing lube up and down its length in preparation.  Always still the gentlewoman, even when her wife was in such an exposed position.

 

Eventually Carol positioned herself between Maria’s thighs, taking the other woman’s legs and wrapping them around her hips.  The hero began to gently run her hands up and down Maria’s thighs, massaging the twitching muscles beneath, and loosening up her wife.  After a few moments of this, Carol trailed her hands inwards towards her wife’s swollen womanhood, loving the way it eagerly and visibly twitched as she neared.

 

Maria squirmed as Carol ran her thumbs up and down her labia, teasing her with feather-light strokes that were only meant to explore.  A quick glance up at the blonde’s face revealed that she was enraptured at the sight offered up to her, her face flushed and pupils dilated as she toyed with Maria’s sensitive folds.

 

“You’re so pretty, Maria.” Carol spread her open, parting her outer lips and moaning at the heavenly vision now completely bared to her.  The vulnerability caused Maria to blush but she had no time to mire in the slight embarrassment when Carol began to slide the head of the feeldoe up and down her slit.  The broad head of the toy left no inch untouched, and Maria moaned with each stroke, hips jerking every time the tip of the shaft grazed her sensitized clit.

 

“Carol. Carol, baby please.”  The plea was almost incoherent, her body and mind a complete mess that only grew with each passing moment.  She felt her own wetness lubricate the already slick shaft as it continued to move mercilessly through her folds, the bottom of the head scraping against the tip of her clit each time Carol drew her hips back.  “Please, baby.  More, more, more.”  She couldn’t even reach out to pull Carol in, she could do nothing but take what Carol _wanted_ to give her in a single moment.  And she absolutely loved it.

 

Carol growled.  “Fuck, Maria.”  She lined up the head of the shaft and centered it at Maria’s desperately fluttering entrance, letting it rest there as she let Maria prepare herself for what was about to come.  “Don’t worry.  I got you, love.  I got you.”  With that reassurance still in the air, Carol used her hips and pushed forward insistently, awestruck as she felt the head of her shaft enter Maria’s quim with a definitive _pop._

 

The sensation of the hard toy splitting her open nearly made Maria come on the spot.  Instead she could only throw her head side to side as her body adjusted to the stretch.  The feeldoe didn’t have the dexterity of her wife’s fingers, but it made up for that with its considerable girth.  Whenever they used the toy, it never let Maria forget that she was being taken by her wife.

 

Once Maria had acclimated properly to the new strain, she nodded curtly at her wife, indicating that she was okay to continue.  At this, Carol used one of thumbs in order to start rubbing lightly against Maria’s exposed clit, easing the way of entry for both of them.  The blonde then began to pull back and thrust forward slowly, guiding the toy inch by inch into the pilot’s tight channel with short and shallow movements, parting through sensitive tissue as she went. 

 

Through it all, Maria could only keen with ecstasy as Carol tenderly worked the shaft into her womanhood, never once losing control despite Maria’s best efforts.  No amount of begging seemed to move the determined captain as she methodically opened Maria up with her shaft.  No look, no matter how filled with lust and adoration, caused Carol to break her focus as she gently milked Maria’s clit with her fingers, the ministrations taking away any possible discomfort she may have felt as the hero pushed ever forward.

 

It would apparently require a much more active manner to cause the space voyager to crack.

 

Maria raised her right leg from around Carol’s waist and used the back of her calf to push roughly against Carol’s buttocks.  The sudden and unexpected force caused Carol to involuntarily slide forward into Maria’s depths another few inches.  The blonde quickly responded by tightening her body and she promptly pushed against the pressure Maria’s leg applied, which prevented the last half of the toy from entering her wife.

 

“You stop that,” Carol growled.  She reached up with her free hand and pinched one of Maria’s nipples.  The pleasure pain of the action caused Maria to drop her leg, but it didn’t stop her from begging one more time.  Maria needed Carol to be unleashed, the anticipation was driving her mad.

 

“Carol.  You don’t have to be gentle.”  Carol’s gaze softened at Maria’s pleas as she observed the desperate lust that swirled within the taller woman’s eyes.  It was clear Maria needed more, and only she could give it to her.  “Give me everything, you got, girl.  Everything.  I can take it.  I can take you.”  Maria’s voice got progressively more urgent as Carol continued to appraise her wife’s need.  “You would never hurt me and my trust in you is absolute.  I love you, baby.  I love you, I love you, I love you—” 

 

She never let Maria finish.  With a roar she slammed the rest of the way into Maria’s depths, holding her hips down into the bed as she entered.  The harsh but intensely pleasurable intrusion caused Maria to arch in unadulterated euphoria and she came with a ragged sob.  As her climax continued, only aided by the thick feeldoe that she unconsciously clenched around, her vision went black at the edges as Carol held her still through her orgasm.

 

It was everything she needed right now.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

It had all been too much.

 

Carol had wanted their first coupling after the Decimation to be tender, slow, almost timid as they each relearned each other’s bodies.  Made physical their reunion and confirmed that they were alive after Thanos’ evil.  The hero had needed the proof that the love of her life was once again breathing, once again existed in the realm of the living.  It would have been a literal living reminder to Carol of all that she had lost the last half decade, and what had been returned to her.

 

However this wasn’t making love.  This was _fucking_.  This was Carol Danvers reclaiming what had been wrongfully taken from her.  This was Carol Danvers showing Maria Rambeau that she was irrevocably her home.  This was Carol Danvers showing her wife that she loved her and would always protect and care for her, no matter what.  This was Carol Danvers retaking control of her life and existence.

 

But Carol Danvers couldn’t complain because she fucking loved it.

 

And as Carol watched Maria writhe beneath her in the throes of ecstasy, she was struck with how _vibrant_ her wife was as she climaxed around her shaft.  Struck by how vibrant Maria made _her_. 

 

For five years the voyager had been surrounded by death, hopelessness, emptiness, and misery.  But now as she watched Maria fall apart in rapture, heard her wife’s gasps and moans of pleasure slip from between her lips, and felt her jerk beneath her body as she held her partner down, Carol Danvers slowly began to return to life.

 

She had originally bound Maria’s hands to protect her wife, and at the same time prevent herself from hurting the very woman that held the key to her salvation and soul.  The captain had felt the gradual slippage of her carefully maintained restraint, overwhelmed by the sensation of Maria’s hands as they freely traipsed across the skin of her back, arms, and shoulders. 

 

It had been too much all at once.  Carol had known she needed to regain control in order to properly re-establish her claim on this gorgeous woman.  The blonde had reasoned that by doing so, she would find even keel.

 

Yet even with her hands bound, Maria Rambeau was truly the one that held dominion over her, not the other way around.  No physical restraints would ever change this reality.  Maria, by giving up her body and placing her very life into Carol’s hands, had revitalized the hero in ways she didn’t know possible.  Because Carol didn’t need to be the one in control when she was with Maria.  All she had to do was let go, trust, and fall.  And in return, Maria Rambeau would always be there to catch, heal, rebuild, and elevate her as she deserved to be.  And the ultimate trust and strength Maria had in her was a force that could never be denied.

 

And so it was by losing her control, and subsequently regaining it through binding Maria, that Carol had been had been brought back once again.  Carol Danvers was being rebuilt scrap by scrap, all through Maria Rambeau’s selflessness.  And she would never be able to truly and completely thank her wife for what she did.

 

But right now she knew of a good way to try and start.

 

Carol looked down at Maria’s sex where the shaft penetrated her wife’s womanhood and the sheer eroticism of the sight took her breath away.  The other woman’s labia were stretched out around the girth of the toy and her lover’s juices coated the feeldoe, which was clearly seen with each precise thrust.  Maria’s quim would also visibly pulsate as Carol continued to repeatedly sink into her wife’s channel, succeeding in prolonging the orgasm the pilot was currently riding out.

 

The voyager let out a guttural moan as she used one of her hands to trace along where Maria’s nether lips were petaled around the shaft, relishing in the feel of the swollen lips twitching against her touch.  She then moved her hand back up to Maria’s clit, rubbing her thumb against the sensitive jewel as her hips once again began to pick up into another driving tempo, never giving Maria the chance to recover from her previous climax.  Carol squeezed Maria’s hip in a half-hearted apology as Maria’s hips began to buck in response to the new, unrelenting heights she was currently being brought to.  A low moan escaped from the taller woman’s lips and from the sound of it alone, Carol knew her wife was going to come again.

 

“Let go, baby.  I’ve got you.”

 

Maria shouted again and went stiff as another peak tore violently through her.  The pilot’s muscles clenched down hard on the toy, which pushed the base up against Carol's own clit and caused her to spasm at the same time as her mate.

 

Sharing her climax with Maria was incredible and as Carol came down from their combined high, she was determined to experience more together.  Carol leaned over Maria’s body, wrapping her arms around her woman’s supine form, and placed a kiss on each breast as she did so.  The position not only allowed the blonde to provide comfort to her wife but also ensured that she would be able to hold the other woman still as she claimed her.

 

“You’re mine.” It was a simple declaration, one spoken often during their love making.  But this time, especially after the Decimation, it meant more.

 

“I’m yours,” Maria murmured.  She couldn’t reach down to hug Carol but the blonde made sure to lean up and kiss her soundly on the lips, sealing their pledge.

 

Carol hummed happily at Maria’s admission, it was everything she needed right now.  The blonde then proceeded to enter into an absolutely demanding and punishing rhythm, thrusting into Maria’s quim tirelessly while ensuring that the base of the feeldoe rubbed against the pilot’s sensitive nub with each stroke.  As she mercilessly rode her wife to completion, Carol placed heated, open-mouthed kisses along her collar bone and down her sternum, using her teeth to scrape against Maria’s skin with each peck.  Carol’s hands couldn’t stay still either and she ran them along her wife’s sides, occasionally tugging on Maria’s nipples or greedily grabbing handfuls of her lover's bountiful ass.

 

Soon the room was filled with obscene suction noises as Carol relentlessly pounded into her wife, her thighs slapping against the backs of the perfect spheres that made up Maria’s generous backside.  Soft moans and shouts of ecstasy also permeated throughout the air as the hypersensitive women reached the peak of bliss together multiple times over.  The two captains never truly stopped to take a break and the only respite Carol granted her overstimulated wife were the brief pauses in between orgasms when the blonde readjusted their position or changed the angle and pace of her hips for better access. 

 

With her hands bound, all Maria could do was go along for the ride.  Swept up and carried away by the torrent of Carol’s unrelenting yet tender desire as the blonde brought her continuously to ecstasy.  She adored the soldier’s love, lust, and possessiveness as the emotions played across her wife’s gorgeous face.  Treasured the rawness of Carol’s physicality and virility as she worked into Maria without pause or hesitation.  It was too much, but it was just perfect all at once.  It was where they both belonged.  Where they were home.

 

The captains were able to keep this on for hours, their Kree blood giving the both of them stamina that went way beyond that of normal humans, enabling them to exert themselves in bed for prolonged periods of time.  Eventually however, Carol could sense Maria’s sheer exhaustion as the taller woman's form went limp against her.  Her wife’s body was currently a puddle in her arms and her eyes were completely hooded after their most recently shared climax.  Maria’s current state caused the voyager to smile sheepishly at her lover and she placed an apologetic kiss on each eyelid as she reached up and released Maria’s hands from the bindings.  As Maria re-orientated, Carol took it upon herself to gently rub each of Maria’s limbs, restoring blood flow and soothing any stiffness from being held in place for so long.

 

She slowly pulled out of Maria with a groan, already missing the feel of ravishing her wife so thoroughly.  The blonde then gently parted Maria’s folds and checked for any tears or bruising, making sure she hadn't actually hurt her wife during their frenzied coupling.  When she was satisfied with what she saw, she placed one more kiss on Maria’s chin before removing herself from their bed. 

 

Carol placed the feeldoe into her bathroom sink and immediately neglected it—she would take care of it tomorrow.  Taking care of Maria was far more important right now.  The hero filled a water cup and made sure to wet a clean wash towel with warm water before she headed back to her waiting wife.  As Carol walked back out to the bedroom, she saw Maria lying peacefully in their bed, not quite asleep but not quite awake either.  The vision made Carol smile and she blew a kiss over to her lover.

 

Maria grinned and sat up as Carol approached, pulling back the covers and revealing her naked self to the blonde.  This time however there was no arousal, just appreciation as Carol admired the sight of her wife back within their marriage bed where she rightfully belonged.  She handed over the cup of water to the taller woman while she used her hand to tenderly spread Maria’s thighs apart, gently dabbing around and cleaning up any of the stickiness that remained.  As the taller woman hydrated herself, Carol rummaged into Maria’s dresser and pulled out one of her night caps, proffering the garment as she slid into bed next to Maria.

 

Once Maria had donned her cap, she settled back down into bed and faced Carol, the afterglow of sex still affecting each of their complexion and mannerisms.  Before Carol could even ask, Maria extended her arms outward, inviting the blonde into a hug that would be maintained throughout the night.

 

“Come here, Carol.”  It was a soft command, one that she was willing to obey without a second thought.  Carol scooted over and fell into Maria’s safe embrace, admiring the feel of her wife’s sculpted arms as they held her close.  “I know you don’t _need_ to sleep, baby.  But you should.”

 

Carol could only nod, knowing that Maria knew best.  No matter how much the blonde wanted to stay awake and stare at the goddess before her, she also was aware of how paramount it was that she gradually returned to a human way of living.  That by doing even the most menial of tasks was Maria’s way of bringing back Carol Danvers and soothing the anger and emptiness that Captain Marvel had experienced for so long.  Once again Danvers was struck with her wife’s sharp intuition; over forty years later and Maria was still the wisest one in their relationship

 

The two captains eventually fell asleep, cradled in each other’s arms for the first time in over five years.  Finally reunited after being so unfairly torn away from each other.  Not even the Living Tribunal itself could ever keep them away from one another.

 

They would awake tomorrow, the bastion of a new day providing the two women with new hopes and dreams that were now just within their reach.  Anything seemed possible now. 

 

It truly was as all things should be.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I want to first off start by saying I'm sorry that this is so late and that I'm glad you've still stuck with me on this. School and life have picked up again and it's been quite the ride! But I'm not abandoning this fic, I promise. Just a few things about this chapter and then on to housekeeping. Then you can read.  
> -This part is a lot more mother-daughter bonding! Yay! But I had to extrapolate on Monica's older character because she's not in the MCU yet as an adult. And we don't know how they're planning to portray her so... If it turns out my characterization of her ages poorly, I'm very sorry in advance!  
> -There are conversations to be had about what happened, but slow and steady wins the race. There are more chapters and other fic that will discuss what happened. It's a marathon, not a sprint. EVERYONE has their trauma and they all are going to have to figure out how they deal with it. But they're at least addressing it here.  
> -I've removed the chapter limit because I have no idea how long this story is going to be in totality. That being said, I think we're most of the way through. Just a few more things.  
> -Smut scene in either the next chapter or two chapters from now, sorry that it keeps on getting pushed back!  
> -Also, just a warning! THERE IS SOME VIOLENCE SHOWN IN THIS CHAPTER. But I think it's justified considering the circumstances. However, if it's not your thing, skip the end of Monica's mission in the flashback. I tried to make it all reasonable.  
> -I also edited this late at night and in a rush today because I wanted to give you guys something. So if you see anything egregious or whatever, let me know. But there will probably be edits made later when I re-read to check.  
> -Again, if you see any mistakes or anything offensive, please let me know. But kindly, if you do. I'm not trying to offend people and if I have, I apologize. I want to be better so just let me know. But also, don't be rude about it, please.
> 
>  
> 
> Okay so just some general housekeeping:  
> -School and life are still going to be busy and I'm going to be not able to write as much. I know that I said I planned to finish this fic in December but we'll see. There is a lot going on now.  
> -Thank you so much for dealing with my weird ass schedule. Again, I'm not going to abandon this but I'm super busyyyyyy  
> -Thanks to my muses who helped me flesh this one out!!! You guys know who you are!
> 
> Again, comments and Kudos are appreciated but not required to get me to write. Enjoying my fic is mandatory though ;)

**_Spring, 2008_ **

_Monica closed her eyes took in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before she let it out.  She repeated this process a few times over, focusing herself as she moved her head side to side and shook out her limbs, working out the last few nervous jitters that coursed through her body._

_Despite her growing list of impressive accomplishments and triumphant combat tours as Spectrum, the young hero still found herself wracked with anxiety.  She supposed it because this was all relatively new, only being gifted with her impressive electromagnetic abilities just three years ago after the accident in her graduate lab.   But if she was being honest with herself, Monica knew the real reason for her current doubt and, if she were completely truthful with her emotions, fear._

_She’d completed hazardous missions before, faced dangers that would make even the most hardened of combat veterans think twice.  Escorting dangerous cargo through an active warzone while monitoring the situation from above and eliminating any nearby threats was a mission that would always come to mind whenever she doubted herself.  Hell, she’d even gone up into space with Warbird to help rescue a group of astronauts as their failing and conflagrated craft, minutes away from exploding, plummeted to the Earth’s surface._

_Yet despite her achievements as a burgeoning hero, all of those missions had one thing in common.  She had been accompanied by the universe’ most powerful being for each one.  A watchful, experienced eye by her side that had power with the potential to obliterate galaxies, and a seventh sense that predicted the worst of the threats they would encounter on their patrols.  With her mama and fellow soldier by her side, Monica always had a safety net.  An ace in the hole if things ever went FUBAR._

_Intense training had enabled Monica and Carol the ability to coordinate in the field with the utmost precision and efficiency, so there had never been a situation that had required Warbird to take complete control.  It still didn’t mean that Spectrum didn’t appreciate having such a force behind her in case things went out of hand.  Her mama’s presence in the field was often inconspicuous and she acted more in a mentorship capacity than anything else, but having an experienced veteran like Warbird at her six was always a reassurance._

_For her part, Monica had dutifully practiced and studied combat tactics whenever she happened to have a break in between assignments, increasing her skills and knowledge and becoming more of an asset with each passing operation.  The young Lieutenant’s hard work and dedication to her craft had caught not only the attention of the commanding officers at SHIELD but also that of Warbird herself.  The seasoned hero had clearly noticed the young hero’s efforts and in turn rewarded the steady improvement and commitment Spectrum had shown by gradually letting Monica take more of a lead with each additional tour the soldiers completed together._

_Yet even with the growing independence that she had been granted during her most recent missions, Spectrum still had not yet had her own solo mission.  Until now, that is._

_On the surface it appeared to be a simple infiltration and data acquisition operation.  In and out, no witnesses, and no sign of entry.  The job appeared to be tailor-made for Spectrum’s abilities, a perfect way to ease the young Lieutenant into complete independence for her future duties as a vital SHIELD agent.  Yet despite its outward appearances, it wasn’t going to be that simple of a mission._

_Monica Rambeau wasn’t going to be breaking into just any weapons dealer’s headquarters.  She was stealing from Ivan Slovenko, arguably one of, if not the, most dangerous black market titan in the entire world.  The mercenary was former Croatian special forces turned rogue after he found out that crime paid better, and his reputation easily proceeded him.  During his official tenure under the Croatian government his depraved and cruel actions had easily made him one of the most feared and respected agents in the field, and he often left a trail of mangled bodies in his wake. The renegade agent’s work was so recognizable that he was even given the codename Eviscerator by his enemies.  Simply put, Slovenko was not a man to be trifled with._

_SHIELD had managed to infiltrate Slovenko’s post, successfully planting five of their best agents within his armed goons.  The agents had been providing information to Director Fury and Warbird directly for the past year, giving the seasoned soldiers the invaluable data needed to launch an advantageous blitz on the rogue’s hideout.  While their agents’ input had been invaluable to planning the mission, the undercover unit had mysteriously gone dark just a little over a month ago, which left many details unclear and murky._

_It wasn’t all for naught though, and SHIELD’s spies had managed to paint a picture of the direness of the situation and what needed to be done to stop it. The most recent intel SHIELD’s moles inside of Slovenko’s forces had been able to relay back to the outside was that the rogue had somehow managed to acquire and develop advanced military technology and was planning to sell various pieces to the highest bidder.  In the wrong hands, the machinery could help support the creation of countless unstoppable militias around the world, devastating the landscape of Earth forever._

_Hand-held weapons, the size of a standard-issue Glock, that contained the firepower of a tank.  Personal anti-gravity devices, that could lift massive items around as if they were nothing.  Lasers that were so precise they could cut through any material in seconds, no matter how thick.   Somehow, Slovenko was mass-producing and planning to distribute technology the likes of which had never before been seen—on Earth that is._

_To the seasoned Warbird however, who had seen a variety of different weapons during her travels in the cosmos, these weapons weren’t novel at all.  The arms that Slovenko was currently developing were based off of the technology from a multitude of advanced alien races, and there was no way that the relatively flimsy terrestrial weapons would stand a chance against an battalion armed with such teeth.  This was a threat that had the potential to alter the face of the Earth forever, and Carol wanted the danger obliterated as quickly as possible._

_For Monica, it was the perfect opportunity for her to finally test out her powers and combat abilities on her lonesome without Warbird on the field with her.  With her powers, there truly hadn’t been a more ideal mission for the precocious woman._

_No matter how prepared Spectrum was however, Warbird had been reluctant to allow the young Lieutenant to embark on this mission alone.  Slovenko’s bloody past made the blonde incredibly wary for the new hero; even if Monica wasn’t going to actually enter combat it was still going to be an incredibly risky event.  But Spectrum had managed to convince the apprehensive captain that she was ready for this responsibility and duty, no matter how treacherous it may be.  Monica would need to gain this invaluable experience in order to progress to even more perilous missions in the future and increase her confidence as a soldier; being held back for too long would only hinder her future as a hero._

_Her mama’s resolve had buckled after enough persuasion, a very detailed Power Point had significantly helped Monica’s case, and once the older captain had realized the inevitability of Spectrum’s growth as a future hero.  No matter how diligently Carol tried to keep her daughter under her protective wing, the older vigilante could see the clear writing on the wall.  Warbird knew that coddling Monica would never allow her to grow and develop into the capable hero she had the potential to be, it was time to let go and allow Spectrum to write her own story.  No matter how difficult or terrifying it may be, Lieutenant Rambeau must be allowed to soar on her lonesome._

_And so, only two days after the strike had been formally authorized and commissioned by Director Fury himself, Monica found herself in the hull of the most technologically advanced SHIELD quinjet thousands of feet above the ground where they were en route to the harsh, frozen wasteland of northern Russia.  Slovenko’s forces had made their base in a hollowed out and abandoned metal mine in the northwestern Ural Mountains, a perfect camp for their machinations.  The isolated locale ensured that prying eyes didn’t figure out Slovenko’s uncouth schemes and the harsh environment surrounding the base served to provide a natural obstacle that prevented unprepared invaders from simply waltzing into the mercenary’s home._

_It was a veritable fortress, and many government agencies had tried and failed to apprehend the elusive villain dozens of times over.  Slovenko’s traps and forces had always proven to be too much for anyone to get through._

_Monica Rambeau wasn’t just like anyone else, however.  Unknown to Slovenko and others outside of SHIELD, the agency had a solider that could turn into literal, living energy within their forces._

_Yet despite the many abilities contained within her combat arsenal, Monica still couldn’t shake off her nerves.  No matter how hard the young hero attempted to mask the swirling mess inside, it managed to bubble its way to the surface, made ever apparent with the jittery bouncing of her knees as she waited in the cargo pit of the quinjet. Not even Maria’s dependable meditation techniques had been a balm to her anxiety.  Logically, Monica knew she was ready; now the young hero just had to convince the rest of her brain that she truly was._

_Before Monica could psych herself out completely, Carol’s staticky voice cut through her comms, bringing Spectrum back to the mission at hand.  “Drop point in five minutes, soldier.  Are you ready, Lieutenant Rambeau?”_

_Monica snapped to attention, eager to show her mama that she was entirely focused on what lay ahead and that the other superhero didn’t have to worry._

_“Affirmative, Captain.  All preparations have been made. The mission objectives haven’t changed and no new intel has been received. We are proceeding as planned.”_

_“Excellent,” Carol stated neutrally from the other end.  “Keep in mind, I’ll be tapped into your communications feed during the entirety of this mission; just in case anything comes up.”_

_Monica nodded, understanding the need for guidance for her first solo outing, even if it felt like her freedom as a warrior was still slightly hampered by her superiors.  “Understood, Warbird.”_

_A pregnant pause hung in the air as Monica struggled to figure out what to say next.  The Lieutenant still often found herself caught in the limbo of wanting her parent’s reassurance while at the same time desiring the measured acknowledgement from an experienced veteran.  She needn’t have worried though, Warbird filled it in for them._

_“Don’t forget, adhere to the mission objectives at all times.” Her mother’s voice belied nothing on her end.  In the field, Carol ensured that their interactions were extremely formal and Monica wasn’t entirely certain how she felt about it yet.  Professionalism she understood, but it always seemed that there was a barrier between the two women that was never right.  “Good luck, Spectrum.  I’ll see you once you’ve completed the job.”_

_Warbird terminated the call before Monica could respond, leaving the hero alone with her thoughts before the jump.  Though she never expected it whilst on active duty, Spectrum couldn’t deny that she would have appreciated a more personal sendoff from her parent.  But her mama had wished her good luck, and it was clear that the captain trusted the young hero enough to allow Monica to complete this mission solo.  Whatever affection Carol decided to show would have to be enough._

_The sound of harried footsteps against the metal grating of the plane drew Monica’s attention away from her introspection.  Spectrum looked up to see a young Corporal rapidly approaching, highly focused on delivering whatever message needed to be relayed to the superhero._

_“One minute until drop, Lieutenant.”  He saluted and stood at attention, making sure that Monica understood.  It took a while for Spectrum to realize that he was waiting to be properly dismissed by the officer in front of him—which was her.  The hero still sometimes couldn’t get over the surreal reality of being a commanding officer over others in the armed forces.  Despite all she had experienced that was often the fact that stunned Monica most._

_“Thank you for alerting me, Corporal. You are dismissed.” He nodded and jogged away, leaving Monica alone once again._

_Shaking out her nerves one last time, Monica closed her eyes and let go, allowing herself to transform into pure energy.  Spectrum would never get over this feeling, the elation, freedom, and power of fulfilling her destiny as a superhero.  Nothing else compared to the sensation of truly becoming one with the frequencies of the electromagnetic spectrum._

_She watched with increasing excitement as the quinjet’s cargo slowly door opened to reveal a grey, snowy mountain range below; impassable to almost everyone except for a Lieutenant who could turn into living energy.  Smiling to herself, Monica backed up and took a running start before she leaped off the platform and into the empty air, letting herself get caught up in the pure joy of a freefall for a few seconds._

_After a few seconds of letting herself fall, Monica began to propel herself through the air, heading towards Slovenko’s base.  She could worry about her family life and feelings later, there were more important things to attend to._

_Because right now, the world needed saving._

_~~~~~~~~~~_

_Infiltrating Slovenko’s compound had been easy enough.  When she was phased into energy, Monica was virtually undetectable by any of the technology found on Earth and the Lieutenant had easily slipped past the heavily armed and secured fortress.  Her aptitude at constructing and remembering mental layouts had also enabled her to rapidly find the central room that contained the main controls of the entire base within a few minute’s time._

_Spectrum hovered quietly and invisibly above the room and surveyed the layout, taking in and processing what she was currently observing.  The space was about the size of a standard basketball court and octagonal in shape.  Along each of the walls were dozens of monitors and computers, each of them showing different images of various locations within the mountain and diagnostic readouts.  Above the floor were a series of catwalks that intersected in the center that allowed two guards to patrol the space from an elevated position, giving them eyes from virtually anywhere as they made sure that only authorized personnel had access to the area.  And at the center of the room was the data and server mainframe, the holy grail of information that would help bring Slovenko’s operation down._

_Monica smiled to herself, everything so far had been flawless and it looked like that would continue to be the case.  Everything had been exactly as the SHIELD intel stated._

****

**_Time to get to work._ **

****

_Setting up a fifteen minute timer, the amount of time allotted to her before the current guards switched their shifts, Monica landed silently on the intersection of the catwalks and waited for the perfect time to strike.  As the guards passed by each other, Spectrum quickly blasted each of them in the back, hurtling them through the air where they slammed against the walls and fell unconscious to the ground.  The Lieutenant then quickly bound their hands and feet and hid their bodies in a corner, preventing them from being found by any other of Slovenko’s men.  Now the way to the mainframe was totally clear._

****

_The hero floated down and landed in front of the main computer, examining the technology for the port she was looking for.  Once she had found it, Monica then took out a small, square box and inserted it into the jack, causing a holographic keyboard and screen projection to pop up from the device’s virtual projections.  She pushed a few buttons and waited patiently as the technology analyzed Slovenko’s security protocols and seamlessly hacked each one of them, gradually gaining access into all of the villain’s files and schematics.  After a few seconds of waiting, a soft ‘ping’ emanated from the device and the keyboard flashed from red to green, indicating that Monica now had full access to the mainframe._

_Spectrum activated the device and began to download the contents on Slovenko’s servers, watching closely as images of what each file contained flashed briefly on the screen as they were gathered into the portable storage device.  From just a quick glance at the images that showed up on the projection, Monica could tell that they had hit the motherlode.  Weapons schematics, architectural plans for the Croatian’s many hideouts, and a dossier of names associated with his operation were all now in the hands of SHIELD.  It was only a matter of time before his entire organization collapsed._

**_Bingo. Slovenko, your ass is grass._ **

_“Excellent work, Lieutenant.”  Carol’s voice in Monica’s earpiece cut through the silence as she worked on hacking the main server, startling her with the unexpected input.  “Finish downloading the schematics and then destroy the communications monitor.  That should shut down any outgoing transmissions and prevent Slovenko’s men from alerting the rest of their friends about what’s going on here.”_

_Monica nodded, eager to finish the mission and head out. Even though no one was around right now, she could still tell that this was a dangerous place.  And time was ticking down._

_“Affirmative, Warbird.  Spectrum, out.”  Carol hummed her assent and then disconnected the call, leaving Monica alone once again._

_As she waited for the download to end, Monica roamed around the room and took in the rest of her surroundings, observing the footage on the other monitors.  For the most part there was nothing out of the ordinary, and all Spectrum could see were the empty hallways of the mountainous inside and the expected guard patrols that roamed the walkways._

**_So far, so good._ **

****

_As the young hero reached the end of the rows of computers, she stopped when she saw a familiar figure trapped in a cell, chained to the wall and slumped over in his cell.  The Lieutenant did a double take when she realized who the captive was, stunned at the fact that someone so capable had been taken prisoner._

**_Command Sergeant Major Martindale?_ **

****

_The Command Sergeant Major was one of the most effective and decorated field officers that SHIELD had, with nearly one hundred completed missions under his belt.  CSM Martindale had been tasked with leading the small group of SHIELD agents in infiltrating Slovenko’s forces, key in sending out information to Fury and the other commanding officers. But somewhere along the way something went wrong, and the entire group had gone dark._

_They had all feared the worst, but apparently that line of thought was premature. One of the SHIELD soldiers had survived—and Monica knew she had to get him out.  Who knew what he had endured so far at the hands of Slovenko’s men?  And worse, what was destined for him if they abandoned him yet again._

_Monica checked her timer.  9:46:53.  More than enough time to reach CSM Martindale and return undisturbed.  She could easily get them both out through the vents that wound through the entire mountain.  A quick call could have a helicopter ready to pick them both up once she had navigated the ventilation system._

_She made sure that the device was still downloading and then phased into the electromagnetic spectrum, moving invisibly through the base as she searched for the missing CSM.  Carol’s voice broke through before she got very far._

_“Spectrum,” she snapped.  “What the heck are you doing?  Your orders were to get the plans, destroy the comms, and leave.  Undetected.”_

_“It’s Command Sergeant Major Martindale, sir,” Monica snapped right back.  “He’s still alive and held captive by Slovenko in the barracks. I’m going to rescue him, I have the time.”_

_There was a pause on Warbird’s end, a sign that the older hero was mulling something over, thinking about what she had been told.  Instead of the praise Monica expected however, there was a harsh rebuttal—and something else underlying the captain’s tone._

_“Lieutenant Rambeau, return to the control room.  Now.  That’s an order, soldier.  Do not try to reach Martindale.  I repeat, do not try to reach Martindale.”_

_Monica shook her head and growled under her breath, frustrated that Warbird didn’t see the benefit of saving the CSM.  “I’m sorry, Captain but I can’t do that.  If we have a chance to save one of our men, I’m taking it.  We don’t know what information he’s already given them and what he could reveal later under duress.  Rescuing him is the best option.”_

_“Lieutenant. Come back. Now.” Carol’s tone had almost reached a yell and Monica had no time to waste.  As though sensing what Monica was about to do, Carol shouted out one last command.  “Don’t you dare turn off your comms.  Lieutenant Ram—”  Spectrum ignored her parent and reached up to turn her comms link, cutting off her mother’s directions._

_Monica headed towards CSM Martindale’s location in absolute silence, untraceable and unreachable now that she had officially turned off her comms. It was enough to slightly worry her, but Spectrum was also confident enough in her abilities to rescue the missing man.  Besides, she hadn’t been detected yet and it was clear that Slovenko’s men were completely unaware that their base was under quiet siege.  In just a few minutes, Martindale would be rescued and the storage device retrieved.  The Lieutenant was killing two birds with one stone._

**_We’ll see you in a bit, Warbird._ **

_~~~~~~~~~~_

_Spectrum eventually found CSM Martindale chained to a pipe in a small cell only slightly bigger than a telephone booth.  He had clearly seen better days, as his entire body was covered in dirt and his face looked sunken in from malnutrition.  He also sported a couple of shiners on his face too, his bottom lip bloodied from a recent beating he must have suffered at the hands of Slovenko’s goons.  It tore at Monica to see such a dependable ally so hurt._

_“Command Sergeant Major Martindale?” She gently shook the CSM, moving him slightly to wake him.  When the soldier didn’t move, Monica used a concentrated infra-red blast to melt his cuffs, loosening him from his bound position against the wall, hoping that a more comfortable posture would allow him to wake up.  “Martindale, sir?  Are you alright?”_

_After a few seconds of waiting, Martindale opened his eyes slowly, lids fluttering as he acquainted himself to the light and Lieutenant in front of him.  “Lieutenant Rambeau?  Is that you?”  He croaked out, moving his arms and legs slightly as he worked out the kinks from being still for so long._

_“Yes it’s me, soldier.” Monica reached down and lifted the man up by his arm, stabilizing him as she began to walk out of the cell.  “Ask questions later, we have to move. Now.” Checking her watch she confirmed the time left before the device could possibly be discovered._

_“I can walk, I got it.” The CSM whispered as he steadied himself and leaned against the wall in his cell.  Monica nodded and peeked her head out around the room's door, making sure that there was no one nearby.  When she was certain that the coast was clear she swiveled around to tell the other soldier her plan to get them both out of the fortress._

_She never got the chance to speak._

_The first thing Monica noticed about CSM Martindale when she turned around was the strange looking gun he had pointed at her—it was nothing that she had seen before.  On Earth, that is._

_The second thing she noticed was the strange sensation of heaviness, followed by intense searing pain, as the traitor fired his gun at the unsuspecting hero.  She collapsed heavily to the ground, unmoving as her whole world became fuzzy at the edges._

_“You’re way too gullible, Lieutenant Rambeau.”  Martindale kneeled before her, a smug grin on his face.  He reached up and began pulling at his skin, revealing a digital mesh that, when removed, showed a face without any blemishes or evidence of malnutrition.  “I’m sorry it had to end this way, kiddo.” He stood up turned his back to the fallen Spectrum, talking into a mic that was wired into a device on his arm.  “Target acquired.  She’s completely stunned and out for the count, Slovenko.”_

_As she lay on the cold, stone ground of the cell, the rest of Monica’s jumbled mind was able to slowly piece together what had just happened.  Once she had, it painted a grim picture of what had occurred behind the scenes even before the mission began.  The SHIELD infiltrators hadn’t gone silent because they’d all been discovered incidentally—they had gone silent because there had been a traitor amongst their midst from the very beginning.  CSM Martindale had sold out his comrades to Slovenko and was most likely feeding the mercenary information about SHIELD’s missions and its personnel—including its more superpowered ones._

**_Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit._ **

_Monica couldn’t die like this.  Not when there was so much riding on her success.  Not when she would leave her mothers angry and disappointed at her for falling into such a stupid trap._

_Mustering up all her strength, Monica quietly stood up and gritted her teeth, gathering herself for what she was about to do next.  The soldier didn’t have the current control or strength to phase into energy—but that didn’t mean she was completely helpless.  She had been feared in her hand-to-hand combat classes for a reason._

_“Martindale.  Think fast, asshole.” As the man turned around Monica swung her fist to squarely connect with his face, hearing the sound of teeth being broken and the feeling of a cheekbone crushed.  The CSM crumpled to the ground, unconscious from the unexpected punch._

_Once she was sure the man was down, Monica hobbled her way out of the prison cell, still too groggy to phase into energy.  Shaking her head, she was able to clear her mind enough to start putting one foot in front of the other, hobbling back to the control room in an unofficial footrace against the entire army down in the mountain.  Monica pushed a few buttons on a small control panel located on her arm, causing a secure cloud connection to be established between the device and SHIELD’s own servers.  Even if she couldn’t get back in time before the device was discovered, at least some of the files she’d gathered would make it back to Nick._

_She needed to get back the control room fast, however.  Before everything went to complete shit.  Luckily for her, the return trip was uneventful; all the corridors were empty and Spectrum managed to make it to the main hub undisturbed._

_That shaky luck was soon reversed when Monica rounded the corner that lead to the main room._

_CSM Martindale’s message had been enough to rally the rest of Slovenko’s forces to the control center and they had prepared well.  At least fifty men were organized in combat formation, alien weapons raised and aimed directly at Monica as she stepped into the room, the heavy metal doors sealing behind her and leaving no chance for the soldier to retreat backwards.  In front of the men was Slovenko himself, dressed in white camouflage and holding the hacking device in his hand, staring at it mockingly before directing his gaze at the stunned hero._

**_Fuck._ **

_“I would say ‘nice to meet you,’ Spectrum.  But I think we both know that would be a lie.”  Slovenko stepped forward and stopped until he was a couple of arm’s lengths away from Monica.  Instead of cowering, the Lieutenant glowered at Slovenko, causing him to cock his head at the younger soldier, unperturbed by her defiance.  “Even with all the odds against you, you’re unflappable.  Maybe stupidly so, which is ironic considering your academic fortitude.”  The Croatian chuckled and continued.  “Command Sergeant Major Martindale told me that about you.  He told me a lot of things about you, actually.”_

_Monica felt a chill run down her spine.  Martindale’s treason ran deeper than she thought.  Everyone at SHIELD was in danger.  Maria was in danger._

_“Martindale told me about your unique abilities.” Slovenko’s heavy drawl brought Spectrum back to the present, making her focus in the middle of the perilous situation.  “The ability to turn into any energy on the electromagnetic spectrum?  And turn that energy into actual weapons?  Fascinating, no?”  Monica pursed her lips and kept her face emotionless, trying to not let the renegade see how his words affected her.  The most important thing was to keep him talking.  With each passing second, Monica could feel her body starting to equilibrate, vibrate with the energy that was about to be set free._

****

**_Keep talking, you jerk.  Just a few more seconds until my powers come back._ **

****

_“Hurting you when you became energy would have been an impossible task.  How does one actually attack pure energy, anyways?” Slovenko shook his head but then pulled out a pistol that had been holstered at his side, the same issue as Martindale’s, and looked at it as though it were the most interesting thing in the world.  In the moment, perhaps it was.  “But some…beings…know that energy can be harnessed, controlled, and disrupted.  And if you think about it, ALL energy on the electromagnetic spectrum is just waves.  And waves can be neutralized by opposing waves, no?”_

_He spun around and spread his arms out wide, as though giving a grand presentation to an enraptured audience.  “This technology is the future, Spectrum.  No longer will superheroes like you have an advantage over us humans.  This?”  He waved the gun in his hand and smiled.  “This technology changes everything, levels the playing field against you and others just like you.  And thanks to you, now we know it works.  I must thank you, Spectrum.  You’ve saved us the trouble of having to search for a test subject for this to work on.”_

**_Just a few more seconds, asshole.  Keep on monologuing._ **

_“But, I have no more use for you now.”  Slovenko crushed the small hacking device in his hand and pointed his weapon between Monica’s eyes, the electronic whirring indicating the weapon was powered and ready to use.  The hero’s eyes widened, her time had run out.  It was now or never for her powers to re-activate.  “You’ve overstayed your welcome and I don’t appreciate rude guests in my house.  Farewell.”_

**_Shit._ **

****

_Slovenko never got the chance to fire the gun._

_Before anyone could move a deafening ‘boom’ echoed throughout the mountain.  It was closely followed by the crash of a massive section of the ceiling, which caused large chunks of rock and metal to fall all around the room, crushing a few of Slovenko’s men in the process.  Once the dust from the initial destruction had cleared, the occupants looked up at the revealed sky to see what had caused the damage to the fort, shielding their eyes from the sudden flood of impossibly bright light._

_From just a small glimpse through her fingers at the glowing figure that blinded everyone from above, Monica knew that her fortunes had significantly increased._

_The Croatian’s men stood awestruck at the figure that hovered above them.  They were struck mute and turned to stone as they faced the incendiary specter that was whispered to exist in fearful rumors spread amongst those that lived in the dark._

_“What are you waiting for, you fools?” Slovenko snarled, fear tinging his command.  “Fire at will!”_

_A volley of gunfire was aimed at Warbird as she levitated above the renegades, standing still and unharmed as the bullets pitifully bounced off and ricocheted around the room.  At this disrespect, the hero frowned and then lit up even brighter, rising up a few more feet before she crash-landed onto the ground.  The impact created a massive shockwave that shook the earth and caused those nearest to Warbird to be launched into the air and thrown against the equipment with bone-sickening crunches as they landed motionlessly to the floor.  Others were incinerated on contact by the energy she released._

_The unlucky few that had managed to stay on their feet attempted to bum-rush the captain but were efficiently dispatched.  The sound of their broken bones, screams of pain, and immediate silence echoed through the room indicating their defeat—or worse._

_The distraction of her mother’s arrival had afforded Monica the opportunity to hide behind a few of the servers in the periphery, and she watched in tepid awe as Warbird effortlessly took down all of Slovenko’s men.  She saw that one more villain still remained, however.  The warlord himself had managed to only be slightly shaken by Carol’s dramatic entry, his distance from the rest of his minions affording him some protection from the initial violent assault._

_The renegade managed to stand up shakily and point the alien weapon at the captain, snarling as she quietly prowled towards him.  “So, you decided to come here in person, Warbird.”  He charged up the weapon and gave the blonde a menacing smile.  “Unfortunately for you, I’m prepared, as the foolish Spectrum would let you know.”  Slovenko pulled the trigger and fired a massive blast of energy at the superhero, who braced herself and absorbed the attack easily.  The look of triumph on the mercenary’s face quickly turned to one of fear and he began to desperately fire at the blonde._

_Carol roared and launched herself forward, grabbing the man’s wrist that held the gun and squeezing hard.  The snap of the bone breaking echoed throughout the empty room and Slovenko cried out in agony, dropping the weapon and falling to his knees in pain.  He reached out to the gun that had clattered to his side but could only watch helplessly as Warbird kicked it away beyond his reach._

_“It’s over, Slovenko.  Either come with me quietly or not at all.”_

_Slovenko chuckled, his laugh interspersed with gasps of pain as he still recovered from the initial jolt of having his wrist crushed.  “So, the legendary Warbird had to step in I see.”  He shook his head as he slowly began to reach for his left leg, lifting up his pant leg ever so slightly and grabbing ahold of the handle of a bowie knife.  “I know who Spectrum is, Warbird.  Martindale told me all about you two. **Everything** , actually.”  He huffed in mockery as the Carol loomed silently above him.  “Your stupid kid couldn’t do it herself, could she?  Even with the best training, she managed to fuck it all up.  Didn’t even see through the most basic of traps.  Pathetic.  The world truly is in dire straits if an idiot like her is the future of superheroes.”_

_The man lunged upwards in a final attempt to harm Warbird but was slammed back down by a glowing fist that connected squarely to his jaw, breaking it into two.  Spectrum knew that the choice of injury was not accidental, it was a way for her mother to punish an offense beyond the realm of egregious.  Slovenko could only moan in pain as he dropped his knife and remained crumpled on the floor, Carol glaring down at him with such hatred and anger that her face was nearly unrecognizable to Monica._

_“You shouldn’t talk ill of my daughter, Slovenko.”  Carol bellowed, picking up the mercenary by his neck and holding the man up as she intimidated him.  “I gave you a chance to go quietly, and you’ve made your choice.”_

_Carol’s other hand reached out so quickly that Monica could barely process that Warbird had even moved, but the blur gave it away.  A sudden crack rang through the room, followed by the dull thud of the mercenary’s body against the cold floor as the captain unceremoniously released the warlord from her grip.  From her position behind the servers, Monica could tell that the Croatian would no longer be a problem.  Blank, empty eyes that stared into nothing and an unnaturally twisted neck told the Lieutenant the entire story._

_Monica observed the sight of Slovenko’s body for a bit, shocked at how quickly the battle had ended as soon as it had begun.  She was broken out of her haze by the sound of Carol’s heavy approach.  The Lieutenant stood at attention and saluted the older soldier.  “Warbird. I’m sorry that you had to get involved. I managed to—”_

_“Leave the battlefield now, Lieutenant Rambeau,” Carol hissed.  It was a finality, said in a tone that left no room for argument.  “We’ll deal with this later once we get home.”  A look silenced Monica as she was about to protest; from the visage alone she knew that arguing with Warbird right now would make everything even worse.  “You’re already in deep, Spectrum.  It’d be wise if you left before you dug deeper.”  Carol stalked past Monica and headed deeper into the mountain, throwing some parting words over her shoulder as she moved further away without looking back.  “I still have some unfinished…business…to attend to here. Tell Fury that I’ll return to base when it’s completed.”_

_With that Warbird headed off, leaving the young Spectrum alone to her own devices.  As she watched Carol’s silhouette shrink and be swallowed up by the darkness, she still felt strangely insignificant despite being one of the most powerful heroes on Earth.  Even when her mama wasn’t in the room, she still had a way of making people feel small, no matter how unintentional it was._

_~~~~~~~~~~_

_Monica was sitting at her locker back at SHIELD’s main base, staring blankly into space and ruminating about the mission, when she heard the door to the room open and close.  She didn’t need to look in order to know who it was that had just entered.  Spectrum would recognize those footfalls from anywhere.  The Lieutenant gritted her teeth and continued to stare forward, ignoring Carol as she approached.  She still looked away from her mama even when the captain stopped and stared down neutrally at her daughter._

_“Lieutenant.”  It had only been one word but it contained untold significance and expectation. Monica pursed her lips and braced herself, standing up and saluting at Carol who returned the salute and cocked her head to the side._

_“Care to explain yourself?”  Carol waited for a second and when Monica didn’t respond she pushed further.  “I asked you a question, Spectrum.”_

_The damn finally broke with the weight of all her anger, frustration, and shame._

_“I had it!” Monica shouted, angry at Carol’s impassive and stoic demeanor.  The blonde was too experienced to let her true feelings show in the currently tumultuous moment.  Instead Warbird stared neutrally at her daughter as she ranted, ensuring that there was no tell in what emotions she felt.  Monica was once again struck with how large a gap there was between their worlds and experience.  “Captain, I had it!  I was just about to phase into energy and take them out with ultra violet and—_

_“You had **nothing**.”_

_The quiet dominance and sheer severity of the words stopped Monica cold.  The young hero could only look at the elder captain, stunned.  Her mama only used this tone towards soldiers who had disobeyed their superiors and put an entire mission at risk.  Monica herself could count on a single hand how many times Carol had directed this tone at her._

_Monica didn’t need to read between the lines to know what Carol thought of her right now._

_“You had nothing, Monica.”  The use of her civilian name only angered Monica even more. This wasn’t just disappointing a co-worker, this was disappointing a parent, too.  And she hated that it had ever come to this, that her own mother didn’t trust her enough in the field yet._

_Carol held up three fingers, staring pointedly at her daughter.  “This mission had three objectives, Lieutenant.  Just.  Three.  Do you recall what they were, Spectrum?”_

_Spectrum pursed her lips, trying to hold on to the last remains of her professionalism. “The objectives of the job were to retrieve the weapons plans, shut down the communications network and manufacturing plant, and leave without a trace.  Nothing more, nothing less._

_“Correct, Lieutenant.”  Carol walked closer and stopped when she was only a few feet away from Monica, facing the younger woman straight on while she stood at attention to the captain’s words.  “And because of your rashness we have **nothing**.  We only got part of the plans and they’re virtually unreadable.  The rest of Slovenko’s men were able to get a message out to his agents across the world and they are now on high alert, which makes any future missions against his team much more difficult.”_

_Warbird shook her head, finally showing some emotion through her mask and tone.  “It’s a mess, Spectrum.  I know you meant well, but it’s a mess.”  Carol’s brow furrowed and she stepped a bit closer to her daughter, trying to emphasize her points.  “This was supposed to be a preliminary survey of how you are when alone in the field.  I need to know that the world is going to be okay when I’m off planet and for the foreseeable future when you’re the lead.”_

_Carol sighed and shook her head again.  “It was too soon for you to go out on your own.  You weren’t ready, Lieutenant.  And it showed today.” Mounting frustration more became apparent in her tone and Monica wasn’t sure if it was directed at her or the situation.  Spectrum wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer anyways.  “No matter how powerful you are, it’s clear that you don’t have the experience and mindset required to completely be on your own yet.  You’re too young, too hot headed.  It appears we need to reassess where you are in your training and then have your CO and I re-evaluate whether or not you—”_

_“Yeah and maybe if you were home more often you would have known how ready I was!  Where exactly my training is!” Monica snapped, not caring if she was breaking protocol.  She was sick of seeing the pity in her mom’s eyes, the utter disappointment.  “If you were on Earth more often you wouldn’t have to worry about what happens here when you’re gone, right?” Monica let out a sarcastic laugh, throwing her hands in the air at her mom’s cluelessness. “Your mind is elsewhere and you don’t really know anything about my abilities yet because you’re always more worried about when you’re leaving Earth again than about my training.”_

_Carol looked as though she had been slapped, the blonde stunned into a rare, complete silence.  Monica was sure that if she had actually physically accosted her it would have hurt her mom less than the words she had spit at Warbird with such vitriol.  Upon seeing the hurt in her mother’s eyes the Lieutenant’s heart dropped deep into her stomach and she moved to apologize.  Before she could however, Monica was stopped by Carol’s raised hand and a look that froze her cold._

_“You **never** talk to a commanding officer like that.  Ever.” Carol hissed.  “Do you understand me?”  When Monica didn’t respond Carol repeated the question with a little more volume.  “I said, do you understand me?”_

_Monica nodded and moved to protest but Carol’s next command silenced her totally._

_“You are dismissed.”  The captain whispered, an unreadable emotion tainting her words.  “Report to your CO at 0600 tomorrow.  By then she and I will have discussed appropriate measures to prevent things like this from ever happening again.”_

_“But—”_

_“Lieutenant Rambeau.  You are **dismissed**.”_

_~~~~~~~~~~_

_When Monica landed back at her childhood home in Louisiana, Maria was waiting outside, waving her daughter down with a kind smile and a hug.  There was no animosity nor anger written on her mom’s face and she graciously and happily welcomed her child back to her home._

_“I’m sorry for dropping on you so suddenly, mom.”  Monica held tightly onto her mom’s sturdy form, burrowing her face in Maria’s shoulder and quietly crying as Maria comforted her child.  “I’m sorry for bothering you.  I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”_

_Maria chuckled, soothing her daughter by patting her back and gently shushing her.  “Monica. You know you could never bother me. Haven’t I told you that you’re always welcome home?”_

_At those words Monica’s silent tears turned into choked sobs and she let the floodgates open, fully leaning on Maria as her emotions ran through her._

_“Oh, baby girl.” Maria murmured, holding her daughter close and gently rocking her.  “It’s okay, it’s okay. Let it out, I’m here.”_

_The two women stood like this for the next few minutes while Maria consoled her daughter, letting Monica experience all the emotional turmoil of the moment, never shaming her child for being vulnerable.  She had always been the pillar for both of her girls, the home and lighthouse they could find in their darkest moments.  No matter what, Maria Rambeau would always be waiting for her superheroes with open arms and love._

_Once Monica had calmed down enough, Maria gently raised her daughter’s head and cupped the younger woman’s face in her hands.  The pilot placed a quick kiss on Monica’s forehead before tapping her lightly on the nose and smiling at her.  “You okay?”_

_Monica shrugged, sniffling like a small child as she wiped her eyes and looked at the ground.  “I don’t know.”_

_Maria hummed in response and rubbed Monica’s back, leading them both in towards their house.  “That’s okay.  It’s okay to not be okay.  You know that, right?” Monica nodded, giving her mom a shaky smile.  Maria smiled right back.  “Come on.  We can talk more inside.  I made some tea for us, too.”_

_“Did mama…?” Monica knew that nothing was ever hidden between her parents, no matter how small._

_“She called. Told me that you’d be coming home. Upset.” Maria nodded as she briefly remembered her and Carol’s interaction on their family’s holographic communicator.  The mechanic’s wife had been agitated and pensive during their call.  “But that’s all she said.  Your mama wanted you to be able to tell me what happened from your perspective.  Without her ‘interference’, as she put it.”_

_The two women sat down at their dining room table, Maria pouring a cup of tea for both of them.  She then sat down across her daughter and listened as Monica relayed all that had happened during her first solo mission as Spectrum.  And what had occurred afterwards between her and Carol.  When she was done Monica sat quietly in her seat, shoulders slumped as she let Maria ruminate over what had she’d just heard.  The pause was deafening and Spectrum anxiously awaited her mom’s harsh reaction to what Monica had told her.  The young Lieutenant was taken off-guard however, when the pilot asked her a question instead._

_“So, what are you going to do about all this?” Maria took an unbothered sip of her tea and looked at Monica with a perfectly arched eyebrow._

_“Huh?”_

_“I said, Monica Rambeau, what are you going to do about this?”  Maria spoke calmly and Monica didn’t detect any animosity or disappointment in her mom’s tone._

_“I… I don’t know, honestly.”  Monica had always been the quickest thinker in their household, brilliant and witty even at a young age. For her to be out of options was almost unheard of.  “I just know that I royally fucked up on all ends.  And that I’ve lost the trust of my superior officers. And that mama probably hates me and—”_

_“Monica,” Maria said softly, reaching over and grabbing ahold of her daughter’s hand.  “You know that Carol doesn’t hate you.  She never could.”_

_“Yeah, I know,” Monica sniffed, still unable to meet her mom’s gaze.  “But I just… I don’t know. I just feel like a failure. I messed up.  And I don’t think she gets it, gets me. You know?”_

_Maria hummed and pursed her lips, brow furrowed as a story came to mind.  “Carol probably knows what you feel like more than you think she does.”  Monica looked up quizzically and Maria continued.  “She was always the hardest worker during boot camp.  She was brilliant, no doubt, but things didn’t always come naturally.  It’s why she got in the habit of rising early, as you well know.” They both laughed at that quip.  Carol’s early mornings had often woken up both of the Rambeaus well before they were ready.  “But even when she tried her hardest, she would sometimes mess up.  I could see how it negatively affected her before we were married, too.”_

_“She would always try to win the approval of people.  Not just anyone, obviously.  But to those that mattered.” Maria sighed, and took another sip of her tea, reminiscing on who her wife used to be before Captain Marvel entered their lives.  “Her biological…family…never gave her that acknowledgement—she grew up meeting her own goals.  In the Air Force she wanted to be seen as the best.  Not the best woman, but the best.  But baby girl, it was so hard for her.”_

_Maria got up and poured more tea in her cup before continuing her story, looking out the window as Monica stared at her from her seat.  “Carol made a lot of mistakes along the way. Got chewed out by her COs, nearly got demoted multiple times.  Made a few errors that almost cost others their lives too during test flights.”  The mechanic smiled sadly at her wife’s struggles.  Even the greatest heroes had humble beginnings.  “But she never gave up, she learned and moved on.”  The older woman turned and grinned at her daughter.  “Just as you will too.  This is going to be a bump in the road for you, but Monica?  I know you’ll grow from it.”_

_“Carol sees so much of herself in you.” Maria sat down again and made sure Monica was looking at her this time.  “And she sees how much promise you have too.  Don’t tell anyone I told you this but when she gets home after training or when you guys return from a mission together?  She just gushes about you.  Can’t stop.”  Monica nodded, tears starting to fill her vision as she remembered the brief moments when she was able to see the flash of admiration in her mama’s eyes.  “Carol may not be the best at vocalizing her love and pride for you in the field but trust me, Monica. It’s there.”_

_The SHIELD pilot leaned forward and made sure to emphasize her last points.  “Your mama and I both know you’re destined for great things, Monica.  And no matter what you do, we will love you always. You are the light of our world, Lieutenant Trouble.”_

_At the sound of her childhood nickname, bestowed upon her by none other than Carol Danvers, Monica broke down again.  Maria quickly got up and wrapped her arms around her daughter as she calmed her child down.  Eventually the young woman tired out and fell asleep in her mother’s embrace, exhausted from all the events of the past day and a half._

_~~~~~~~~~~_

_As Monica walked downstairs later that night to get a glass of water, she stopped in her path when she heard voices from outside, murmuring at a low tone so as to try to go undetected.  It didn’t take a genius to figure out who had decided to visit Maria this late at night._

_Monica tip-toed over to the door and pressed her ear against the cold wood, closing her eyes and focusing on the muted voices as her parents talked quietly amongst themselves.  It reminded the Lieutenant of when she would listen outside of her parents’ bedroom door before Christmas as they wrapped their gifts.  Some things never changed no matter how much time had passed._

_“…they want to take her out of the field, Maria.  They’re pushing hard for it.”  Carol’s voice was, agitated?  It wasn’t what Monica had expected to hear in the captain’s tone after their talk earlier.  Either way, the implication wasn’t what she wanted to hear either._

_“Carol…” Maria gently interjected.  It was not a sign to stop but rather to let the blonde know that her support was here._

_“It’s okay, I think. I know that if I…push back hard enough they’ll back off.  I’m not letting her be benched.”_

_“But that’s not what you’re really upset about is it, Carol.”  It wasn’t a statement._

_A pause, and then._

_“No.” Carol’s voice was just above a whisper now, and Monica had to strain even harder to hear what her mother said. “Maria. I… Fuck. I made the call to let her do this mission on her own.  And she was almost killed because of **me.** ” Monica didn’t have to see her mothers to know that Maria had reached over to embrace her wife.  “Our daughter’s death?  It would have been on me.  It would have been on me.”_

 

_Another pause._

_“I almost lost our baby girl again, Maria.”  The Lieutenant can hear the tears in Carol’s voice as she vented.  “She deserves the world, and I almost took that away from her with my own callousness.”_

_Her mama’s voice began to get more harried as the fear of loss permeated through it.  “And what if I have lost her anyways with how I berated her afterwards? I was angry and terrified and I took it out on her. I’m supposed to be her parent, her guide…and I couldn’t even do that right.  Fuck, Maria.”_

_Monica had heard enough.  She threw open the door and watched as her parents turned in their embrace, shock and worry on their faces as they saw their daughter standing in the doorway.  Tearing up, the young woman ran forward and brought her mothers in for a shared hug, all three crying softly as they held one another._

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Monica can only whisper, hoping that Carol wouldn’t send her away.  Instead, she felt Carol squeeze her even tighter._

_“I know, Monica.”  The younger woman raised her head off of Carol’s shoulder as she looked at the blonde.  There was no anger or disappointment in the gaze she met, just sadness and regret.  “I’m sorry too, Lieutenant Trouble.”_

_Monica chuckled at the use of her mama’s favorite nickname for her and wiped her tears away as she returned the hug.  “I know you care.  I’m sorry that I said something so cruel to a mama who has already given me more than I could have possibly imagined.  Who hasn’t just given me the world but the heavens and more.”_

_Carol’s bottom lip trembled and she wrapped Monica up with both of her arms, bear-hugging her tight and not letting her go.  “For you, Monica?  Anything.”_

_Maria smiled at them both, heading inside to make hot chocolate as Carol and Monica talked it out for real this time.  There would always be conversations like this in their household as her two stubborn and superpowered family members would not always see eye to eye despite wanting the best for all of them.  The pilot knew that Carol and Monica would make up, but there would always be talks to have and boundaries to set. Their professional lives would forever be a give and take as they learned how to work together not only as mother and daughter but as fellow soldiers and heroes._

_It would take time but both of Maria’s girls were willing to do whatever it took to reach the same end goal._

_And luckily for the Rambeau-Danvers family, they quiet literally had nearly all the time in the universe._

 

* * *

****

Carol hadn’t woken up in a bed for over three years.  Hadn’t woken up to the sights, sounds, or smells of just being for a long time; during the Decimation she had only rested in space.  Darkness and emptiness had greeted her every time.

 

But now Carol could smell the aroma of bacon and pancakes.  Hear the sizzle of the grill and the drip of the coffee pot.  See the rays of the Louisiana morning sun as they refracted through her window and covered their bed and her body with a warm, golden aura.  Carol closed her eyes and breathed in, relishing the sheer joy and simplicity of the moment, letting the sun rays slowly charge her up.

 

The captain was struck once again with how lovely her life on Earth was; how much the mundanity of a morning like this was the most perfect thing in her life.  It meant stability, home, and family were all nearby; everything Carol ever wanted was now close and within her grasp.

 

Once she had finished taking a moment to soak in the peace, Carol stretched out and headed downstairs, eager to join her wife and regroup after their shared night together.  The captain blushed as she thoroughly recalled how ravenous she was the previous night, replaying the memories while she traversed through her domain.

 

As she walked down the hallways and down the stairs, the blonde was reminded with how a single day had entirely changed the atmosphere of the Rambeau-Danvers abode.  The house that had once acted as a mausoleum and a stark monument to Captain Marvel’s failure during the past five years was now a sanctuary.  It was once again Carol Danvers’ rightful home.  The wondrous essence of life returning to each nook and cranny with her wife’s reappearance.

 

All thoughts of anything else soon escaped Carol’s consciousness when she rounded the stair well and saw the goddess standing in their kitchen, her attention turned towards the stove as she masterfully worked the griddle.  The voyager watched quietly from under the arch of the kitchen entrance, keeping her presence masked as Maria focused at the task at hand.  Loving the way her wife moved around the familiar space.

 

Maria Rambeau really was back again from the ether.  Alive and well and _here_.

 

Eventually Carol could no longer stand silently by the side.  As Maria moved from the stove to the sink, the blonde walked up behind her wife and wrapped her arms around the taller woman’s midsection, resting her chin on Maria’s shoulder.  The sensation of the superhero’s arms solidly embracing her caused the mechanic to sigh happily and she sunk into Carol’s hold, resting her cheek against Carol’s head.  The soldiers stood like this, basking in the moment before Maria moved to kiss her partner’s temple.

 

“I’m here, Carol.” She kissed her wife’s temple again and then burrowed her nose into the short blonde strands nearby, loving the way they tickled her face. “I’m here.”

 

Carol hummed in response, loving the ability to just hold her wife like this.  As if it were just a normal Saturday morning.  As if the past five years had never happened.

 

“Good morning, baby.”  The _‘I love you’_ was there without having to be vocalized.  Their shared language a masterful and eloquent dance known only by two lovers who’d had eternity to learn each other.

 

Another contented pause was shared between the veterans before the peace was broken by Carol’s playful mood.  “What’s cookin’, good lookin’?”

 

Maria let out a snort of laughter, lightly swatting at Carol’s shoulder as she stepped back and shook her head. Leave it to her mischievous wife to break such a serene mood.  The mechanic would have expected nothing less.

 

“I see some things never change.”  Maria turned and began to make their plates, piling blueberry pancakes on their dishes and adding to the main entree with bacon, fruit, and a wonderful garnish of powdered sugar and syrup.  “Go get our coffee, would you?”

 

There was a slight spring in Carol’s step as she headed to their coffee maker and poured them each a steaming mug.  The smell of the grounds and the knowledge that this cup of coffee was made with love and care by her wife made it taste all the better.  Carol Danvers had always loved coffee as a part of her daily routine, and Maria had always made it best.  Reminiscing over a cup of coffee was silly, she knew.  But it was just another reminder of what she had so missed during the last half decade.

 

Maria rescued Carol from her own thoughts before the blonde could spiral too far into the depths of her grief that still remained.  “Girl, our breakfast is getting cold.  I didn’t wake up earlier than you for once just to have our pancakes get soggy.”  The mechanic’s soft expression belied her snarky statement, indicating to the voyager that her wife would always be present to catch her, give the hero the strength needed to endure whatever came next.

 

When Carol had settled into her seat at their table, Maria said a quick grace before they both dug in, hungry after the excitement of the past day.  They ate in a contented silence, the clank of forks against porcelain the only sounds that filled the air for a few minutes before Carol stopped and looked over at Maria.  Once again the blonde was confronted with the reality of how life was breathed back into her just through the mundanity of her human life back on Earth. 

 

“Thank you,” she murmured. Maria paused and smiled, reaching over to squeeze Carol’s hand, using her thumb to rub the shorter woman’s knuckles.  “For last night.  And for just being here.”

 

“You never have to thank me for being here for you, Carol.” Maria raised their conjoined hands and then kissed the back of Carol’s hand.  “Though I won’t lie, I like hearing you say it.”  That elicited a giggle from both of the women, each of them knowing the value of a thank you, no matter how small the deed.  “I’m with you until the end and forever, baby.”

 

“And I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that, Maria.”

 

“You know that’s not true, Carol.”

 

“Hmmm.”

 

They finished breakfast slowly, quietly; enjoying the peace of the morning before the reality of everything crashed down upon them.  The weight of conversations that needed to be discussed dangling heavily above the soldiers, a shadow they couldn’t escape.  Neither of them were ready to poke the bear that would claw off the fragile scabs and reveal the festering wounds below, however.  For now they were content to take each day as they came.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Maria hadn’t even tried to get Carol to sit down and rest after breakfast, the SHIELD pilot knew that washing dishes was one of the hero’s favorite tasks.  Despite the advent of high-powered dishwashers with the arrival of the twenty-first century, Carol was adamant about always doing them by hand—no matter how big the mess.  It never made complete sense to Maria, but it was one of the quirks about the space voyager that she loved nonetheless.

 

And so Carol found herself falling back into the routine, peaceful monotony of doing such a simple chore, getting lost in the wonderful familiarity of the work.  She wasn’t alone with her thoughts however.  Carol let her senses unwind, getting lost in the sensations that surrounded her.  There was a bevy of stimulation all around but most significant thing Carol picked up was the sound of Maria’s heartbeat from the next room over as the mechanic watched the news and attempted to catch up with the rest of the neighbors via their landline.

 

Carol had always loved the melody of Maria’s heart as it beat within her wife’s breast.  When she chose to focus on this sound, it was the loudest thing she’d ever heard in the universe.  It was also the most beautiful.  Carol swore that she could listen to the rhythm for eternity, assuaged by the beats that signified her wife’s presence in her life.  Lost in a tune that was core of Captain Marvel’s universe.

 

The captain was brought back to the moment by Maria’s hand on her shoulder and a quick peck on the cheek.  The light but intimate contact cause the blonde to blush and she quickly stole her own kiss on Maria’s lips before the taller woman could turn away completely.  Danvers then watched as her wife picked up one of the newly clean plates and began to load the dish with some of the leftover food in the fridge.  Carol raised an eyebrow up in curiosity at her partner; rarely did Maria get seconds for breakfast.

 

“I knew I wore you out last night but I didn’t think that I did it _that_ thoroughly,” Carol boasted.  She put down the dish she was currently washing to flex and shoot a wink towards the other soldier.  When the corners of Maria’s lips twitched ever so slightly, Carol continued to needle at her wife.  “Even near sixty this captain’s still got it.”  The voyager made sure to place a kiss on each bicep as she continued to hold the pose.

 

Maria returned her partner’s jab with a playful glare and smirk of her own, refusing to even justify that comment with a single word.  The mechanic continued to load the plate up, putting the plate in the microwave once she was done.  As they both waited for the meal to heat up, the blonde finally done with cleaning the dishes an hour after their meal, Maria turned around and smiled at Carol for real this time.

 

“I should chastise you for that remark, Carol Susan Jane Danvers.”  The SHIELD pilot shook her head at her wife’s juvenile antics, still holding her smile.  Despite the trauma she had endured the past five years, it appeared as though the Decimation hadn’t taken all the pieces of her lover away.  Maria would take the small victories when she could.

 

She sauntered over closer to the shorter woman, making sure her gaze softened and that Carol knew that what she said next was serious, important.  Maria wrapped the blonde up in a solid embrace, touching their foreheads together as they breathed in synch.  “But that would take up time that I don’t have.  Not when we have a _very_ important visitor arriving in just a few minutes.”

 

Carol cocked her head in confusion, looking at Maria for guidance as to what she meant.  The other woman kissed the furrow of the voyager’s brow.

 

“Listen, baby.”

 

The hero focused her attention outside, waiting for a moment as her hearing acclimated to the change in direction.

 

There was nothing, at first.

 

And then…

 

She heard something careening towards their property, moving so fast that anyone else without her abilities would have never been able to pick up on it. 

 

Heard the sound of air as it whooshed around a traversing figure, breaking the speed of light.

 

Felt the crackling and blasts of energy as the visitor boosted themselves through the fabric of time and space.

 

Her seventh sense was screaming at her.  It would recognize this essence from anywhere.  Even without her extrasensory abilities, Carol _knew_ who this was.

 

The voyager broke free from Maria’s loose hold and ran out the front door, looking up towards the heavens as an impossibly bright streak heads towards the ground.  She watched at the dynamo landed a few dozen meters away from their front door, cooling down and materializing into a familiar corporeal form.

 

The hero doesn’t stop, won’t let anything from heaven or beyond prevent her from greeting her child. 

 

Carol barreled into her daughter, arms wrapped around the other woman’s neck in a tight embrace, as though the younger hero would be zipped away any moment like the very energy she turned in to.  Danvers held on for dear life, the weight of her grief and shame causing her to sob as she saw that life too had returned to the woman who brought her back all those years ago when she was known as Vers.  Who was the shared light in her and Maria’s lives.

 

Monica Rambeau was finally home.

 

* * *

 

“You cut your hair.”  As soon as the words left her mouth, Monica wanted to slap herself on the forehead and the Lieutenant could feel herself flush from embarrassment.  Five years torn away from one another, with all the trauma associated with such an event, and **that** was the first thing she could think of?

 

Her remark didn’t seem to bother Carol at all, however.  Instead the older woman let out a wet guffaw in response, gathering Monica’s face between her hands to stare disbelievingly at her, as though she were a specter that haunted the blonde’s dreams.  Carol didn’t have to verbalize her thoughts in order for Monica to pick up what her mama was thinking.  The look contained within the captain’s eyes was more than enough to tell her everything.

 

_Mama. What happened to you?_

 

As she returned the hug, Monica could see Maria walk out of their house, a gentle smile on her face as she watched her wife and daughter reunite.  Monica returned the grin, and waved at her mom, hugging Carol tight as the blonde still held on to her for dear life.

 

Maria gave the two soldiers time to simply hold each other, feeling at peace as her tiny family was finally complete with Monica’s arrival.  It had taken years and untold levels of pain, but in the end, the elder Rambeau knew that no force in the universe could ever separate them.  Their familial bond was immutable and indestructible; proven by the fact that not even the Infinity Stones could keep the three of them apart.

 

“Come on inside, you two.  There’s food and coffee waiting.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Monica found herself seated at her usual spot at their dining room table, right between her parents.  Eating her favorite breakfast on a standard, late Louisiana morning, the rays of the sun hitting them all just right and besetting a feeling of harmony as they sat around and talked.  It almost seemed as though it were all normal, as if the Lieutenant was simply here for a routine visit with her retired parents.  But she’d be fooling herself—especially when their chatter was filled with dozens of stories about how people ‘blipped’ back into reality after the Decimation.

 

“…and Sergeant Travis ‘blipped’ into deep end of the pool when he came back!  Serves him right for disrespecting his fellow recruits during basic.”  The women all erupted into laughter at Monica’s story, enjoying the brevity of the moment.  “But Private Davidson had it much worse.  The poor man ‘blipped’ back into his old room. But turns out, it had been given to Corporal Lambdon, who uh, well… Let’s just say that Private Davidson won’t be able to look at the Corporal in the eyes for a while.”

 

“What a wimp,” Carol shook her head and chuckled, taking a sip of her coffee.  “It’s not like Private Davidson didn’t see other soldiers naked during basic.  You just gotta get over it.  Besides…”  The captain’s grin turned impish as her gaze shifted towards Maria.  Monica could see Maria’s eyes widen as a colorful blush rose to her cheeks before she leaned over and kicked her wife in the shins, giving Carol a look that didn’t need to be interpreted.  The blonde only laughed and gave her partner a partially apologetic grin before they all fell back into a comfortable but heavy silence, waiting for the inevitable hammer to fall.

 

The Lieutenant spoke first.

 

“How has it been?”  It was an asinine question considering all that had happened.  But how else was someone supposed to approach such a subject?  _How have you guys been since half of the universe was snapped away five years ago?  Do you have a headache?  Some tea, perhaps?_   Anything else sounded ridiculous too.

 

For the first time since Monica had finally come home, Carol looked away and instead stared deep into her coffee cup, perfectly still as the rest of the world moved along.  Maria had stopped moving too, staring at her wife quietly in response and assessing her current state.  When the voyager refused to answer, still rigid and mute after Monica’s query, the taller woman took over.  She made sure to gently take one of Carol’s hands, too.

 

“We’ve been as alright as we can be.”  Maria continued to rub Carol’s knuckles, soothing the disgruntled hero.  “It’s been an interesting last day and a half, to say the least.  Lots of dust and questions.  Lots of catching up to do with those that were here.  And those that…weren’t.”  Monica nodded curtly, understanding the duties of catching up with everyone after such a cataclysmic event.  There had been little time for anyone to rest at SHIELD after the Blip, Monica herself had been summoned by her commanding officers to help with the chaos amongst their ranks.

 

Maria continued, still keeping her eyes locked on Carol.  “It’s been okay though.  Most importantly _I’m_ okay, we’re all okay.”  She gestured between her and Monica, speaking for the both of them with their shared experience of being a part of the Disappeared.  “It’s definitely a little strange waking up while the rest of the world went on for the past five years but…” The captain shrugged as nonchalantly as possible, never breaking contact with her wife.  “I’m still me, I’m all here.  _We’re_ all here.”

 

Monica knew that the last part wasn’t said for her.

 

“What about you, baby girl?” Maria looked pointedly at her daughter, a kind smile on her face as she waited for the Lieutenant to respond.  “How’s our LT?”

 

The hero took a while to think about her answer, knowing it was more than just a simple check in.

 

“Well, Fury’s gonna have me working overtime once I go back.  We have to reassign duties and soldiers to outposts and make sure that all our assets are accounted for.  It’s a long-ass list and I didn’t even bother to finish the dossier Fury gave me yesterday.”  She paused, making sure that Carol heard and understood what she said next.  “But I’m okay.  Everything is weird as heck.  Yet I’m still in one piece so I figure all’s well, right?”

 

Her answer caused both of her parents to nod and Carol actually managed to look up from her mug, a small smile on her face as Monica reached out and squeezed her mama’s hand.  Carol returned the gesture, holding on to her daughter as though she were worried the younger woman would disappear again.  As though Carol was the only anchor left to keep Monica to reality.

 

Maria smiled and stood up, placing a kiss on Monica’s head as she cleared the table to start washing the dishes.  Her exit served to give Monica the ability to catch up with her mama, knowing that their daughter had a way of drawing Carol out of her shell like no one else could.

 

“So.  Five years as Captain Marvel, huh?  What was that like?” Monica asked with a grin, genuinely eager to hear the older hero’s exploits when she had been unchained in space.  “I bet it was wicked, yeah?” Carol squinted slightly and stared curiously, wondering where her daughter was taking this.  “Fighting bad guys, saving worlds, righting wrongs…” Monica lowered voice to a conspiratory whisper, wearing a shit-eating grin she learned from Carol herself.  “Blowing up shit for fun and being an overall menace as you painted the town red?”

 

Carol’s eyes widened before a genuine laugh burst forth from deep within.  The sound caused Maria to look over towards the girls, a raised eyebrow the only indication that the mechanic knew that _something_ was amiss—as it always was when Carol and Monica were left to their own devices.  Hearing such a joyous sound however was always music to Maria’s ears, especially considering the circumstances.

 

“No, no. Nothing like that,” Carol laughed.  “Honestly, it was usually the normal faire of a mighty hero.  Save a nation, planet, or galaxy here.  Boot out a few aggressors there.”  The blonde’s eyes turned glassy as she recalled the fare of the past half-decade, sanitizing it for everyone present.  She was not yet entirely ready to reveal everything but was still willing enough to chip at the outer layers for her girls.  “The sights are always so beautiful in space too, that’s always a guarantee.  And I got to see places of the universe I hadn’t seen in a long time.  Plus I got to punch things and save the day and we all know how much I love to do that in my free time in the cosmos.”

 

Carol took a deep breath to steady herself as she began to nervously jog her knee and gave Monica an over-casual shrug, as though trying to physically shed the anxiety.  “But as I’ve always said, my job out in space is still pretty boring most of the time.  You guys being the end point of my missions always made being…out there… worth it.  Coming back home to you guys…”  Her knee began to jog even faster as she trailed off.  Monica and Maria were both looking carefully at the voyager, making sure she didn’t spook and withdraw entirely.  “I’m not going to lie, baby girl. It got really monotonous and lonely.  There was a lot of time to think, to put it...nicely.”

 

At this point, Maria had made her way over to her wife’s side, pulling her seat next to the blonde in order to comfort her.  The taller woman placed her hand on Carol’s jittery knee, squeezing it gently as she wrapped Carol up into a side hug and kissed her temple, murmuring gently into her ear.

 

A sharp pang of guilt rang through the Lieutenant as she watched Carol struggle with the pain of recalling her experiences during the Decimation.  Her mama was the strongest person in the universe, facing threats that no one else could, accumulating achievements that made almost everyone else’s’ pale in comparison.  Captain Marvel was supposed to be invincible, immutable, and absolute.  A hero with an unbreakable mentality.

 

Yet here the soldier was, in a tiny kitchen in Louisiana.  Small and unrecognizable to anyone but her family.  Changed permanently from whatever had occurred, with the pieces of the essence of who Carol Danvers was scattered across time and space.  She’d only seen her mama like this a few times before; and each time it broke Monica Rambeau’s heart.

 

_I’m so sorry, Aunt Carol.  I wish I had been there for you in some capacity._

 

However it wasn’t too late.  Monica had learned to never give up.  And deep down she knew that Carol was changed and wounded, but not entirely lost.  The warrior was going to need to be rebuilt by her family and it was a task that would have to be done slowly, carefully, and patiently.  But it would happen, and Monica knew exactly where to start.

 

“Hey, mama.”  Both Carol and Maria snapped to attention and stared at Monica.

 

“Wanna race?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Be back by dinner, okay you two?” Maria looked at her two superheroes with an expectant gaze, making sure that the both of them knew it was a non-negotiable command.

 

“Yes ma’am,” Carol said, as she gave Maria a playful salute, which caused Monica to giggle in response.  “Back by dinner or the lash.”

 

Maria rolled her eyes and laughed.  “Get out of here!”

 

Monica and Carol both activated their powers, elevating several feet into the air as they looked down at a waving Maria.  The heroes waved back, growing impossibly bright before they shot straight up into the sky, bursting through the layers of the Earth’s atmosphere until they reached the International Space Station.  They hovered in the exosphere comfortably, gathering their bearings before they decided on their final destination.

 

“Ready, old lady?” Monica teased, cracking her neck and loosening up her joints.  She may be younger but Carol’s top speed put even Spectrum on high alert.

 

Carol laughed, proud of her daughter’s cockiness. She wouldn’t have it any other way.  “Careful, this old geezer still has something left in the tank.”  The captain adjusted her position and pointed to a small white dot in the distance, grinning as Spectrum’s eyes widened.  “We race to the American flag.  First one there is the winner. Loser owes the winner a cheeseburger and fries.”  Monica hummed her understanding.  Cheeseburgers were a strong motivator.

 

“Got it.”

 

“Good.  One more thing.  Absolutely _no_ cheating.  That means no short cuts, no warping, nothing.”

 

“Uh huh.  I’ll be watching you carefully,” Monica said dryly as she prepared to blast off on the mark.

 

Carol pretended not to hear.  “Three, two, one…”

 

They blasted off, giving the competition everything they had.  There were no people nearby they had to worry about hurting, no property to potentially damage.  Instead all the heroes had to do was let go and fully embrace their abilities, truly free in the vacuum of space as their powers easily propelled them forward.

 

Even after being Spectrum for over a decade, Monica was still in awe with what she saw when she used her full capabilities.  Around her space seemed to thin and warp towards her as the light around the mass bent in too.  Time would seem to slow down and Monica could see the illumination at the edges of her trajectory, shining brighter the faster she went as the warp of the space-time continuum around her became ever apparent.  When she traveled this fast, it was as though she were touching the edges of the universe.

 

The young hero had no time to think about this wonderful phenomena, however.  After recovering from the brief disorientation of traveling at the speed of light, Monica could see her mama a few miles ahead of her, the distance between them growing slightly.  Carol meant business today and it appeared as though her mama was going to win no matter what it took.

 

 _Oh no you don’t_.

 

Monica drew from her inner reserves and amplified the wavelength she was currently riding, increasing the speed and power at which she moved.  It was a high risk gamble however, as doing this would tire her out much more quickly than if she traversed at a constant rate.  But after just a few seconds, Spectrum could see that her risk had paid off and the Lieutenant was quickly gaining ground on Carol until she drew nearly even.

 

 _I’ve got you now_.

 

She had no time to gloat over her small victory as they had soon reached the moon and its grey, scarred landscape.  They both quickly descended upon the surface of the satellite, weaving in between the craters and mountains as they raced towards the horizon, searching for the flag that would signal a victory.

 

After a few minutes, Carol immediately veered away to their ten, causing Monica to slow down slightly at the sudden change in direction.  Once Monica had registered what had happened, she cursed and powered forward, frustrated but also impressed by the captain’s maneuver.  The action had not only served to place Carol in the lead but it also had managed to cut Monica off by slowing her down.  Now Captain Marvel had a clear lead and path to the flag.  And that would mean Spectrum had lost.

 

_Dammit._

With each passing second, Carol got further away, leaving Spectrum in her dust as the captain expertly navigated through the moon’s vast craters and mountain ranges.  There was no way that Spectrum was going to catch up—at least not without taking a few quick detours.

 

Smiling to herself Monica phased into pure cosmic energy, which enabled her to easily pass through the physical barriers that Carol meticulously weaved in and out of.  The Lieutenant was soon able to catch up to the captain and eventually surpassed her with a quick “hello!”.  A look of indignation and surprise colored the blonde’s face but before she could chastise her daughter, Monica blasted off and left the shocked woman behind.  Spectrum laughed joyously to herself as she raced ahead, feeling free and invincible as she neared the end point.

 

Monica was still laughing and whooping as she looped around the American flag in victory, turning around to gloat as Carol flew in.

 

“I win!  Told you that you were getting old.”

 

Carol laughed out loud.  “You cheated though.  You took _multiple_ short cuts and that—”

 

“—violates the predetermined rules of engagement?”  Monica said, eyebrow raised.  She wore a look that was almost so exactly like one Maria would give her that it was eerie.  “And who do you think I learned that from, huh?”

 

The captain gave Monica a sheepish smile, knowing that it was always going to be a matter of time before their daughter took a page out of her own ledger and used it against her.

 

“That’s what I thought,” Monica hummed.

 

They shook hands and Carol officially conceded the race with the promise that she’d buy them double-patty cheeseburgers with extra fries.  It was an acceptable agreement and Monica promised she would hold her mama to it.

 

The two soldiers then took the next moment to gaze towards the horizon, the beautiful marble of Earth floating in a sea of stars and darkness.  Even though they had both seen this sight a multitude of times before, it never ceased to take their breath away.  They were both so powerful and experienced in their own right, two of the mightiest heroes in the universe.

 

But here, standing on Earth’s moon, they always felt so _small_.  This view always reminded them that the cosmos were vast with new things to learn and explore every day.  And no matter how hard the two heroes tried, time and space would be forever moving on no matter what they did.  Perhaps they were insignificant and only small players in the grand scheme of things.  Yet it still didn’t matter as they had achieved their dream of flying, being free.

It was hard to believe that they had both spent their nights looking at the skies as young women, yearning to reach the stars above.  Now nothing was impossible.  Now Carol and Monica could touch them whenever they wanted to.

 

Monica’s pensive mood made her refocus on the captain next to her, wondering how the other woman had managed to look at the stars for so long without going mad.  How she had managed to ground herself when everyone that she truly loved had died; Carol’s anchors and her soul destroyed for five years.  The race to the moon had cleared the Lieutenant’s mind and made her come to many realizations as she had traversed through the dead space and the dark, cold, and empty landscape of the moon.

 

“I understand now, mama.” Carol turned to look at Monica, head cocked in confusion as the younger woman continued to look out at their home planet, millions of miles away.  “The mission with Slovenko.  Why you were so mad at me.”

 

Carol’s eyes widened in surprise, then her brow furrowed as the captain recalled the painful memory of Monica’s first ever solo mission.  She moved to speak but Monica gently quieted her by shaking her head.

 

“No, really.  I get it now.  Even someone as smart as me sometimes can be a little slow.”  The both laughed at the quip.  “I mean, I knew why you were so mad when we talked at home after the mission.  But I don’t think I truly _understood_ why you were so angry and lashed out like you did.”

 

“Monica…”

 

“It’s okay, Aunt Carol.  Really.”  Monica gave Carol a genuine smile, indicating that there was no anger or grudge held towards her parent for what had happened all those years ago.  “I remember when we talked afterwards.  What you said.  How scared you were and that was why you were so angry.”

 

“But I didn’t really think then about how you had nearly lost me before…back when I became Spectrum.”  The young woman could see her mother’s jaw clench.  It was still painful for the captain to remember the panic and fear after the initial accident that gave her daughter powers.  “I didn’t understand until now, after the Decimation, how much losing us—both of us—scared you.  How much we meant to you.  I think the years definitely gave me more perspective and nuance but it still doesn’t change the fact that I made you worry, nearly took away part of your world during that mission.”

 

Monica shook her head wistfully, still staring off into the stars.  “I don’t know what happened to you during those five years and I understand if you don’t want to talk about it yet—or ever.”  She turned towards her parent who was looking at her softly.  “But I want you to know that I’m going to be here for you.  No matter what happens, I’m going to be here as your daughter and partner in crime.”

 

“You’ve always been here for me, no matter what.  Loved me despite all the gray hairs I gave you two.” She managed to choke out the words, barely keeping it together, the weight of what had all happened during the last half decade finally hitting her too.  “And now it’s time for me to return that favor and be your rock, too.”

 

Carol brought her daughter in for a hug, holding her tight.  They stayed there like that before Monica spoke again.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t get it sooner,” Monica whispered, returning the embrace.

 

“Hey, look at me, LT.”  Monica turned slowly towards Carol, who reached out to cup her daughter’s face in her hands.  “You never have to apologize for being human and learning.  We’re all learning.”  Carol kissed her daughter’s forehead before she continued on.  “I’m going to be okay.  It may not be tomorrow or next year, but it will happen.  Now that our family is back together again we can all do this.  I promise you.”

 

Carol smiled, reassuring the young hero.  “Come on.  Let’s go home.  Your mom is waiting for us.”

 

Monica nodded, wiping her eyes of the tears that had managed to leak out.  “I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Lieutenant Trouble.  Never forget that.”

 

* * *

 

They made it back in record time, the both of them eager to return to Louisiana and the comforts of home.

 

Maria was waiting for them on the front porch, a wide grin on her face as she waved her two super-powered women down from the sky.  The heroes descended and ran over to the taller woman, wrapping her up in a bear hug and refusing to let go.  Maria chuckled at their affection, even when they had been in the cold depths of space their powers always managed to keep them warm.

 

“Glad you two girls could make it.”  She gave each of them a kiss on the forehead as they let her go.  “It’s 7:30 and you’re just in time for dinner, too.  Not bad time, if I do say so myself.”  She turned and held open the door for them, waving them in.  “Well?  It’s not gonna eat itself.”

 

They barreled inside, charging past Maria as they raced each other to see who could get ready for their meal the fastest.  The mechanic was sure she heard the sound of something breaking followed by a loud _‘oops’_ as they ran up the stairs.  The commotion caused the captain to roll her eyes and sigh.  She loved her girls dearly but her chore list always seemed to grow exponentially when both Spectrum and Captain Marvel were home.

 

Some things never changed.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“…and that’s why mama owes us all double cheeseburgers and a large side of fries the next time we go out,” Monica said matter of factly as she took an innocent sip of her water.  “She lost, fair and square, and now she has to pay up.”

 

Carol’s eyes widened and she gasped in faux indignation.  “No, not ‘fair and square’!  Monica took, not just one, but _multiple_ short cuts!”

 

“So, fair and square,” Maria interjected archly with a sweet smile and a wink.

 

The blonde clutched dramatically at her chest, feigning hurt.  “I can’t believe it.  My own wife conspires against me!”  She slumped down and put her elbows on the table, hands cradled over her head as she sighed and shook her head in mock resignation.

 

The sight caused both Monica and Maria to laugh and they high fived as Carol looked up and grinned at their reactions.  It had been so long since she had simply just existed with her family, lived and loved with the two people in the world who meant the most to her.  Seeing them both here, alive, living, and happy brought her a joy that Carol didn’t know she would have ever felt again.  A sobering peace settled upon her as she relished in the moment, acknowledging how fragile this life of hers was.  And how she would do anything to protect it and make sure nothing ever took it away from her again.

 

As though sensing her shift in mood, Maria reached over and grabbed her hand, giving it a slight squeeze and bringing her back down to earth.  Her head may get lost in the clouds but it would never be completely gone.

 

Maria turned to look at their daughter, changing the subject to help the atmosphere.  “So, Monica.”  Monica paused midbite, looking up at her mom apprehensively.  “I know you’re visiting for family but no doubt there’s something else up.  What’s going on?  And do your mama and I need to get involved?”

 

“I can’t hide anything from you, huh?”

 

“You both know you can’t.”

 

Monica sighed and made a face, guilty that business soon had to intrude back into precious family time.  “I can’t stay for long.  I can stay tonight but I have to get going tomorrow.  Hill and Fury need me to check in with them to help restructure SHIELD and maintain order as all of our men reacclimate to…all of this.”

 

She cleared her throat and pursed her lips, obviously uncomfortable with what came next.  “Hill told me to relay a message to you guys.  She needs you both there tomorrow—no exceptions.  Apparently she has a lot to talk to you guys about.”

 

Carol and Maria glanced at each other, an unspoken conversation communicated between the two.  Maria proceeded to kiss Carol on the forehead and then headed towards the stairs, calling back to her family over her shoulder.  “I’m going to pack a couple of day bags for all of us.  You guys are tasked with doing the dishes, okay?”

 

The two women hummed their ascent and then cleared the table, walking over to the sink to tidy up the remnants of their dinner.  They worked in an absolute, but comfortable, silence, falling back into the natural rhythm of their family life.  Enjoying the rituals that they had grown so fond of and that Monica had known for most of her life.

 

Eventually the two managed to settle down and turn on the first of many of Carol’s favorite _Star Wars_ movies, snuggling on the couch with a massive bowl of kettle corn as they watched Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker fight off the tyrannical empire.  They had seen this movie countless of times before but always ended up yelling at the bad guys and cheering loudly for the Resistance as they gained a bit of ground against Darth Vader and his forces.  With the most recent events still in their minds, they couldn’t help but think how much this story eerily reflected their own.  The taste of victory was clearly still bittersweet on their minds.

 

“Room for one more?”  Maria's sweet voice made Carol pause the video and she grinned at her lovely wife as she saw her burdened with blankets and pillows.  The taller woman had a hunch that tonight they would all end up crashing here, no matter how much her superheroes insisted that they would be able to stay up all night.

 

“There’s always room for you, baby.” Carol grinned, scooting over and making room to allow her wife to sit by her side.  Once Maria had settled in, Carol wrapped one of her arms around her lover and then leaned in and gave Maria a soft kiss, causing Monica to groan and _‘ewww’_ at her parents’ embarrassing behavior.  The older women pulled back and stared at each other, marveling in how wonderfully quaint this moment was.

 

Before Carol could pull away however, Maria held up a small, gift-wrapped box with a mischievous grin on her face.  She handed it over to Carol before she could ask what was inside.

 

“This is for you, my love.  I was going to give it to you earlier but, well, you know.”  She winked as Carol examined the box curiously.  The voyager cocked her head and stared at Maria, who nodded in return to indicate her wife reveal the box’s contents.  “Think of it as a way to organize all the tasks you’re going to have to do once the dust of the Decimation settles.”

 

Carol meticulously took off the wrapping, making sure to not leave too much debris on the blanket.  Once she had completed unwrapping the container she quickly inspected the box before she gasped, eyes beginning to water.  Her wife had fulfilled a five year wish as contained within the box was the 2018 Stark Industries SmartWatch, the gift she had playfully asked for all those years ago.

 

“Happy _very_ belated birthday, Carol Susan Jane Danvers.”  Maria leaned over and kissed Carol’s temple.  “I did promise you that you’d be able to open all of your gifts—eventually.”

 

The voyager shakily opened the container and removed the gadget, staring at it as though it too would disappear into the ether if she moved too fast.  She gently placed the watch on her wrist, admiring its weight and sheen.  It may technically have been five years old, but it was still going to be one of the most meaningful watches she had.

 

“Thank you,” Carol whispered as she appreciated the way the watch fit on her wrist.  Maria had even gone so far as to customize the wrist band, matching the color scheme to her Captain Marvel uniform.  Her wife had never forgotten about her and this watch proved to Carol how much Maria would always be by her side, thinking about and loving her even when the mechanic didn’t happen to be physically present.  Proof of Maria’s love across time and space represented in a mass-produced watch.

 

“I love you both so, so much.  Thank you, for everything.”  Maria and Monica wrapped their arms around Carol as the space farer began to quietly sob, a feeling of gracious relief sweeping through her body at the burden that was slowly being lifted from her chest.

 

A whole host of emotions still roiled within the embattled captain but now, with the reunion of their family, she didn’t have to struggle alone.  There was still going to be pain and difficult days, but the support of Carol’s family would be a boon that solidified her resilience like nothing else in the universe could. 

 

Captain Marvel was known as the strongest hero in the universe, able to achieve feats and reach power that no one else could.  Her alter ego had rubbed off on the human and Carol couldn’t help but carry the essence of the hero with her wherever she went, feeling powerful even when she didn’t wear the Hala star or have her powers activated.  Carol was always powerful, no matter which facet had control.

 

But here, in Louisiana, USA, held within the arms of the two people she loved most in the world, Carol Susan Jane Danvers had never felt more powerful or loved.

 

Everything was going to be alright.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here!
> 
> Whoooo boy. Wow. Sorry that took so long! Writer's block and real-life collided to make an environment that was wholly terrible for writing. BUT! I got the chapter out. AND! I'm not planning to abandon this. However my schedule is going to be weird and so I can't guarantee that updates are going to be super regular. But I'm going to try to keep writing so that you guys don't have a massive wait in between updates like with what happened this time. Oof.
> 
> I think there are a few more chapters left after this. Maybe 1-3. I have things planned after this story, too. Both in and out of this universe. I'll let you know my thoughts once I complete this story and then we'll go from there. But for now, we're focusing on this story!!!
> 
> You'll notice that at the ending, I keep things vague. So, I'm leaving it up to you all to determine if you want to see the [*cough* *cough* *cough* steamy *cough* *cough* *cough*] continuation of the scene. I the have the scene written out and am going to add a bit more to it at the end of the next chapter (which should be relatively short but you know me) to get more into Carol's headspace. Only if you guys want!!! 😌
> 
> And! There will be more to dissect as far as events after the Decimation and how people are dealing mentally. As I said, many stories to explore. But one thing at a time. I'm trying to avoid burnout and I currently am feeling some of that so. You know. Just pacing and all that.
> 
> There may be just a few hints in this story, too. Who knows.
> 
> Also, thank you to my muses who helped me and kept me going. You know who you are!!!
> 
> Just a few housekeeping things!  
> -Life is going to be weird, to say the least, with all that's going on in the world. I hope you guys are staying safe and healthy during the COVID-19 pandemic. I'm thinking of all of you!  
> -Please let me know if there are any obvious or glaring mistakes! I do all the writing and editing myself so it's very feasible I could have missed something as I went  
> -Also let me know if there's anything offensive. If you do see see something, please be kind about it. I do this for free and mean no ill intent.  
> -While not required, a comment and a 'Kudos' would help a lot!

**_Winter, 2004_ **

_“Monica, you need to flip the burgers now or else they’ll burn,” Carol said nervously as she watched the perfectly-shaped meat patties start to smoke dangerously on the grill.  “Now, Monica.”_

_“I got it, I got it,” Monica said brusquely as she rushed over to the stove.  The young woman grabbed the nearby spatula and expertly flipped the burgers that sizzled deliciously on the miniature grill Carol had managed to fit onto their kitchen stove.  Not even the cold of winter would prevent Captain Marvel from her homemade cheeseburgers.  The dedication had the added benefit of allowing Danvers another opportunity to teach Monica the mastery of cooking the perfect patty, an ancient form of art she wanted the young woman to master._

_Carol closed her eyes and let out a sigh of relief, dramatically clutching at her chest as she did so.  When the captain felt the glare from across the room, she opened her eyes and winked at her daughter, letting out a playful bark of laughter as Monica shook her head in bemused exasperation._

_“I swear Mama that you love those burgers more than you love the skies,” Monica joked as she began to pull out the condiments and buns from the fridge.  Carol smiled sheepishly and rubbed her neck; her daughter knew about her love for cheeseburgers much too well.  “I gotta say, it’s quite the glaring weakness, Captain Marvel.  One day, and I’m saying this all theoretically of course, someone is going to use this knowledge as a currency to bribe you.”_

_Monica shot Carol a look that the blonde knew her child learned from her—like mother like daughter.  “Who knows?  With this knowledge in by arsenal I may even ask you to finally buy me that—"_

_Before Monica could finish telling Danvers about her diabolical plan, the melodious ring of the doorbell stopped them both in their tracks._

_“Expecting anyone?” Monica asked, a quizzical look on her face as Maria, who had been sitting in the living room while her two girls cooked, padded over to the front door._

_“Nope. I’m just as confused as you are, kiddo.”_

_The two women waited in a confused silence as they heard the other pilot open the door and warmly greet their visitor before entering into a muted conversation.  Carol could feel her hackles lower, if Maria was at ease, then she should be too._

_The sound of the front door closing and two sets of footsteps heading in their direction made both Carol and Monica stand up and at attention, eager to see who their guest was.  As Maria and the visitor neared, Carol’s heart skipped a beat in both dread and anticipation once she realized who her wife was conversing with._

_“—so glad that you could stop by, Fury.” Fury hummed in response, his tone belying nothing.  “We’ve made a few extra burgers and it’s right around dinner time so I insist that you stay and join us.”_

_“Well, I don’t mean to barge in but…”_

_Maria laughed, knowing that Nick had full intent to stay for a meal even if he wasn’t formally invited.  The director had easily become a member of the Rambeau-Danvers’ extended family, and all three of them would never hesitate to welcome him to their abode.  He wouldn’t ever take advantage of their kindness anyways, but the three women always insisted that he could never truly intrude on their privacy or hospitality._

_The two agents finally rounded the corner and took a quick moment to take in the scene in the kitchen, both of them impressed that Monica and Carol’s cooking exploits hadn’t caused any damage to their surroundings.  Once done, Nick greeted them both, giving Monica a warm smile before turning towards Carol and arranging his features into an unreadable mask.  Even the mighty Captain Marvel found herself squirming a bit under Fury’s sharp, analytical gaze.  He, along with her family, would forever be the only three people under the sun that could make the hero feel uncomfortable._

_“Carol.  Good to see that you’re back from your most recent tour in space and alive and well.”  He gave Danvers a slight nod, a feline smile etched upon his features.  “It looks like you were finally able to take a break from being a hero and visit us back on Earth.  I’m sure that’s not the only thing that’s keeping you busy though.”_

_The cryptic message left the three women looking at each other in confusion, each of them aware that whatever Nick was here for wasn’t solely familial in nature.  An uneasy silence settled in between all of them before Maria broke the tension, easily mediating the surprisingly strained situation._

_“Well, it appears that we all have a lot of catching up to do!  It’s been too long, it appears.” The pilot shuffled over to a cabinet and began to pull out glasses for all of them as she prepared the beverages for their meal. “But it would be rude if we didn’t feed you properly first. Have a seat at the table, Fury. Carol and Monica are just finishing up the patties and will fix up whatever you want on yours.”_

_Nick settled into his chair, smiling kindly at Maria as she placed a glass of water in front of him.  He took a generous sip before he answered the elder Rambeau’s query. “I prefer the full works on my burger, Maria.  I traveled here all the way from New York and I am starving!”_

_Maria laughed at Fury’s childlike attitude and began to move around the kitchen, getting the rest of the meal prepared as Carol and Monica got the burgers ready.  Before Carol sat down however, Maria walked up to her and stood beside her, pretending to work on assembling the burgers.  While she ‘worked’, Maria gently placed a hand at the small of the blonde’s back in a small gesture of reassurance, making sure that her wife knew that it was all going to be okay._

_Carol gave Maria a quick look of gratitude, the corners of her mouth twitch upwards slightly.  Letting her partner know that she appreciated the small, subtle show of support.  Danvers deeply valued his opinion and insight and though Fury always did what was best, even a man like the director had his limit.  Disappointing one of her closest friends was never something she wanted to do.  Especially one who had gone through thick and thin with her like Nick had.  She knew that if he were here unannounced, it was serious.  And whatever it was, the captains were certain that they couldn’t avoid the director forever._

_**********_

_Dinner was a jovial and friendly affair, with all of the participants enjoying the conversation and company they shared as they dined on some of the best home-made cooking in Louisiana.  It was a peaceful time for all, with each of them enjoying time off from their daily responsibilities by spending time with the people they cared about most in the world.  But eventually, as was always the case with this family, duty would always come up.  Especially when Fury was present._

_“So.  Got anything planned for the new year ahead?” Fury asked the question with a raised eyebrow, a curious look aimed at the three women.  “Going to pick up any new hobbies or skills?”_

_All three of them frowned, curious as to where the director was taking the conversation.  After glancing at each other in confusion, they all turned back to Nick and shrugged._

_“No?  Nothing?  Really?”  They shrugged again, which caused Fury to look at them expectantly before he huffed and shook his head.  “Well, for me it’s a ‘new year, new me’ thing going on.” The agent reached into the briefcase he brought with him and pulled out a small, portable video player that flipped open.  “Figured with the advent of megapixel cameras on cell phones I would get more into sightseeing, you know?”  The director took out his phone and plugged it into the small media player._

_Maria took the brief moment of silence to quickly glance at her wife, knowing that whatever business brought Fury here predominately revolved around the blonde.  All of this posturing was clearly the director’s way of trying to cajole the captain to come clean by her own volition.  But instead of doing so, Carol had gone completely silent, body rigid with tension and jaw clenched into iron as she waited to see what Nick was about to show them._

_Based on the look in the voyager’s eyes, Maria had a hunch that Carol probably already knew what it was._

_“One of the corporals that worked with me on the last mission got me into a new hobby.  Something I didn’t know that I would like.” Fury turned the video player to face the family, a grainy recording paused on the screen.  “Bird watching.” At that cue, the director pushed the ‘Play’ button, letting the video roll through._

_The footage was a first-person recording of a pilot behind the controls of a jet, flying in formation with five other craft at high speed towards a small village nestled in a mountain range.  It was clear to Maria’s experienced eye that the aircraft were part of a combat battalion and the lead for an offensive air strike.   Her hunch was quickly proven correct when the leading carrier opened its bottom hatch and began to drop missiles towards the ground below, the rest of the jets pulling upwards to make a second round once the initial onslaught finished._

_It all seemed within the routine and Maria was about to ask what the point of all this was, until she saw the next few minutes of roll._

_Within a few seconds of the drop, a warhead hurtled back towards the first plane, knocking off one of its wings and causing it to careen around wildly in the air.  The staticky voice of the initial pilot could be heard through the feed as he called out a panicked ‘mayday’ to his fellow soldiers, his airplane falling quickly towards the ground.  As the pilot ejected from his failing craft, the other airmen quickly fell back into battle formation, barking instructions at each other in an attempt to regroup and figure out what the new threat was._

_Their attempt at defense failed miserably, however, as one by one they were picked off by a mysterious inferno that moved too fast to be clearly caught by the camera.  The sound of crunching metal and the boom of explosions echoed in the background as the fighter pilot struggled to orientate himself to the blazing action that surrounded him.  Eventually the sounds of battle subsided, leaving the man recording the footage as the sole survivor of the onslaught. A beat and then a bright figure appeared in his line of fire, moving directly towards him with a fury and speed that was dizzying._

_The next sequence was a blur, difficult to track for even an experienced soldier like Maria._

_[‘Target visualized. Engaging target now’.]  A volley of gunfire.  The ricochet of metal shellings harmlessly bouncing off the assailant as it got closer.  And then within the comet, a figure emerging dressed all in black with a gold star emblazoned across their chest, glowing nearly as bright as the warrior itself.  A scream, the sound of shattering glass, and then…nothing as the screen cut to dark._

_A heavy silence filled the room as Nick quietly closed the video recorder and placed his arms on the table, staring pointedly at the space voyager sitting across from him at the table.  Instead of looking at Nick, Carol had focused on her hands instead, clasped tightly together and resting on the table.  Her knuckles had gone white with how rigidly she held herself._

_“See?  What did I tell you all.  Bird watching.”_

_Another pause. And then a break in the silence._

_“Why are you showing me—us—this, Fury?”_

_Instead of answering immediately, the director waited a few seconds in silence, appraising the blonde before sighing, closing his eyes, and pinching the bridge of his nose.  Finally, after collecting his thoughts, the leader of SHIELD spoke._

_“You know that I’ve supported your activities as Warbird from the start, Danvers.” Fury spoke slowly, quietly, making sure the captain heard and understood every word. “Even when governments pushed back against having an unidentifiable asset in the field, I made sure that you were able to do what you needed to do freely. So long as—“_

_“—I gave you a heads up.”_

_Nick nodded and then leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table. “I could manage to keep them off your ass then. Placate then enough by alerting them to any possible...interference.  It wasn’t perfect, you know that, but it worked.”_

_“But this, Carol?” He tapped the top of the video player to emphasis his point. In the quiet of the household it may as well have been the sound of gunfire going off. “This I can’t explain away. They’re after heads, Danvers. The governments involved want explanations and a justification for this and for once, I don’t have anything for them.”_

_Nick leaned back in his chair then, shaking his head again. “The government is passing this off as a rescue mission sabotaged by a rogue that has no regards for the lives of soldiers simply doing their jobs.”_

_“You and I both know it wasn’t a rescue operation, Nick.” Carol said, anger belying her whisper. “They can try to paint any which way but we all know what it was. It was a carpet bombing. On an unaware and innocent populace and—“_

_A raised hand stopped Carol from continuing._

_“You know I understand where you’re coming from, Captain. You don’t have to explain why you did what you did to me. I get it, trust me.” The director cocked his head and raised an eyebrow at the blonde. “But what you do need to tell me is WHY you went dark and didn’t tell me anything about this beforehand.”_

_The normally composed director had let some emotion seep into his words, caught only by the family due to the long friendship between them all. It wasn’t only the anger the women were expecting though; sadness and frustration also tainted Fury’s tone._

_“I don’t know.”_

_A look from Nick told everyone there that he didn’t believe her answer for a second. Instead of pressing the issue himself however, he gave Maria a quick glance before returning his focus back on Carol._

_“Well, hopefully you can come up with something—and soon. The governments are breathing down SHIELD’s neck and they want me to bring in the culprit. They figure with our knowledge of the...beyond...that I would know who could possibly behind this.”_

_“Are they threatening me?” The ‘and my family’ didn’t need to be said._

_At that Fury immediately assuaged Carol. “No. No, they know nothing about you. They just know someone is behind all of this. And they want to hold them responsible.”_

_Carol visibly relaxed, nodding slowly. Nick continued on. “So I’ve been thinking of a solution to all of this. A happy medium, so to speak.”  He looked at Carol and sighed, knowing that his next words would be unpalatable to the space farer. “I think you should join SHIELD in full capacity as Warbird. Captain Marvel has free reign in the Heavens but on Earth? C-53? Warbird works with SHIELD.”_

_The blonde’s discomfort with the idea was palpable, and Nick knew he had to explain the next part carefully or risk further issues. “SHIELD can take the brunt of government disgruntlement off of you—make it so you can move around and appear as though you’re a manageable variable.”_

_“And while you aren’t actually going to be ‘controlled’, the idea of it will appease them enough to get them off your back and allow you more freedom. I know it’s not ideal but I think it’s what’s going to work best.”_

_Fury sighed and his shoulders slumped a little as he grappled with the reality of the world as it was today._

_“With all of the—events—these past few years, it’s become imperative to leaders worldwide that they have the situation under control. Or at least appear to. They’re antsy, and they’re looking for any reason to escalate.”_

_“Consider it, Carol. I’m not trying to restrict you. I’m just trying to make it easier for you when you move around Earth as Warbird.”_

_Carol nodded imperceptibly, brow furrowed in deep thought. Knowing that was the best he was going to get out the captain now, Nick turned to Maria. “Maria? Always a pleasure. Thank you for the food. Next time you all visit New York I’m taking you out to my favorite spot. On me.” Maria smiled softly and gave the director a kind nod. Fury smiled back and looked at Monica, who seemed a bit shell-shocked by it all but was handling it as well as she could. “Monica. I’m glad to hear things are going well for you! Keep up the good work, Trouble!” Monica also gave Nick a nod in return, grinning and fist-bumping the director._

_“Well, I’m out. Gotta catch a flight in a few hours.” Fury packed his briefcase and stood up, rolling out the tension in his body as he did so. “More shit to sort out. Never ends.”_

_As Monica and Maria began to start putting away the dishes, Carol got up and gestured towards the door. “I’ll walk you out, Fury.”_

_Nick thanked Carol and they both headed outside, walking onto the front porch with Carol closing the door behind them. A heavy silence settled between the two friends as the thick, Louisiana winter-air mired around them. After assessing Carol for a second, Nick spoke first._

_“Look, I’m sorry I came in unannounced like this but I knew that this would be the only way I could be fully honest with you.” Nick gave the captain a searching look, staring at her with an unreadable expression. “I’m trying my best to balance everything down here on Earth but I’m just a man, Carol. There’s only so much I can do.”_

_“You know you’re so much more than that, Fury.”_

_“Flattery will get you nowhere with me. You’ve known me long enough to know that.” Carol laughed and shrugged in agreement and Nick couldn’t help let his own grin free. “In all seriousness, you’ve been invaluable to me. Informing me about threats out there that many people can’t even fathom. And on Earth, you’ve quietly kept the peace as Warbird.”_

_He sighed and looked out towards the grove, a tired look on his face. “But I can only do so much as SHIELD’s director. And sooner or later, they’ll turn against what they fear. Even if you mean well. You know this, Danvers.” The director glanced back to Carol, gaze softening as he looked at the warrior. “You’re my friend, Carol. And I know I’m not the best at showing it but I’m trying to do what’s best for you and everyone at the same time. The world is changing and we’re going to have to change with it.”_

_“I know, Fury,” Carol said softly, a sad smile on her face. She took in a deep breath and let it out, the guilt of making her friend go through all this weighing on her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about...things...earlier.” She left at it that and Nick knew not to probe. He’d have to trust that the seed he planted would grow—with some nudging of course._

_Knowing that this was the best they’d be able to reach at this point, the director left Carol with a last few words of wisdom. “I’m not saying I know you better than Maria or Monica, that’s damn near impossible, but I know you well enough.” He stepped closer to Carol, making sure he caught her eye. “Be safe, Captain.”_

_To anyone else, it would have sounded ominous. A warning made by arguably the most powerful man in the world. To Danvers, it was the kindest thing he could have said in the moment. Something only a true friend could have meant._

_“Thank you, Fury.” She gave him a handshake before the older man turned around and walked to his parked car. “I’ll be seeing you.” The director gave Carol a wave over his shoulder before he got in his car and drove off into the night, his car lights slowly disappearing into the darkness to leave Carol alone with only her own thoughts and demons to comfort her in the night._

**********

_Carol walked in on Monica and Maria as they finished cleaning up the dishes and making tea, each of them moving around quietly, most likely the night’s conversations with Fury echoing in their minds.  The blonde felt another pang of guilt rattle through her being.  No matter how hard she tried, her family would always be dragged into her messes._

_Even worse was when it happened because of her own doing._

_Maria must have heard Carol come into the kitchen, because she immediately looked up from the sink and gave her wife a small, unreadable smile.  Before Carol could speak, Maria took quick control of the situation, knowing that whatever was going to be said needed to be discussed in private.  They would have talk to Monica together later; Carol had a hunch that her wife and daughter had already partially talked about what had happened anyways._

_“Monica, why don’t you go into the living room and find the news I recorded earlier?  Set it all up since you’re so much better at that than us.”_

_Monica nodded and headed out towards the living room, passing by Carol and giving her a quick side-hug before scuttling away.  With the young woman’s departure, the captains were left alone, only the small kitchen island separating the two.  It may as well have been a crevice a mile deep and wide with the weight of the silence upon them._

_The two women stared at each other, countless words and moments passing between them. Finally, Carol broke first. She never could withstand it when Maria looked at her so deeply in any matter._

_“Are you mad at me?”_

_A pause and then. “No, Carol. I’m not.”  Maria spoke softly, calmly, looking sideways at her wife before turning around as she resumed washing the last dish, staring outside as she did so.  “I’m not mad at you, Carol.”_

_But even with her mate’s assurance, Carol needed to know **more**. Something was clearly on Maria’s mind, no matter how much the other captain tried to hide it.  “Where’s your head at, love?”_

_She could see Maria tense at the probing inquiry, quietly finishing her work before drying her hands and leaning against the counter, lips pursed in thought._

_“You’re a wanderer, someone who can’t sit still. We know who Monica got that from.” They both smiled at that truth. Carol’s imprint on their daughter would forever be there, even if they weren’t biologically related.  “It’s wonderful, Carol. Yet it’s also...” Maria shook her head, unable to finish that train of thought, redirecting herself through sheer will alone.  “You’re always looking for the next adventure.  For more. Taking journeys that no one else can. Doing things that no one else can. You’re unstoppable, baby.”_

_“But…” Maria blinked back a few tears,  “I just don’t want you to get lost out there. Don’t forget about us. Okay, Carol?”_

_Seeing the distraught look on her wife’s face broke Danvers’ heart and the voyager rushed over to stand by the taller woman, placing her hand on the small of Maria’s back.  “You know that I won’t.  I couldn’t, ever. You and Monica are—”_

_Maria shook her head and looked sadly at her wife.  “I’m not talking about us, Carol.” She gathered her wife within her strong arms, looking straight into the shorter woman’s hazel-brown eyes.  “Monica and I know we’re the safest and most loved people in the universe when you’re with us—heck, even when you’re separated countless of miles from us.”  She placed a lingering kiss on the blonde’s forehead, staying there as if moving away would cause Carol to drift up into the heavens, unreachable to anyone.  “I’m referring to everyone else.”_

_“Talking to Fury today, it struck me again just how much your head will forever be up in the stars.” Maria smiled again at her wife, this time with joy but also sorrow.  “I wouldn’t have it any other way, you know that.  And I love you so much for it.  I just…don’t lose yourself out there, no matter what. Don’t forget the people here, who are still counting on you. Not only as Captain Marvel but also as Carol Susan Jane Danvers.”_

_They held on to each other, swaying softly as the weight of unsaid words and expectations swirled around them, trying to sweep them away into the madness of the universe.  Yet nothing could tear them away from one another, the family was unbreakable by even the universe’s own machinations.  Here, in a small Louisiana house, was the safest place on Earth._

**********

_Later that night as the two captains lay in bed, facing one another with their hands entwined, Carol knew she had made her final decision.  And based on the expectant look on Maria’s face, the pilot had already anticipated where the blonde’s mindset was.  The taller woman was simply waiting for the final verdict from the voyager’s own mouth._

_“Fury’s offer. Joining SHIELD? I’m going to take him up on it.”  Carol looked down at their hands, the gleam of the wedding bands on their fingers signifying the weight of her decision.  “I think it’s for the best.  For…everyone.  But most importantly, for you and Monica.”_

_Maria raised their clasped hands to her lips, giving Carol’s hand a kiss before nuzzling the back of her wife’s hand as she relished in the intimate contact._

_“So long as you two are here, I’ll always come back. Always.”  Carol leaned over and kissed Maria’s forehead, pulling the other woman flush to her and laying her head on the taller woman’s breast.  “You two are my world.”_

_“And you are ours, baby.” Maria gently stroked Carol’s blonde locks, loving the feel of the traveler’s lithe, muscular form pressed up against her. “I love you, Carol Susan Jane Danvers.”_

_At that, Carol could only nod. She wanted to speak, shout out her love and promises but as of now, she could do nothing.  There was nothing in the universe that could match the wisdom of Maria Rambeau, the patience of a woman who accepted all of who Danvers was, no matter what.  The unspoken promises and duties to her family would forever spur the hero on, her girls’ wishes being the ultimate boon and motivation to continue and return.  Not only as the cosmic being but also as the woman the Maria and Monica loved unconditionally._

_There would never be a way for Carol to tell her wife and daughter all this in words—they wouldn’t be enough.  And so for now, her actions as both a hero and mortal woman, would have to be enough._

* * *

Carol and Maria were being assaulted in their own home.  It was sudden, aggressive, and personal in nature.  And it was an attack not meant to be forgiven lightly.  If the two of them ever found the motivation to actually move, that is.  The world was too busy right now, and in bed, it was only them; it may have been the safest and most comfortable place in the universe.

 

“Get up you two!” Monica yelled again, picking up one of the pillows that lay on the pull-out mattress and throwing it with a startling accuracy and velocity directly at her parents’ heads.  “We’re going to be late and what am I supposed to tell Agent Hill then?  That we didn’t make it on time because my moms couldn’t get out of bed like common teenagers?”

 

Carol used her forearm to lift herself up, shielding her eyes with her other hand from the abrupt inpouring of light and any other potential pillow barrages.  “Easy!  Easy, Lieutenant Trouble. We’re getting up.” The blond plopped back down next to Maria, curling around her wife’s form.  “Yup, definitely getting up.  Just let me gather my bearings and I’ll be set.”

 

“She’s right, Carol.  We need to get up,” Maria turned to give Carol a quick kiss on her head before she gently extracted herself from the blonde’s strong grasp.  “I’ll get the bags from upstairs if you could make us all a quick breakfast, okay?”  The space voyager gave the taller woman a playful frown, hoping to convince her wife to stay for a bit longer.  The pilot wouldn’t budge however, and with a laugh she pulled the covers off the mattress and left to get their belongings.

 

The voyager groaned but acknowledged that both of her girls were right.  Even though the idea of simply lying in bed and hiding out from the rest of the world was enticing, they all had work to do.  As soldiers, they had signed up for this indominable burden.  And no matter the situation, no matter how severe the aftermath, all three of them would all be expected to answer the call of duty without hesitation.

 

Once Carol had managed to drag herself out of the pull-out bed and fold up the bedding, she began to prepare breakfast for the family, sunny-side eggs and toast was on the menu for this morning.  The smell of their meal and the sound of her family moving around the house reminded the warrior about simpler times and it put a dopey smile on the captain’s face.  One she continued to wear as they all quickly ate their food.

 

“Mama, what’s with that smile?” Monica queried with a full mouth, causing Maria to remind their daughter about her ‘manners’ at the table.  “You’ve had it on your face since you served us breakfast and I’m not gonna lie, it’s kinda…weird.”

 

Carol chuckled, giving her daughter a sheepish shrug.  “Just enjoying the moment, LT.  I’m an old lady reminiscing, is all.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

An hour later Monica herded her parents outside, making them stay on the porch as she walked out onto the lawn.  The behavior puzzled the two captains and they looked at each other quizzically, wondering where their ride to the airport was.  Considering how the young Lieutenant had been in such a rush to get them out the door, it seemed unlike Monica to not have their means of transportation already running.

 

Before they could ask Spectrum what her plan was, the soldier began to push a few buttons on her watch, looking up in the sky as she did so.  After a few seconds, a spacecraft appeared in midair, uncloaking and hovering a dozen feet above ground quietly.  Even from the porch it was clear that this craft was state of the art, outfitted with the most technologically advanced equipment on Earth.  Simply put, it was the epitome of C-53 engineering. 

 

“Neat, huh?” Monica bragged, turning around and giving her stunned parents a shit-eating grin.  “Agent Hill gave it to me, well our family actually, when I…came back.  Said that with all the, uh, _things_ that are going on, we’re going to need a more efficient way to travel.”

 

Monica pushed a few more buttons on her watch, which caused the ship to touch lightly down on to the ground.  Once settled, the hatch of the ship opened to reveal a ramp, leading into the spacious and high-tech interior of the ship.  The young woman headed up the ramp, a bounce in her step as she proceeded.  Before Monica reached the top of the incline, she turned around and beckoned towards her moms.

 

“Come on, you guys!” She waved them over, an exasperated look on her face as she waited for her parents to join her in the craft.  “Agent Hill is waiting for us and we aren’t going to get there faster if you two are like deer in the headlights!”  Maria and Carol looked at each other before they picked up their luggage and headed over, boarding the ship and looking around in awe.

 

As they all settled into their seats and buckled up, Carol was still observing the inside, appreciating the sleek lines and efficiency of the ship.  She hadn’t been in an Earth-manufactured space vessel in a while and seeing the advancement in their technology impressed even the experienced Captain Marvel.  Despite her appreciation of the ship, it still didn’t explain why Monica had brought this to pick them up.

 

“I hope it’s up to your high standards, Captain Marvel,” Monica said with a jovial laugh as she brought up the virtual control panel, the dials and buttons flashing to life, beeping and whirring as they loaded up.

 

Carol laughed in return and shook her head.  “No, that’s not it.  I was just expecting a car, that’s all.”

 

Spectrum gave the older woman a mischievous grin.  “A car wouldn’t have gotten us to where we need to be.  Only this baby can get us there, literally.”  The lieutenant turned back towards the control panel, patting the dash proudly before inputting the coordinates to their destination, doing a last system check before she had the ship hover as it prepared to blast off.  “Also, let me know what you guys think of this ship!  I wasn’t kidding when I said that it was made for our family specifically.  We’ll have to clear out the barn to fit it in there, somehow.”

 

“What?” Maria interjected sharply, looking at her daughter with a shocked look, clearly surprised at the sudden acquisition.  Before Maria could probe further however, Monica activated the shock-point drive, engines roaring as they jumped into hyperspace.

 

“Alright, hold onto your seats, moms. This thing goes _fast_.”

 

* * *

 

A few minutes in the spacecraft made it clear that Monica wasn’t taking them to the airport. They weren’t even going directly to New York.  Instead, once they had exited hyperspace, Carol and Maria found themselves in space, hovering above Earth thousands of miles in the exosphere.  After taking a minute to assess where they were, the two captains unbuckled from their seats and looked out the port-side window, gazing down at Earth as they floated above.

 

“It never gets old.  No matter how often I look at it,” Carol murmured, staring at the globe with a wistful look.  She turned towards Maria, who also had a similar front etched on her features, eyes alight with the promise of what space held.  It reminded the blonde that even though the other captain never admitted it herself, she belonged in the stars just as much as Carol did, maybe even more so.  Save for the odd escape, duty and circumstance had hindered Maria’s consistent return to the cosmos and it was one of Danvers’ greatest regrets—just another thing in a long line of things she couldn’t give to her love.

 

With everything as it was now, however, the hero hoped that would change soon.

 

“I’m going to take you out to space real soon,” the blonde whispered.  “I think we all deserve a vacation, especially after everything that’s happened.”

 

Maria glanced towards her wife, smiling happily at Carol’s declaration.  “You read my mind, baby.”

 

The two women stared at each other, reaching out to hold one another’s hand as they then turned back to look below them, reminiscing about their first time in space together.  It was decades ago and yet only seemed like yesterday.  Before long however, their romantic moment was broken up by Monica, who had slowed down the ship’s trajectory as they reached their final destination.

 

“Would you two love-birds buckle up again? We’re here and I don’t want to hurt you as I land this thing.”

 

Maria and Carol hustled over to their seats, settling in and putting on their seatbelts as they watched Monica pull in.  When the captains finally saw where they were being shuttled an audible gasp could be heard from the backseat.  The seasoned captains couldn’t believe what they were seeing.

 

“Well, this is it.  Welcome to The Peak.”

 

The Peak was a massive orbital space station, shaped like a long, upside-down pyramid with an enormous circular control panel at the top of the inverted base.  Along the station’s length were multiple ringed docking stations that were currently actively fielding air traffic as lights ran along the strip.  The structure itself was made of sleek, shining vibranium, lit up by various lights running up its side.

 

“Holy shit,” Maria whispered, eyes wide and full of surprise.

 

“Seconded.  Holy shit, Monica.  You never told us about this.”

 

“Yeah, I guess I didn’t.” Their daughter shrugged as she pushed a button, alerting the control tower of their approach.  “But to be honest, I only learned about this a couple of days ago.  Agent Hill was adamant that I ‘tell no one’ about this—even you guys.”  She leaned into the comms array and confirmed their identity to flight control, then glanced back at her still shell-shocked parents.  “And you’ll learn why once we land. Very hush hush, I know.”

 

When her parents still didn’t answer, Monica just sighed.  “Come on, you guys. I’m sure you’ve seen much more shocking things beforehand.  Surely this can’t be the most surprising thing you’ve seen.”

 

Without missing a beat Carol quipped back.  “You’re right, LT.  In fact if I remember correctly it would have been when you were a senior in high school and your mom and I caught you kissing—"

 

“You know what?  I was wrong.  This _is_ the most shocking thing you’ve seen.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

A familiar, green face was waiting for the Rambeau-Danvers family once they landed, his normally serious visage twisted into a small smile as he saw his friends finally disembark.

 

“Well, I’ll be.  Look who stopped taking their sweet time and finally decided to show up.”

 

“Nice to see you too, Talos.” Carol smiled and reached out to shake the Skrull commander’s hand, clasping him on the shoulder in what would be the closest the two would ever get to a hug.  “Glad to see that someone was able to keep everyone in line during the last five years.”

 

“Ah, yes. Well, it wasn’t easy.  And it’s going to be just as difficult, maybe even more so, now that everyone who disappeared has suddenly come back.” He let out a loud sigh.  “If I had any hair, I’d be losing it.”

 

With that, Talos looked at Maria and Monica, giving them both a grin and shaking their hands.  “Words can’t express how ecstatic I am to see you two back.  It wasn’t the same without you.”

 

“And we’re glad to be back, Talos.”  Maria smiled warmly at the Skrull, happy to see yet another familiar face again.  “Our happiness may just dwarf yours though.” It was said playfully but the weight behind the words were significant.

 

The alien nodded sadly.  “You would know best.”  A slight pause and then Talos beckoned for the family to follow him.  “This way. I’ve been instructed to show you all around a bit before Agent Hill speaks to you.  We spent a lot of time and energy making this thing, might as well show it off before it gets all dirty and scuffed.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Talos’ tour of The Peak lasted for a good hour, the small group wasting no time as the alien showed the three women the key systems and locations on the station.  For Monica, it was a rehash of what Agent Hill had shown her a couple of days ago but even she was still in awe with what SHIELD had managed to construct.

 

It was clear that SHIELD had asked for input from multiple races when constructing the unique station.  Skrull, Xandarian, and even Kree technology and architecture could be seen within the halls and rooms of the base, each species’ influence augmenting the space and making it incredibly ergonomic.  The outside appearance of the orbital base didn’t do the inside any justice.

 

“And this here is our central command hub,” Talos announced as he led the Rambeau-Danvers clan into a wide open room.  It was surrounded by panes of highly-tempered glass that gave any observers a clear view out into the void of the cosmos.  In the center of the room was a massive hologram projector, where dozens of Skrulls and humans were gathered, monitoring a wide variety of diagrams and projections.  The front of the room also had a plethora of control panels where lights blinked on and off, surveying the happenings on the station and beyond.  “It’s mostly finished.  We still have a few more things to calibrate and network connections to establish.  But, for the most part, we have a fully functional space station.”

 

They all nodded and took a moment to look around, admiring the sights and sounds.

 

“I got to give it to you, Talos. I wasn’t expecting you to finally come out of your shell to start working with the humans in such a capacity,” Carol said, eyebrow raised as she gave the commander a questioning look.  “But I’m not sure I’ll be visiting The Peak as often as I’d like to once things settle down, unfortunately.”

 

“No worries, captain.  But I wouldn’t worry too much about hurting my feelings.” The Skrull had a sly look on his face, as though he knew something that Carol didn’t.  “I have a feeling you will.”

 

Before Carol could ask what the Skrull meant, she was interrupted by a familiar voice.  A voice that she hadn’t heard in over six years.

 

“Captains.  Lieutenant Rambeau.  I’m glad you made it here safely.” Carol turned to see Maria Hill walking towards them, stopping before the family and saluting.  “I see that Talos has already shown you around The Peak and that you’ve seen what it’s, mostly, capable of.” The agent nodded at Talos indicating her gratitude.  “Thank you, Commander Talos. I’ll take it over from here.”  Talos acknowledged the acting director in return and then left the family alone with Hill.

 

“Like I said, I’m glad you three could make it.  Since the ‘Blip’, there has been quite a bit of movement on everyone’s end to get people caught up and establish order with all the chaos that’s bound to arise with an event of this caliber.”  Carol and Maria nodded their understanding, pleased that SHIELD had already taken on the initiative to start helping reorganize the Earth.  Satisfied with what she saw from the captains, Hill then turned to Monica, looking at the younger woman pointedly.  “Spectrum, you are dismissed. I believe Agent Brand would like to speak to your further about the issues you were discussing a couple days ago.”

 

Monica saluted and then headed out, giving her parents one last glance over her shoulder. She waved at her moms before she jogged way, disappearing into one of the many hallways that fed into the control room.

 

“If you two would follow me, we have much to discuss. In private.”  Hill turned heel and began walking away, expecting the captains to fall behind her.  “I know you were probably expecting Fury to be the one to greet you but he has…other things he needs to attend to right now.  So the director sent me to catch you guys up with everything that has happened.  He sends his regards.”

 

“Tell him we send ours,” Maria replied.  “When Fury has the time, he is more than welcome to visit us for a meal; he knows we live.  You’re always welcome too, Agent Hill.”  The captains could have sworn they saw the other woman stand up taller at those words.  Even Agent Hill enjoyed a night off.

 

“I’ll pass that message on to Director Fury when I see him again.” Hill led Carol and Maria to an elevator at the side of the room, pushing a button that led them to the top of The Peak.  A metallic door greeted them as soon as they exited the elevator and, after an identity scan, the door whirred open.  Hill gestured for the captains to enter first, letting them get their bearings before she followed closely behind.

 

The room Carol and Maria had entered was a modest office.  To the right was a large window that gave the occupants a view of the many landing platforms on the Peak and the cosmos beyond, while a few bookshelves that contained data pads and other gadgets lined the other wall.  In the center of the office was what amounted to a holo desk, and where Hill, Carol, and Maria found themselves gathered.

 

“Have a seat, you two.” She gestured at two leather chairs, letting the two other women get settled before she took her own seat. Once they had all gotten comfortable, the acting director leaned forward and began to finally debrief Carol and Maria on what was going on.

 

“I’ll cut to the chase, you guys are busy and I know that you prefer it that way anyways.  The Decimation left us, SHIELD, rattled.  Thanos showed us that we were woefully under prepared for an assault of his caliber.”  Maria activated the desk and brought up a hologram of Earth, the image visually showing the levels of world-wide destruction via dwindling life counts.  “A situation we thought we had under control was instead completely beyond anything we had expected or had the man-power for.”  The agent sighed, looking at the image sadly.  “We were way out of our depth and we all paid the ultimate price—for five years.”

 

Hill’s look of sadness quickly dissipated, turning into a mask of determination.  “If anything, this tragedy shows us that we were stretched too thin and weren’t looking at the right threats.  We had focused too much on the dangers of Earth and not on the ones that threatened the universe; that threatened all of us.”

 

“Luckily, as per usual, Fury had a contingency plan in place, just waiting to be enacted with the right push.  And with the events of the past years we were finally able to get this project funded by governments eager to feel safe after their authority had been so severely threatened.”  Hill pushed a few buttons on the virtual keyboard, pulling up a logo the captains had never seen before.  From the logo branched connections to various agents and scientific leaders that would be running things from within the organization.  “It’s called the Sentient World Observation and Response Department, or SWORD for short.  This department is essentially a branch of SHIELD, focused on the cosmic-level threats that we had unwittingly neglected for so many years.”

 

“Hopefully, by specifically designating a solid and well-funded task force to the stars, we can proactively eradicate any threats that pose a danger to not only our world, but to all the other worlds in the universe.” The hologram re-organized again to show a procedural algorithm, meant to detail how SWORD was to be run.  “And, ideally, if things run smoothly, we can make sure that a menace like Thanos never happens again.”

 

“But in order for this initiative to succeed, we need the full cooperation of all of our agents.  This includes documenting each mission, marking hot zones on the map, and being available to report into command and receive our calls.” With that, Hill glared sharply at Carol, causing the stoic captain to squirm slightly in her seat.  “We cannot afford to have any missing links.  If any of our agents go dark, it threatens everything we’ve built and swore to protect—and makes us extremely vulnerable.”

 

“That brings me to you, Captain Marvel.  You’re the most traveled out of anyone in this room and have gone deeper into space than possibly imagined; seen things that not even Talos and his men have.  You have been the eyes and ears for SHIELD, alerting us of the happenings out in space for decades.  Crudely put, you were our most reliable extraterrestrial asset and the data you provided to us was invaluable.”

 

“So imagine my shock when I heard that for four years you essentially went dark.  There are basically no records connecting you to any official SHIELD activities or communications.”  With each passing word, Carol could feel her wife’s gaze turn towards her.  Becoming increasingly analytical and harsh as more details were revealed by Agent Hill.  If the acting director noticed however, she didn’t indicate she had and continued on.  “I do understand that you were in ‘contact’ with Agent Romanoff, but apparently that was also fleeting and inconsistent.  And even she lost regular communication with you, eventually.  You became a ghost, unreachable and beyond anyone’s reproach.”

 

There was a pause as Hill stared unflinchingly at Carol, making sure the space voyager understood the severity of her actions, or lack thereof.  How gravely she erred during the Decimation.  And how she let down those that depended on her in a time of need.

 

“You might as well have been dead, captain,” Hill murmured.  “You were so MIA during this time periods that some people weren’t even sure if you were alive anymore.”

 

After a pause, the agent cocked her head and spoke again.  “Care to explain what went on during those four years?”

 

“There was…a lot going on during the Decimation, Agent Hill.” Carol refused to look at the acting director, staring at her lap instead as she clenched her jaw.  Unable to even ask her partner for support; the blonde could sense Maria Rambeau’s fury from where she sat.  “Many planets weren’t lucky enough to have a group like the Avengers to mediate their issues. I had to balance the politics and battles of countless planets for years as they were struck by pure chaos.  There were many tough decisions—"

 

“I understand but you still have a responsibility to SHIELD and the Earth.” Hill wasn’t yelling but the tone she used substituted the emphasis that raising her voice would have had.  “That’s what you signed up for all those years ago.  And that’s what we expect you to do. Even when things are FUBAR.”

 

“You’re a soldier first, Captain Marvel,” Hill said firmly, unwavering in her sharp gaze as she leaned over her desk.  “You serve your cause to the end, even when things seem impossible or get difficult.  That’s what you were trained to do, isn’t it?”  The agent leaned back in her seat, it didn’t make her appear any less dangerous, however. “You are a soldier.  And soldiers _never_ abandon their duty.”

 

A heavy silence settled between the three women, each of them weighed with their own concerns and burdens.  Neither of the soldiers wanted to disturb the others in their thoughts.  Eventually however, Hill took the situation over, having more to discuss.  But not with Carol present.

 

“I know that I’ve probably just rehashed what you two have already discussed beforehand.”  When Maria shook her head to indicate ‘no’, guilt quickly flashed across Hill’s features but was immediately erased, decades of practice aiding in hiding her gaffe.  “Well, I’m sure I’ve left you both with plenty to talk about.  You are dismissed.”  Carol got up to leave with Maria following suit, however the taller woman was stopped by Agent Hill’s next command.  “Captain Rambeau.  A word.”  The blonde stopped and turned around, glancing at her lover worriedly.  “Alone.”

 

“Go on, Carol. I’ll meet you in our quarters later.”  It was not said softly.  The warrior nodded, leaving without saying anything else.  A wise move considering the anger she saw in her wife’s eyes.

 

Once Carol had left the two Marias alone, Hill sighed, bringing her hands to her temples and rubbing a way a headache.  “My apologies, I didn’t mean to cause strife between you two; or hit any sore spots.”  The acting director sighed again, removing her hands and looking at the other Maria tiredly.  “Necessity dictated that I be more upfront and confront any issues directly.”

 

The mechanic nodded her understanding, hating that it had come to this at all.  That her beloved wife had been so negligent for four years was shocking, heartbreaking, and infuriating all at once and the captain had no idea what to feel.  It wouldn’t do to reminisce on it now though.  Certainly not when the voyager wasn’t present and Agent Hill had pressing issues to talk about.

 

“I understand, Agent Hill.  This hasn’t been easy on anyone.”  Maria gave a sigh of her own, closing her eyes before continuing.  “So what was it that you needed to talk to me about?  Usually it’s Carol who gets debriefed on these top-secret dossiers.  I’m flattered that it’s finally my turn; nearly thirty years later.”  Her attempt at humor was appreciated and actually caused the other Maria to crack a genuine smile.

 

“Touché, Captain Rambeau.”  Maria pushed a few buttons on the control panel, bringing up a new spaceship model not too dissimilar to the one Monica brought them in earlier.  “This time, you’re the one we want to talk to about top secret information.  As you’ve observed, SWORD is developing new spacecraft able to travel in hyperspace. Capabilities that have never before been seen in on our planet.”

 

Hill pushed a button, which caused the hologram model of the ship to break apart, revealing its individual components.  “We’ll need a capable engineer to maintain this fleet.  Someone who is familiar with alien technology and how to maneuver the cosmos.  Someone like you, Captain Rambeau.”  The captain’s brow furrowed, indicating her understanding but waiting for the other shoe to drop. “I know you consider yourself semi-retired but quite frankly, you’re the best candidate for the job.  In every way possible.  I know this is sudden, but it’s something that we at SHIELD and SWORD would like you to reflect over.”

 

“But there’s also another reason I wanted to talk to you in private.”  Agent Hill closed the hologram, leaving the two women without any distractions.  _And here it is_.  “Carol going dark was…troubling.  For many different reasons.”  Hill paused, gathering her thoughts about what she was going to say next.  “Speaking freely, Captain Rambeau, it was unprecedented and extremely worrisome.”

 

“As I said earlier, Carol is SHIELD’s greatest asset and we depend on her heavily for intel and leadership.  Captain Marvel has never once failed us, until now.  During the most devastating event that the universe has ever experienced.  When we needed her, she was not there.”

 

Hill stood up and walked over to the window, staring out to the stars.  “For a soldier and warrior as disciplined as her, it was shocking when I first heard news of this.  How could the legendary Captain Marvel just abandon her post in such a manner?  She was unbreakable and unstoppable, balancing the universe like no one else could.”  The director sighed.  “It makes absolutely no sense and—"

 

“It’s because you forgot she was Carol Danvers, too, Agent Hill,” Maria calmly interjected.  The agent looked at the other Maria for a bit, trying to decipher what the older woman meant.  The pilot never let what she was thinking show through and gave Hill a neutral gaze, assessing her in return.

 

“Fair enough, Captain Rambeau.”  Maria nodded and turned back towards the view.  “Captain Marvel…I understand why she’d never come back. Hell, I can’t deny that if I had that type of power, well, I might never come back to this place either.”  She shrugged over casually, as though they weren’t discussing a matter of severe importance.  “Maybe one day she got bored of us, or will get bored of us.  And not just the Captain too.  I never thought it possible but it seems like Carol can also get lost in the stars.  Unreachable to anyone.”  She turned back towards the mechanic, staring at her pointedly.  “Except for you.”

 

“There’s so many unknown variables at this time, Captain Rambeau.  We don’t need your wife to be one of them.”

 

Maria felt a burst of anger at the implication, standing up in objection.  “Are you asking me to be a spy on top of a SWORD engineer, Hill?  Is that your ulterior motive with offering me this job?”

 

“Not at all.”  Hill walked up to the captain and stopped in front of her.  “We _are_ asking you, however, to keep Captain Marvel…honest.  You’re clearly the only one who can.  The Decimation made very clear to SHIELD that you and Monica the only one she truly answers to.  And we need that for us, for her.  Carol, we can deal with.  Captain Marvel?  She’s untamable.”

 

“I don’t know if you fully understand—”

 

“I don’t need to fully understand, Captain Rambeau.  I just need to make sure that things are kept as normal as possible.  Please.”  For the first time, Maria could see the worry and uncertainty in the agent’s eyes.  It forced the pilot to view the situation from a third-party’s point of view, from someone’s perspective who had no idea how Carol Susan Jane Danvers worked and who she was in her entirety.

 

To everyone else that wasn’t a part of the Rambeau-Danvers clan, they had lost a hero for years, a figure that was known to guide them through the toughest of moments.  Their greatest defender, gone.  As though she’d never existed.   Only the rumors and rare visitations proof that she hadn’t been taken away in Thanos’ snap.  The hero’s absence had left those that remained vulnerable and unsure of how to protect themselves if something of great magnitude were to happen again.

 

Captain Marvel was their security blanket, so to speak.  The constant that lifted the universe on her shoulders and kept it safe so that others may thrive.  A goddess, who could relentlessly protect and fight and never tire.  Who could sacrifice without ever being broken.  And so to see that constant be fallible, removed, shook those people to their very core and sense of safety.

 

The intimate knowledge caused the captain to soften and she gave Hill a sympathetic grin.  There was nothing else she could say at this moment.  Maria had someone she needed to talk to anyways.

 

“I’ll consider your offer about joining SWORD.  Thank you, Agent Hill.”  Maria shook the agent’s hand and moved to leave, saluting before she walked away.

 

“You’re welcome, Captain Rambeau.” Hill saluted the captain in return.  “God speed.  And thank you.  For more than you can possibly imagine.”

 

* * *

 

Maria found Carol in their designated quarters, staring outside the window.  The blonde didn’t even look back at the pilot as she entered, attempting to avoid eye contact while Maria bore a hole into the back of her neck with her gaze.  She stopped a few feet behind the warrior, arms crossed while she gathered her bearings before speaking.

 

“When were you going to tell me about going dark for four years.”  Carol shrugged, still refusing to look at her wife.  “Carol.”  The blonde’s shoulders tensed and Maria noticed that her wife’s fists were clenched tightly, short fingernails nearly breaking through the skin of her palms.  Maria knew her partner well enough to see that this wasn’t anger that caused Carol to tense up.  Rather it was fear that had taken over the captain’s body.

 

“Look at me, Carol.”  Maria’s tone left no room for evasion and the voyager had no choice but to respond.  The captains briefly stared at each other, a million things they wanted to say and cry out for.  But Maria could only ask quietly one question.  “Why?”

 

Carol pursed her lips and shook her head.  “I don’t know.”  She shrugged, lost.  “I don’t know.”

 

Maria stared at Carol unflinchingly, not letting her wife escape the query.  “Try.”  Maria stepped closer, using her height to never once break eye contact with the hero.  “You broke your word to me.  To Monica.  You promised us that you would fight—”

 

“I did.”

 

“—On Earth, Carol.” Maria snapped.  “No matter what happened, you promised Monica and I that you would continue to fight on for humanity.  No matter how hard it got, how impossible it seemed, you would _fight_.”  She began to tear up, frustration and betrayal causing her to lose control of her emotions.  “But instead you ran away.  From everything and everyone.  Worst of all, you forgot about your promise.”  The tears began to flow freely, the embarrassment of the revelation and fear of what it all meant overwhelming Maria.  “Did you forget about us when you were up there in the stars all alone, too?”

 

“No.” Carol’s voice broke, shattered by the visible pain her wife was in.  “That’s impossible, Maria.  You two were the only thing I thought about.  I never once stopped.”  The sorrow in Carol’s eyes only made Maria tear up more.  Carol’s pity was the last thing she wanted right now.

 

“So then why did you leave?  Why did you abandon the planet you called home, that you swore to protect?”

 

Danvers bit her lip, unsure of how to answer.  It frustrated Maria even more.  “Why?”

 

Silence settled in between the two captains before the voyager answered.

 

“Because you two weren’t here.  I thought I could stay on Earth, but I couldn’t.  Not without you and Monica there.”  The words were a whisper, barely heard above the light hum of the ship.  “You two are the reason why I come back to Earth.  Whenever I said you and Monica were my world, I meant it.”  The sincerity in the blonde’s eyes took Maria’s breath away.  Carol timidly approached, searching Maria’s face as she did so.  “Without you, Earth was simply a planet.  Just another rock amongst an endless sea of many.  It was my family that made Earth special and my true home.”

 

“Earth, Mars, Xandar, it doesn’t matter.  Wherever my girls are is my home.”  Carol took in a shuddering breath, closing her eyes as she faced her demons.  “And without you and Monica… there was nothing.  Just a howling pit of rage, hopelessness, and worst of all, apathy.  I was going through the motions, simply because it was habitual, not because I cared.  Many of the people I met during the Decimation?  They could have burned for all I cared.  They all lived while the best two people died, unfairly ripped away from _me_.”  The emphasis on the ‘me’ was not missed by Maria.

 

After a moment to compose herself, the blonde continued.  “I was lost, baby.  So lost.  Because Carol Danvers died, and with nothing tethering me, only Captain Marvel was left.”  Carol took in a shuddering breath of her own, this time looking out towards the stars.  “And even that side of me wasn’t satisfied with the continuous fighting that I used as a distraction.  No matter what I did, I yearned for you two.  _All_ of me did.”

 

“But the void and mindless fighting was all I had left, and so I embraced them.  There was no real joy or purpose during the last half-decade.  I was so close to snapping, Maria.  Losing _anything_ left that held me even somewhat…sane.  I would’ve…” Carol immediately shut her mouth and furrowed her brow, looking away from her wife, face unreadable.  “I don’t know what I would do if the universe tried to take you and Monica away from me again.”

 

The ambiguity of her wife’s words made Maria think back about her nightmare a couple of nights ago.  She could still vividly remember the sights within the dream.  The carnage and destruction, wrought by a Captain Marvel that had lost everything.  A Captain Marvel that had no hope or purpose, no one to guide her through her darkest days.  No longer a hero but the living embodiment of an Avenger.  Someone with nothing to lose and everything to gain, even if it meant sacrificing everything else in the universe.

 

But even more shocking was the realization of how readily Maria accepted this potential reality.  The thought of surrendering the vestiges of the universe just to assuage one woman’s pain should have been abhorrent.  Yet to the captain’s experienced eye, it made sense; most importantly, it was right and just, ordained by the universe itself. 

 

Carol Susan Jane Danvers was good; better than what the universe deserved in a hero, at least.  Putting her life, time, and mental-wellbeing on the line, all for finicky strangers who couldn’t care less about the woman that saved them.  Only seeing a tool, a means to an end, a savior.  Never giving her wife a chance to rest by dragging Captain Marvel into their folly and petty, arrogant feuds.  And even Danvers’ considerable physical and mental fortitude had its limits.

 

Without her family, her boon and soul, those limits were compromised.  An unfair cruelty cursed upon a hero who had given up so much and in the end, received so little in return.

 

And so if Carol Danvers and Captain Marvel wanted her family back at any cost, was it not her right?  What she was rightfully owed after years of thankless service to countless civilizations in the universe?  To claim from the universe what she was entitled to was only the natural course of things.  Her ultimate payment in the form of the only two women that she cared about more than herself.

 

She had thought of this all before, right after the original dream.  But with the evidence of her lover’s trauma and pain in front of her, it all took on a different meaning.  And so it was in this moment that Maria Rambeau realized that if Carol Danvers went to the edge to bring her and Monica back, that edge would be acceptable.  For Maria would forever be the force, the tether, that brought her back from that verge.  So long as she was here, there was nothing that could harm Carol Susan Jane Danvers.

 

Carol must have interpreted her silence for something else, because she quickly interjected.  “I want you to know that there was no one else when you and Monica were…gone.”

 

“I was never worried about that, Carol.”  It was a statement said quickly, automatically.  But when the words replayed within Maria’s mind, the significance of them in the light of the Decimation only emphasized a truth she knew but never dissected, until now.  The recent revelations and events had made the simple more pronounced. 

 

Carol’s love was absolute, a truth of the universe.  Her wife’s love, along with Monica’s, were the two surest things Maria had.  And everything Carol did, she did for her girls.

 

“It was never a concern.” Maria repeated herself, stepping closer to her hurting mate.  “I’m so sorry you were in such pain.  It breaks my heart to see you torn into so many pieces, with nothing to hold you together.”  The mechanic shook her head.  “I never wished to ever be a source of your anguish and turmoil.  But in a way, I was.  Even if it was unintentional, I bound you to a word that couldn’t be held, was impossible to be held.”

 

Danvers moved to speak but Maria raised a hand to gently stop her.  “You love so strongly, Carol.  So passionately, freely, loyally, and unconditionally.  To be a woman so loved by someone like you is a blessing that cannot be put in words.  Something that cannot be contained by the cosmos—and shouldn’t ever be.  Your love deserves happiness.  _You_ deserve happiness.”  She stared pointedly into the voyager’s eyes, making sure she understood the significance of her speech.  The taller woman reached out and cupped her wife’s cheek.  “I want you to be at peace, in whatever form that takes.  No matter where Monica and I are, you deserve your world.”

 

“Never again should you feel like you have to choose between your own joy and your duty to the rest of the universe.  You come first.”  Maria smiled softly, elation permeating through her being with the weight being lifted off both their shoulders.  “In whatever form that takes.”

 

At that, Carol nodded, a wave of relief washing through the blonde’s body.  The awareness of what Maria Rambeau’s declaration meant registering deep within her, resonating to her very core.  The voyager smiled back at her wife, the only way she could portray her gratitude at this point.

 

Maria smile grew larger, acknowledging that whatever came out of this promise, simply would. As a mortal, the captain could only control so much.  But the one thing she could control was the fact that Carol Danvers would always have her and Monica’s blessing to do whatever it took to make her content. Carol deserved her peace of mind, her family.  She’d been too good to not have them by her side.  Even if it came at a cost to everyone else.

 

There was nothing Carol could do but apologize and hope that this amazing woman had the wherewithal to forgive her flawed wife yet once again.  “I’m sorry, Maria. I’m so, so, sorry.”

 

“I know, Carol.”

 

The blonde fell into her wife’s strong arms, holding the mechanic tightly as they quietly acknowledged the shift that had occurred in their relationship.  After a few minutes of simply holding each other, Carol adjusted so that she could stare deeply into Maria’s eyes.  A slight nod gave the space voyager all the permission she needed and she raised her head to plant a gentle, hungry kiss on her wife’s full lips.

 

There were countless diplomatic events on Earth that needed to be attended to and hundreds of galaxies that required her mediation.  Logically speaking, there were better things to do right now.  But they could all burn for now.

 

Because right now nothing was going to get in her way of showing Maria how much she adored her.  She had rightfully earned this.  Had given and given and given for five years until there was nothing left but the ruthless Captain Marvel.  All the hero wanted was to love, to rest, to be gentle.

 

Carol finally felt truly alive, cherished, and safe as she was held in her wife’s arms.  No longer holding back.  No longer being torn into pieces but instead built up into the human she was, all because of the woman who held her very heart and soul. 

 

The captain desperately tried to use this physical bond to convey her complete and immutable devotion to her partner as no words would ever be enough.  She needn’t have worried however, Maria would always understand and know how revered and adored she was by one Carol Danvers and Captain Marvel.  And so the two inseparable lovers lost themselves in each other as the rest of the world fell away.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooooooo!!! As promised, here is the next chapter of this story! Chapter 10 is in the works as we speak but since you all wanted Chapter 9, who am I to say 'no'?
> 
> As far as my writing schedule goes. It may be kinda chaotic during May but even keel during June. Either way, there shouldn't be too long of a break between this chapter and Chapter 10 (I'm not going to make you wait like I did for Chapter 8 I promise you that!) so I won't keep you all hanging.
> 
> This chapter is pretty much just a sweet, smutty break from the angst and action. Well, there is a tiny(!) bit of angst at the end but it's more bittersweet and heartfelt than anything. As always, Carol listens to Maria's cues and everything is consensual (safewords are also a thing; I just don't mention them in this story! I mean, when your lover can move planets it's always good to make sure she knows how to hold back her full strength). She also tops a lot. I don't make the rules but in this story that's how it is--she kinda took control. Not that Maria is arguing. However, if pure smut isn't your thing, then skip to to the italicized part as that is when there isn't smut in this part. 
> 
> Also, again, there may or may not be hints at ideas in the (far) future in this chapter... Who knows 😉
> 
> Probably just a couple more chapters after this one. I think we have the funeral and some arrangements afterwards coming up. Then we (may) have an epilogue, depending on how things turn out. There is always more coming!
> 
> Just a few housekeeping things!  
> -Life is going to be weird, to say the least, with all that's going on in the world. I hope you guys are staying safe and healthy during the COVID-19 pandemic. I'm thinking of all of you!  
> -Please let me know if there are any obvious or glaring mistakes! I do all the writing and editing myself so it's very feasible I could have missed something as I went  
> -Also let me know if there's anything offensive. If you do see see something, please be kind about it. I do this for free and mean no ill intent.  
> -While not required, a comment and a 'Kudos' would help a lot! Writing is tough and it is always great to see reader interaction and appreciation.

In the darkness of the bedroom, silhouetted by the light that filtered through the window that looked out towards the cosmos, two figures moved in synchronous harmony.  They were both completely lost in each other, engaged in the beginnings of a ritualistic, timeless dance shared amongst lovers.

 

For Carol, never one for being extremely verbose, this was her way to show her wife just how much she loved her, adored her.  It was a dance of worship and desire, a means to express what words could not.  Maria’s acceptance, love, and forgiveness had freed her, given her a new outlook on her already fulfilled life made complete by her girls.  And so Carol was determined to pay glory to her.  Show the other captain what she had done and would always continue to do by simply being a constant in her life.

 

So far the blonde had successfully disrobed Maria from the waist down and very much enjoyed the feel of her wife’s sex grinding against her thigh.  With each passing minute the taller woman’s arousal was more apparent, the blistering wetness and heat against Danvers’ body indicating her wife’s increasing desire.  Yet despite her current proximity to Maria it wasn’t enough, and Carol quickly found herself becoming frustrated with the final layers of clothes that covered her lover’s breasts. 

 

The voyager began to move her hands up from the marvelously firm globes of Maria’s ass, which Carol knew she had been gripping hard enough to leave finger-shaped bruises that would last throughout the next day, to the back of her mate’s shirt.  Once the hero had reached her goal, she tugged gently at the back of the garment, indicating her desire for more.

 

“How attached are you to this shirt?” Carol whispered in between trailing open-mouthed kisses along Maria’s jawline.  She stopped at the junction of the mechanic’s jaw and neck, gently biting down and sucking hard enough to leave another mark, leaving a visible imprint.  Normally Maria would have lightly protested at such a juvenile action, though made in jest, but she was aware that this moment wasn’t a normal situation.  The deed was a means for Carol to stake her claim, ensure that the universe knew that nothing could ever make Captain Marvel relinquish this woman to the void.

 

“I could be convinced to let it go.  With the right incentive, of course,” Maria responded coyly, laughing lightly as she felt Danvers’ strong fingers massage between her shoulder blades.  In all her years of being in love with Carol, Maria was familiar with her partner’s quirks whenever they made love; though the burning through her shirts, literally, was an addition that had only come about after the blonde became Captain Marvel.  It had certainly required Maria to budget in extra money towards her wardrobe every month—though she wouldn’t have had it any other way.  The burnt clothes were a reminder that her partner had come back to her after a six year’s absence, and with the ability to protect not only their family but the entire universe to boot.  It was a small price to pay for the new clothes she had to always buy.

 

Carol hummed happily and nuzzled into Maria’s neck as she used her powers to singe through her lover’s shirt and bra, removing the last remnants of cloth that had prevented her from having full access to Maria’s body.  After taking a moment to run her fingertips up and down her wife’s sides, the traveler stood up and used her strength to easily lift and flip Maria over so that she could lay the mechanic down on her back in the bed.  Once Maria had settled in, the captains took a moment to pause and admire each other, simply in awe of the vision before them.

 

Throughout all the voyages she’d undertaken, Carol’s observed things that even she with all of her experience still had a hard time comprehending.  The hero had witnessed entire galaxies that contained hues not even found on humanity’s color spectrum, nebulas that put even the most beautiful landscape to shame, and constellations and stars that glittered even brighter than the most precious of jewels.  Yet those spectacles may as well have been dull, rusted junk when compared to the sight of Maria.  Nothing, living or otherwise, compared to her beauty and majesty—and nothing ever would. 

 

And seeing Maria like this, naked, beautiful, and vulnerable in the bed hit her hard.  Carol was again reminded of how much she had lost in the last five years.  How close she was to never having her wife by her side ever again.

 

But the picture was also an indication that the space voyager’s life was returning to its normal, to what was right and truly balanced.  Danvers’ family, her loves, had returned and were safe.  Brought back from the void, the darkest of evils unable to separate this clan for good.  And if the captain had her way, Maria and Monica would never leave her side again.  She had failed to protect them before; their love and strength now ensured that Carol and Captain Marvel would never fail in that duty again.

 

Feeling a heavy pang deep within her soul, Carol reached out for Maria’s left hand, admiring the cherished black and gold band on her ring finger.  It was a vision that she never grew tired of.  She ran her thumb over the metal, grounding herself with the mixed sensation of both the cool alloy and Maria’s warmth against her own skin.  Bending down slightly, she lowered her head and reverently kissed Maria’s finger where the ring lay, closing her eyes and savoring the precious moment with her wife.

 

“I love you,” Carol murmured admiringly.  She opened her eyes and stared softly, lovingly at her wife, tears beginning to form at the corners.  The words became a chant, interspersed with kisses on the band that donned Maria’s finger, a way for Danvers to ground herself.  “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

 

Maria only smiled in response and used her other hand to comfort her emotional wife by running her digits through the blonde’s hair, enjoying the feel of the short strands as they ruffled between her fingers.  She would never admit it out loud but seeing Carol with short hair had forever been a hidden fantasy of hers.  The superhero already checked so many of the soft-butch boxes and the haircut only further completed the look.  Maria was always completely smitten for her wife but this new cut had her entirely weak at the knees.

 

Once Carol had sufficiently calmed herself down, she finished undressing and joined Maria on the bed, straddling Maria’s entire body while on all fours.  Danvers grinned down at her wife, relieved that there were no longer any barriers, physical or otherwise, to separate the two of them.  She lay down on top of her lover, sinking heavily into Maria’s warm and welcoming embrace.  There was no safer place in the universe than when Carol found herself wrapped up in her wife’s strong arms. 

 

Danvers leaned up and gently pressed her lips against Maria’s, running her tongue along her partner’s bottom lip to ask for entry.  Maria happily acquiesced the request and the couple shared languid kisses as they gradually melted into each other.  Neither wanted to rush the moment and they took time to enjoy the intimacy and pleasure of simply being held by the other.

 

Their desire grew to heights where they both knew that simply kissing each other wouldn’t be enough to satiate their needs.  Giving Maria one last kiss, Carol pulled back and lightly used her teeth to tug on her wife’s lower lip before she moved downwards, trailing kisses down Maria’s neck and towards her breasts.  She stopped her descent once she reached the soft curves and took a brief moment to glance up at Maria, attempting to convey everything she was feeling in the moment with just the simplest of looks.  Maria smiled down at the blonde, letting her partner know she was okay and that the hero had her consent to continue.

 

Carol gave Maria a mischievous grin in return and then promptly lowered her head to wrap her mouth around Maria’s right nipple, gently laving and sucking on the hardened teat while she used her right hand to lightly tug and pinch at the other stiff peak.  After spending some time lavishing attention to the right breast with her mouth, she moved to the left, making sure to give the same level of devotion as she had the other side.  Danvers alternated her devotion between her wife’s breasts, holding the other woman still beneath her as the mechanic arched in response to Carol’s desire.  The continued sound of Maria’s soft moans and the feel of her body writhing beneath her drove Carol absolutely crazy—she needed _more_.

 

The blonde kissed the valley between Maria’s breasts with the heated promise to return later and then began moving down the rest of her wife’s body, leaving behind a trail of kisses as she moved towards her lover’s mound, expertly building up her wife’s arousal as she went.  When Carol reached her wife’s pubis she knelt on the floor and dragged Maria’s hips to the edge of the bed, running her hands along her partner’s thighs and enjoying the feel of Maria’s strong muscles as they flexed beneath her palms.  The captain stopped at her wife’s knees to slowly spread them apart, hooked Maria’s legs up over her shoulders, and then sighed with happiness at the vision now openly bared to her.

 

Maria was already dripping from Carol’s previous work.  Her outer labia were petaled open to reveal the hidden folds and jewel within and the soft curls of her sex were damp with droplets of her arousal.  From just a quick glance alone, the hero could see her wife’s womanhood contract with unfettered desire, eager to be touched.  _Beautiful._

 

Before she indulged, Carol looked up at Maria again, awestruck.  “I’ve waited so long for this.  I’ve missed _worshipping_ you like this.  _Loving_ you like this.  But mostly I just missed you,” she whispered reverently.  The blonde ran the tip of her index finger lightly up and down Maria’s swollen slit, giving the insides of both her thighs a lingering kiss as she did so.  The action caused Maria to shudder with anticipation and pleasure, her head thrown back as her sex visibly twitched in response to the light brushes.

 

Maria chuckled breathlessly, reaching down to firmly push Carol’s head towards her aching core.  “You’ve always been such a sweet talker, the captain with a tongue of silver.  But you already got the girl.  Don’t tease me now, love.”

 

“Don’t give me any ideas.”

 

Carol leaned forward to place a tender kiss on her wife’s mons before gently swiping her tongue through Maria’s damp folds, savoring the taste and sensation of familiar flesh that she had been wrongly denied for so long.  She heard Maria gasp and felt her wife’s hands fall to the top of her head, grasping at the short strands of her hair for purchase, clearly overwhelmed by the attention.  Carol hummed happily and then continued on with her ministrations, painting her partner’s sex with broad, unfocused strokes meant to only tease and build up Maria’s arousal without actually bringing her lover to climax.

 

With her head buried between her wife’s thighs, Carol was sure she had died and gone straight to heaven.  Maria’s heady scent and flavor brought the blonde to heights she hadn’t experienced in over half a decade, and she wanted to relish every single moment of this ecstasy.  Words would never have been sufficient enough for the hero to express her love, they never could be.  And so the captain took her time, getting utterly lost in Maria and loving her wife in one of the most intimate and selfless ways she knew how; pleasure for pleasure’s sake.  Hoping it would be enough to show her complete and irrevocable devotion to Maria and the life they shared together.  The promises that she would always keep forever.

 

Her mate’s gasps broke through the voyager’s lust, and she could feel Maria’s hips jogging in desperation.  She was desperately trying to find her peak, touching her own breasts in an attempt to come.  “Please, Carol. Don’t be so cruel.”

 

“Shhh.”  Carol murmured, grasping one of Maria’s hands and holding it tightly.  “I’ve got you.  Let me take care of you, baby.”  Maria whimpered but squeezed the space farer’s hand in response, indicating her understanding.

 

In response, the voyager moved her hands in order to cup Maria’s ample rear, canting her partner’s hips up at an angle to give herself better access to her wife’s cunt and groaning at the sight the new position offered up to her.  The vision provided to her nearly made Carol come from the spectacle alone.  Maria was ethereal, swollen and ready for the taking.  She was all woman and most importantly, she was all _Carol’s_.  It was during moments like this when the blonde knew that she truly was the luckiest woman alive. 

 

Grinning, the warrior proceeded to use the tip of her tongue to trace light, intricate paths up and down her wife’s labia, pausing so that she could occasionally plant gentle kisses and suck on the soft, plump flesh of Maria’s pussy.  Danvers also made sure to intermittently move downwards in order to circle her tongue around Maria’s fluttering entrance, happily lapping up the sweet dew that collected there before she resumed in her languid tracing.  

 

It was pure hedonistic pleasure, and the blonde was determined to enjoy every moment of it as she greedily took the time to relearn her wife’s body.  Carol was in no rush and proceeded at a leisurely pace that only satisfied her own desires despite Maria’s desperate keens and pleas for ‘ _more, more, more_ ’ and _‘Carol, Carol, Carol._ ’  She knew her actions were selfish but found herself unable to care.  It was paradise, an Eden found once again, and the voyager knew she could have spent an eternity in this position worshipping the woman she so loved in this manner.  For this goddess, salvation and healing had been found in between Maria Rambeau’s thighs.

 

Once Carol had worked Maria up into a sufficient fervor, she finally began to focus her attention on Maria’s nub, wrapping her mouth round the hood in order to tug and lave at the sensitive bundle of nerves with her tongue.  The feel of her wife arching in joy only encouraged the captain to quicken her pace and she moved her hands upwards to firmly but gently hold Maria’s hips in place.  With this maneuver, the mechanic could only take what Carol decided to give her as the blonde used her tongue to lash her wife’s jewel mercilessly.

 

When Carol felt the moment of Maria’s peak, she pulled back and moved down to her wife’s core, using her tongue to push past the firm ring of muscle at the other woman’s entrance.  The captain then began thrusting into Maria with a slow and steady rhythm, relishing the feel of her lover’s walls clenching tightly around her while she concentrated on building Maria up all over again. 

 

The intoxicating heat drew Carol in and she quickly became lost in the moment, methodically alternating between toying with Maria’s clit and fucking her partner’s quim with her tongue.  The blonde kept this on for a good while, always switching up the stimulation right before Maria reached the glorious edge, never allowing the other woman the blessing of orgasm.  She wasn’t completely without mercy, however and Carol made sure to periodically run her hands over Maria’s sides and breasts in a small, genuine attempt to soothe her lover as she relentlessly tormented the other pilot.

 

Eventually the captain decided to have mercy on the taller woman, who had become an incoherent mess of arousal and was begging desperately to come.  Carol had given her wife a galaxy, surely the captain could also give Maria this gift.  As she settled the pad of a thumb on Maria’s clit and established a slow grind, Carol buried her tongue back inside of her wife’s channel.  The voyager worked her lover over with quick, sure thrusts while her thumb ground against Maria’s sensitive nub until the pilot came with a hoarse yell, burying her head into a nearby pillow to muffle her cries as she went rigid with ecstasy.

 

Maria’s body trembled as she came down from her crest, aided by Carol as the blonde used both her hand and tongue to help the SHIELD agent as she experienced the small remaining waves of bliss.  Danvers made sure to greedily lap up the rest of her well-deserved reward while her wife rode out the aftershocks, taking the time to also map out every inch of Maria’s womanhood.  The faint, reflexive movements of Maria’s hips in response to the persistent stimulation however made it somewhat difficult for her to achieve this goal however, and that simply wouldn’t do. 

 

The voyager tightened her grip on the other woman’s hips and held her still, giving her the advantage of stopping her lover from wiggling away and from missing a single drop of Maria’s honey.  The gentle show of force and her continued, wicked strokes on Maria’s already sensitive mound caused Maria to experience another, softer peak that the blonde was all too happy to prolong with delicate caresses of her tongue.  

 

The feel of her wife coming apart yet again drove Carol mad and she was determined to greedily take her own pleasure until Maria had nothing left to give.  The captain had only selflessly given these past five years, she rightfully deserved to claim and enjoy this decadent extravagance.  

 

And so the blonde resumed in her conquest, Maria’s cries of ecstasy egging her on in her desire.  The siren call that guided the hero into getting lost in all her wife was and all she had to offer. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol._

Maria’s entire world had become focused on Carol Susan Jane Danvers.  Completely surrounded and protected by the other captain’s essence; her love was all-consuming.  No one had ever loved the pilot this way, no one could ever love her _this_ way.  This intensely. This selflessly.

 

She cried out as Carol continued to relentlessly work her over, never once pausing to give the mechanic a reprieve.  Nothing in the known universe could have stopped the space traveler from having Maria in such a manner.  As pleasurable jolts of electricity ran throughout Maria’s body, the pilot knew her wife well enough to know that the blonde wouldn’t stop until she was completely drained as a pliant and enraptured form in their bed.  All Maria had to do was let go. 

 

It was easier said than done however, and the overwhelming bliss caused Maria to reflexively reach down and lightly push against Carol’s head in a half-hearted attempt to dislodge the voyager.  The rebellious action caused Carol to growl softly in response and she batted away Maria’s wandering hands.  “Keep that up and I’ll have to bind your hands again.”

 

“I wouldn’t necessarily be against that,” Maria gasped as she let her hands fall and tangle into the pillows that lay near her head.

 

“Mmm, don’t tempt me.”  Carol kissed Maria’s clit in a gesture of approval, satisfied with her lover’s obedience as she bent her head back down to resume the task at hand.  Her wife’s defiance resulted in Carol further securing her hold on Maria’s waist, pushing her down deeper into the bed and immobilizing the taller woman completely.  The blonde now had unhindered access to her wife’s quim and she was absolutely determined to work the other pilot to the point of complete exhaustion. 

 

The attack on her senses was all too much and Maria decided to finally let go of any of her control that remained, understanding that Carol needed this to heal just as much as she herself did.  And so Maria went limp, simply going along for the journey and indicating to her wife that it was okay to continue in her sensual assault.  The silent permission from her lover alerted the hero to Maria’s current state and she smirked silently to herself, proud that she was able to wear the other woman down into a boneless mess.  

 

Groaning happily, Carol continued to repeatedly bring the taller woman to climax, barely giving Maria time to breathe and reveling in the soft, choked gasps that occasionally slipped from between Maria’s lips.  She relished in the subtle jog of her wife’s hips, the soft and exquisite flesh pressed against her mouth, and the sweet and heavy flavor of _her, her, her_.  This woman was hers as much as she was Maria’s.  And Captain Marvel had become utterly lost in Maria Rambeau; there was nowhere in the cosmos that compared to this paradise. 

 

Danvers continued her loving touches on Maria’s engorged cunt until her partners’ orgasms had completely subsided and Maria had nothing left to give.  As Maria quietly trembled, the blonde looked up briefly and admired her work, which was a Renaissance painting come to life.  Maria’s flawless skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat, causing her gorgeous skin to glow with a soft sheen from the lights of the station.  Her breasts heaved with exertion as she rode out the waves of Carol’s relentless desire and devotion.  And her partner’s whispers of _I love you, I love you, I love you_ created the most ethereal chant the voyager knew.

 

As Maria sobbed silently while she came down from her final high, Danvers used her tongue to paint gentle strokes against Maria’s sex to ease her partner through the rest of the residual contractions and to claim the rest of her prize.  When her lover had stilled entirely, she suckled Maria’s hardened clit gently as a quiet apology for using her so thoroughly, feeling only somewhat guilty for her wife’s current physical state of exhaustion.

 

Once she was sure Maria had settled down, Carol made her way back up her wife’s body, making sure to place a small peck on each breast as she did so and wrapping the mechanic up in her arms.  Danvers made sure to comfort her lover while she whispered sweet nothings into her ear, knowing that her partner was too overwhelmed to really hear what she had to say. 

 

She cradled the mechanic like this for a few minutes, nuzzling into the crook of Maria’s neck and placing feather-light kisses there as their heartrates slowly subsided.  Synched in their rhythm as they connected and found each other after the waves of passion they had just experienced together.  When Maria could focus again, Danvers rose up to place a sloppy kiss on her wife’s lips, pushing her tongue inside of Maria’s mouth so that her lover could taste their mixed flavors.

 

Pulling back, Carol lied down again and took a moment to pause and gaze at Maria.  The two women stared softly at each other, letting unspoken words travel between them.  Their respectful messages interpreted only because of the familiarity and knowledge one obtained after over forty years of intimacy with the same person.  Of course it was Carol who broke the mood first, trying to add some brevity to the serene atmosphere.

 

“Not too shabby, eh?” Carol boasted, waggling her eyebrows. The soldier placed a quick kiss on Maria’s cheek before giving her wife one of the smuggest smiles she had ever seen.

 

Maria swatted lightly at Carol’s shoulder, laughing lightly and shaking her head fondly. “You are incorrigible. I knew Monica got her attitude from somewhere.” She tapped her wife’s nose and smiled.  “Good thing you don’t nearly give me as much mischief as you do seriousness.”

 

Carol laughed in return, relishing in the feel of the warmth and joy that had spread throughout her body at her and Maria’s teasing. The past five years had been dull and lifeless—an inescapable void that had made the captain entirely hollow. With every day that had passed without her family, Carol could feel a part of her humanity slip away as well. The threat of an eternity living without the woman she loved more than anything in the known universe and the daughter she cherished above all others, had traumatized her more than she’d realized.

 

And when Danvers returned to Earth, she had returned as something she had barely recognized.  A devastated husk, yet one also so full of rage, hate, and confusion over what she had been forced to unfairly endure for over half a decade.  The internal battle threatened to devour her soul, rend her into a shattered mess.  She had failed as a hero and beacon of hope in every way possible, and it had consumed whole.  Worse yet, she had broken her promise to her girls, unable to ground herself without having her heart and soul by her side.

 

Through it all however, Maria had forgiven her, accepted her, freed her.  The SHIELD pilot had understood and healed the broken being that had stood before her.  She had never once flinched away and stayed steadfast in the face of betrayal from the woman who had sworn to never break a vow.  Maria Rambeau had been rightfully angry, making sure the most powerful being in the universe comprehended what she had done.  But once the dust had settled, Maria’s clarity and grace had brought them both back to where they belonged.  Where they were truly home.

 

The weight of what Maria had done, what her wife continuously gave lovingly and happily, once again crashed into Carol like a tsunami.  Finding herself nestled in the loving and forgiving embrace of her wife’s arms after five years apart made her feel alive, whole. What Maria’s love did for Carol, effortlessly, selflessly, and without any caveats, she could never express her gratitude enough in words or actions.

 

“Baby, for you I’d give anything,” the voyager whispered reverently.  She meant every word of it and attempted to convey Maria’s significance to her through a soft glance.

 

Maria’s gaze softened as she saw the mix of pain and joy swirling in her wife’s eyes, again reminded of the grief Carol had to withstand. For Maria, the last five years may as well have not happened—it was as if she had simply taken a nap and then woke up as though nothing had changed. The time for her was short, she had been blissfully unaware—for the most part. But for the others like Carol, who had to live through the hell of the last five years, there was a visible darkness that seemed to weigh on their very souls. 

 

Maria could feel tears form in her eyes as the pilot empathized with the pain that her wife had to endure the half decade she was gone; the captain knew all too well what it was like after Carol had been kidnapped all those decades ago.  The past few days she had heard only small vignettes of what Earth was like after the Snap: the chaos, grief, emptiness, violence, and aimlessness that had plagued what remained of humanity.  It sounded like a nightmare come to life. But Carol.  God.  She had to travel the universe.  Help countless of other worlds who were suffering the exact same thing Earth did—and in some cases even worse.  

 

And through it all Carol didn’t have her family, her rock, to come back home to; at least Maria had Monica after the crash decades ago. There had been no one available to console and comfort her when things seemed helpless. To give her hope on the darkest of days. To love her unconditionally when people turned on her as she tried to help and blamed Captain Marvel for not doing enough—for not stopping all of this before it even happened. Maria knew that Captain Marvel would have brushed it off, ignored what the masses had to say. But Carol. _Her_ Carol?  It would have torn her up inside.

 

The pilot now understood why Carol went dark, the horror that had been the impetus behind the seemingly inexplicable motivation. Their confession and activities afterward had made it clear, elucidated even more of her wife’s mysterious and yet simple nature.  Carol Danvers and Captain Marvel, inseparable in their beings, could not function without her girls; there was quite literally an error in the code.

 

They had only begun to scratch the surface of all the trauma brought by the last few years. But Maria knew that only when they dove deeper would Carol be able to start repairing the gaping and raw wounds, to move on from the terror that still haunted her.  And this time Carol would be able to face the pain with the strength of her family’s love behind her, she wouldn’t have to do it solely by her lonesome.  If Maria had anything to say about the future, she vowed that Carol would never be alone again.  They had promised, after all.

 

“I missed you and I love you, baby,” Maria said softly.  The taller woman could sense that her wife needed the reassurance that she was really here.  That it wasn’t all a dream.  The pilot cupped Carol’s face with her hands, attempting to soothe the roiling sea of emotions she saw swirling across her wife’s eyes.  “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.  I promise you.”

 

Maria leaned down and peppered her partner’s face with soft pecks: her forehead, eyelids, cheekbones before settling on her mouth and sharing a slow, heated kiss.  She moved to pull back to try to see where her mate’s head was at but was stopped when Carol deepened the contact and used her body to push Maria back down into the bed.  Maria indulged Carol’s desire for intimacy and had to admit that making out while her taste still lingered on Danvers’ lips was undeniably arousing. 

 

She was about to try to redirect them again after a few minutes but her mind immediately went blank when she felt Carol lovingly run her fingers through her folds, gathering up the slick left over from her previous orgasm as a lubricant.  Maria let out an audible moan as Carol placed a thumb over her nub and slipped two fingers inside of her, holding them still and giving Maria the time to accommodate the new fullness against her clenching walls.

 

“Later.  We’ll talk more later. I promise, love,” Carol growled softly.  The blonde kissed Maria’s cheek as she established a familiar and wonderful rhythm, circling the other pilot’s clit with her thumb and using her knee to add an extra pressure that drove Maria _wild_.  With the building sensations from her core, Maria could only agree with a small, pleading whimper and go along for the ride.  The pilot’s eyes rolled back into her head and she immediately lost any remaining coherent thought as Carol slid a third finger inside of her, flexing forward to hit just right— _there_. 

 

They both needed this, this visceral and carnal reconnection.  Needed to get lost in one another and heal through physical contact.  They could get serious again eventually, but right now?  Right now there were more pleasurable issues to attend to at the moment.

 

* * *

 

_Carol doesn’t know where she is._

_Looking around the hero sees an empty, orange expanse.  Endless no matter how far she gazed.  Devoid of life, emotion, of anything._

_The captain runs around, searching for something to ground her. Calling out for her girls, zipping across the horizon as she attempted to figure out where she was.  It seemed an impossible task, each passing minute causing the dauntless hero to feel the small embers of hopelessness grow as she was met with continuous emptiness._

_She’s about to give up until she visualizes **them**.  Maria.  Monica. Her girls.  Alive and well. _

_Danvers rushes towards them, crying out their names. Knowing that if she reaches them, it’ll all be alright.  But as soon as she is upon them she is stopped, running into an unbreakable barrier. Only able to watch as her cries are drowned out by the barren wasteland._

_Maria and Monica are looking upwards, observing an image being projected on the sky, a mask of horror and devastation written upon their faces.  Carol glances upwards, too, attempting to understand what they saw, what had frozen them in their tracks._

_Etched on the sky is the final battle at the Avengers facility—but they don’t win. They lose.  Thanos the ultimate victor and this timeline, ruined.  Her girls watch Carol come to, with no recollection of who they are._

_Worst of all, moving forward with a new family. One that paled in comparison to what she had._

**_Look here. Please. Look at me._ **

****

_They collapse, quietly crying. Mourning the loss of their love.  Their grief exacerbated knowing that Carol wouldn’t even remember them as she lived her new life.  Maria and Monica would only be forgotten, truly lost in the realm that cruelly held them hostage._

**_No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO. NO._ **

****

_Being torn from her family was wrong, against the laws of the universe.  As the voyager’s rage and determination grew, so did her power._

_It all goes dark, and she’s freed. Righting the wrongs that were inflicted upon **her** , the rest of the universe be damned.  Thousands upon thousands of fleets attempting to stop her. None of them able to hold Carol back.  Her will be done._

_Then…_

_Another flash of memories and visions and she sees success. But it’s not enough. It’ll never be enough.  Not until **they** cannot be harmed, when threats against **them** no longer exist._

_Time after time, after time, after time.  The fates tried to tear them away, the universe cruel in its intentions.  And yet time after time after time after time, they cannot break them.  Carol’s drive and love cannot be surmounted._

_But she cannot stand the threats, the constant danger that looms over her family, her world.  It’s tiring, even for someone as powerful as her._

_Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough._

_There is a battle, a struggle for dominance and order.  An upheaval of the old and a revolution of universal proportions._

_And before she can see the final events…_

_Carol looks at her hands, no longer recognizable.  Different than binary, no longer corporeal. Carol can feel power, knowledge beyond her wildest dreams. That elevated her and her family above any station that was previously foreseen and comprehended for beings like them. Who started out with such small beginnings._

_She hears her name, spoken by the two voices she thinks are the most beautiful melody in the universe.  “Carol.”_

_Her wife and daughter stand beside her, made of stars and light and the essence of power itself._

_She—no, **they** —have dominion over the universe, nothing can stand in their way._

_All is well.  All is right.  All is as it should be._

* * *

 

The rapid, heavy thud of Maria’s panicked heartbeat was the catalyst that snapped Carol from her sleep; a break in her beautiful and peaceful monotony.  Whenever Danvers was nearby her wife and daughter, the constant and steady rhythm of their hearts was the reassurance that everything was alright.  Their natural beats were a part of her normal, a way to assuage the space farer that her family was safe and undeniably alive and well.  Any disruption of these harmonious sounds and the hero would know right away that something was wrong.

 

_No._

 

She quickly looked over to Maria’s side of the bed only to see her wife sitting up at the edge, hands clasped to her chest and her skin covered in a thin layer of perspiration.  The sight of her wife in distress caused Carol’s hackles to raise and she quickly drew herself closer to Maria, hovering nearby as she used her seventh sense to assess the immediate situation.  When nothing nearby posed as an emergent threat, Carol let out a small breath of relief before she gently touched her mate’s shoulder.  The sudden contact caused the mechanic to flinch and tense for a brief moment before she relaxed, the blonde’s familiar presence a balm to whatever currently ailed her.

 

“Maria.  It’s okay.” Carol whispered as she gently sat behind her wife and wrapped her arms around the taller woman’s torso.  “I’m here. I’m right here.”  Danvers could only hold her partner tight, placing gentle kisses on the back of Maria’s shoulders and neck as she held her close.  The contact worked, and Maria’s heartrate gradually subsided, returning to her normal as she felt the strong, solid form of the voyager keeping her steady.

 

A soft sigh escaped the SHIELD pilot’s lips and she patted Carol’s hands to let her wife know that she appreciated the gesture of comfort.  “Thank you, baby.”  Even with her words, Maria could feel Danvers’ arms tighten around her, the hero’s worry palpable despite the reassurance.  The display of concern and protection warmed Maria’s heart, and she let out a little chuckle.

 

“It’s alright.”  Maria leaned back to place a soft kiss on Carol’s lips, touching her forehead against the blonde’s.  “I’m okay, Carol.  It was just a little nightmare, I promise.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“I’m sure, baby.”  Maria placed another peck on Carol’s forehead, sighing happily at the intimate contact.  “You being here helps more than you can imagine.”  Danvers hummed in response, staying stationary as she relished cradling her wife.  It never ceased to amaze the captain that just by _being_ , Maria could ground her. Bring the hero back to reality, to home, to love.

 

But even the feeling of relief couldn’t cause the space voyager to miss the undercurrent of worry in Maria’s tone, the sense of panic and fear. Maria Rambeau had selflessly guided Captain Marvel and Carol Danvers through her darkest of moments; had done so much without expecting anything in return.  Been the rock that brought her back, made her the best version of herself.  Carol hoped that she could do the same thing for her wife, ease her through whatever troubles that ran through her mind.

 

Her partner was in pain and it was not something the hero could sooth or heal with her fists.  It went deep, not something that could simply be washed away by language alone.  The scars of whatever marred Maria’s soul were embedded within, tied down and unwilling to be healed. But Captain Marvel had always found a way, and when her girls were the subject in question, the hero would no doubt bend the universe to make them happy and safe.  There was no other way.

 

“Thank you. For everything.”  Her voice cracked, knowing that the words she spoke would not be nearly enough.  “I wish there was a way I could show you what you’ve done for me. What you continue to do for me so effortlessly and selflessly.”  Carol took in a deep breath.  “But I’m going to try.  Whatever you need or ask, I will provide.  No matter _what_.”

 

There was a pause as the mechanic ruminating over what her lover had said.  “Just be you, Danvers.  Be here for me.” The mechanic looked unwaveringly into hazel eyes, which had furrowed in worry.  Carol knew these words meant more than what they appeared on the surface.  “That’s all I ask, and it’s all I need.”

 

Maria could feel Carol’s quiet tears against her shoulder, wetting her skin and making her realize that she was crying silent ones of her own.  There was an Everest of pain, confusion, guilt, and trauma to deconstruct between the two of them.  Battles both visible and untouchable were to be faced, daunting challenges to surmount.  Through it all however, they would have each other, their family and core by their side.  Both of them would have their true constant and guide with them as they navigated through the terrible maze presented to before them.

 

So long as they were not alone, it wasn’t impossible.

 

“We’ll get through this, Carol.”

 

“Together.”

 

“Together.”


	10. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the actual chapter--yet. I have details below! Please read the message thoroughly and then let me know your thoughts.

Hello, all! I hope you guys are safe and doing well during this COVID-19 pandemic. It's crazy out there and I'm wishing you all well.

 

I've finished Chapter 9. It just needs to be edited and then I'll post it. HOWEVER. I want to give you all a power in the decision ahead. The next few months for me are going to be a little hectic with all the things going on, so I'm not sure how regular my writing is going to be.  What this translates to is this: I have no idea when Chapter 10 will be fully written and published. I don't think that it'll be delayed as long as Chapter 8 was (that period was truly weird), so don't worry about that. However, I also don't want you to be waiting forever for the next chapter after Chapter 9.

 

So.  That means one of two things. 1) I can publish Chapter 9 relatively soon or 2) I can delay the publishing of Chapter 9 and publish it when Chapter 10 is about ready to be finished and edited.  It's totally up to you guys!

 

Let me know what you guys want. I'm here to give you all the best reading experience during this difficult time. Please let me know and thank you for your love and support!

 

P.S. I may keep this interlude in here or not, later on. But I just wanted to leave this for the record!


End file.
